Chapter 30

328. Poor child, thought I, what sorrow art thou like to have for thy portion in this world? Thou must be beaten, must beg, suffer hunger, cold, nakedness, and a thousand calamities, though I cannot now endure the wind should blow upon thee. But yet recalling myself, thought I, I must venture you all with God, though it goeth to the quick to leave you. O, I saw in this condition I was as a man who was pulling down his house upon the head of his wife and children; yet thought I, I must do it, I must do it. And now I thought on those two milch kine that were to carry the ark of God into another country, and to leave their calves behind them (1 Sam 6:10-12).

329. But that which helped me in this temptation was divers considerations, of which three in special here I will name; the first was the consideration of those two scriptures, “Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive, and let thy widows trust in me.” And again, “The Lord said, Verily it shall be well with thy remnant; verily I will cause the enemy to entreat thee well in the time of evil,” &c. (Jer 49:11, 15:11).

330. I had also this consideration, that if I should now venture all for God, I engaged God to take care of my concernments; but if I forsook him and his ways, for fear of any trouble that should come to me or mine, then I should not only falsify my profession, but should count also that my concernments were not so sure, if left at God’s feet, while I stood to and for his name, as they would be, if they were under my own tuition,[73] though with the denial of the way of God. This was a smarting consideration, and was as spurs unto my flesh. That scripture also greatly helped it to fasten the more upon me, where Christ prays against Judas, that God would disappoint him in all his selfish thoughts, which moved him to sell his master: pray read it soberly (Psa 109:6-20).

331. I had also another consideration, and that was, the dread of the torments of hell, which I was sure they must partake of, that for fear of the cross, do shrink from their profession of Christ, his words, and laws, before the sons of men; I thought also of the glory that he had prepared for those that, in faith, and love, and patience, stood to his ways before them. These things, I say, have helped me, when the thoughts of the misery that both myself and mine, might for the sake of my profession be exposed to, hath lain pinching on my mine.

332. When I have indeed conceited that I might be banished for my profession, then I have thought of that scripture, “They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword; they wandered about in sheep skins and goat skins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented, of whom the world was not worthy” (Heb 11:37), for all they thought they were too bad to dwell and abide amongst them. I have also thought of that saying, “The Holy Ghost witnesseth in every city, that bonds and afflictions abide me.” I have verily thought that my soul and it[74] have sometimes reasoned about the sore and sad estate of a banished and exiled condition, how they are exposed to hunger, to cold, to perils, to nakedness, to enemies, and a thousand calamities; and at last, it may be, to die in a ditch, like a poor forlorn and desolate sheep. But I thank God, hitherto I have not been moved by these most delicate reasonings, but have rather, by them, more approved my heart to God.

333. I will tell you a pretty business; I was once above all the rest in a very sad and low condition for many weeks; at which time also I being but a young prisoner, and not acquainted with the laws, had this lay much upon my spirit, That my imprisonment might end at the gallows for aught that I could tell. Now, therefore, Satan laid hard at me to beat me out of heart, by suggesting thus unto me, But how if when you come indeed to die, you should be in this condition; that is, as not to savour the things of God, nor to have any evidence upon your soul for a better state hereafter? For indeed at that time all the things of God were hid from my soul.

334. Wherefore, when I at first began to think of this, it was a great trouble to me; for I thought with myself, that in the condition I now was in, I was not fit to die, neither indeed did think I could, if I should be called to it: besides, I thought with myself, if I should make a scrabbling[75] shift to clamber up the ladder, yet I should either with quaking, or other symptoms of faintings, give occasion to the enemy to reproach the way of God and his people, for their timorousness. This therefore lay with great trouble upon me, for methought I was ashamed to die with a pale face, and tottering knees, for such a cause as this.

335. Wherefore, I prayed to God that he would comfort me, and give me strength to do and suffer what he should call me to; yet no comfort appeared, but all continued hid: I was also at this time so really possessed with the thought of death, that oft I was as if I was on the ladder with a rope about my neck; only this was some encouragement to me, I thought I might now have an opportunity to speak my last words to a multitude, which I thought would come to see me die; and, thought I, if it must be so, if God will but convert one soul by my very last words, I shall not count my life thrown away, nor lost.

