SCENE I.

LADY AMARANTH'S _House_.

_Enter_ LADY AMARANTH _and_ EPHRAIM.

_Lady Am._ Though thou hast settled that distressed gentleman's debt, let his sister come unto me; and remit a quarter's rent unto all my tenants.

_Eph._ As thou bid'st I have discharged from the pound the widow's cattle; but shall I let the lawsuit drop against the farmer's son who did shoot the pheasant?

_Lady Am._ Yea; but instantly turn from my service the gamekeeper's man that did kill the fawn, while it was eating from his hand. We should hate guile, though we may love venison.

_Eph._ I love a young doe.--[_Aside._] Since the death of friend Dovehouse, who, (though one of the faithful) was an active magistrate, this part of the country is infested with covetous men, called robbers, and I have, in thy name, said unto the people, whoever apprehendeth one of these, I will reward him, yea with thirty pieces of gold. [_A loud knocking without._] That beating of one brass against another at thy door, proclaimeth the approach of vanity, whose pride of heart swelleth at an empty sound. [_Exit._

_Lady Am._ But my heart is possessed with the idea of that wandering youth, whose benevolence induced him to part with, perhaps, his all, to free the unhappy debtor. His person is amiable, his address (according to worldly modes) formed to please, to delight. But he's poor; is that a crime? Perhaps meanly born: but one good action is an illustrious pedigree. I feel I love him, and in that word are birth, fame, and riches.

_Enter_ JANE.

_Jane._ Madam, my lady, an't please you--

_Lady Am._ Didst thou find the young man, that I may return him the money he paid for my tenant?

_Jane._ I found him, ma'am, and--I found him, and he talked of--what he said.

_Lady Am._ What did he say?

_Jane._ He saw me, ma'am--and call'd me Blowsabella, and said he would--I'll be hang'd, ma'am, if he didn't say he would--Now, think of that;--but if he hadn't gone to London in the stage coach--

_Lady Am._ Is he gone? [_With emotion._

_Enter_ JOHN DORY.

_John._ Oh, my lady, mayhap John Dory is not the man to be sent after young gentlemen that scamper from school, and run about the country play acting! Pray walk up stairs, Master Thunder: [_Calls off._]

_Lady Am._ Hast thou brought my kinsman hither?

_John._ Well, I havn't then.

_Jane._ If you havn't, what do you make a talk about it?

_John._ Well, don't give me your palaver, young Miss Slip Slop.--Will you only walk up, if you please, Master Harry?

_Jane._ Will you walk up, if you please, Master Harry?

_Lady Am._ Friendship requireth, yet I am not disposed to commune with company.--[_Aside._

_Jane._ Oh, bless me, ma'am! if it isn't--

_Enter_ ROVER, _dressed_.

_Rover._ "'Tis I, Hamlet the Dane!"--"Thus far into the bowels of the land, have we marched on."--"John, that bloody and devouring boar!"

_John._ He called me bull in the coach.

_Jane._ I don't know what brought such a bull in the coach.

_Rover._ This the Lady Amaranth! By Heavens, the very angel quaker!

_Lady Am._ [_Turns._] The dear, generous youth, my cousin Harry!

_John._ There he's for you, my lady, and make the most of him.

_Jane._ Oh, how happy my lady is! he looks so charming now he's fine.

_John._ Harkye! she's as rich as a Spanish Indiaman; and I tell you, your father wishes you'd grapple her by the heart--court her, you mad devil. [_Apart to_ ROVER.] There's an engagement to be between these two vessels: but little Cupid's the only man that's to take minutes, so come. [_To_ JANE.]

_Jane._ Ma'am, an't I to wait on you?

_John._ No, my lass, you're to wait on me.

_Jane._ Wait on this great sea-bull! lack-a-daisy! am I--am--

_John._ By this, Sir George is come to the inn. Without letting the younker know, I'll go bring him here, and smuggle both father and son into a joyful meeting. [_Aside._]--[_To_ JANE.] Come now, usher me down like a lady.

_Jane._ This way, Mr. Sailor Gentleman. [_Exeunt_ JOHN _and_ JANE.

_Rover._ By Heavens, a most delectable woman! [_Aside._

_Lady Am._ Cousin, when I saw thee in the village free the sheep from the wolf, why didst not tell me then thou wert son to my uncle, Sir George?

_Rover._ Because, my lady, then I--did'nt know it myself--[_Aside._

_Lady Am._ Why wouldst vex thy father, and quit thy school.

_Rover._ "A truant disposition, good my lady, brought me from Wirtemberg."

_Lady Am._ Thy father designs thee for his dangerous profession; but is thy inclination turned to the voice of trumpets, and smites of mighty slaughter?

_Rover._ "Why, ma'am, as for old Boreas, my dad, when the blast of war blows in his ears, he's a tyger in his fierce resentment."--But for me, "I think it a pity, so it is, that villainous saltpetre should be digg'd out of the bowels of the harmless earth, which many a good tall fellow has destroyed, with wounds and guns, and drums, Heav'n save the mark!"

_Lady Am._ Indeed thou art tall, my cousin, and grown of comely stature. Our families have long been separated.

