Chapter 2

He often is unintelligible to his readers, and sometimes so, I dare say, to himself.

"The prostrate lover, when he lowest lies, But stoops to conquer, and but kneels to rise."

We are so made, we love to be pleased better than to be informed; information is, in a certain degree, mortifying, as it implies our previous ignorance; it must be sweetened to be palatable.

Free from the guilt: be free from the suspicion, too. Mankind, as I have often told you, are more governed by appearances than by realities; and with regard to opinion, one had better be really rough and hard, with the appearance of gentleness and softness, than just the reverse.

A favor may make an enemy, and an injury may make a friend Affectation of business Applauded often, without approving At the first impulse of passion, be silent till you can be soft Avoid cacophony, and, what is very near as bad, monotony Be silent till you can be soft Being intelligible is now no longer the fashion Better refuse a favor gracefully, than to grant it clumsily Business must be well, not affectedly dressed Business now is to shine, not to weigh Cease to love when you cease to be agreeable Chit-chat, useful to keep off improper and too serious subjects Committing acts of hostility upon the Graces Concealed what learning I had Consciousness of merit makes a man of sense more modest Disagreeable things may be done so agreeably as almost to oblige Disputes with heat Easy without negligence Elegance in one language will reproduce itself in all Every man knows that he understands religion and politics Every numerous assembly is MOB Everybody is good for something Expresses himself with more fire than elegance Frank without indiscretion Full-bottomed wigs were contrived for his humpback Gentleness of manners, with firmness of mind German, who has taken into his head that he understands French Grow wiser when it is too late Habitual eloquence Hardened to the wants and distresses of mankind Have you learned to carve? If free from the guilt, be free from the suspicion, too Inclined to be fat, but I hope you will decline it Indolently say that they cannot do Information implies our previous ignorance; it must be sweetened Information is, in a certain degree, mortifying Insinuates himself only into the esteem of fools It is a real inconvenience to anybody to be fat Know, yourself and others Knowing how much you have, and how little you want Last beautiful varnish, which raises the colors Learn to keep your own secrets Loved without being despised, and feared without being hated Man of sense may be in haste, but can never be in a hurry Mangles what he means to carve Mazarin and Lewis the Fourteenth riveted the shackles Meditation and reflection Mere reason and good sense is never to be talked to a mob Mistimes or misplaces everything Mitigating, engaging words do by no means weaken your argument MOB: Understanding they have collectively none Often necessary, not to manifest all one feels One must often yield, in order to prevail Only because she will not, and not because she cannot Our frivolous dissertations upon the weather, or upon whist Outward air of modesty to all he does Richelieu came and shackled the nation Rochefoucault, who, I am afraid, paints man very exactly See what you see, and to hear what you hear Seems to have no opinion of his own Seldom a misfortune to be childless She has uncommon, sense and knowledge for a woman Speaking to himself in the glass Style is the dress of thoughts Success turns much more upon manner than matter Tacitus Take characters, as they do most things, upon trust They thought I informed, because I pleased them Unaffected silence upon that subject is the only true medium Unintelligible to his readers, and sometimes to himself Use palliatives when you contradict We love to be pleased better than to be informed Woman like her, who has always pleased, and often been pleased Women are the only refiners of the merit of men Yielded commonly without conviction

LETTERS TO HIS SON, 1752 [LC#06][lc06sxxx.xxx]3356

Our prejudices are our mistresses; reason is at best our wife, very often heard indeed, but seldom minded.

Enjoy every moment; pleasures do not commonly last so long as life, and therefore should not be neglected; and the longest life is too short for knowledge, consequently every moment is precious.

A young fellow ought to be wiser than he should seem to be; and an old fellow ought to seem wise whether he really be so or not.

Laziness of mind, or inattention, are as great enemies to knowledge as incapacity; for, in truth, what difference is there between a man who will not, and a man who cannot be informed? This difference only, that the former is justly to be blamed, the latter to be pitied. And yet how many there are, very capable of receiving knowledge, who from laziness, inattention, and incuriousness, will not so much as ask for it, much less take the least pains to acquire it!

Vicissitudes frequently make friends of enemies, and enemies of friends; you must labor, therefore, to acquire that great and uncommon talent of hating with good-breeding and loving with prudence.

