Chapter 7

But Sammywell worn't havin onny moor o' that sooart, so he left em. When he wor aght ith' street ageean, he scrat his heead an sed summat he shouldn't.

"What a lumpheead aw am! Why didn't aw goa to ax Mistress Whitin at furst, an save misen all this bother?" an he started at once for her haase.

He faand her sittin sewin,--for ther's little or noa trade dooin in a milk shop after drinkin time.

"Wod yo be soa gooid, Mistress Whitin, as to tell me whear Jim Nation has his fish shop?"

"Fish shop.--Jim Nation.--Nay, Mr. Grimes, awm sooary to say aw connot. It's nowhear abaat here, that awm sewer on. Has he been ith' trade long?"

"Well, this is the degger! Aw've happen getten th' wrang name; but awm sewer that's what Mally tell'd me. But yo happen willn't mind tellin me whear yo're husband buys his mussels?"

"Mussels! My husband nivver buys onny mussels. If he does he taks em somewhear else to cook, for we havn't had sich a thing i' awr haase aw couldn't tell th' time when. Awm feeard on 'em. Yo must be mistakken."

"Well, ther's a mistak somewhear,--that's a sartanty. My best plan will be to goa back hooam an see if aw can get some better information."

"Tha's been a long time, Sammywell;--had ta onny trubble to find th' shop?"

"Shop! Ther isn't sich a shop! Aw've walked monny a mile an axt scoors o' fowk, an my belief is at tha's just been makkin a laffinstock on me. Mistress Whitin says shoo nivver heeard tell o' sich a chap nor shop nawther."

"Then hasn't ta browt onny?"

"Ha the dickens could aw bring onny when aw tell thi aw couldn't find th' shop!"

"A child o' four year old could goa a eearand better nor thee! If awd sent Jerrymier he'd ha browt em an they'd ha been cook't an etten befoor nah."

"Well, it isn't too lat to send Jerrymier yet. But aw tell thi Mistress Whitin says ther isn't sich a shop, an they nivver had a mussel i' ther haase sin they wor born nor for years befoor that!"

"Ov course shoo'd say soa! That shows th' depth on her. Shoo wants to have th' best o' ivverything for hersen. But aw'll goa an see if shoo'll tell sich a tale to me. Her's isn't th' only milk shop i' Bradforth, an aw'll nivver buy another drop on her as long as aw live. An if shoo doesn't mind what shoo's dooin aw'll put th' inspector onto her, for its moor watter nor milk at aw've been gettin thear for a long time."

Mally threw a shawl ovver her heead an tuk th' basket, an called for Jerrymier, so as he could carry it for her, an away they went.

Mistress Whitin wor sittin just as Sammywell had left her, an wor runnin ovver in her mind th' names ov all th' fowk she knew at kept fish shops. When Mally stept in shoo didn't nooatice at shoo wor varry excited soa shoo sed,

"Come in, Mally;--awm just studyin abaat what yo're Grimes wor axin me two-or-three minnits sin."

"It needs noa studyin abaat. Yo know what he axt yo weel enuff, but yo dooant want to tell. Aw've allus takken yo to be a varry different sooart ov a woman. Didn't aw hear yo, wi mi own ears, tellin owd Widdy Baystey,--noa longer sin nor this mornin, at sin yor husband began gooin to Jim Nations at he gate mussels twice as big as at onny other shop? Nah, deny it if yo can. Aw dooant see what ther is to laff at nawther."

"Why, Mistress Grimes, yo've made a sad mistak. Aw wor nobbut advisin Mistress Baystey to let her lad,--him at's so waikly,--to goa th' Gymnasium. Sin my husband started o' gooin he's twice as strong as he wor, an th' muscles ov his arms are twice th' size they used to be. Yo see its been all a mistak."

It tuk Mally a minnit or two befoor shoo could reckon things up fairly, but as sooin as shoo did shoo laft too, an then takkin Jerrymier bith arm started off to find th' nearest fish shop.

They hadn't far to goa, but when shoo axt th' chap ha he wor sellin his mussels, he stared at her wi' all th' een in his heead.

"Mussels! Ther's noa mussels at this time oth' year," he sed.

