Chapter 6

"Nah, let it stop just whear it is. Tha's getten a tawkin fit on aw know,--aw wonder thi jaws dooant wark. But aw willn't hear another word! Noa, net a word!"

"But if----"

"Ther's noa 'buts' abaat it! Hold thi noise, do! Tha'd tawk a hen an chickens to deeath. Tha wod. Aw wonder if aw shall ivver have a bit o' peace?--Net befoor awm laid low, aw reckon."

Sammywell's Soft Snap.

"What wor yond clatter, Mally? Has somdy been smashin summat?"

"Nowt 'at meeans mich. It wor a accident an couldn't be helpt."

"Well, what wor it? Can't ta spaik?"

"It's nowt at's owt to do wi thee, soa tha needn't let it bother thi heead; but if tha'rt soa crazy to know aw can tell thi.--It's awr Hepsabah's Jerrymiah at's brokken th' winder i'th weshus. Nah, arta satisfied?"

"Satisfied! Now! Satisfied bi gum! Does ta think aw've nowt else to do wi mi brass but to buy winders for Jerrymiah to smash? Ha is it awr Hepsabah can't keep her childer at hooam? When we'd childer we nivver sent em raand to ther gronfather's to smash winders! An if aw catch hold o' that young taistrel aw'll tak th' skin off him!"

"Hold thi din, gert softheead! Onnybody to hear thi tawk, 'ud think tha'd gooan cleean wrang i' thi heead! Bless mi life! tha dosn't think 'at th' child did it on purpose, does ta? He wor nobbut tryin his best to catch a blue-bottle-fly, an it went into th' winder whear be couldn't raik it, soa he sammed up a teacup an flang it at it,--nivver thinkin owt abaat th' winder, becoss he knew ha tha hated sich things buzzin abaat thi heead; but whativver that child does it seems to be wrang. Aw'd be shamed o' misen to start grumblin abaat a bit ov a tupny-hawpny winder!"

"Tupny-hawpny winder! Why, it'll cost a shillin to get that winder put in! An what abaat th' teahcup?"

"Oh, that's nowt. It wor nobbut an owd crackt en. Awd meant throwin it away monny a wick sin. Th' child wor sadly trubbled when he saw what he'd done, for he wor feeard tha'd be cross wi him, but aw tell'd him to whisht, for tha wornt to a winder or two, soa tha can give him a hawpny for spice, (tha knows he thinks a deeal moor on it when it comes throo thee,) an tha can call at glazers shop an tell em to send a chap up to put another pane in, an here's sixpence for thisen, sithee, for aw know thi bacca's ommost done."

"That's all reight. Ov cooarse th' child didn't meean to braik th' winder, nor the teacup nawther,--but he owt to be towt different; an aw dooant believe awr Hepsabah knows owt abaat trainin childer as they owt to be trained. But aw'st send noa chap up here to put that winder in. Aw've getten nowt else to do an aw meean to put that in misen. Aw can buy a square o' glass that size, for abaat thrippence, an better glass nor that wor too. But, Mally, nah this is a bargain;--If aw get th' glass an th' putty, and put it in, tha gies me th' shillin th' same as tha'd gie it onnybody else."

"Tha can have th' shillin! Aw'm nooan grumblin abaat th' shillin,--but aw connot see wot tha wants wi soa mich brass day after day. Ther's hardly ivver a day passes ovver thi heead 'at tha dosen't ax me for awther sixpince or a shillin, an awm sewer ther's all tha needs to ait an drink at hooam, an tha's as gooid clooas to don as onny man need wish,--an nobbut th' last Sundy, tha axt me for sixpince for th' collection, an tha nobbut put in a hawpny, for aw wor watchin thi.--A'a, well! but hasumivver, here's another shillin, soa if tha thinks tha can put it in, goa an get a square a glass an ha dun wi it."

"'Think aw can put it in?' Aw dooant think owt abaat it! Aw know aw can put it in! What does ta tak me for? Does ta think aw havn't th' strength an brains enuff to wrastle wi' a bit o' glass like that?"

