Part 2
Adieu! and let the Graces be your text,[6] But I'll be more explicit in my next: There will I teach thee, with a sire's concern, All that is proper for a son to learn: In pleasing segments how to pare your nails,[7] Segments must please, as long as taste prevails. The conduct of your breeches there make known, How best to pull 'em up, and let 'em down. Teach thee to handle with peculiar grace, The snuff-box, toothpick, and the toothpick-case, And how to cut and eat a currant tart, Nor let your napkin, or your chin have part. Once more, my Child! adieu! Remember me, And ne'er, O ne'er forget the GRACES THREE! Hug 'em as close, as, when he goes to rest, HILL hugs his graceful _Order_ to his breast.
FOOTNOTES:
[1] The graceful manner of speaking is particularly what I shall always hollow in your ear, as _Hotspur_ hollow'd _Mortimer_ to _Henry_ the fourth, and like him, I have aimed to have a Starling taught to say, "_Speak distinctly and_ _gracefully_," and send him you to replace your loss of the unfortunate Matzell, who by the way, I am told, spoke his language _distinctly and gracefully_.
Lord Chesterfield's Letter to his Son, page 305. 4to. edit. 1st. Vol.
[2] I must repeat it to you over and over again, that with all the knowledge which you may have at present, or hereafter acquire, and with all the merit that ever man had, if you have not a graceful address, &c. you will be nobody. Page 500, 1st. Vol.
[3] The reader is desired to fill up this blank to his own mind.
[4] You may often be seen to smile, but never heard to laugh, while you live. Frequent and loud laughter is the characteristic of folly and ill-manners. It is the manner in which the mob express their silly joy at silly things. In my mind there is nothing so illiberal and so ill-bred as audible laughter. Page 268.
[5] I am very glad you have received the diamond buckles safe. All I desire in return for them is, that they may be buckled even upon your foot, and that your stockings may not hide them.
[6] The Graces, the Graces, remember the Graces. Page 390.
[7] The ends of your nails should be small segments of circles, &c. every time that you wipe your hands, rub the skin round your nails backwards, that it may not grow up and shorten your nails too much. Vol. II. page 60.
FINIS.
THE
FINE GENTLEMAN'S ETIQUETTE;
OR,
LORD CHESTERFIELD's
ADVICE TO
HIS SON,
VERSIFIED.
[Price One Shilling.]
THE
FINE GENTLEMAN'S ETIQUETTE;
OR,
LORD CHESTERFIELD's
ADVICE TO
HIS SON,
VERSIFIED.
By a LADY.
LONDON:
printed for T. DAVIES, in Russel-Street.
M DCC LXXVI.
THE
FINE GENTLEMAN'S ETIQUETTE;
OR,
LORD CHESTERFIELD'S
ADVICE TO
HIS SON,
VERSIFIED.
[a] "Sufficiently master of Latin and Greek," You now, with the Graces, acquaintance must seek, On Ida, we're told, the fair Goddesses dwell, Invoke them by strong incantation, and spell, Your incense once paid, on their candour rely, "[b] With ardour pursu'd, they of course will comply; "[c] So well know the poets their use my good friend, "They make 'em, all three, upon Venus attend; "And surely, if Venus, attractions cou'd need, "Minerva, ungrac'd, cannot hope to succeed;" Courage! mon garcon, throw the pedant aside, And 'stead of friend [1]Harte, adopt me for your guide, In courts, at ruells, you can ne'er hope to shine, Unless with the virtues, the Graces combine: [a] Page 5. second volume. [b] Page 92. second volume. [c] Page 33. ditto.