Mally lukt flummuxt for a minnit, then givin Jerrymier a shillin to goa to th' pooarkshop for a duzzen sheep trotters, they sooin landed safely hooam.

"Noa wonder tha didn't bring onny mussels, Sammywell, for they arn't i' season, but aw've browt summat aw know tha likes. Here Jerrymier, tak these for thisen, an dooant be long befoor tha'rt i' bed."

Ha they enjoyed ther supper aw can nobbut guess, an what explanation shoo gave Grimes aw dooant know, but Jerrymier an his gronfather wor laffin fit to split th' next mornin, at th' yard botham.

Bob Brierley's Bull Pup.

Bob Brierley had been wed three months. He wor a book-keeper an a varry daycent chap for owt aw knaw to th' contrary. His wife wor a nice young thing, an blest wi a gooid share o' common sense. It seems strange, but yo'll find its generally th' case, at th' best lasses wed th' biggest fooils. But this isn't allus soa, for aw wed one o'th best misen.

Hasumivver, Bob an his wife wor varry happy, at leeast they thowt soa, but they had to have a taste o' trubble like th' rest o' fowk.

They'd noa childer, nor onny signs o' onny, but they had a bull pup. It wor a gooid job i' one respect at they had this pup, for if they hadn't aw should ha been short ov a subject to write abaat.

Whether it had etten summat at upset it stummack, or whether it grew sick o' seein them fondlin an messin wi one another aw dooant know, but ther's noa daat abaat it bein sick.

This didn't bother Bob varry mich;--men havn't sich tender feelins as wimmin, but Angelina, (that wor wife's name, but her husband called her Angel) wor i' sooar trubble. Shoo gave it castor oil, an hippi-kick-yor-Anna, an coddled it up i' flannel, an cried ovver it, an when Bob coom hooam to his drinkin, an grumeld becoss it worn't ready, shoo called him a hard hearted infidel.

Bob didn't quite like it, but seein at shoo wor soa put abaght, he made shift wi sich things as wor handy, an then tuk his share o' nursin wol Angel cook'd a beefsteak for hersen.

But i' spite ov all they could do, it just fittered once an gave a farewell yelp, and deed. It wor a sorrowful neet. Whether they lost onny sleep ovver it aw dooan't know, but next mornin Angelina sed shoo'd "had its voice ringin in her ears all th' neet, an shoo thowt shoo'd nivver get ovver th' loss on it."

"Oh, we'st get ovver it i' time," sed Bob, "it nobbut cost ten an sixpence, an when aw get mi wage advanced aw'll buy another."

Angelina made noa reply to what shoo considered a varry unfeelin remark, an for th' furst time durin ther wedded life shoo began to suspect at Bob wor noa better nor th' rest o' fowk.

"What mun we do wi th' little darlin?" shoo axt.

"Why, chuck it i'th middin," sed Bob, an then seein a luk ov horror coom ovver her face, "unless tha intends to have it stuffed, or mak sawsiges on it."

This wor moor nor Angelina could stand, an sinkin into th' rockin cheer, shoo wod ha fainted reight away, but happenin to see th' clock, shoo saw it wor time for Bob to start for his wark, an he couldn't stop to bring her raand, soa shoo had to pospone faintin till another time.

"Happen awd better bury it i'th garden," he sed, "it willn't tak a minnit."

"E'e! nay!" shoo sed, "aw'll lap it up i' some nice clean newspaper, an tha mun tak it wi thi, an when tha finds a nice secluded spot, whear it can rest peacefully, lay it to rest."

"All reight, lass! put it on th' table wol aw goa for mi hat an coit," sed Bob, "an dunnot freeat."

Angelina lapt it carefully up, an sat daan to have a gooid cry, an Bob coom rushin daan, feeard he'd be lat, tuckt th' bundle under his arm an set off intendin to drop it into th' furst ashpit he coom to.

He passed monny a one, but ther wor allus somdy abaat, an he couldn't get a chonce o' gettin shut on it, an he wor foorced to tak it to th' office wi him. This didn't trubble him varry mich, for he'd allus a hawf an haar for his lunch at twelve o'clock, soa he detarmined he'd dispooas on it then, an i'th meantime, he put it in a cubboard i'th office, whear it wodn't be seen.