Art of pleasing is the most necessary Assenting, but without being servile and abject Assertion instead of argument Attacked by ridicule, and, punished with contempt Bold, but with great seeming modesty Close, without being costive Command of our temper, and of our countenance Company is, in truth, a constant state of negotiation Consider things in the worst light, to show your skill Darkness visible Defended by arms, adorned by manners, and improved by laws Doing nothing, and might just as well be asleep Endeavor to hear, and know all opinions Enjoy all those advantages Few people know how to love, or how to hate Fools, who can never be undeceived Frank, but without indiscretion Frequently make friends of enemies, and enemies of friends Grave without the affectation of wisdom Horace How troublesome an old correspondent must be to a young one I CANNOT DO SUCH A THING Ignorant of their natural rights, cherished their chains Inattention Infallibly to be gained by every sort of flattery Judges from the appearances of things, and not from the reality Keep your own temper and artfully warm other people's King's popularity is a better guard than their army Made him believe that the world was made for him Make every man I met with like me, and every woman love me Man or woman cannot resist an engaging exterior Man who is only good on holydays is good for very little Never seek for wit; if it presents itself, well and good Not making use of any one capital letter Notes by which dances are now pricked down as well as tunes Old fellow ought to seem wise whether he really be so or not Please all who are worth pleasing; offend none Pleasures do not commonly last so long as life Polite, but without the troublesome forms and stiffness Prejudices are our mistresses Quarrel with them when they are grown up, for being spoiled Read with caution and distrust Ruined their own son by what they called loving him Secret, without being dark and mysterious Seeming inattention to the person who is speaking to you Talent of hating with good-breeding and loving with prudence The longest life is too short for knowledge Trifles that concern you are not trifles to me Truth, but not the whole truth, must be the invariable principle Useful sometimes to see the things which one ought to avoid Where one would gain people, remember that nothing is little Wife, very often heard indeed, but seldom minded Wit may created any admirers but makes few friends Young fellow ought to be wiser than he should seem to be

LETTERS TO HIS SON, 1753-54 [LC#07][lc07sxxx.xxx]3357

Never to show the least symptom of resentment which you cannot to a certain degree gratify; but always to smile, where you cannot strike.

Singularity is only pardonable in old age and retirement; I may now be as singular as I please, but you may not.

You will find that reason, which always ought to direct mankind, seldom does; but that passions and weaknesses commonly usurp its seat, and rule in its stead.

I look upon indolence as a sort of SUICIDE; for the man is effectually destroyed, though the appetites of the brute may survive. Business by no means forbids pleasures; on the contrary, they reciprocally season each other; and I will venture to affirm, that no man enjoys either in perfection, that does not join both.

Reasons alleged are seldom the true ones.

It is only the manner of saying or writing it that makes it appear new. Convince yourself that manner is almost everything, in everything; and study it accordingly.

According as their interest prompts them to wish Acquainted with books, and an absolute stranger to men Affectation of singularity or superiority All have senses to be gratified Business by no means forbids pleasures Clamorers triumph Doing anything that will deserve to be written Ears to hear, but not sense enough to judge ERE TITTERING YOUTH SHALL SHOVE YOU FROM THE STAGE Good manners are the settled medium of social life Good reasons alleged are seldom the true ones Holiday eloquence I know myself (no common piece of knowledge, let me tell you) Indolence INTOLERATION in religious, and inhospitality in civil matters Kick him upstairs Many are very willing, and very few able Perseverance has surprising effects Pettish, pouting conduct is a great deal too young Reason, which always ought to direct mankind, seldom does Singularity is only pardonable in old age Smile, where you cannot strike To govern mankind, one must not overrate them Too like, and too exact a picture of human nature Vanity, interest, and absurdity, always display Warm and young thanks, not old and cold ones Writing anything that may deserve to be read Young men are as apt to think themselves wise enough Young people are very apt to overrate both men and things

LETTERS TO HIS SON, 1756-58 [LC#08][lc08sxxx.xxx]3358

MY DEAR FRIEND: I have so little to do, that I am surprised how I can find time to write to you so often. Do not stare at the seeming paradox; for it is an undoubted truth, that the less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in.

Our conjectures pass upon us for truths; we will know what we do not know, and often, what we cannot know: so mortifying to our pride is the bare suspicion of ignorance!

There is not a more prudent maxim than to live with one's enemies as if they may one day become one's friends; as it commonly happens, sooner or later.

