CHAPTER XIX.

CHILDHOOD.

While it is possibly true that the most potent molding influences may be exerted prior to the birth of the child, yet where parents have lacked the intelligence to avail themselves of the largest and best results in this respect, or discover defects after their children are born, there still remains an opportunity for them. They can in some measure retrieve lost opportunities, correct defects, supply deficiencies, and even accomplish wonderful results in the training and development of their children. "As the twig is bent the tree is inclined." If the twig is crooked, if taken very early it may be straightened; but it is far better that the twig should be straight at first, and without the necessity of being straightened. It is better that children should be born without defects, rather than that there should be the necessity of correcting these mistakes; but as a straight twig may be bent to its permanent and incurable injury, so a child, properly nurtured and well-born, may be injured or totally ruined, mentally, morally or physically, by deficient or defective training during its childhood.

There are many excellent books upon the nurture and training of children, and young parents would do well to avail themselves of the advantages and excellent suggestions afforded by such publications. There are also many excellent periodicals for young parents, such as "The New Crusade," "Trained Motherhood," "The Mothers' Journal," and others, which are very valuable and almost indispensable. From such books and periodicals young parents can obtain the best of suggestions with regard to the early care, proper nurture and careful training of their little ones. We cannot now dwell upon any of the many important phases of child-training. Space only affords opportunity to emphasize some things which seem to us of special importance and likely to be overlooked.

Many young parents think that the training of their children will be a matter for consideration when they are three or four years old. No more serious mistake can possibly be made. The first three months will determine the babyhood, and the first two years the childhood, and the childhood will determine the manhood or womanhood. The first two years may almost be said to determine both the character and the destiny of the child for all time to come. The child that is not properly taught during the first two years is likely to remain untaught, undisciplined, uncontrolled, and oftentimes uncontrollable, for the remainder of its childhood and throughout its entire life.

The questions of the hours of feeding, the hours for sleep; whether the child is to be rocked, or carried when it whimpers--all these are questions of the utmost importance from the very beginning. Many a mother has been enslaved for life because of the mistakes which she made during the first few weeks after her child was born.

Parents should protect their children against the silly and dangerous habit of being promiscuously kissed. The prevalent custom of kissing babies and children is not only silly upon the part of those who do it, but a nuisance to the child, and in many instances detrimental to the health of the child. Where promiscuous kissing is allowed, persons with offensive breath, consumptive tendencies, contagious and even loathsome diseases, may unintentionally inflict irreparable wrong upon both the child and its parents. Only the other day we read in a medical journal where a young child of poor parents who kept a boarding-house was kissed by one of the boarders, who communicated to the child one of the most loathsome of diseases. Such dangers exist not only among the poor, but are perhaps even more prevalent among the affluent, in the circle of whose acquaintances there is likely to be some well-dressed but vicious and corrupt individual.

Let no care or proper expense be spared in making the influences which are exerted in the nursery both attractive and potent. Young parents should be their children's best playfellows. There should be a proper amount of games, carefully-selected amusements, books, papers, pictures chosen with scrupulous care, and mother and mother's influence in the midst of them all. What the child needs pre-eminently above playthings, books, clothes, and every other earthly thing, is _the presence and influence of mother_. No other woman in the world can take her place. Many mothers farm their children out to nurses, and then give themselves to household duties, social pleasures, or possibly to duties which may be important in themselves, but which, after all, can only be secondary to the discharge of the all-important duties of motherhood.

Many otherwise excellent women find the nursery a prison, and the care of their own children irksome, simply because they have a perverted mother-sense. The mother should have proper relief from the care of her children, but if she has the true mother-heart the companionship of her children will be the society which she will prefer above that of all others.