It seem'd to Bob at moor fowk went to th' cubboard that mornin nor had ivver been to it befoor.

"Its time this cubboard had a clean aght," sed th' manager as he wor huntin for a book, "it smells like a vault."

Bob tremeld, but all passed off safely. Twenty times during that mornin he wor put in a sweeat wi' furst one an another, but twelve o'clock coom at last, an waitin till tother clarks had gooan, he grabbed his parcel, an jumpt in th' furst tramcar he saw,--luckily ther wor nobbut one man inside an he wor readin a paper,--soa puttin his parcel i'th opposite corner, he jumpt off at the next stoppin place. He started off at full speed an wor just beginnin to smile at his own clivverness, when somdy shaated.

"Hi! Hi, thear!" an turning to luk, he saw a man rushin towards him holdin his parcel.

"You forgot your parcel, young man," he said, puffin an blowin, "it was lucky I happened to see it!"

Bob sed "thank yo" as weel as he could, an then sed summat else, which aw willn't repeat, an tuckin it under his arm, he went to th' place whear he usually gat his breead an cheese an his glass o' bitter.

He sat in a quiet corner, an one bi one th' customers went aght, an thinkin he saw a favourable chonce, he put his bundle on th' seeat, and threw a newspaper carelessly ovver it, supt up--an when he thowt nubdy wor lukkin he quietly left it an wor sooin back in his office, feelin wonderfully relieved. But he hadn't seen th' last on it even then.

All wor quiet except for th' scratchin o' pens, for th' maister wor sittin at his private desk, when a redheeaded lad,--Bob thowt he wor th' ugliest lad he'd ivver seen in his life,--coom in grinnin, an sydlin up to him, an holdin th' parcel at arms length, as if he wor feeared o' bein bitten, he sed, "th' lanlord o'th 'Slip Inn' has sent this,--he says yo left it on th' seeat."

Bob snatched it aght ov his hand an put it in his desk, but th' lad still stood grinnin.

"Dooan't aw get owt for bringin it? Aw know what it is, an aw should think its worth summat."

Bob's face wor as red as a hep, an th' sweeat wor like dew on his forheead,--th' leeast coin he had wor a shillin, but he put it into his hand an bundled him aght, wol th' maister gave him a luk at made him uncomfortable for th' balance o'th day.

When five o'clock set him at liberty, he tuk his parcel once moor an started for hooam; but ther wor a grim luk ov determination on his face.

"Aw'll get rid o' thee this time, if aw have to walk twenty mile to find a place," he sed. "Th' chap aw bowt thee on, sed ther wor nowt like a bull pup for stickin, an tha's stuck to me wi a vengence. Aw wodn't goa throo another day like this for all th' bull pups i' Bulgaria! An if Angelina ivver perswades me to buy another aw hooap they'll call me bull pup for th' rest o' mi days!"

He'd nearly getten hooam, when he coom to th' corner ov a small croft, an as ther wor nubdy abaat he dropt it ovver th' wall; an mutterin summat throo his teeth, an shakkin his fists, he went hooam, but net i'th sweetest o' tempers.

Angelina lukt him up an daan, an in a surprised voice axt, "Hasn't ta browt it back?"

"Browt it back! Browt what back? Does ta think awm daft?"

"Why, then what's to be done? Ther's nowt to cook for thi drinkin!"

"Drinkin! What's that to do wi it? Tha sewerly didn't think o' cookin--"

"Aw thowt when tha fan aght th' mistak tha'd ha sent it back."

"Mistak! What are ta drivin at? What wi th' bull pup an thee yu'll send me wrang i' mi heead!"

"Why, didn't ta know at tha'd taen th' wrang parcel? Tha tuk th' leg o' lamb at th' butcher's lad had just browt, an left th' poor dog on th' table!"

"Th' deuce aw did? What's ta done wi it?"

"Aw gave a man sixpence to tak it away. But whear's th' leg o' lamb?"

"Hold on a minnit! It's nooan far off."

An withaat another word he started off, an as luck let, it wor just whear he dropt it. He oppened th' parcel to mak sewer it wor all reight, an then he set off back.