"Tha's wrastled wi too monny glasses, Sammywell, sin aw knew thi, an they've getten thi daan moor noa once. It's gettin lat i'th' day, nah, to expect thi to mend mich, but if tha'd nobbut sign teetotal an join th' chapel, an buy Jerrymier a new Sundy suit, aw think aw mun see summat to admire in thi even yet."

"Ther's as mich to admire abaat me as ther is abaat some other fowk aw could mention, but aw'll bi off just nah, for when aw've a job to do aw want to get it done, an net stand hummin an haain abaat it like thee."

"Nah, Mally lass. If awd had as mich sense when aw wor young as aw have nah, we'st ha been ridin in us carriage. Sithee--aw've nobbut gien thrippence for this glass an aw've getten putty for nowt an when that winder's mended it'll be better nor new an ninepence saved, soa tha sees we'st be soa mich i' pocket."

"Then that's ninepence tha'd nivver ha saved if it hadn't ha been for Jerrymier, soa tha connot say he's gooid for nowt onny moor."

"Ger aght o' mi gate, an lets do summat. Bring me a cheer to stand on an a knife an a hammer an a chissel an aw'll show thi ha to put a winder in, in abaat two or three ticktacks. This is what aw call a soft snap. Ninepence,--that's threepenoths for abaat three minnits wark. Nah, thee stand thear an steady th' cheer. Here gooas!---- Aw wonder what dang'd sooart o' putty that lumpheead used 'at put this winder in. It's as hard as iron--Jer-rer-ruselem!"

"What's to do, Sammywell? Has ta takken th' skin off?"

"Skin off! Oooo! Aw've ommost takken mi finger off! Get us some claat an a length o' threed to lap it up. If aw knew th' chap 'at put that winder in, he'd nivver put another in."

"Ther nah,--be moor careful,--it mud ha been war,--but tha sees that's what comes ov a chap startin to do summat 'at he doesn't understand."

"Understand! What the dickens is ther to understand abaat puttin a winder in? It's nooan puttin a winder in at's trubble! it's gettin this dang'd owd glass aght 'at tother chap put in. But awm nooan gooin to be likt bi a winder. Stick fast to that cheer. One,--two,--three----"

"Nah, tha's done it! Tha's gooan an brokken another pane! Ah knew tha'd mak a mullock on it when tha started!"

"Did ta! Well, aw'll mak a mullock o' thee i' two minnits if tha doesn't shut up! Tha sees awm dooin mi best to try to save a penny or two an tha does nowt but try to aggravate me. Braikin another pane doesn't amaant to mich;--they're nobbut thrippence a piece; aw think th' best plan 'll be to tak th' sash aght an put it on th' table, an then it'll be easier to get at. What says ta!"

"Do as tha likes, but aw think tha'd better let a chap come an put em in an ha done wi' it."

"If aw connot put a winder in we'll do baat. Nah, tha'll see it's just as simple as suckin spice, nah 'at aw've getten it whear aw can get to it. A'a, ther's noa wonder 'at them glazeners gettin rich! Chargin a shillin for a bit ov a job like this. Awm moor nor hawf inclined to goa into this trade, as old as aw am. Nah, tha sees, that's all ready for puttin th' glass in. Umph!--th' chap 'at cut this must ha been cross ee'd. Well, nivverheed,--aw guess aw can just squ-e-e-e-e-ze it in--. Dang it! it's allus alike! If awd ha cut that glass misen it ud ha just been reight. Nah it's crackt reight across! But it'll ha to do,--crackt or net crackt! Consarn it! aw dooant see what fowk want wi winders in a wesh haase! awm i' two minds to board th' hoil up an let em wesh i'th dark. Hasumivver, that's nooan sich a bad job if it'll nobbut stick. If aw hadn't brokken this tother pane aw'st had done nah. Nah, Mally, lass, aw'st want another shillin for this tother winder."

"Tha'll get noa moor aght o' me. Tha mun buy another square aght o' thi ninepence tha's saved."

"What ninepence?--Does ta expect a chap to goa trailin abaat th' taan for a hawf a day buyin glass an stuff, an nivver spendin nowt. These winders ud cost thi a shillin a piece if onny body else put em in, but aw willn't be hard on thi,--gie me another sixpence an aw'll finish th' job."