Where servants are necessary, and such cases do exist, parents should exercise the utmost caution in guarding the purity of their children. Hundreds, and we can properly say thousands, of children are annually wronged and ruined by the vices practiced upon them by servants. This is an especial danger where nurses and servants are permitted to undress the child and put it to bed at night. Many a nurse who is anxious to quiet her little charge, that it may fall asleep promptly, is guilty of exciting sensations which quiet the child and prevent its crying, but which inflict upon the nervous system of an infant results of the most far-reaching character. Mothers are very apt to be unsuspecting in these matters, and therefore it is highly important that the attention of fathers should be called to this grave danger.

The child should also be protected against being frightened, being made afraid in the dark, told of spooks, bugaboos, "the old beggar-man" and the police coming for them. Remember, also, that in this most impressible period of character-formation servants and others can do the child great injury by teaching it to be deceitful and untruthful. It is at this age, also, that they learn incorrect and ungrammatical forms of expression; and if the nurse-girl is ignorant and silly, and is permitted to assemble upon the streets or in the park, with others of her age, while tending the child, a bright child of two or three years will pick up more coarseness and more undesirable information concerning human depravity than can be expunged from its mind by subsequent months and years of careful training.

It is important to enjoin upon parents the duty of guarding their children against secret vice. Parents are very apt to think that while other children might be guilty of such sins, their own children are "too innocent and too pure" to fall into such vices. We have known mothers to hold up their hands in holy horror at such a suggestion, but when the more cautious fathers have watched their children, they have discovered that even at the age of five and six their little boys have learned from older playmates, impure companions, degraded servants, or by sliding down the balustrade, or in some other incidental way, the terrible habit of self-pollution. Young children cannot be too carefully guarded in this important matter. Where infants exhibit a tendency to handle their private parts, great care should be given to the cleanliness of those parts, and, if continued, the family physician should be consulted, to see whether circumcision is not necessary to remove local irritation and inflammation. This is found to be necessary in many instances. Circumcision was an important sanitary regulation among the Israelites, is a simple surgical operation which is most beneficial in its results, and very important in many instances.

When your children are old enough to ask honest questions, see that, in reply, they receive an honest answer. If a child is intelligent and thoughtful, one of the earliest inquiries will be concerning the origin of life. When a little one is born into your own or another household, it is only natural and proper that intelligent children should inquire where it came from. There should be no fables about babies being brought by doctors, or being found under cabbage-leaves, or taken from hollow stumps in the woods, for an intelligent and altogether satisfactory answer can be given to an intelligent child of six or seven years, and even younger. Another has aptly and truthfully said: "Ignorance is a deadly sin. The truth properly told has never yet harmed a child; silence, false modesty and mystery have corrupted the souls and bodies of untold millions." Where parents are intelligent upon this subject, and know how to present these matters properly to the thought of their children, we have never heard of a child who asked an embarrassing question, nor have we known of anything but the most satisfactory and blessed results. Parents will find beautiful and helpful suggestions in "Teaching Truth" and "Child Confidence Rewarded," two booklets by Mary Wood-Allen, M.D.; and it was also to aid parents in these matters that "What a Young Boy Ought to Know" and "What a Young Girl Ought to Know" were written. Parents should read these books and learn how to communicate the information, either in conversation or by reading to the child such portions as are suited to its needs. Remember that the disposition which prompts your child to keep an unclean thing a secret from you will also incline the child to refrain from conversation upon a pure matter which is to be a secret between parent and child. If you allow others to teach your child sacred truths in an unhallowed way, if you decline to give your children an honest answer to their honest and reasonable inquiries, they will secure in its degrading form, from vicious companions or ignorant servants, the information they seek. It is infinitely easier to keep the mind of the child pure than to purify it after it has been polluted. When corrupting thoughts and degrading pictures have been painted upon the canvas of the mind, they can never be totally obliterated.