"Well, if onnybody had tell'd me at aw wor sich a fooil as net to be able to tell th' difference between a leg o' lamb an a bull pup aw wodn't ha believed em;--but th' best on us are fooils sometimes."

"Here it is, Angelina,--cut off a steak or two an let's have summat to get th' taste o' that bull pup aght o' mi maath! Awm sooary at tha's lost thi pet, but tha munnot tak it too mich to heart."

"Me! Net aw marry! Awm rare an fain its gooan for little dogs mak a deal o' muck:--An somtime,--ther's noa knowin, ov coarse--but it may be,--mind, nobbut say it may,--we may have summat else to nurse at'll suit us better nor a bull pup."

Troubles and Trials.

Did it ivver occur to yo 'at if it wor as easy to shake off unpleasant acquaintences as it is to shak a carpet, what a dust ther'd be i'th world?

It doesn't do to want to get rid ov a thing just becoss it isn't to yor likin. Its advisable sometimes to have disagreeable things handy to give a relish to what's moor appreciated, tho less sowt after. Ivverybody will admit th' advantages ov gooid health, but nubdy can appreciate it like one 'at's been sick. It's th' circumstances 'at surraand th' cases 'at accant for th' opinions we form.

If rich fowk sympathised as mich wi poor fowk, as poor fowk envy rich fowk, ther'd be noa poverty. We all know that. But then it's what will nivver happen.

A chap 'at's worried to deeath becoss his stocks or shares have dropt fifty per cent connot enter into a poor woman's anxiety abaat flaar or mait gooan up a penny a paand. What's nobbut an inconvenience to one is starvation to another.

Ther's a deeal o' difference between poetry an philosophy, an aw connot help thinkin 'at if poor fowk had less poetry an moor philosophy, an rich fowk had visa versa, we should get nearer level an all be better for it. If we could nobbut get ovver that waikness ov worshipin a chap for what he has raythur nor for what he is we could simplyfy th' social problem.

"Riches may depart, Hopes dissolve in air, But an honest heart Still may laugh at care."

But ther's monny an honest heart 'at hasn't getten a laff left in it. They know bi bitter experience, 'at

"The smiling lips decieve us, With words that woo and win; Our friends betray and leave us When darker days begin."

But haivver dark th' prospect may be he's a fooil 'at gives way to despair. Haivver bad things are, they mud be war; an when a chap ends his life to get rid ov his trubbles, th' chonces are at th' tide wor just abaat to turn if he could nobbut ha had pluck to wait.

Th' trubbles we have are seldom soa heavy 'at we connot bear em, tho it may be hard wark, but when we're a bit cast daan, we dooant freeat hawf as mich abaat what we have to put up wi, as to what's gooin to happen. Imaginary evils are allus war to bide nor th' trubbles we railly have.

"Let to-morrow take care of to-morrow, Leave things of the future to fate, What's the use to anticipate sorrow? Life's troubles come never too late.

If to hope over much be an error 'Tis one that the wise have preferred And how often have hearts been in terror Of evils that never occurred?"

Ther's summat for yo to think abaat, an let th' July sunshine enter into yor hearts. It'll help to chase away th' claads o' care, an maybe, buried hooaps may yet blossom into a harvest ov happiness an joy.

Fortun, they say knocks once at ivvery man's door, but varry oft th' man doesn't happen to be in, an i' that case he sends his dowter, but ther's nubdy getten a welcome for Miss Fortun, but once shoo gets in, shoo's a beggar to stick. Better try to mak friends wi th' old man.

Earnin' a Honest Penny.

Sarah's that agravatin' sometimes, wol aw feel as if it wod do me gooid to hav a reight swear at her--an' aw should do it, if it wornt for th' fact at awr Tom's wed a lass at has a uncle 'at's a deacon at a chapil, an' when a chaps respectably connected like that, aw think its as weel to be a bit careful ov his tawk.

