Chapter 4
Camp continually getting bigger; there must be some 800 tents now, and quite 5,000 souls.
Feel bad at thought of so many thousands whom it is impossible to reach just now, because of the sickness all about.
I have been here just a month, and have, during that time, done nothing but visit sick and dying.
Hospital, too, grown larger; five big marquee tents; began visit there this morning; disturbed by arriving patients and doctor.
Found Martie Snyman dying; dead a quarter of an hour after. We gathered round her bedside and committed her spirit into God's safe keeping; poor child! she had such a time of suffering; mostly always delirious; and her mother! Let me not think of it!
Many new arrivals in women's wards; some dangerously ill.
Poor Betty Kruger; fear she won't "make it."
Meant to go again this afternoon, but disappointed; had to take charge of books which had come; great work, and unsatisfactory too.
Meant to have made long visits to New Camp this afternoon; "Alles verijdeld" (everything fell through).
Visits 432, 482, 268 (old Mr. De V.), 494 (aunt of Miss Van Rooi, who died in hospital), 458, 424, 499, and 503.
Went again with couple of eggs and milk to 432 and 424.
Poor little girl; so very sick, and on ground too.
Found 458 in total darkness; no lights, and little boy dying. Foeitog! Borrowed half a candle from Mrs. Van As.
Ordered bricks to-day for my house--3,500, at 1s. a hundred. Hope to see it standing "moet 'n boog" (for show) by next week.
Split in connection with church; old lot near old church-stand dissatisfied; some folk hard to please; rather vexing; they want us to keep up service at old place as well.
Mr. Becker referred matter to me; said I was quite agreeable if there was possibility of drawing two congregations. Mr. Otto may be induced to conduct one.
Well, certainly, we have enough people for a double service.
Concerned about Catechism class; there must be hundreds who ought to be confirmed. Concerned also about Sunday school. How are we to collect these thousands! If the sickness in camp would only decrease, what great things we could attempt.
Found packet Sunlight soap in tent; my ration; large family Van As gets two cakes; I, single, whole packet; not very complimentary!
Sent parcel books to hospital as library; decided to divide miscellaneous books into four small circulating libraries.
Mr. Becker funerals; eight.
* * * * *
Friday, September 20.--Early bird; brought over all books from store tent; also cask of Quaker oats[50]; very glad of latter; will serve out like mad next week.
Tent now regular chaos; boxes; feel need of house all the more.
Four circulating libraries--Otto's, Dussel's, Van As's, and Lubbe's. Reading, however, rather an impossibility here in camp; one has always something to do. What a blessing that everyone has work in plenty, because in one's work one can derive a measure of happiness and satisfaction; it detracts one's thoughts from the seamy side of life just now.
Immediately after breakfast visited two dying babies, 585, 695.
Great crowd of children assembled in front of church, several hundreds (I hear a weeping and a wailing close by; evidently someone just died); hurried thither; gathered children in circle; Psalm 146; prayer; address (privilege, obedience, faithfulness); also exhorted them to take good care of church and to be careful of lines, ropes, pegs, etc.
Ordered 3,500 bricks at 1s. 1-1/2d. per hundred; saw Superintendent, who promised to provide roofing; hope he won't disappoint. Busy whole morning with books.
Called after dinner Mrs. Pelser; ill and concerned about soul; same one I had long talks with before; afraid she is still ignorant of primary step, reconciliation with God; spent long while in making way of salvation clear; Doppers; tent full; "Haar Leuze" (her delight), Psalm 62, verse 1, and when I read it aloud I was on the point of remarking, "Nee, wach, ik het die regte vers ver jou--Gez 39, vers 3, 'Komt gij allen" ("No, wait, I have the right verse for you--Hymn 39, verse 3, 'Come ye all, sinners come, what dare hold you back"); saved from this calamity[51] by mere chance (grace); perhaps they are Doppers! and so it was. Narrow shave; second time!
Had to hurry to funerals; eight; Martie and Annie Erasmus; "Leer ons alzoo onze dagen tellen" (So teach us to number our days).
(Here go the bearers with another corpse.)
Met another brother of Tolllie's; regular reproduction; brought me to several new sick people; Mrs. Venter very, very ill. Fear! Asked if I should pray for her; "Ja, Minheer" ("Yes, sir"). "En wat zal ik bid?" ("And what shall I pray?") "Ach, Minheer, dat die Heere mij gouw moet kom haal" ("O sir, that the Lord come quick to fetch me").