When your child approaches the age of puberty, the little boy becomes awkward, his voice breaks, the down starts upon his upper lip, he becomes bashful and shrinking. At that trying period, when so many take special pleasure in taunting and tantalizing--at that period of special stress when the boy and the girl pre-eminently need tenderness--see to it that your children are protected against the wrongs to which others are subjected. This is the period in the life of the boy and the girl when they are not able to understand themselves or to interpret life to their own satisfaction, and then it is that they should be made intelligent upon the conditions which attend the transition from childhood, and indicate the approach of manhood and womanhood. It is then that the books in the series for boys and girls will be found especially indispensable, and in due time, according to the judgment of the parents, should be followed by the book addressed to young men or to young women.

Look carefully after the education of your children. Remember that the picture-book, the nursery-song, the evening prayer, the family music, the walk, the ride, the hasty word, the thoughtful counsel, are all helping to educate your child. Know what books they read. Be sure that in the public schools they sit under the instruction of no one who insinuates doubt or destroys the careful and sacred instruction of the home. When evening comes and evil lurks for the destruction of the young, gather your children about you in your home. Make home attractive to them. Let it be the centre and source of that which is to inspire them to noble manhood and exalted womanhood. Regard nothing as expensive which will contribute to make your children pure and good and great.

That your children may be guarded against the errors which come from sleeping with other children, neither at home nor elsewhere should they share their beds with others.

Look well to the physical culture of your children. If physical culture has no place in your school, see that the attention of directors and teachers is called to this important matter. Encourage your children to use the gymnasium of the Young Men's Christian Association, or some other organization that similarly maintains the strictest purity and the highest moral standards. Teach or have your children taught those forms of gymnastics that require no appurtenances; supply them with a pair of dumb-bells weighing a pound or two each. Furnish the nursery with some Exerciser of approved pattern, with preference for one which can be adjusted to the needs of either adults or children. Encourage them in out-of-door sports; see that their sleeping-rooms are well ventilated; encourage them to desire to be strong and well. Teach them to govern their appetites; regulate their lives so as to secure the best health and the best physical and intellectual powers.

In the culture of the intellectual and the physical do not forget the moral training of your children. Among the books and the papers, see that there is a good supply of those of a religious character. Teach your children to want right things, and to have pleasure in doing good. Make a faithful use of the Sunday-school and of the Church. Let their place in the family pew from early childhood be regularly filled; provide them with a hymnbook, see that they have something for the collection, teach them to be reverent. If, in early life, your children are religiously inclined, do not make the fatal mistake of standing between them and their union with the Church. Do not say: "Oh! they are too young fully to understand what it all means." Who is old enough to understand all the mysteries of Divine grace? It is enough for us to know that Jesus welcomes and saves the children, as well as older people. Polycarp was converted at nine years of age; Matthew Henry at eleven; President Edwards at seven; Dr. Watts at nine; Bishop Hall at seven, and Robert Hall at twelve.

And now we have come to the place where author and reader must part. Taking your hand in a final grasp, we can only look into your face and assure you that if, as a young husband, you rightly estimate the sacredness of marriage; if you bring to it that purity, honor and sanctity which you rightly expect upon the part of your wife; if you rightly use its privileges, and are ready to exercise such personal restraints as shall secure to both parties the largest present pleasure and permanent happiness, you will then obtain the benediction and blessings which marriage and home and parentage have to bestow.

THE END.

OFFICES OF PUBLICATION

IN THE UNITED STATES THE VIR PUBLISHING COMPANY 2237 LAND TITLE BUILDING PHILADELPHIA, PA.

IN ENGLAND THE VIR PUBLISHING COMPANY 7 IMPERIAL ARCADE, LUDGATE CIRCUS LONDON, E. C.

IN CANADA WILLIAM BRIGGS 29-33 RICHMOND STREET WEST TORONTO, ONTARIO

What a Young Husband Ought to Know

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"I take pleasure in adding my word of commendation for the spirit and purpose of your book, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' which I have received and read. I believe the book will do great good, and I hope its message may be used for the bettering of the homes of the world."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN ENGLAND SAY.