I beg you'll acquire, or we ne'er shall agree, The air, the _tournure, de la bonne compagnie_, "[d] This soon among people of fash'on you'll catch, "If careful you are, their behav'our to watch; "Observe their address, and pray likewise contrive, "Deep into the springs of their actions, to dive: "'Bove all things, have art to discover each failing, "Their merit particular, weakness prevailing; "This accomplish'd, advantage you'll infinite reap, "And may safe of their heads, and their hearts, take a peep." Form friendships, but let it be only with those On whose fond credulity you may impose; Their confidence gain'd, unsuspected you'll soon, Discover their secrets, and make them your own; 'Tis of honor no breach, to betray thus a friend, If you find, to your int'rest, 'twill visibly tend: These maxims, thro' life, I wou'd have you pursue, I practis'd them once, and now hand them to you; Successful they were, they brought honors and fame, For still I had art to preserve my good name; "[e] 'Twere wrong to suppose, what the polish'd world say; "That in manners, and carr'age, you're horrid _outré_;" "Your air [2]Pollissôn, and the taste of your cloaths, "Makes you pass for a Bourgeois that nobody knows; "In short, that you want, since the truth I must own, "[3]_Tous ces petits riens qui donnent le bon ton_." "[f] I happen'd, by chance, to step in tother day, "To a print-shop, that luckily, stood in my way, "Where a print, for your use, I took pains to select, "And hope to my taste, you will pay due respect; "'Tis of drawing the school, from a famous design "Of Carlo Marratti, who stood first in the line "Of eminent painters, in Europe that drew," Admir'd, by all lovers of taste, and Virtu: "In the grey-headed sage the great master you see, "His scholars he points to, in this you'll agree. "Their several studies, on which he must speak, "Are Perspective, Geometry, and statues antique:" Of each, you a specimen fair will behold.-- But matters, so obvious, you scarce need be told. [d] Page 53. second volume. [e] Page 17. second volume. [f] Page 101. second volume.
"On the two former subjects, be pleas'd to observe, "That quantum sufficit, of either, will serve; "With regard to the latter, he clearly hath shewn, "That never enough on that head can be known:" But now to my favourite, much admir'd theme, For which, I the Artist, immortal esteem To you, with instruction divine it is fraught, Not Apelles could more have excell'd in the thought. "At top of the piece, in the clouds you will see, "With dignity seated, the Graces All Three; "And over them written this sentence quite plain,-- "Without us, depend on't, all labour is vain."
"Thus much for description, the print I shall send, "With all possible speed by the hands of a friend," "And beg, adoration you will to it pay, "Such as Catholics use to their saints when they pray: "An ear, to my precepts, I hope you will lend, "[g] Nor think, that those Graces, so oft' I commend, "Must only [4]_les jours de grand Gala_ be worn, "Since each word, and action, they're meant to adorn." [g] Page 106. second volume.
"Your coffee to see you ungracefully sip," I know, beyond measure, would give me the hyp, "If, by holding it aukward, your cloaths you should slop," In a fit, off my chair, I shou'd suddenly drop; Nor less shou'd I feel, were I destin'd to view, "A button'd up coat, or a wry buckled shoe: "Good God! how excessively shocking my doom, "If when I first see you come into my room; "[h] Two aukward left legs, and a taylor-like air, "My sight shou'd accost,"--by the Graces I swear, All ties of affinity I shou'd disclaim, And deem you, henceforth, a disgrace to my name. [h] Page 218. second volume.
"Your dress to correct, and your carriage to mend, "Let _le Tailleur_, and what's more [5]_Marcel_ stand your friend; "_Marcel_, I'm persuaded, will soon teach you how, "To turn out your toes, and to make a good bow; "Nor do I despair, but he'll fashon outright, "Your arms too, and legs, which are both in sad plight: "Attend on his lessons, with diligent care, "Of him you'll acquire, _tous les Graces, les manieres_;" More useful, than classical knowledge, this art "To deceive, we must first gain access to the heart; "[i] The heart once engag'd," mind your mood, and your tense, "And I'll venture my life you impose on the sense; "This doctrine is orthodox, practis'd by me, "--Address, is with Statesmen, the true master-key. "[j] I greatly am chagrin'd, to find that you still "Are absent, distrait, and present yourself ill," "That napkin, and bread, your knife, fork, and spoon, "Where ever you dine, are thrown constantly down;" To the infinite terror, I'm sorry to say, Of the company's legs, that within their reach lay: "Your dress and your person, you likewise neglect," A proof that my counsel you mean to reject; From which I infer, that you ne'er will acquire, "That _tournure_, those Graces," I so much admire: "With the dead, I a thousand times better am pleas'd, "Than a man who with fits of distraction is seiz'd; "For tho' the defunct, no amusement can give, "From him I no mark of contempt shall receive; "So absent you seem, I am led to surmize, "You seldom make use of your ears or your eyes; "It therefore seems highly expedient to me, "A flapper shou'd rouze you from this reverie;" "But mark, on the subject, a word _entres nous_-- "For this new domestic I pay not a sous: "That office, friend [6]Christian, must gratis discharge," Nor suffer you, solus, to wander at large, Least strangers, that seldom their censure restrain, Viva voce, shou'd deem you--a person insane: "The use of those flappers, in Swift you may read, "Of them the Laputans, your allies, stood in need; "Whose minds, like to yours, by intense speculations, "Were too much ingross'd to have useful sensations; "And but for those flappers, I think there's no doubt "Their brains 'gainst the posts, they had fairly beat out;" The sum of my doctrine is [7]_point des grimaces Et point de distraction, mais souvenir les graces_. "[k] If you, at my table, shou'd meet Mr. L. "A fatal catastrophy I can foretell," "Your heads, 'gainst each other, you'll merciless hit, "And you'll haggle your fingers, instead of the meat; "'Tis probable too," this deponent here saith, "You both, may in winter, be scalded to death, "By th'hasty infusion of soup boiling hot;"-- But more, on this head, this deponent says not. [i] Page 227. second volume. [j] Page 216. ditto. [k] Page 262. second volume.