Poor old dad! He has lost eight children and grandchildren in camp already, and this is his last daughter.
Neglected hospital again; disgusted; those troublesome books!
Had hurried walk round; Mrs. Kruger dying; prayed, but quite delirious.
Met weeping mother on coming out; "Minheer, zal minheer tog nie ver mij help nie om vir mij man een telegram te stuur, hij is in Doornbult Camp. Ik is alleen hier en twee van mij kinders is al dood, and nou le die dochtertje ernstig ziek in die hospital?" ("Sir, won't you be able to help me to send a telegram to my husband, he is in Doornbult Camp. I am alone here; two of my children are already dead, and now my daughter lies dangerously sick in hospital")[52]. That is the saddest part of all. Mothers here alone with sick children, and fathers far off--some in other camps. And then, when Death comes and takes a child, the loneliness of such mothers is too hard a burden to bear. Many children here and many who have died, never yet seen by fathers.
Led prayer meeting at young Otto's tent; six young fellows.
* * * * *
Saturday, September 21.--Longish day; called early to see 270 and 269; again in evening to 270; last stage of consumption; won't last long. (Here go those terrible bearers again! When, O when, will the Angel of Death sheathe his scythe and depart out of our midst!)
Made church straight for morrow; fine stout "doornhout" (mimosa) pins--(more bearers, here they go again!)--and two strong wires fastened to stones buried in ground (anchors). There are some 24 school forms, and these will seat about 400 people.
Quaky about tomorrow; sermon unprepared; meant to have had afternoon to self, but quite impossible.
Another death, 128; croup; Smit; tent removed on doctor's orders outside camp while child dying; cruel; entreaties of mother vain; child carried in dying condition; expired little after; when I came, found woman in greatest distress; things bundled outside; indignant; poor defenceless, helpless women. May God help them!
Visits 386, 424, 432, 489, 519.
Called to Mrs. Steyn, 541 (three children gone already); daughter suddenly sick; looks like fever; found Mr. Becker there; poor little mother! She is so reconciled and patient in her tribulation.
Called to tent near shop; Mrs. Theron; great pain; three children, sick; no help; dependent on charity of neighbours; no light; God alone knows how many tents there are without lights to-night and with very sick inmates.
Hospital; talk with Mr. V.d.M.; very sick; delirious somewhat; Psalm 27, prayer.
Girlie in ward 1 very sick.
In children's ward found mother and grandmother sitting by bedside of dying boy five years; mother broken; after my prayer there was a tear glistening in the boy's left eye; pathetic to see mother wipe it away as the tears rolled down her cheeks.
In the upper ward lies a girl[53] of fourteen, with the softest, sweetest face imaginable; two clear, languid, blue eyes; very dangerously ill; wonder if!
Prayed at bedside; daughter of the mother who asked me to wire to her husband yesterday. Spoke to Superintendent; quite unsympathetic; fruitless.
May God spare that child's life!
Mr. Becker funerals; seven or eight, I believe.
Called in by Mr. Kruger; wife died in hospital this morning; son (16 years) buried Monday; another child some days ago; poor fellow; he himself sick; subscribed 5s. to assist him to obtain coffin.
Now for to-morrow's sermon!
* * * * *
Sunday, September 22.--Grand day; ideal weather; longish.
Up six o'clock; sermon; sweat; veld; "Om te doen gedenken" (To bring to remembrance).
Inauguration of church; huge crowd; packed; hundreds outside.
Impossible to use even the tiniest bit of notes; "broekscheur." Made rather mull of first half; "Ik gedenk heden aan mijne zonden" (I do remember my faults this day). Introduction and second point more satisfactory; luckily (?) girl fainted; seized opportunity to give out hymn; grasped notes to refresh memory; "Ik gedenk heden aan de weldaden des Heeren--God's liefde" (I remember this day the mercies of the Lord--God's love).
Feel the utter insignificance of my best efforts; sore point; no time at all to prepare; I tremble when I think of what I venture in coldbloodedness.
After service went to 207; saw bedding outside, and knew the worst. "Gister aand, minheer, is zij gestorven. Ach, minheer, zij kon tog die minuut nie afwag nie, zoo haastig was zij om wegtegaan" ("Yestereen, sir, she died. O sir, she scarcely had patience to wait, so eager she was to depart").