_Rover._ They have--Since Adam, I believe--[_Aside._] "Then, lady, let that sweet bud of love now ripen to a beauteous flower?"

_Lady Am._ Love!

_Rover._ "Excellent wench! perdition catch my soul, but I do love thee, and when I love thee not, chaos is come again."

_Lady Am._ Thou art of an happy disposition.

_Rover._ "If I were now to die, 'twere now to be most happy." "Let our senses dance in concert to the joyful minutes, and this, and this, the only discord make." [_Embracing._

_Enter_ JANE, _with cake and wine_.

_Jane._ Ma'am, an't please you, Mr. Zachariah bid me----

_Rover._ "Why, you fancy yourself Cardinal Wolsey in this family."

_Jane._ No, sir, I'm not Cardinal Wolsey, I'm only my lady's maid here--Jenny Gammon, at your service.

_Rover._ "A bowl of cream for your Catholic majesty."

_Jane._ Cream! No, sir, it's wine and water.

_Rover._ "You get no water, take the wine, great potentate."-- [_Gives Lady_ AMARANTH _a glass, then drinks_.]

_Jane._ Madam, my father begs leave--

_Rover._ "Go, go, thou shallow Pomona."--[_Puts her out._] Eh! Zounds, here's my manager.

_Enter_ FARMER GAMMON _and_ LAMP.

_F. Gam._ I hope her ladyship hasn't found out 'twas I had Banks arrested. [_Aside._]--Would your ladyship give leave for this here honest man and his comrades to act a few plays in the town, 'cause I've let'n my barn. 'Twill be some little help to me, my lady.

_Rover._ My lady, I understand these affairs. Leave me to settle 'em.

_Lady Am._ True; these are delusions, as a woman, I understand not. But by my cousin's advice I will abide; ask his permission.

_Gam._ So; I must pay my respects to the young squire. [_Aside._] An't please your honour, if a poor man like me [_Bows._] durst offer my humble duty.--

_Rover._ Canst thou bow to a vagrant. Eh, Little Hospitality?

[FARMER GAMMON _looks in his face, and sneaks off_.

_Lamp._ Please your honour, if I may presume to hope you'll be graciously pleased to take our little squad under your honour's protection--

_Rover._ Ha!

_Lady Am._ What say'st thou, Henry?

_Rover._ Ay, where's Henry? Gadso! True, that's me. Strange I should already forget my name, and not half an hour since I was christened! [_Aside._] Harkye! do you play yourself? Eh! Ha! Hem! [_Vapouring._] fellow?

_Lamp._ Yes, sir; and sir, I have just now engaged a new actor, Mr. Rover. Such an actor!

_Rover._ Eh! What! you've engaged that--what's his name, Rover? If such is your best actor, you shan't have my permission. My dear madam, the worst fellow in the world. Get along out of town, or I'll have all of you, man, woman, child, stick, rag, and fiddlestick, clapt into the whirligig.

_Lady Am._ Good man, abide not here.

_Rover._ Eh! What, my friend? Now, indeed, if this new actor you brag of, this crack of your company, was any thing like a gentleman--

_Lamp._ [_Stares._] It isn't!

_Rover._ It is. My good friend, if I was really the unfortunate poor strolling dog you thought me, I should tread your four boards, and crow the cock of your barn-door fowl; but as fate has ordained that I'm a gentleman, and son to Sir,--Sir,--what the devil's my father's name? [_Aside._] you must be content to murder Shakspeare without making me an accomplice.

_Lamp._ But, my most gentle sir, I, and my treasurer, Trap, have trumpeted your fame ten miles round the country:--the bills are posted, the stage built, the candles booked, fiddles engaged; all on the tip-top of expectation. We should have to-morrow night an overflow, ay, thirty pounds. Dear, worthy sir, you wou'dn't go to ruin a whole community and their families that now depend only on the exertion of your brilliant talents.

_Rover._ Eh! I never was uniform but in one maxim, that is, though I do little good, to hurt nobody but myself.

_Lady Am._ Since thou hast promised, much as I prize my adherence to those customs in which I was brought up, thou shalt not sully thy honour by a breach of thy word. Play, if it can bring good to these people.

_Rover._ Shall I?

_Lady Am._ This falleth out well; for I have bidden all the gentry round unto my house warming, and these pleasantries may afford them a cheerful and innocent entertainment.

_Rover._ True, my lady; your guests ar'n't quakers though you are, and when we ask people to our house, we study to please them, not ourselves. But if we do furbish a play or two, the muses sha'n't honour that churlish fellow's barn. No; the god, that illumines the soul of genius, should never visit the iron door of inhumanity. No Gammon's barn for me!--

_Lady Am._ Barn! no; that gallery shall be thy theatre; and, in spite of the grave doctrines of Ephraim Smooth, my friends and I will behold and rejoice in thy pranks, my pleasant cousin.

_Rover._ My kind, my charming lady! Hey, brighten up, bully Lamp, carpenters, tailor, manager, distribute your box tickets for my lady's gallery.--"Come, gentle coz,"

"The actors are at hand, and by their show You shall know all That you are like to know." [_Exeunt._