"Aw wish tha'd nivver started it. But this is th' last penny tha'll get aght o' me, soa tha knows! Aw nivver saw nubdy frame war i' mi life! Why, if awd gien awr Hepsabah's Jerrymier th' job he'd ha done it better nor that."

"Wod he?--Well, suppooas tha does give him th' job! Aw'll tell thi what it is.--Aw've just studden this sooart o' thing as long as awm gooin to.--Ther's awr Hepsabah an her Jerrymiar, an thee, 'at know ivverything an can do ivverything,--an aw know nowt an can do nowt, an awm treeated war nor nowt, an soa yo can just tak them winders an stick em up as they are, or mend em, or do what the daggers yo like wi em, but aw tell thi this, once for all,--'at as long as ivver thy name's Mally, tha'll nivver catch me slavin an plannin as aw have done for thee an thine. If tha'd nivver ha interfered, them winders ud ha been in, but tha'll nawther put em in thisen nor let me do it--soa awm gooin aght."

"Gooid shutness! Th' longer he lives an th' war he gets."

A Bashful Bradfordian.

One wod hardly expect to find a bashful young chap in a Bradforth printin office. But ther is one; but aght o' consideration for his tender feelins aw willn't tell his real name, but call him James Fearnly. If yo're varry anxious to find aght who it really is, this is th' way to do it. When yo've a bit o' spare time, if yo connot manage to get 'em all together at once, tak 'em one bi one, as yo can catch 'em, an read this stooary to em. Th' furst one 'at blushes, yo may safely tak to be him.

James fell i' love wi a young woman 'at lived up Manningham loin, an its allus been suppooased, bi them 'at know 'em, 'at shoo must ha fell i' love wi him at th' same time, or sooiner; but hasumivver, to th' surprise o' ivverybody 'at knew James, they gate wed. Ha they spent ther honeymooin aw cannot tell, an aw wodn't if aw could, but after a bit they gate nicely sattled in a little haase on Thornton Road.

Angelina was his wife's name, but he cut it short an called her Angel, which he varry likely thowt shoo wor. But if he wor bashful, shoo worn't. Shoo'd a bonny face, an a shape 'at made ivvery old chap 'at saw her wish he wor young ageean; an when owt tickled her shoo laft like a locomotive whistle in a fit; an as for bein bashful,--why--shoo didn't know what it meant.

Shoo'd a sister,--A'a! but shoo wor a grand en! To tell the trewth, James had fallen i' love wi her furst, but he wor too bashful to tell her soa, an he'd nivver ha had pluck to pop th' question to Angelina if it hadn't been 'at they wor lost at th' back o'th Taan Hall, an he had to borrow a lantern to prevent 'em runnin agean lamppooasts.

But when they'd getten sattled, Maude Blanche, (that wor th' sister's name,) coom to pay em a visit. Nah, Maude Blanche wor just as fond o' fun as James wor feeared on it, an shoo kept jabbin him between th' ribs, an sayin all sooarts o' queer things, an axin him questions 'at he couldn't answer an he blushed until Angelina had to tell her to stop, for fear all his blooid wod be in his heead.

Well, they went to bed. James an his wife i' one raam and Maude Blanche i'th next. James wor sooin i'th land o' nod, an Angelina felt disgusted when shoo heeard him snoorin an turned raand an followed his example.

Ha long they had slept they didn't know, but Angelina oppen'd her e'en, an what should shoo see, but th' drawers oppen, an all th' stuff scattered raand. Shoo gave a skrike, an jam'd her elbow between James's ribs wi' sich a foorce 'at he fell on th' floor like a log o' wood.

"Murder! police! thieves!" shoo skriked. "A'a, dear! what ivver shall we do! drive 'em aght!"

"Angelina, aw cannot do it! It's impossible!" an he stood shivverin an shakin and tryin to lap his legs up in his shirt tail.

"Aw've been robbed! That solid goold brooch aw gave fifteen pence for is missin, an all mi hair pins an a bobbin o' black threead, and gooidness knows what else! Maude Blanche! come here! Maude Blanche! does ta hear?"

"Gooid gracious! tha arn't callin thi sister in here an me i' this state!" sed James, an he dived under th' bed.

"Maude Blanche! _do_ come! Th' hasse is full o' robbers!"

