Part 1

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This etext was produced by David Widger <[email protected]>

WIDGER'S QUOTATIONS

FROM THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EDITION OF THE WORKS OF ALBERT BIGELOW PAINE ON MARK TWAIN

EDITOR'S NOTE

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CONTENTS:

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1835-1866 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt1bg10.txt] #2982 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1866-1875 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt2bg10.txt] #2983 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1875-1886 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt3bg10.txt] #2984 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt4bg10.txt] #2985 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1900-1907 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt5bg10.txt] #2986 MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt6bg10.txt] #2987 THE COMPLETE MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1835-1910 by Paine [mt7bg10.txt] #2988 THE BOYS' LIFE OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt8bg10.txt] #3463 TWAIN'S LETTERS V1 1835-1866 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt1lt10.txt] #3193 TWAIN'S LETTERS V2 1867-1875 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt2lt10.txt] #3194 TWAIN'S LETTERS V3 1876-1885 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt3lt10.txt] #3195 TWAIN'S LETTERS V4 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt4lt10.txt] #3196 TWAIN'S LETTERS V5 1901-1906 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt5lt10.txt] #3197 TWAIN'S LETTERS V6 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt6lt10.txt] #3198 THE COMPLETE LETTERS OF MARK TWAIN by Albert Bigelow Paine [mtclt10.txt] #3199 A CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF MARK TWAIN'S WORK FROM 1851-1910

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY 1835-1866 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt1bgxxx.xxx] #2982

Absolute unaccountability of conduct Benjamin Franklin and Samuel Clemens Bret Harte Court exertion. I love work "Do you swear?" "Not for amusement; only under pressure." Doing things and reflecting afterward Dr. Holmes's Songs in Many Keys His estimation of his own work was always unsafe Income equal to that then earned by the Vice-President of the US Jim Wolfe and the cats Kissed each other, something hitherto unknown Less than a cent an acre Man who has that eye doesn't need to go armed Never affiliate with inferiors; always climb Not Mark Twain's habit to strive for humor Nothing that glitters is gold Out of the window, and I carried the sash along with me. Perfect air of not knowing it to be humorous Ready acknowledgment of shortcoming Seeing them in print was a joy Seek companionship among men of superior intellect and character Sick were made well, and the well made better Swayed by every passing emotion and influence Twain did not remember ever having seen or heard his father lau Unerring faculty for making business mistakes Voluntarily retired from the service Ways and means were not always considered Wife was a new kind of possession

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY 1866-1875 by Albert Bigelow Paine[mt2bgxxx.xxx] #2983

American habit of carrying a cotton umbrella Auntie Rachel Death that made its beginning there Does not seem to be in all respects a reptile Don't take the bull by the horns-take him by the tail Dr. John Brown Expectant look in the Eastern horizon Forgotten that he had ever had any other views He had no prejudices about clothes Jealousy Josh Billings Know so much that isn't so. Lecky's History of European Morals'; Liberty, justice, humanity Life and death that made its beginning there Likely to write not wisely but too much Ma likes funerals Mark Twain Scrap-Book Marriages are what the parties to them alone really know Nothing but almost inspired lying got me out of this scrape Ornament of a house is the friends that frequent it Potter's "English violet" order of design Praise, but not of an intemperate sort Praises to whatever seemed genuine Proceeded from unreasoned selfishness to reasoned selfishness Read not so many books, but read a few books often Ridicule to the things considered sham Selfishness Sketches which every artist has, turned face to the wall Some folks mistake vivacity for wit Terrible death to be talked to death True Story Western humor Wife was for years afflicted with freckles

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1875-1886 by Albert Bigelow Paine, [mt3bg10.txt] #2984