I oft' from my memory seek to erase An hour, unto you, big with shame and disgrace; But vain the attempt, it will uppermost be, Good heav'n forefend! I the like shou'd e'er see: For certain it is, as I now am alive, Another such shock I cou'd never survive: [8]The fact I allude to you'll easily guess, 'Twas when with some friends of esteem'd _politesse_, With me you once din'd, to my grief be it said, And no little hole in your manners then made: _Blanche mange_, which you doat on, was part of our fare, Abhorr'd! be the minute, when first it came there.-- Henceforth, for your sake, I _Blanche mange_ shall detest, 'Tho of colour the whitest, and flavour the best; For when, you close siege, to a pyramid laid, No respect was to persons, or decency paid: You not only ate, 'till you cou'd eat no more, But with it, disfigur'd your visage all o'er: Your portrait was that, if a likeness you'd have, Of a man ready lather'd, just going to shave: Transported with rage, I cou'd scarce keep my seat, And words, only found, to advise a retreat; And order your servant to wash your face clean, Since so dirty a spectacle never was seen: Where then were the Graces?--that hour sound they slept, Or else on mount Ida a jubilee kept.
To acquire the _bon ton_, and excel in address, Are points upon which I must ever lay stress; So useful they are, of importance so great, You'll find 'em, through life, so essential a bait; That without them as soon may you hope to succeed, As a man teach the Classicks that never could read: My counsel is sterling, pray bear it in mind, A Statesman I was, and belov'd by mankind; In pleasure, or bus'ness, _les grace_, _les manieres_, Ensure one success, with the grave, or the fair.
"Your manners to polish, and time to amuse, "I hope you have chosen a good [9]_décrotteuse_; "[l] While aukward and gauche, which at present I fear" You must not, the hem of my garment come near; "Great merit esteem will procure it is true, "But merit alone, be assur'd will not do. "[m] Your riding and dancing I hope will conduce "To fash'on your limbs, and to teach them their use;" I'd have you describ'd, by your air _degagée_, In order to which, _il vous faut dégourdis_,[10] Of women, you best, _les agrément_ will learn, But be sure, in your choice, that you rightly discern, 'Twixt the dissolute fair, that wou'd ruin your fame, And her, that real lustre will add to your name: My joy were compleat, could I hear the world say, Ah! _comme il est galant ce petit Anglois_! [l] Page 92. second volume. [m] Page 18. ditto.
"[n] At Paris arriv'd, you must take 'special care, "To dress as the people of fash'on do there; "This does not in finery so much consist, "As the manner of wearing your cloaths, and the taste. "Employ the best taylor the place will afford, "Since much will depend on your _premier abord_, [11]_Comme un homme du grand monde il vous faut habillé_[B] [12]_Toûjours à la mode, et bien proprement mis_: "Pray find a good _frisieur_ to do your hair well, "Since that of your dress, is a part material: "[o] Apropos, of your legs,--garter well up your hose, "Lest careless they hang o'er the tops of your shoes; "For nought gives a man a more slovenly air, "Than aukward dress'd legs, and a rough head of hair "[p] Be powder'd, be feather'd, be lac'd I entreat," From the crown of your head, to the soles of your feet; They must not of fashion, an atom neglect, That hope, from the women, to challenge respect; "Whose suffrage to gain, I must beg you'll aspire, "Since only of them you can lustre acquire." [n] Page 73. third volume. [o] Page 220. second volume. [p] Page 332. second volume.