336. But yet all the things of God were kept out of my sight, and still the tempter followed me with, But whither must you go when you die? What will become of you? Where will you be found in another world? What evidence have you for heaven and glory, and an inheritance among them that are sanctified? Thus was I tossed for many weeks, and knew not what to do; at last this consideration fell with weight upon me, That it was for the Word and way of God, that I was in this condition, wherefore I was engaged not to flinch a hair’s breadth from it.

337. I thought also, that God might choose, whether he would give me comfort now or at the hour of death, but I might not therefore choose whether I would hold my profession or no: I was bound, but he was free: yea, it was my duty to stand to his word, whether he would ever look upon me or no, or save me at the last: wherefore, thought I, the point being thus, I am for going on, and venturing my eternal state with Christ, whether I have comfort here or no; if God doth not come in, thought I, I will leap off the ladder even blindfold into eternity, sink or swim, come heaven, come hell, Lord Jesus, if thou wilt catch me, do; ‘if not,’ I will venture for thy name.

338. I was no sooner fixed upon this resolution, but that word dropped upon me, “Doth Job serve God for nought?” As if the accuser had said, Lord, Job is no upright man, he serves thee for by-respects: hast thou not made a hedge about him, &c. “But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.” How now, thought I, is this the sign of an upright soul, to desire to serve God, when all is taken from him? Is he a godly man, that will serve God for nothing rather than give out? blessed be God, then, I hope I have an upright heart, for I am resolved, God giving me strength, never to deny my profession, though I have nothing at all for my pains; and as I was thus considering, that scripture was set before me (Psa 44:12-26).[76]

339. Now was my heart full of comfort, for I hoped it was sincere: I would not have been without this trial for much; I am comforted every time I think of it, and I hope I shall bless God for ever for the teaching I have had by it. Many more of the dealings of God towards me I might relate, but these, “Out of the spoils won in battles have I dedicated to maintain the house of the LORD” (1 Chron 26:27).

THE CONCLUSION.

1. Of all the temptations that ever I met with in my life, to question the being ‘of God,’ and truth of his gospel, is the worst, and the worst to be borne; when this temptation comes, it takes away my girdle from me, and removeth the foundation from under me: O, I have often thought of that word, “have your loins girt about with truth”; and of that, “When the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?”

2. ‘Sometimes, when, after sin committed, I have looked for sore chastisement from the hand of God, the very next that I have had from him hath been the discovery of his grace. Sometimes, when I have been comforted, I have called myself a fool for my so sinking under trouble. And then, again, when I have been cast down, I thought I was not wise, to give such way to comfort. With such strength and weight have both these been upon me.’

3. I have wondered much at this one thing, that though God doth visit my soul with never so blessed a discovery of himself, yet I have found again, that such hours have attended me afterwards, that I have been in my spirits so filled with darkness, that I could not so much as once conceive what that God and that comfort was with which I have been refreshed.

4. I have sometimes seen more in a line of the Bible than I could well tell how to stand under, and yet at another time the whole Bible hath been to me as dry as a stick; or rather, my heart hath been so dead and dry unto it, that I could not conceive the least drachm of refreshment, though I have looked it ‘all’ over.

5. Of all tears, they are the best that are made by the blood of Christ; and of all joy, that is the sweetest that is mixed with mourning over Christ. Oh! it is a goodly thing to be on our knees, with Christ in our arms, before God. I hope I know something of these things.

6. I find to this day seven abominations in my heart: 1. Inclinings to unbelief. 2. Suddenly to forget the love and mercy that Christ manifesteth. 3. A leaning to the works of the law. 4. Wanderings and coldness in prayer. 5. To forget to watch for that I pray for. 6. Apt to murmur because I have no more, and yet ready to abuse what I have. 7. I can do none of those things which God commands me, but my corruptions will thrust in themselves, “when I would do good, evil is present with me.”