Nah aw'll gie yo a' instance, awd had a five bob bet on wi' a chap called Uriah Lodge, it wor abaat hah mich a pig he wor baan to kill wod weigh when it wor dressed, an' aw won. Uriah promised to pay mi o' Sundy mornin', but insteead o' th' brass, ther coom'd a letter throo him to say 'at he'd been havin' a tawk wi' a district visitor abaat it, an this chap had soa convinced him o' th' evils o' bettin', 'at he'd decided at he wodn't pay me, for if he did it wod do violence to his conshuns, but if aw liked he'd send mi a fry o' pigs livver asteead. "Conshuns," aw sed, "it's mooar like at it'll do violence to his britches pockets, aw willn't have onny ov his muky pigs livver."

"What's to do nah," Sarah axed.

Soa aw tell'd her all abaat it, an ov cooarse aw expected at shoo'd side wi' me,--but noa, shoo sed,

"Awm sewer aw respect Uriah for th' cooarse he's pursuin', aw hooap it'll be a lesson to yo--what wor yo baan to do wi' th' brass?"

"Aw wor baan to buy a paand o' bacca wi' it," aw sed. Then shoo started abaat bettin', an' horse racin', an' smookin', an' aw dooant know what moor--yo'd a thowt aw wor th' warst chap i' all Maant Pleasant if yo'd heeard her: an' shoo ended up wi' sayin' 'at shoo wished awd be a bit mooar like a chap 'at lives next door to us called Martin Robertshaw.

"He doesn't bet," shoo sed, "he doesn't smook, hes a daycent gradely lad is Martin, he wor off at hawf past eight this mornin' daan to th' Sundy Schooil--yo'll nivver catch him drinkin' at public haases an' bettin' abaat deead pigs--his missis is a lucky woman if ivver ther wor one."

Its noa use i' th' world tawkin' to Sarah when shoo gets reight on, soa aw nivver spake a word wol shoo'd finished, an' then aw sed,

"Have yo finished yor sarmon, missis?"

"Yes," shoo went on, "it's noa gooid tawkin' to sich as yo, it's nobbut wastin' breeath, yo'll goa yor own gate aw expect i' spite o' all aw can say."

"Well," says I, "it's hawf past twelve, lets have us dinners for awm dry after this storm, an' as its a fine day we'll goa up to th' top o' Beacon Hill for a walk an' see th' view o' th' taan."

Soa we had us dinner an set off.

Beacon Hill's weel known i' Halifax, it soars up at th' bottom o' th' taan as bare an' bald as a duck egg; ther's norther a tree, nor a shrub, an' aw dooant think thers a blade o' grass that even a moke wod ait, unless it belanged to a Irishman an' wor hawf clammed. It lets th' east wind on to th' taan throo a hoil at one end, an it keeps th' mornin' sun off, an' hides th' evenin' mooin. It grows nowt nobbut stooans covered wi' sooit, an' smook throo th' gas haase hangs ovver it all day long like a claad. But up at th' top thers some stooan delves, an' a field or two whear they say reeal grass grows, an' i' support o' this noashun somdy's had th' cheek to turn hawf a dozen cows aght, an' let 'em pretend to graze,--of cooarse its all mak believe, for they mun gie th' poor brewts summat to ait beside, or else th' inspector for crewelty to annimals wod have been daan on em befoor nah.

It's a long gate up Beacon Hill--yo goa up New Bank an' ovver Godly Brig, in between th' Bloody Field an' Saint Joseph's Schooil, an' then reight up to th' top, an' if it wornt for th' fact at thears a gooid few public haases o'th road aw dooant think 'at Sarah wod ivver have getten to th' top at all; for shoo wor tuk bad wi' th' spasms jist at th' side o' th' Pine Apple, an shoo had attacks ivvery few minnits wol we gate to th' Albion, which is th' last licensed haase; but bi gooid luck they didn't coom on after that, for as thers noawhear to get her onny thing comfortin' if shoo'd been tuk agean, aw dooant know whativver aw should ha done.

Well, we gate to th' top at last, an' sat daan to luk at th' view. It's reight grand, an them at hasn't seen it should goa bi all means at once. Yo can see all ovver th' taan--monny a thaasand chimleys all smokin' at once, an' scoars o' mill's, an' ivvery nah an' then when th' wind blows th' reek away, yo can see th' Bastile as plain as owt.

As we wor sittin' daan to rest we heeard sumdy tawkin' jist ovver th' wall, soa we kept still a bit, an' varry sooin we heeard as mich cursin' an' swearin' as owt to have filled a faandry for a wick.