"The questions which are dealt with in the 'Self and Sex Series' of books are always being asked, and if the answer is not forthcoming from pure and wise lips it will be obtained through vicious and empirical channels. I therefore greatly commend this series of manuals, which are written lucidly and purely, and will afford the necessary information without pandering to unholy and sensual passion. There has been, in my judgment, too much reticence on the whole of this subject, and nameless sins have originated in ignorance or in the directions given to young life by vicious men. I should like to see a wide and judicious distribution of this literature among Christian circles."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"I have taken the time out of a very hurried week to look over your book, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' and it seems to me that it is a work that has been prepared with great care and discrimination. I have often thought that this work is one that some heart inspired by love of humanity should undertake. I am glad to say that my study of it indicates that you have been led by a pure love for your kind to write one of the most helpful and valuable books that it has been my privilege to see in many days."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"You have accomplished in doing, in your little book, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' exactly what you have set out to do, it seems to me, and I know of no book of its kind which exhales to the same degree, and so unerringly, the candid, pure and exalted purpose of the writer. It is an honest little book, and every young married man who reads it cannot fail to be helped by it, and helped materially. There are books, three times the size, which do not begin to have one-third of the common sense in them that your little book has."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"It meets the strongest need for the mass of young men, who have failed most of them, to receive the training outlined in the books for boys--who are ignorant utterly as to just their own degree of responsibility, and who will find in your careful statement of the problem as a whole, not only invaluable direction, but a guarantee of healthier and happier life for both husband and wife."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"I feel sure that the book which you have had the privilege to write must do every young man good who reads it. To inculcate in society this sound view that knowledge upon these subjects is not only compatible with delicacy, but requisite to it, is one of the most important contemporary duties of teachers, whether in the pulpit, on the rostrum, in the sanctum, or in the class-room."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"I have just laid down your book, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' after a very interested perusal of it. The rare discrimination and delicate sense displayed in the handling of your theme are especially commendable. To say a bold courageous thing on a confessedly delicate subject, without any offence to true modesty, is a fine achievement. All manhood and womanhood ought to thank you."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"In a straightforward, clean, kind, clear and convincing way you discuss the 'Young Husband' question. A copy ought to go with every marriage certificate. The book is timely and full of wisdom."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"I regard Dr. Stall's latest book as equal to the others in its delicate but plain-spoken chapters concerning the facts the men to whom it is addressed ought to know. I hope it will have a wide circulation."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' like the earlier books of the series, is judicious in its selection of topics and wise in its treatment of them. Your admirable work will enable many young husbands to learn what they ought to know without paying the high tuition fee exacted in the school of experience."

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"What a vast amount of suffering and wretchedness would be prevented, and how many happy homes could be saved, if all young men before they are married would read and profit by Dr. Sylvanus Stall's book, entitled 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know.'"

WHAT EMINENT PEOPLE IN AMERICA SAY.

"It is much to find a writer who may touch upon these subjects with a strong, firm, true, and yet delicate pen; and you are doing good service to humanity by such work. I am indeed glad to know that your former works have been so highly commended, and where such commendation will do great good."

REV. NEWELL DWIGHT HILLIS.

Pastor of Plymouth Church, Brooklyn, N. Y., and author of "The Investment of Influence," "A Man's Value to Society," etc.

"I have read your book with care and interest. It is a wholesome and helpful contribution to a most difficult subject, and its reading will help to make the American home happier and more safely guarded."

* * * * *

HOWARD A. KELLY, M.D.

Professor of Gynecology and Obstetrics Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, Md.

"The book 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know' can be heartily recommended. It handles in a plain but delicate and reverential manner subjects that should be thoroughly understood by every adult man, but which often are first learned by him through bitter experience. If the knowledge contained in it were more generally diffused, many sad duties left for the physician would become unnecessary."

* * * * *

LEMUEL BOLTON BANGS, M.D.