What have I done to-day? Have I done anything that can be of use to myself or others? Have I employed my time, or have I squandered it? Have I lived out the day, or have I dozed it away in sloth and laziness?

Many things which seem extremely probable are not true: and many which seem highly improbable are true.

The more one works, the more willing one is to work. We are all, more or less, 'des animaux d'habitude'.

Am still unwell; I cannot help it! Apt to make them think themselves more necessary than they are BUT OF THIS EVERY MAN WILL BELIEVE AS HE THINKS PROPER Conjectures pass upon us for truths Enemies as if they may one day become one's friends Have I employed my time, or have I squandered it? Home, be it ever so homely Jog on like man and wife; that is, seldom agreeing Less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in Many things which seem extremely probable are not true More one works, the more willing one is to work Most ignorant are, as usual, the boldest conjecturers Nipped in the bud No great regard for human testimony Not to communicate, prematurely, one's hopes or one's fears Person to you whom I am very indifferent about, I mean myself Petty jury Something must be said, but that something must be nothing Sow jealousies among one's enemies Think to atone by zeal for their want of merit and importance Think yourself less well than you are, in order to be quite so What have I done to-day? Will pay very dear for the quarrels and ambition of a few

LETTERS TO HIS SON, 1759-65 [LC#09][lc09sxxx.xxx]3359

Whatever one MUST do, one should do 'de bonne grace'.

Appears that you are rather a gainer by your misfortune.

I, who am not apt to know anything that I do not know.

In short, let it be your maxim through life to know all you can know, yourself; and never to trust implicitly to the informations of others. This rule has been of infinite service to me in the course of my life.

I feel a gradual decay, though a gentle one; and I think that I shall not tumble, but slide gently to the bottom of the hill of life. When that will be, I neither know nor care, for I am very weary.

I find nothing much worth either desiring or fearing. But these reflections, which suit with seventy, would be greatly premature at two- and-thirty. So make the best of your time; enjoy the present hour, but 'memor ultimae'.

In the intercourse of the world, it is often necessary to seem ignorant of what one knows, and to have forgotten what one remembers.

Always made the best of the best, and never made bad worse American Colonies Be neither transported nor depressed by the accidents of life Doing, 'de bonne grace', what you could not help doing EVERY DAY IS STILL BUT AS THE FIRST Everything has a better and a worse side Extremely weary of this silly world Gainer by your misfortune I, who am not apt to know anything that I do not know Intrinsic, and not their imaginary value My own health varies, as usual, but never deviates into good National honor and interest have been sacrificed to private Neither abilities or words enough to call a coach Neither know nor care, (when I die) for I am very weary Never saw a froward child mended by whipping Never to trust implicitly to the informations of others Not make their want still worse by grieving and regretting them Not tumble, but slide gently to the bottom of the hill of life Nothing much worth either desiring or fearing Often necessary to seem ignorant of what one knows Only solid and lasting peace, between a man and his wife Oysters, are only in season in the R months Patience is the only way not to make bad worse Recommends self-conversation to all authors Return you the ball 'a la volee' Settled here for good, as it is called Stamp-duty, which our Colonists absolutely refuse to pay Thinks himself much worse than he is To seem to have forgotten what one remembers We shall be feared, if we do not show that we fear Whatever one must do, one should do 'de bonne grace' Who takes warning by the fate of others? Women are all so far Machiavelians

LETTERS TO HIS SON, 1766-71 [LC#10][lc10sxxx.xxx]3360

All I desire for my own burial is not to be buried alive; but how or where, I think must be entirely indifferent to every rational creature.

Get what I can, if I cannot get what I will.

There must have been some very grave and important reasons for so extraordinary a measure: but what they were I do not pretend to guess; and perhaps I shall never know, though all the coffeehouses here do.

I am neither well nor ill, but UNWELL.

Those who wish him the best, as I do, must wish him dead.

I would have all intoleration intolerated in its turn.

Anxiety for my health and life Borough-jobber I shall never know, though all the coffeehouses here do. Read my eyes out every day, that I may not hang myself Stamp-act has proved a most pernicious measure Water-drinkers can write nothing good Would not tell what she did not know

THE ENTIRE PG EDITION OF CHESTERFIELD [LC#11][lcewkxxx.xxx]3261