"For God's sake, Angelina, dunnot let her come in here till awm donned. Aw've nowt on but mi shirt, and if shoo comes an sees me aw shall faint reight off."

"Shirt be hanged! what does it matter if shoo sees it! shoo'll have it to wesh next wick! Tha owt to be 'shamed o' thisen!"

"Aw am, an aw'st be moor soa if shoo comes in. Does ta know aw've noa stockins on, an mi britches is hung ovver th' bed fooit; an this shirt is a quarter ov a yard to short! Dunnot let her come in whativver tha does!"

Just then th' door oppened, an a smilin face peep'd in.

"What's to do?" axt Maude Blanche.

"We've been robbed! an that softheead is caarin under th' bed asteead o' runnin after th' robbers!"

"Turn her aght, Angelina! If tha doesn't aw shall sink throo th' floor. Gie me mi britches if tha'll do nowt else, an then aw'll see what aw can do. Maude Blanche! If tha hasn't forgetten all tha's ivver been towt at th' Sundy schooil, get aght o' this hoil as sharp as tha can! If tha doesn't tha'll see what tha'll be sorry for as long as tha lives, for aw cannot stand it!"

Angelina wor soa upset 'at shoo hardly knew what shoo wor dooin, but shoo pitched James's britches under th' bed, and Maude Blanche wor laffin wol shoo had to rest ageean th' bed fooit to steady hersen.

James tried to put on his britches, but it wor noa easy matter, but in a bit he did get his legs into 'em, altho' they wor th' wrang side before, an then he crept aght, moor deead nor alive, an a deeal war freetened wi' Maude Blanche nor he wor abaat th' robbers.

"Whear's th' robbers?" he sed, lukkin daan at th' slack ov his britches an fumblin after th' buttons.

"Ther's noa robbers," sed Maude Blanche, "it's nobbut a bit o' my fun. Aw heeard yo booath snooarin an aw thowt it ud be a gooid jooak to mak yo fancy somedy'd brokken into th' haase."

"A'a! did ta ivver!" sed Angelina, turnin to James; "did ta ivver see one like her i' all thi life?"

"Aw dooant think aw ivver did, an aw nivver want to see owt like her agean. Aw wonder if shoo ivver saw owt like me? Aw should think shoo'll nivver forget it as long as shoo lives."

"A'a, hold thi wisht! Little things mak noa impression on awr Maude Blanche."

They all went to bed agean, but James couldn't sleep, his narves had getten sich a shock. As sooin as it wor dayleet he gat up an dressed an went to his wark, but he couldn't think o' owt else, an ivvery time he did think, he blushed soa, wol th' foreman sed he wor sewer he'd getten scarlet fayver, and advised him to goa hooam an get a hot posset.

He's workin steady nah, but he's nivver getten ovver th' scare 'at heed had that neet, an he nivver gooas to bed withaat his britches, or else he has a newspaper pinned raand th' hem ov his shirt.

Angelina tells him 'at he maks a deeal o' fuss abaat nowt, but he considers it a varry serious matter.

Last time 'at Maude Blanche paid 'em a visit, shoo wor wearin a pair o' green spectacles, an when Angelina axt her what shoo wore 'em for, shoo sed 'at shoo did it becoss shoo wor feared if shoo lukt at James wi' th' naked eye 'at it mud send him into a fit.

If th' young chaps whear he worked had getten to know abaat it, they'd ha plagued his life aght, but they kept it to thersen. It wor Angelina 'at tell'd me abaat it, for shoo sed shoo knew aw could keep a saycret, an it didn't matter whether aw could or net, for if aw tell'd it, ther'd nubdy believe it.

Well, aw've tell'd it, an it's true an all.

Th' Owd, Owd Story.

It wor th' owd, owd story he towd her, Th' story, 'at's owder nor time; Nowt ivver chap whisper'd wor owder, Nowt ivver soa grand an sublime. For man nivver towd ither story, Soa chock full ov magic as this, For, it shraaded th' young chaps i' glory, An' filled her 'at listened wi' bliss.

