Witty Pieces by Witty People A collection of the funniest sayings, best jokes, laughable anecdotes, mirthful stories, etc., extant

"You ain't ha'f as sorry ez I is, sah. Jis' look at dis yer lump on my head. I'd ruther not hab my vote counted den ter pay so dear fur it. Ef da hatter hit me to make my vote c...

"Well, you see I used to work for a butcher an' he wouldn't let me take fits--said it interfered with business--an' I thought you might feel the same way about it."

A small manufacturer, who had engaged in many local speculations, which had always turned out well, had become a person of some wealth thereby. He was rather past the middle age...

"That was a small matter to those that follow. When the man came up out of the water the weight of the wet overcoat, further weighed with the fish, broke off the button, and it...

So did the cow. She had been fooled with long enough, and she suddenly planted a hoof against Mr. Bowser with such vigor that he tumbled over in a confused heap. Between us we g...

A class in a San Francisco art school was recently startled by the sudden appearance in its midst of a dilapidated Irishman who, with tears in his eyes begged for enough money t...

"It's almost impossible to get thirty or forty people together on a certain evening, even if all desire to come. Mrs. Johnson calculated on eight tables and only had enough for...

There's something attractive about her: It isn't her beauty of face, It isn't her ribbons of lace, But there's something attractive about her, And I swear that I can't live with...