"[q] My diamond buckles I fully propose, "Your feet shall adorn, mine they now wou'd expose;" "Of all things in nature I mostly abhor," A Beau, on the verge, of years fifty and four: Accept them, I beg, with injunction severe, "[r] To buckle them straight," since to me 'tis not clear, But one on the outside your foot may be plac'd, And one on the in, as a proof of your taste; If this, of a certainty, I cou'd but know, Without shoes, or buckles, for me you should go. [q] Page 181. ditto. [r] Page 66. third volume.
"[s] Of swords, canes, and snuff boxes, might I advise, "If elegant, one may of each well suffice:" There are, who will lavish, on baubles like these, A sum wou'd procure independence and ease: Such Beings, alas! not a shilling would lend, To save from despair, a poor indigent friend: Oh! shut not your ear, 'gainst the cry of distress, May the sense of their woes, prove their means of redress: Tho' chance, in your favour, some difference has made, No distinction to rank, will hereafter be paid: Sufficient that thought, human pride to subdue, Pray let it not pass unregarded by you. [s] Page 220. second volume.
"[t] [13]_Comment vont les Graces_, prithee how do they fare, "Of them have you studied [14]_le grand art de plaire_? "If you, in the _beau monde_, success would ensure, "[u] In your manners attend to a certain _douceur_: "The French, this _douceur_, do most highly esteem, "'Tis in short [15]_l'aimable, le tout chose_ with them; Acquire it, dear Phil, or I fair warning give,-- I ne'er wish to see you as long as you live. [t] Page 153. third volume. [u] Page 108. third volume.
"[v] In your person be cleanly, I humbly intreat, "And attend to your teeth, that your breath may be sweet, "Your nails too keep par'd, I outrageous should be, "If them, tipt with black, I should happen to see. "By you, may these hints, not improper be held, "[w] Since once, 'bove your fellows, in dirt you excell'd; "And oft', when a lad, have you suffer'd disgrace, "For neglecting to wash both your hands, and your face:" 'Tho trifling these matters, to you, may appear, With me, they weigh more than the gold of Ophir; Since a dunce well accomplish'd more merit can boast, Than a book-worm that smells of the deep college rust. A father, I am, to your faults nothing blind, And claim a free licence for speaking my mind; "By this lecture on cleanliness, all I propose is, "[x] That you may not offend peoples eyes, or their noses." [v] Page 74. third volume. [w] Page 74. ditto. [x] Page 182. second volume.
"[y] A bill I receiv'd, but the truth to confess, "It puzzl'd me much at the drawer to guess; "No advice you had given of such an intent, "From which I suspected, a fraud might be meant; "Since always in matters of business, like these, "'Tis usual the party in time to apprize: "And what more confirmed these suspicions, my friend, "It did not appear to have ever been sign'd: "The person that brought it, desir'd me to look, "Again at the bottom, where what I mistook "For somebody's mark, by the help of a glass, "Your name really prov'd,--to my sorrow, alas! "Since wrote in a hand, both the worst, and the least, "In my life I beheld, it must needs be confess'd: "And rather, by far, I'd have lost the whole sum, "Than such a vile scrawl from your hand should have come. [y] Page 113. third volume.
[z] In spelling, my son, I shall give you your due, For so great a proficient on _yearth_ I ne'er knew; "_Enduce_, for induce, you now actually spell, "For grandeur, _grandure_, which to you sounds as well; "Two capital blunders, I beg you will note, "Since few of my house-maids such stuff wou'd have wrote:" To give my ideas at once their full scope, Your progress in nonsense, inclines me to hope, That soon an epistle, from you I shall see, Wherein will be spelt the word joy with a g. [z] Page 81. third volume.
[a] I well am inform'd, there is still in your speech, "A most disagreeable hobble, or hitch;" Not yet to have conquer'd bad habits, dear Phil, With me, needs must wear the appearance of ill; Still falsely attach'd to the errors of youth, Still aukward in manners, in speech still uncouth: I dare not the flattering hope entertain, That you, as an orator, credit will gain; If so, to my pride 'twill an overthrow be, And certain disgrace must accrue unto thee: "[b] At Athens, to orat'ry, such the respect, "That of it, herb women, were judges correct:" But lest my assertion with you shou'd want weight, I'll venture a story in point to relate: [a] Page 42. ditto. [b] Page 43. third volume.