Great tribulation and bitterness on account of doctor, who insisted on forcing hot coffee down her throat, and for whom Mrs. Venter was desperately afraid; also on account of his violent conduct and harshness in the presence of Death. She could not even die in peace.
Mrs. Steyn's girlie very bad; fever; so restless, and so much pain.
There again in evening; still so restless; no sleep last two nights; advised Mrs. Steyn to send her to hospital; environment disastrous; too much to remind her of her two brothers and sister, who died last week.
Rounds in hospital; girlie No. 1 very bad.
In No. 4, girlie of Mrs. Van der Berg very low; did not know me to-day; too beautiful a child, really; got mother permission to stay with her to-night.
Mrs. Bonig's child still alive this afternoon; died towards evening. Thank God!
Another little chap passed away quite suddenly in same tent this morning.
Autoharp in convalescent tent.
Hurried to funerals; four; large crowd; several hundreds; Rev. 7, chapter Mrs. Venter gave as comfort to her people, "Deze zijn het die uit groote verdrukking komen" (These are they which come out of great tribulation).
Hurried from there straight to church to lead girls' prayer meeting; some sixty turned up; off the point, though, in their prayers.
And now for the cream of the day's work. Announced meeting for young people, 7.15, in church; service of song; borrowed two lamps; scanty light. Found immense crowd; many turned away; threw up side of tent; numbers outside; some 500 young people and several old to watch.
Shall never forget how they sang Psalm 146. It was glorious! We sang Psalms and gezangen and some "kinder harp liederen" (children's hymns); and for the last, Gezangen 12, "op lieder wijs" (to new tune). Beautiful! Short address on Zaccheus--"Moeilijkheden" (difficulties). The heartiest and most refreshing meeting ever yet attended; had to stand in middle all the while, with hardly room to turn myself. So delighted that announced another meeting for Tuesday; fine moon just now.
Great point is this--singing sounds lovely at distance, and can be heard all through the camp and in hospital, and who knows how many hearts are not refreshed as the strains come rolling by.
Mr. Becker afternoon service; great crowd also.
Now the day is over!
* * * * *
Tuesday, September 24.--Seedy all yesterday; no diary; straight to bed; hot water from hospital; footbath.
Managed to get half a dozen sheets zinc from Superintendent for roofing.
Distributed books to Elders yesterday afternoon.
Felt rather hopeless to-day; so much to do; quite at loss where to begin; inclined just to sit still.
Visited southern corner of camp; Mrs. De Lint poorly; read letter written by husband.
Gave out "briefies" for rice to some tents.
Astounded this evening by doctor, "Well, now, wasn't it fine that I got you the right to grant briefies?" And this is the Donation Store, quite independent of all Government Stores! A gentleman gave Mr. Becker £50 for things; these goods arrived yesterday. Really, doctor takes the cake--with baker and all! Told him a few gentle truths about these goods.
Letters from home; hope those groceries of mine will come along all right; and that order for £20 worth of stuff[54]. May I succeed in getting the sole right of distribution when that arrives.
Champion[55] writes that at present he cannot fulfil order; disappointing.
One does long so for something nice--some extras which here are quite unobtainable[56]. Dry bread gets a bit monotonous after a while, and the "vrekvlijs" becomes nauseous as the days roll by. It thrusts its miserable, lean presence upon us day by day, and now it has become a dreaded nightmare.
"Kerkeraads vergadering" in tent this afternoon; six Elders to discuss Sunday services; the grumblers would not rest until they too had their own big marquee tent on the old site.
Suggested that we have only one morning service in new place and two afternoon services--one for old people at old place and one for young at new place; could take further steps later on for a double morning service if necessary; Elders agreeable; disperse.
Funerals; four; Mr. Van der Merwe died last night; felt sick myself, and made fool of myself at graveside; but really could not contain myself as they lowered the remains of Mr. Van der Merwe into grave; so big and fine a man; in flower of manhood; wife dead, child dead; so gentle and patient in his suffering; felt so drawn to him because of his huge helplessness. Hard lines! Hard lines! Poor Nurse Rouvier! After all these weeks of devoted, patient, hopeful attendance. It does make one feel rather low. Quite unable to make any sort of address at grave; sorry did not ask Mr. Otto.
Went through hospital; Mr. V.d.B. and Mr. Norval both dangerously ill; fear the worst; pneumonia; former hard character, but to-day quite softened; long talk; not yet saved; prayer; great suffering.