Professor Genito-Urinary Surgery in the N. Y. Post-Graduate Medical School; Consulting Surgeon to St. Luke's Hospital and to the Methodist Episcopal Hospital, Brooklyn; Surgeon to the City Hospital, N. Y.

"I have recommended it to a good many _old_ as well as 'young' husbands, and am satisfied of its usefulness to them. I shall continue to commend it, and also the other books of the series."

* * * * *

EUGENE H. PORTER, M.A., M.D.

Professor Materia Medica, New York HomA"opathic Medical College; Professor Diseases of Stomach and Liver, Metropolitan Post-Graduate School; Author of numerous standard medical works; Editor of North American Journal of HomA"opathy.

"Your new book, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' should be in the hands of every young man who contemplates marriage. The work, while thoroughly refined in style and treatment, is vigorous and direct in its teaching and application of essential truths. Purity, happiness and health will be with those who heed its teachings. It is a sound and practical volume, and deserves a wide circulation."

* * * * *

H J. BOLDT, M.D.

Professor of GynA|cology, New York Post-Graduate Medical School and Hospital; GynA|cologist to St. Mark's Hospital; GynA|cologist to the German Poliklinik.

"There is nothing in the book which every man entering upon such new duty in life should not know. I personally feel that its possession, and _following_ it in practice by young husbands, would be conducive to a purer life and more happiness. I shall most cheerfully commend it whenever an opportunity presents itself."

* * * * *

OLIVER EDWARD JANNEY, M.D.

The Southern HomA"opathic Medical College, Baltimore, Md.

"If it could be placed in the hands of prospective husbands a vast amount of unhappiness and disease would be avoided, and the well-being of the race advanced. It is not wickedness, but ignorance that wrecks lives on the threshold of marriage, and this book _teaches_."

* * * * *

PAUL F. MUNDE, M.D., LL.D.

Professor of GynA|cology at the New York Polyclinic and at Dartmouth College; GynA|cologist to Mount Sinai Hospital.

"I have looked through your book, entitled, 'What a Young Husband Ought to Know,' and am impelled by its contents and the careful and delicate manner in which you endeavor to communicate to a man about to enter the married state, 'what EVERY young husband ought to know,' if he would ensure his marital happiness and save his wife as much as possible from the many afflictions unfortunately not always separable from that state. I am impelled, I repeat, to depart from my custom of refusing to endorse semi-medical publications intended for the lay-reader. Your previous work on 'What a Young Man Ought to Know,' has once before induced me to commit the same departure, and I feel that I am but adding my humble share toward the good work which I think you are conscientiously endeavoring to perform, in repeating substantially the commendation of the former book as applied to the present."

=Pure Books on Avoided Subjects=

=_Books for Men_=

_By Sylvanus Stall, D. D._

="What a Young Boy Ought to Know."= ="What a Young Man Ought to Know."= ="What a Young Husband Ought to Know."= ="What a Man of 45 Ought to Know."=

=_Books for Women_=

_By Mrs. Mary Wood-Allen, M.D.,_ _And Mrs. Emma F. A. Drake, M.D._

="What a Young Girl Ought to Know."= ="What a Young Woman Ought to Know."= ="What a Young Wife Ought to Know."= ="What a Woman of 45 Ought to Know."=

PRICE AND BINDING

The books are issued in uniform size and but one style of binding, and sell in America at $1, in Great Britain at 4s., net, per copy, post free, whether sold singly or in sets.

PUBLISHED BY IN THE UNITED STATES THE VIR PUBLISHING COMPANY 2237 Land Title Building Philadelphia

IN ENGLAND THE VIR PUBLISHING COMPANY 7 Imperial Arcade, Ludgate Circus, London, E.C.

IN CANADA WILLIAM BRIGGS 29-33 Richmond Street West Toronto, Ontario

"What a Young Boy Ought to Know."

BY SYLVANUS STALL, D. D.

Condensed Table of Contents