7. These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted and oppressed with; yet the wisdom of God doth order them for my good. 1. They make me abhor myself. 2. They keep me from trusting my heart. 3. They convince me of the insufficiency of all inherent righteousness. 4. They show me the necessity of flying to Jesus. 5. They press me to pray unto God. 6. They show me the need I have to watch and be sober. 7. And provoke me to look to God, through Christ, to help me, and carry me through this world. Amen.

FOOTNOTES:

1. Dr. Cheever.

2. Leicester was only besieged by the royal army, who took it, and cruelly treated the inhabitants; upon the republicans appearing before it, the city surrendered at once without a siege.—Ed.

3. This should be the prayer and effort of every Christian for his brethren and sisters in Christ, and more especially of those who are called to the public ministry.—Ed.

4. The people of God look back on the day of their espousals with holy joy and thanksgiving to the God of their mercies; and they delight in telling his goodness to others. “Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul” (Psa 66:16).—Mason.

5. How unspeakable the mercy that our omnipresent God will hear the prayer of the heart under all circumstances, at all times, in all places. Had he limited it to certain forms, in certain buildings, read by certain men, what fearful merchandise of souls they would have made.—Ed.

6. Bunyan says very little about his parents in his treatise on ‘Christian Behaviour’; he concludes his observations on the duties of a pious son to ungodly parents with this remarkable prayer, ‘The Lord, if it be his will, convert OUR poor parents, that they, with us, may be the children of God.’ Although this does not demonstrate that his own parents were ungodly, yet his silence as to their piety upon all occasions when speaking of them, and the fervent feeling expressed in this short prayer, inclines me to conclude that they were not pious persons in his judgment.—Ed.

7. Mr. Bunyan alludes to the poverty of his education in several of his works. Thus, in his Scriptural poems—

‘I am no poet, nor a poet’s son But a mechanic, guided by no rule But what I gained in a grammar school, In my minority.’

And in the preface to ‘The Law and Grace’: ‘Reader, if thou do find this book empty of fantastical expressions, and without light, vain, whimsical, scholar-like terms; thou must understand, it is because I never went to school to Aristotle or Plato, but was brought up at my father’s house, in a very mean condition, among a company of poor countrymen.’—Ed.

8. ‘I have been vile myself, but have obtained mercy; and I would have my companions in sin partake of mercy too.’—Preface to Jerusalem Sinner Saved.—Ed.

9. Every careless sinner, or wicked professor, carries upon his forehead the name of Infidel and Atheist, a practical unbeliever in the Bible, in the day of judgment, and in the existence of a holy God.—Ed.

10. Bunyan served in the wars between Charles I and his country, but it is not known on which side. Judging from his ‘delight in all transgressions against the law of God,’ as he describes his conduct to have been at that time, he must have served on the king’s side, as one of his drunken cavaliers. Probably this event took place when Leicester was besieged by the king’s troops.—Ed.

11. The notice of his wife’s father being a godly man, and not mentioning anything of the kind with regard to his own parents, strengthens my conclusion that they were not professors of religion. This very copy of the Pathway to Heaven here noticed, with the name of Bunyan on the title, is in the Editor’s possession.—Ed.

12. Asking his father this question, looks a little as if the family had been connected with the gipsy tribe.—Ed.

13. ‘The king (James, 1618) put forth an order to permit everybody, as he had before given leave in the county of Lancaster, who should go to evening prayer on the Lord’s day, to divertise themselves with lawful exercises, with leaping, dancing, playing at bowls, shooting with bows and arrows, as likewise to rear May poles, and to use May games and Morris dancing; but those who refused coming to prayers were forbidden to use these sports.’—(Camden’s Annals). The head of the Church of England had wondrous power thus to dispense with God’s laws.—Ed.

14. ‘Did cut the sinews,’ first edition; properly altered by Bunyan afterwards to ‘did benumb.’