Read Psalm 27 to latter and prayed; very thankful.
Girlie Van der Berg in new ward very low; so weak. May God in His tender mercy hear our prayer and restore her!
Lenie Steyn; hysterical; delirious all day; last night great consternation; got her into hospital this morning.
Girl opposite her dying; mother's only child.
In men's ward little boy (14) died too.
Splendid meeting this evening; packed within and without(!).
Service of song; crowd half an hour before time; singing can be heard all through camp. May many a sad and weary heart have found in our singing a balm for the aching, longing heart.
Now for bed--glorious bed!
* * * * *
Wednesday, September 25.--Deathbed; sorrowful topic to write upon, and yet why shirk it? Let me attempt what I have never before done--a description of a deathbed. It is but human to hasten over the tragic scenes of life, but this evening I want to tarry.
Something prompted me to make early visit to the hospital, so went before breakfast. In first ward went straight to little Mita Duvenhagen's bed, and her I found very bad--struggling hard to breathe; so young and yet so bitter a suffering!
From there called by Mrs. Van den Berg to new ward, to come quickly, as Lenie was dying. I went, and when I entered saw that God was going to take her away. Let me not attempt to describe her angelic little face of marble white, her beautifully chiselled nose, and her sweet little mouth! Silently we knelt around her bedside--mother, nurse, and I. Of her beautiful blue eyes I have said nothing, for they were closed--the lids gently drawn, and the lashes trying hard to kiss the soft smooth cheeks. "O God, come and help us! O Saviour, come and take Thy place beside her bed--hold her hand--take her in Thy tender arms and press her to Thy bosom! Bear her, Saviour, where Thou wilt, for with Thee she is safe. Comfort our hearts and give us to bend our heads in humble resignation--Thy will be done. Amen!"
"Lenie, Lenie, Lenie, mij kind, jou mammie is hier bij jou, en Jezus ook is hier om jou hand te hou--moenie bang wees nie, mij kind" ("My child, your mother is here, near you, and Jesus too is here to hold your hand--don't be afraid, child"). Under her weary eyelids she looked at us, and a large tear gathered in her left eye. It glistened like a diamond for a moment, and then became the possession of the sorrow-stricken mother. Then we were silent and watched. Slowly and gently the lids opened--now again we could look into those clear blue orbs. Wider--wider--and still wider they grow--uplifted, right away beyond the three forms of clay before her. See how the pupils dilate--they seem to swamp the blue! And so for a few short moments they remain. It was a gaze right beyond us to--- what! Will it be old-fashioned to suggest "Angels," perhaps! Until I grow wiser I shall hold fast to Angels. O, the mystery of the Unknown!
And slowly, gently those lids sink once more to rest--to rest indeed--for her spirit has fled. Peace, perfect peace!
How passing strange, how majestic in its simplicity, how weird in its tragic stillness--the passing of a Soul--the disunion of Body and Spirit! Is this Death? Then may I never fear its shadow!
Sunset and Evening Star!
* * * * *
Thursday, September 26.--Another day gone. What a day of sorrow and tribulation!
Slept like a log.
Took round through camp late last night; heard distressing groans in certain tent; made gentle enquiries; heard this remark after leaving, "Nee, dit is een van die nach police wat hier rond loop" ("No, it is one of the night police wandering about").
Foundations of house laid[57]; yesterday got use Scotch cart and brought over some 1,000 bricks and stones for foundation; good beginning to-day; now things will go swimmingly if weather remains fine.
Unbearably hot to-day; tent untenable; thankful house in course of erection.
Old story again; supply boards for coffins stopped, and now there is the pitiful cry of those who seek wood to make coffins for departed dear ones.
Yesterday old Mr. Duvenhagen came in distress to me; begged from Superintendent, and got him two little boxes[58].
This morning had to tramp round to get hold of few boxes, for I promised Lenie's mother I would provide wood. One does make very rash promises sometimes--but anything to comfort stricken heart of lonesome mother.
That Mrs. Van der Berg has now lost her three children; her husband sits in Bloemfontein Refugee Camp. This to me so inexplicable, so unreasonable, so cruel. Why cannot husband and wife be allowed to go in same camp?
Well, I (next to) stole two nice planks in store tent, and what with empty condensed milk box and my box which I used as chair, able to give quite small fortune in wood for Lenie's coffin.