_Theophrastus_, at _Athens_, one day in the street, By chance, with an herb-woman, happen'd to meet; A question he ask'd: he not speaking Greek pure, A _stranger_ she call'd him,--of this I am sure, Thou art not of _Athens_, a city renown'd, For oratory, elegance, learning profound: Her judgment I praise, not mistaken was she, It prov'd, that of _Athens_, no native was he: Apply to yourself, what above I have wrote, That you, thro' neglect, may no stranger be thought: I ne'er can the study enough recommend, Your fortune, and character, on it depend; My protection you'll forfeit, the truth I must speak, [c] Unless you a figure in Parliament make. [c] Page 283. second volume.
"[d] On carving, a hint I shall venture to give, "Attention it claims, ev'ry day that you live: "Do you carve with _adroitness_, the truth prithee own, "Without hacking, at least half an hour cross a bone: "Or spatt'ring the sauce in your company's faces, "And into their pockets o'erturning the glasses;" While labouring you seem, and at no common rate, With your sleeve, all the time, in your next neighbour's plate? Such aukward behaviour admits no excuse, 'Tis avoided with ease, by attention and use; I therefore shall hope, that e'er this you are able, To acquit yourself well at the head of a table: The reverse shou'd it prove (which good heav'n avert) Believe me, the shock, I but ill could support; To find you _distrait_, aukward, clumsy, ill-bred, And only in books, not in manners well read; I frankly confess, I shall wish from my soul, We two may be distant, as South from North pole. [d] Page 68. ditto.
With regard to your gallantry, much has been said, 'Tho silence profound, you observe on that head, "[e] Your converse with women, respectful must be, "But likewise observe _au meme temps enjoué_: "[f] On score of their beauty, good sense, or their graces, "The sex you may flatter, all times, in all cases; "They love admiration, and think it can ne'er, "On any conditions be purchas'd too dear: "These hints from the sex, must with care be conceal'd, "No mercy expect if they once are reveal'd;" Revenge is their passion, and well I discern, "[g] Like Orpheus, in pieces, by them you'd be torn:" "[h] One maxim pray treasure as long as you live, "No mark of contempt either sex will forgive; "The vanity flatter'd of women, or men, "Ensures you success with just nine out of ten:" [e] Page 332. second volume. [f] Page 57. ditto. [g] Page 57. second volume. [h] Page 178. third volume.
Resolve me a question I wish much to know, "[i] Your passion, how stands it, for _Madame de Blot_? "Does she list to your tale, are there hopes of success? "To me, you the secret, may safely confess: "On giving the _mohair_, occasion will serve, "_Pour faire le galant_, which you'll doubtless observe;" Te Deum I'll sing when the vict'ry is sure,-- 'Tho much I suspect you'll not prove her _meilcour_; "She, constant has been to her husband, they say, "And married, poor soul! 'bove a year and a day;" Small chance do you stand with a woman so chaste,-- Exclude her, at once, from the region of taste A beauty obdurate, to lovers a score! At Paris, the thing was ne'er heard of before; By you, if the willow, for her must be worn, No French woman she, in her heart, I'll be sworn. [i] Page 351. second volume.
"In all that you do, and whatever you say, "I hope, to the Graces, you sacrifice pay, "Assiduously courted, their favour you'll gain," So shall not, my labour of love, "be in vain."
FOOTNOTES:
[1] Mr. _Harte_, Mr. _Stanhope_'s tutor.
[2] Slovenly air.
[3] Those little nothings that give the ton.
[4] High Court, or Jubilee Days.
[5] A famous dancing master at that time in Paris.
[6] Mr. Stanhope's gentleman.
[7] No distortion of countenance, or aukward behaviour; no absence of mind; but to keep the Graces always in remembrance.
[8] Mr. Stanhope dined one day with some company at his father's, when the following circumstance happen'd, which so much enrag'd him, that he called for his servant to take him from table and wash him clean.
[9] A female polisher of manners.
[10] Have your stiffness remov'd.