15. Tip cat, or cat, is an ancient English game, thus described in Strutt’s Sports and Pastimes:—The game of cat is played with a cudgel. Its denomination is derived from a piece of wood, about six inches long and two thick, diminished from the middle to form a double cone. When the cat is placed on the ground, the player strikes it smartly—it matters not at which end—and it will rise with a rotatory motion high enough for him to strike it; if he misses, another player takes his place; if he hits, he calls for a number to be scored to his game; if that number is more than as many lengths of his cudgel, he is out; if not, they are scored, and he plays again.—Ed.

16. This wish looks as if Bunyan’s father had not checked him for this wicked propensity; if so, he could not have pretended to piety or religion.—Ed.

17. ‘Tom of Bedlam’; a byword for an inveterate drunkard, alluding to an old interesting song describing the feelings of a poor maniac whose frenzy had been induced by intoxication, and who escaped from Bedlam.

‘Poore naked Tom is very drye A little drinke for charitye!’

It ends with this verse—

‘The man in the moone drinkes claret, Eates powder’d beef, turnip, and carret, But a cup of old Malaga sacke Will fire the bushe at his backe.’

Probably the tale is connected with the drummer’s tune, ‘Drunk or sober, go to bed Tom.’—Ed.

18. When the Lord, in his blessed work upon the soul, illuminated the mind, he opens to it a new world; he leads the blind by a way that they know not, crooked things become straight, rough places plain, and he never forsakes his charge.—Mason.

19. ‘Their talk went with me; my heart would tarry with them’; nothing is so powerfully attractive as a community of feeling under the teaching of the Holy Spirit. Bunyan’s wish to be ‘tried and searched,’ reminds me of one who, when alarmed for his soul’s safety, earnestly prayed that he might be made increasingly wretched, until he had found safety in Jesus, and knew him, whom to know is joy unspeakable in this life, and felicity in the eternal world.—Ed.

20. That bitter fanatic, Ross, calls the ranters ‘a sort of beasts,’ who practiced sin that grace might abound. Many under that name were openly profligate; they denied the sacraments, but were disowned by the Quakers. It seems, from Bunyan, that they were infatuated with some idea that the grossest sins of the flesh did not injure the sanctity of the spirit!—Ed.

21. Faith comes by venturing wholly on Christ, as he is freely offered in the Word—mercy to the miserable—salvation to the lost and self-condemned. If we honour God’s veracity by giving credit to his Word, he will honour that faith by giving us joy and peace in believing.—Mason.

22. ‘In downright earnest’; as one who is in imminent danger of drowning, or in a house on fire, eager to escape. Reader, have you ever felt thus ‘in downright earnest’ for salvation? Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they SHALL be filled.—Ed.

23. This is an interesting view of church fellowship; and the admission of a convert to Christian communion. See also Christiana at the Interpreter’s House, and the preface to Bunyan’s ‘Christian Behaviour.’—Ed.

24. The Christian who is found waiting upon God, is the thriving one; the best way to be assured of our election is to examine our state with the touchstone of truth, the Scriptures. The elect of God know Christ savingly, esteem him precious, and obey him cheerfully from love and gratitude.—Mason.

25. ‘Gingerly’; cautiously.

‘Has it a corn? or do’s it walk on conscience, It treads so gingerly.’ Love’s Cure, Act ii., Scene 1.—Ed.

26. Manifestations of love and grace are not to be rested in, or made a saviour of; they are given to strengthen and prepare us for future trials.—Mason.

27. Here we have Christian in the valley of the shadow of death. ‘One thing I would not let slip, I took notice that now poor Christian was so confounded, that he did not know his own voice; and thus I perceived it, just when he was come over against the mouth of the burning pit, one of the wicked ones got behind him, and stept up softly to him, and whisperingly suggested many grievous blasphemies to him, which he verily thought had proceeded from his own mind.’—Pilgrim’s Progress.—Ed.

28. ‘Under her apron,’ was altered in subsequent editions to ‘in her arms.’—Ed.

29. ‘Poor fool’; altered, in later editions, to ‘poor soul.’—Ed.