Buried her and Mita Duvenhagen (both 14) this afternoon; also two small children; "Laat de kinderen tot mij komen en verhindert ze niet want derzulken is het Koninkrijk Gods" (Suffer the little children to come unto Me, and forbid them not, for such is the Kingdom of Heaven).
Mita's grave away other end of cemetery (next her brother's), and so I went and spoke few words at her grave too; sang "Voor eeuwig met den Heere" (For ever with the Lord).
Just before funerals went to see Lena Steyn; very low; "Zien, minheer, nou, hoe waar dit was wat zij geze het" (Do you see now, sir, how true her words were?). She always persisted in saying that she was going to die; shall write more of her on another occasion. We prayed at bedside and committed her into God's keeping, Psalm 23; but she was unconscious, I think, although her eyes wandered from mother to me.
The procession had started already when I had still to hear wail of old man of 76, "Ach, minheer, waar zal ik tog planke krij; mij vrouw is dood, en ik kan nerens kiste krij nie" (O, sir, where can I get boards; my wife is dead, and I can't get wood anywhere?).
Last night carried out some papers in my box I use as chair and burnt them outside. Soon man stood next to me, "Minheer, zal ik dan nie daardie kisje kan krij nie? Onze ou baby is dood, en ik kan nerens vir haar een stukkie hout krij nie" (Sir, won't I be able to have that little box? Our little baby is dead, and I can't get a scrap of wood anywhere).
Early this afternoon another man came to me in great distress; also no wood for coffin. It does seem so bitterly hard.
Visiting whole morning, mostly down New Camp way.
There is one man always at my back; times a day; came with most wonderful request two days ago; wants me to get him a--guess? Baby! Wife's died last week, and he is now loafing another.
This afternoon two prayer meetings; men and women; took men's down in old church (big tent there now), "Heere zijt mij genadig" (Lord, be merciful to me). The women's, I hear, was packed. I had over 100 men; very good, seeing so few men here; nine prayers.
This evening children's service again; beautiful moon; glorious singing; "Ik ga heen om u plaats te bereiden" (I go to prepare a place for you); told about Lenie's deathbed; she is now in the mansion prepared for her.
Went straight thence to see Lena Steyn; saw women standing in front of tent; heard sobs, and knew the worst. Poor, poor Mrs. Steyn! "Ach, Minheer, ik het daarom nie gedenk nie dat dit oor die helfte zou gaan nie" (O, sir, I really never thought that it would go beyond the half); had six children; four gone now; husband Ceylon, and she is the dearest little mother in camp almost.
Knelt and prayed, and then mother said, "Kom, laat ons nog eenmal ver haar gaan zien" (Come, let us go and see her once more); so went to see Lena once more in morgue tent.
Rest after weariness; calm after storm; light after darkness; day after dawn.
She passed away while the children were singing Gez. 11. While I spoke to her (Mrs. Steyn) at tent she was laughing and sobbing alternately; and then the thought flashed through her that there was no wood for coffin, so I immediately took whole thing into my hands and assured her I would provide and see that Lena gets coffin.
Another rash promise! The Lord only knows where the wood is to come from! Late this evening, when I took her some cocoa, Mrs. Steyn told me that Lena had said that I would provide coffin. So guess it will come out well in end. The presentiments this child had of her death and other things simply marvellous. Am going to write at greater length about her when I see mother again.
And so these three girlies have gone to Jesus. Now, what has become of all our prayers and supplications?
* * * * *
Friday, September 27.--Longish day.
Great question; where to get material for coffin for Lena? Remembered that I saw that the school was supplied with bookcase, and that the box in store tent (full of matches for distribution) could now be otherwise used; removed all matches[59], and lo and behold! grand big box empty and ready for carpenter; got matches distributed, each tent got two boxes; Roos set to work, and with two more milk cases (loafed at hospital), he was able to make quite respectable coffin. (A decent and respectable coffin here made of scrap wood and small boxes fitted together, and whole coated with preparation of boot blacking and oil. A swell, extra fine coffin has a covering of cheap black material, 1s. 6d. yard.)
Several came again to-day seeking wood; some even wanted the galvanized iron for my roof.
At graves this afternoon saw that they had made a shelf in a grave to hold body and prevent ground falling directly upon it; made me think of catacombs Rome.
Seven buried this afternoon; stood right in front of Lena's grave.