Absentmindedness Between Harte and Clemens, the whole matter was unfortunate Bible Canadian girls so pretty Cat having a fit in a platter of tomatoes Cazenova, and Rousseau. Communism is idiocy Confusions of memory and imagination Conscience ain't got no sense Consider every man colored till he is proved white Cynic; restrained Damning with faint praise Drawn the sting of my fiftieth year; taken away the pain of it Fathers be alike, mayhap; mine hath not a doll's temper Fear God and dread the Sunday-school France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals Graham Bell Hain't we all the fools in town on our side? Happily, the little child was to evade that harsher penalty Hatred of humbug, and a scorn for cant Header Hickory-nuts I could a staid if I'd a wanted to, but I didn't want to. If loyalty to party is a form of patriotism, I am no patriot Lecky Livy, if it comforts you to lean on the Christian faith do so! Modest" Club My advice is not to raise the flag Operas Optimist Pessimist Pretty soon we shall have been dead a hundred years Religion Resenting, even when most amused by it, extravagance and burles Rubaiyat Style that is not a style at all but the very absence of it Symbol of the race ought to be a human being carrying an ax Teaspoonful of brains They fought, that a mother might own her child Under dog in the fight Well, it 'most kills me, but it pays What is Man

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1886-1900 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt4bg10.txt]#2985

Address he made at Yale College And now she is dead--& I can never tell her. And of the article: "I read it to the cat Been on the verge of being an angel all my life Carbuncle is a kind of jewel Compliment that helps us on our way Defeat waits somewhere for every conqueror Don't reform any more. It is not an improvement Edited manuscript-by a half wit Embroidery line Every man is strong until his price is named Feverish desire to admire the newest thing Flood-tide is a temporary condition Genius has no youth God is on both sides in this war Good-by. Will healing ever come, or life have value again? Honor is a harder master than the law Humor should take its outings in grave company I hope his uncle's funeral will be a failure! Immensely but unintelligently interested It cannot be safe for a man at my time of life to laugh so much Just say the report of my death has been grossly exaggerated Letter written in a passion is a mistake Man is the only animal that blushes, or that needs to Mind, if this is going to be too much trouble to you Neither the refinement nor the weakness of a college education Never a throne which did not represent a crime Only a human being, he said, could have done these things Only by resisting temptation that men grow strong Prepared and memorized a very good speech but had forgotten it. Preserve your illusions Pronounced Mrs. Clemens free from any organic ills Put all your eggs into one basket--and watch that basket Refused ten thousand dollars for a tobacco indorsement There is not much choice between a removal & a funeral What is biography? Unadorned romance Whenever I enjoy anything in art it means that it is poor Won't be anybody for you to get acquainted with but God Won't you please say something funny?"

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1900-1907 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt5bg10.txt]#2986

"Adams Memorial," by Saint-Gaudens A Dog's Tale Abhorred extortion and visible waste. After seventy we are respected--but don't need to behave American public opinion is a delicate fabric Asked forgiveness for the tears he had brought into her life Back Number Beethoven's Fifth Symphony Beethoven's sonatas and symphonies also moved him deeply Bible Blasphemy Cavalleria Rusticana Classic--something that everybody wants to have read Convenient bronchitis Count among my privileges in life that I know you, the author Covetousness to-day was the basis of all commerce Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron Death was the thing that we did not believe in. Died at the right time, in the flower of youth and happiness Do right and you will be conspicuous Doctrine of Selfishness Don't you care more about the wretchedness of others Each letter or character should have one sound Enough of this world, and I wish I were out of it Find out what the country's customs are Gentleman Give her soap and towel, but hide the looking-glass God is sitting up nights worrying over the individuals God must love you! Hail you as the Voltaire of America Hair His conscience was always repairing itself How poor we are to-day! Human being needs to revise his ideas again about God I am as one who wanders and has lost his way I am tired & old; I wish I were with Livy I am tired wanting for that man to get old I would not call her back if I could If I could only see a dog that I knew in the old times Billiards Impatient as the Creator doubtless was to see man Impromptu speech It was his habit to grow fond of his surroundings Jester, who for forty years had been making the world laugh Last and best of life for which the first was made Learned the meaning of grief Letter on inadvertant theft on a visit to friends Life is a game of whist. Looks like a good deal of trouble for such a small result Loss of one whose memory is the only thing I worship Machine that is as unreliable as he is would have no market Man the irresponsible Machine Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired Massacre of Jews in Moscow Mental healing No general fondness for poetry; but many poems appealed to him Number of things I can remember that aren't so One could lose a dog in this bed," he declared Only dead men can tell the truth in this world Our alphabet is pure insanity Oyster has hardly any more reasoning power than a man Patriotism that proposed to keep the Stars and Stripes clean Pier Political conscience into somebody else's keeping Poorest, clumsiest excuse of all the creatures Previous-engagement plea Revelation of injustice and hypocrisy Seventy, the scriptural limitation of life Shall we ever laugh again? Smoked constantly, loathed exercise Subcutaneous injection of brandy saved her Tannhauser Teeth "The country home I need," he said, fiercely, "is a cemetery." The rest is silence There is no such thing as a new idea Threescore years and ten! To My Missionary Critics To the Person Sitting in Darkness War Prayer Was the World Made for Man We are always too busy for our children We have no real morals, but only artificial ones What an amusing creature the human being is!" What are you going to do, you poor soul? Wheresoever she was, there was Eden Would you do it again if you had the chance? Yes, we are a sufficiently comical invention, we humans

MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1907-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt6bg10.txt]#2987

Affection--that is the last and final and most precious reward All beggars, each in his own way Always an incompleteness somewhere, and the shadow Assent to what must be Ax on his shoulder proceeding toward a grindstone Beating the dirge of yesterday or the tattoo of to-morrow Begum, of Bengal, days out from Canton--homeward bound! Best friend I have ever had, but is the best man I have known Brown's Hotel Byron Casanova & Pepys & Saint Simon Cats really owned Stormfield Certainty Chastity, you can carry it too far. Claudius Conceit in believing that he was the Creator's pet Continuous procession of blood and slaughter and stench Costs even more to entertain a dog than a burglar Curiosities and absurdities of religious superstitions Death--the only immortal who treats us all alike Despises pretenders and charlatans of all sorts Dreaming of the past or anticipating the future Dying I don't want to be stimulated back to life Each of us knows it all, and knows he knows it all Eighty-five hundred guests at the King's party Entered upon a holiday whose other end is the cemetery Even members of his household did not always stir his conscious Every man builds his God according to his own capacities. Fame had deprived him of valued privileges. Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it Glad, for the sake of the dead, that they have escaped God Trust motto on the coins Got a genuine excuse. It makes me feel so honest Government that robs its own people earns its future Habits take precedence of thought He lived in the present I have never greatly envied any one but the dead Incite public favorites to dangerous ambitions Infamous doctrine of allegiance to party Interpreting the deity Jane Austen's books Knights of Labor Letters from the Earth Letters of Madame de Sevigne Life is too long and too short Loved him all my life, and I'll love him till I die Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain Make other men not fit to die, but fit to live Man who isn't a pessimist is a d---d fool." Many things had been discussed and put away for good Mendicancy Museum of Natural History Nobler to teach others to be good, and less trouble Nothing is ever at rest--wood, iron, water, everything is alive October th was a perfect wedding-day Oh, it is such a mystery, and it takes so long Optimism Party have somehow got a mortgage on his soul People religiously and otherwise insane Pessimist Rain falls upon the just and the unjust alike Reached the grandfather stage of life without grandchildren Recognize myself Ruling public and political aristocracy Sad tolerance of age Saint-Saens Shem's diary Ship ahoy! What ship is that? And whence and whither? Simon wheeler, detective Slave that is proud that he is a slave Suetonius, Suetonius and Carlyle lay on the bed beside him Tarkington Telling the truth's the funniest joke in the world Temperament is the man The Derelict The Great Law The international lightning trust The mysterious chamber The second advent The war prayer There is that about the sun which makes us forget his spots They have forgotten how to rest This race's God I mean--their own pet invention This view beggars all admiration Titanic Tom and Huck Trinity Turn hell's back yard into a playground Undertaker's love-story Unitarianism is a featherbed to catch falling Christians Unsent Letters We live to learn When we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry Whereas we can think, we generally don't do it Which was which? Woman a eulogy of the fair sex Woodrow Wilson Wouldn't read that book again without a salary. Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is. You must never ask for wages You sneer, you ships that pass me by Young people--school-girls in particular

THE COMPLETE MARK TWAIN, A BIOGRAPHY, 1835-1910 by Albert Bigelow Paine [mt7bg10.txt]#2988