Th' story had wrought sich a wonder Noa ither tale ivver has done-- Two hearts, that afooar wor assunder, Wor knit i' a crack into one. An' still he kept tellin' her th' story, Which mooar an' mooar wonderful grew, (Soa oft its been tell'd its grown hoary,) But shoo could hav sworn it wor new.

Shoo thowt of th' angels above 'em, Wor jealous o' her, an' him, then-- For angels has noa chaps to love 'em, Love's nobbut for wimmin an' men. But th' love i' her heart ovvercame her, An' shoo pitied th' whole angel thrang, Aw know what love is, an' dooant blame her, An' aw dooant think her pity wor wrang.

Th' story wor towd, an' for ever It wor noa gurt shakes what might befall; Nowt but deeath, these two hearts could sever, An' that nobbut partly, net awl: For love like one's soul is immortal, If its love, it wont vanish away-- Its birth wor inside o' th' breet portal Ov Eden, it knows noa decay.

Sin' then it has lived on, while th' ages Has rowled on wi' uniform flow, As young, an as fresh, as when sages Towd ther sweethearts it cent'ries ago-- An' chaps 'll be tellin th' story, Th' breet, owd, owd story ov love, When time, an' love, fade inter th' glory 'At streams thro' th' manshuns above.

Jim Nation's Fish-shop.

Sammywell Grimes an his wife, Mally, wor set anent th' foir,--Sammywell seemingly varry mich interested ith' newspaper, an Mally, showin signs ov impatience, wor darnin stockins. All wor silent except for th' tickin oth' clock, wi nah an then a long-drawn-aght sigh throo Mally an an occasional grunt throo Grimes. At last Mally couldn't stand it onny longer, an shoo pitched th' stockins on th' table an sed,--

"Dost know, its just cloise on an haar an a hawf sin tha set daan wi that paper, an tha's nivver oppened thi lips to me durin that time? Aw remember when things wor different. Ther wor a time when tha tuk a delight i' tellin me all th' news, but latterly tha tells me nowt, an if it worn't for Hepsabah an some oth' naybors aw shouldn't know whether th' world wor gooin on as usual, or it had come to an end."

"Why, lass,--th' fact oth' matter is ther's nowt to tell. Aw nivver saw th' like. Aw dooant know what papers are gooin into, for ther isn't a bit o' news in em. Aw've just glanced ovver this an aw can find nowt worth readin."

"It doesen't tak thee an haar an a hawf to find that aght. Is ther owt in abaat th' war?"

"Oh, war! Aw believe it does say summat abaat th' war. It's still gooin on, an one chap has sprained his ankle an another has had a narrow escape an De Wet is expected to be captured as sooin as they get hold on him, an a lot moor sich tales, but they arn't worth thinkin abaat coss they'll all be contradicted ith' mornin."

"An does it say nowt abaat that butcher at's run away an left his wife? Awr Hepsabah wor sayin shoo believed they'd catched him."

"Hi! They've catched him, an he wor browt up at th' Taan Hall this mornin an he pleaded 'guilty,' soa th' magistrate sed as he'd allus borne a gooid character he'd give him his choice, an he could awther goa back hooam an live wi his wife or goa to quod for three months wi hard labour."

"They've let him off easier nor he desarved, but aw should think his wife's gien him a bit ov her mind."

"Nay, net shoo! Shoo's nivver had th' chonce, for he tuk three months. Shoo's a tartar aw believe."

"Shoo must be if that's th' case. A'a, Sammywell,--a chap at's blessed wi a gooid wife owt to goa daan on his knees i' gratitude for they're varry scarce."

"Aw believe they are;--a chap wod have to goa a far way to find one at this day."

"He'd have to travel a deeal farther to find a gooid husband,--aw can tell thi that! An if tha arn't satisfied wi thi wife tha's getten tha'rt at liberty to goa an find a better. It's noa use a woman tryin to be a gooid wife at this day, for they get noa better thowt on. If they did, tha'd think moor o' me nor tha does!"

"Aw dooant see ha aw could do that, lass, for tha nivver gives me a chonce to forget thi unless its when awm asleep, an net oft then, for if tha doesn't want one thing tha wants another, an awm allus fain to do what aw con for thi, but tha'rt nivver satisfied for long together. Aw wonder sometimes what aw gate wed for."