30. John Gifford, Bunyan’s pastor, was a Kentish man, and had been a major in the King’s army, a roistering cavalier. For some crimes, he, with eleven others, was condemned to be hung, but made his escape to London, and thence to Bedford, where, being unknown, he practiced physic. Addicted to swearing, drinking, and gambling, he, in distress at a serious loss, vowed repentance; he became greatly distressed under conviction of sin; at length his mind was enlightened, the Holy Spirit led him to forgiveness by the atonement of Christ, and his heart was filled with a hitherto unknown source of blessedness. This he imparted to others, and at length, in 1650, formed a church, with which the soul-harassed pilgrim Bunyan cast in his lot as a member in 1653. There appears to have been a strong mutual affection between him and his pastor. In 1658, Mr. Gifford published a preface to Bunyan’s ‘Few Sighs from Hell,’ in which he speaks of him with the warmest affection, as one ‘that I verily believe God hath counted faithful, and put him into the ministry—one that hath acquaintance with God, and taught by his Spirit, and hath been used to do souls good. Divers have felt the power of the word delivered by him, and I doubt not but that many more may, if God continue him in his work.’ Judging from Gifford’s preface, he must have been an excellent teacher to train Bunyan for his important labours as a Christian minister. He uses the same fervid striking language. Thus, on the value of the soul: ‘Consider what an ill bargain thou will make to sell thy precious soul for a short continuance in sin and pleasure. If that man drives an ill trade, who to gain the whole world should lose his own soul, then certainly thou art far worse that sells thy soul for a very trifle. Oh, ’tis pity that so precious a thing should be parted withal to be made a prey for the devouring lion, for that which is worse than nothing. If they were branded for desperate wretches that caused their children to pass through the fire to Moloch, surely thou much more that gives thy soul to devouring flames. What meanest thou, O man! to truck+ with the devil?’—See Sighs, 1st Edition, and Brooks’ Puritans.—Ed.

+ ‘To truck’; to barter or exchange.

31. That persons called Quakers held these heresies, there can be no doubt; but they were never held by that respectable and useful body of Christians, the Society of Friends, is equally clear. Barclay, in his Theses, 1675, says of the Scriptures:—‘They are the doctrine of Christ, held forth in precious declarations, spoken and written by the movings of God’s Spirit.’ He goes on to say, that the same Spirit can alone guide man into these sacred truths. In all important doctrines, the difference between the Quakers and evangelical professors is in terms and not in things. Their distinguishing difference relates to the work of the ministry.—Ed.

32. How natural is it for man to build up vain hopes of long life! Bunyan’s vigorous constitution, had he enjoyed the free air of liberty, might have prolonged his pilgrimage to extreme old age. But his long imprisonment shortened his valuable life: it almost amounted to legal murder.—Ed.

33. Bunyan, in his treatise on ‘Jesus Christ the Advocate,’ admirably shows the analogy between the year of jubilee and the Christian’s reversion to his inheritance, although deprived for a time of the comfort of it during his pilgrimage, by reason of sin.—Ed.

34. He is a restless, powerful, and malicious enemy; ever striving to drive the sinner to desperation. Let the tempted look to Jesus the serpent-bruiser to shield him, so that the fiery darts of the wicked one may be quenched.—Mason.

35. Printed ‘did hear’ in first edition.—Ed.

36. Altered to ‘indeed’ in later editions.—Ed.

37. ‘Racked or broken upon the wheel,’ was a horrid mode of torturing a criminal to death, formerly used in France. The sufferer was stretched and made fast upon a large wheel, when the executioner, with a heavy iron bar, proceeded to break every bone in his body; beginning with the toes and fingers, and proceeding to crush those bones that the least affected life, and ending by crushing the skull into the brains. How piercing must have been the convictions of sin upon Bunyan’s soul, to have led him to such a simile!—Ed.

38. ‘A Relation of the Fearful Estate of Francis Spira.’

‘Here see a soul that’s all despair; a man All hell; a spirit all wounds. Reader, would’st see what may you never feel, Despair, racks, torments, whips of burning steel? Behold this man, this furnace, in whose heart, Sin hath created hell.’

From the address to the reader, in a copy of this awful narrative in possession of the Editor. Spira was filled with remorse and despair for having been induced, by improper motives, to become a papist.—Ed.