"Whativver is ther to do," sed Sarah, "lets have a luck?"

We gate up, an' went an' luk'd throo a hoil i' th' wall, an' thear daan in a bit ov a holler, soa 'at they couldn't be seen, wor abaat twenty gurt strappin' young fellers tossin' coppers.

We hadn't been lukkin' moor nor a minnit or two, when a man wi' a red beeard coom runnin' daan th' hill an' stopt abaat ten yards throo whear th' chaps wor laikin' at pitch an' toss, an' he started o' writin' summat daan in a book.

"Bobbies!" a chap shaated aght, an i' hawf a minnit ther wor nubdy to be seen, nobbut th' new comer, for ivvery one on 'em had hooked it as fast as if th' owd chap wor after 'em.

Then th' feller sammed up th' coppers, an' coom'd reight to whear we wor, an' climbed ovver th' wall. He wor laffin like owt. When he'd getten on to th' side whear we wor, he luk'd a bit surprised to see us, but he sed nowt--soa Sarah axd him if be wor a poleeceman, an' if he wor baan to report 'em at th' Taans Hall?

"Net aw," he sed, "awm noa bobby awm not, aw nobbut did it to flay 'em."

"But yo gate ther brass," aw sed.

"For sewer aw did," says he, "aw mak a day's wage at this trade ivvery Sundy, it's th' best payin' professhun aght--aw gate seventeen pence this mornin' at Ringby, an ther's eighteen pence here, that's three bob nobbut a penny. Last Sundy aw addled three an' ninepence, at Siddal an' Whitegate. Ther soa flayed if onnybody starts o' writin', 'at they hook it like a express train, for they think yor takkin ther names daan."

When he'd sed this he brust aght laffin agean, an' sed to me, "Dooant yo' knaw me?"

"Noa," aw sed, "but aw seem to knaw yor voice."

Then he ax'd Sarah if shoo didn't knaw him nawther?

"Aw've nivver clapt een on yo' befooar," Sarah sed.

He laft as if he wor baan to split for a bit, an' then he sed, "Luk here, but yo' munnot split," an' he pull'd off his gurt red beard, an' awm blow'd if it worn't Martin Robertshaw, th' chap 'at lives next door to us.

Aw wor soa capt yo' could ha' shoov'd him ovver wi' yor little finger, an' Sarah leaned up agean th' wall, an' aw thowt th' spasms wor comin' on agean; but aw wor mista'an, for they didn't, at least not wol we gate daan to th' Albion once mooar.

"Aw promised my missis a sewin' machine," Martin went on, "an' as brass is soa hard to addle just nah, aw've had to start i' this line, an' it pays weel to, an' ther's noa danger abaat it. A chap has to put his hand to owt nah days to earn a honest penny--aw doan't call it chaitin' to ease sich as yond on ther brass. But aw mun be off, aw've to goa daan to Shibden yet, an' bizness befoor pleashur's my motto. An' he run daan th' hill callin' aght 'at we worn't to tell his missis 'at we'd seen him.

"Nah then, lass," aw sed, "yo' wor sayin' a bit sin' 'at yo' wished aw wor a bit mooar like yon chap,--what do yo' say nah?"

"Well," Sarah sed, "aw willn't say at aw exactly approve ov his goins on, but onnyhah, yo'll admit at he's gettin' th' brass for a gooid purpose; aw tell'd yo' at his wife wor a lucky woman, an' aw stick to mi words."

"Then aw suppooas if awd sed aw wor baan to buy yo' a new bonnet wi' Uriah Lodge's five bob, it 'ud hey been awl reet?"

"Circumstances alters cases as th' sayin' says," Sarah went on, "but yo' wor baan to spend it i' baccy, an' aw shall still stick to what aw sed this morn, 'at bettin's reeal wicked; but coom on, for aw feel as if th' spasms wor comin' on mi agean, awm awl ov a tremmel, an' tawkin maks mi war."

So we went daan to th' Albion, an' then hooam.

We wor just gooin to bed that neet, when Missis Robertshaw coom in, to ax Sarah to lend her a rubbin bottle.

"Is somdy hurt?" Sarah ax'd.