"Aw've been wonderin that for a deal o' years. Th' fact is aw dooant know what sich chaps live for. If aw wor a man aw should like to be able to luk back an think awd done a gooid turn to mi fellow-man."

"Aw think aw did that when aw wed thee."

"It wor th' best thing tha ivver did for thisen, an tha knows it! But awm net gooin to waste mi time tawkin to thee for tha arn't worth it. Has ta made up thi mind what tha'rt baan to have for thi supper?"

"Owt 'll do for me."

"As tha seems to care soa little abaat it, suppooas tha gooas withaat for a change."

"All reight, lass. Just do as tha likes."

"Aw connot do as aw like, if aw could aw should have summat to ait, for aw've hardly put a bite into mi heead this day, an ther's nowt ith' haase aw can touch, an awm too tired to goa aght for owt, an aw've nubdy to send, soa aw'st ha to do withaat as usual."

"If tha'll nobbut say what tha wants aw'll fotch it for thi if its to be had; tha knows that."

"Well, if tha doesn't mind. Aw think we could booath enjoy a bowlful o' mussles,--but they mun be gooid ens an aw dooant think tha knows th' shop. They call th' chap 'at keeps it Jim Nation, but aw dooant know whear it is, but tha can easy find aght."

"Willn't onny other shop do just as weel?"

"Noa, another shop willn't do becoss aw want th' best. We allus pay ready brass for awr stuff an aw dooant like to think at other fowk get better sarved; an when aw went for th' milk this mornin aw heeard Mistress Whitin tawkin to Widdy Baystey an shoo sed, 'my husband's getten mussels twice as big sin he went to Jim Nation's shop,' an aw want some oth' same sooart."

"Gie me summat to put 'em in," sed Grimes, "aw'st sooin find it for ther isn't monny fish-shops i' Bradforth."

"Well, luk as sharp as tha can," sed Mally, "an be sewer they're fresh."

Grimes set off an Mally began at once to get th' table laid for th' supper.

Befoor Grimes had gooan varry far he thowt his wisest plan wod be to ax somdy. Soa seein a poleeceman he made enquiries.

"Aw dooant know exactly," sed th' bobby, "but aw fancy ther's a chap o' that name keeps a shop somewhere up Manningham way."

Soa Sammywell set off i' that direction, keepin his een oppen for a fish shop. After he'd gooan ommost a mile he sed,

"Awm a fooil for commin all this way, for if awd nobbut gien it a thowt aw'st ha known ther wor noa shop o' that sooart up here. Mi best plan wod ha been to goa to th' market an enquire thear. They'd be sewer to know," soa he walked back agean, but he made a few enquiries as he went along, but nubdy seemed to know.

Just as he'd getten to Westgate he saw Tom Taggart an he felt sewer he'd know, for he seemed to spend his time trailin abaat th' streets.

"Hallo, Tom!" he sed, "tha'rt just th' chap aw wanted to see! Can ta tell me whear Jim Nation keeps his fish shop?"

"Jim Nation?" sed Tom, rubbin his chin,--"Let me see. Are ta sewer it's a fish shop?"

"Aw should think it is for he sells mussels."

"O,--hi, tha'rt reight. It is a fish shop. What did ta say wor th' chap's name?"

"Jim Nation."

"O,--Jim is it? Tha'rt sewer it isn't 'Tom'?"

"Noa, it's Jim."

"It isn't Sam Shackleton tha meeans, is it? He sells fish sometimes."

"Aw tell thi his name's Jim Nation."

"O,--well,--then it willn't be Sam Shackleton. Awm like as if aw know th' chap tha meeans but aw connot spot him this minnit. Let's goa into th' 'Star' an mak some enquirements, ther's sewer to be somdy 'll know him."

Soa into th' 'Star' they went, an Tom called for a pint for hissen an axt Grimes what he wor gooing to have. "We connot come in an goa aght drymaath, tha knows," sed Tom, soa Grimes ordered twopenoth an paid for booath. Then they axt ivverybody if they knew whear Jim Nation's fish shop wor, but altho two or three on em believed they'd seen it, nubdy could tell whear.

"We'd better have another drink an sit daan a bit," sed Tom, "ther'll be sewer for somdy to come in at'll know."