Twice Killed: A Farce in One Act

SCENE I.--_A view by a river side; on the opposite bank are seen the

Chapter 1653 wordsPublic domain

backs of houses--immersed in water, as at Blackwall, &c._

_Enter TOM, with a large hamper, L. H._

TOM. Come, this will do; though its utility exceeds its beauty; a confoundedly ugly basket, though destined to hold most rare contents: several sugar loaves, a canister of tea--black and green, almonds and raisins in abundance, coffee, rice, and spices, bars of soap, starch and powder, blue enough to stock a small shop. Dear Fanny! if her heart is not won by such a store of valuables, it is indeed hard.

_Enter RECKLESS, L. H._

RECK. Ha, ha, ha, I've found her--What you here?

TOM. Yes, sir.

RECK. I have found her, I'll tell you; congratulate your fortunate master, most faithful Thomas.

TOM. Have you indeed found Miss Julia, and how?

RECK. Simply saw her at a house window.

TOM. But you cannot get into that house.

RECK. No; but I have got my mark, the means of hitting that mark are still in fortune's hands.

TOM. And in worse hands they could not be; sir, do give up this scheme. You fall in love with a young lady at a boarding school, correspond with her under a feigned name--

RECK. Yes, you know that arose from the fear of my cousin, old Guineamore, hearing of these matters. I dared not trust my own lady love. You are aware I have immense expectations from him, and that he hates anything like adventures.

TOM. Yes, and Reginald de Mowbray is a much prettier name than Ralph Reckless, but where was I? Oh, a feigned name. Well, the young lady's governess finds out the correspondence, and very properly sends her to her guardians, who takes her into the country, also very properly; give up this scheme, sir--

RECK. Not I; when I have found the retreat of my charmer, the cavern where the treasure is hid, shall I be craven knight enough to fear the dragon that guards it? No, man, not I--so if you have not better advice to give, we'll change the subject. What the devil is that great basket for?

TOM. What? oh, that is an affair of the heart; you have confided all your tender secrets to me, therefore I will do the same to you, sir, if you will allow me.

RECK. Certainly, good Thomas, go on.

TOM. Why, a sort of a relation of mine--a grocer, died the other day, without a will, and his stock in trade got divided among six of us. I have borrowed this large crate from Delfs, the crockery-warehouseman, to stow my share in; and am thinking I could not do the genteel thing better, (as my sweetheart Fanny's in service, and has to find such articles out of her wages,) than to make her a delicate present of the groceries, to sweeten my progress in her affections--eh, sir?

RECK. Delicate indeed! that I should have so gallant a man in my service; and where does this happy maiden reside?

TOM. You see that white house, the other side of the water? one of those houses in the water.

RECK. What! the white one?

TOM. Yes, she is housemaid there.

RECK. Oh! ha, ha, ha! Ri tol de rol. (_dances._)

TOM. Hey day. Did you tell me to order a straight waistcoat, sir?

RECK. No! tol de rol, I have a thought--

TOM. Why, you do look remarkable thoughtful.

RECK. You see these three bright gold sovereigns?

TOM. Yes, sir! perhaps you will allow me to _feel_ them too?

RECK. So I will, Tom, on one condition! send _me_ in that basket instead of the grocery, and carry me to the house where my Julia is secluded.

TOM. Well, sir, but what will Fanny say?

RECK. Never mind her, there shall be a genteel note pinned outside the basket, explaining the contents. Then, I'll give her a couple of sovereigns, so pack up and be gone.

[_Exeunt L. H., TOM dragging the hamper._