CHAPTER XIX.

A RUN TO CONNAUGHT--A PRESENT--A PUZZLE--MOLL RAFFLE--A LUCKY ACCUSATION--CROWN WITNESSES--WHO BLEW UP KING WILLIAM?--SURGICAL ASSISTANCE--A REJECTED SUITOR--GEORGE ROBINS--THE GREEK COUNT: THE RATS--THE CHILD OF THE ALLEY--THE LUCKY SHOT.

In the year 1842, I indulged in an excursion to the County of Mayo, and enjoyed a sojourn of a fortnight at the house of a most hospitable friend near Crossmolina. On leaving Dublin, I travelled by rail to Mullingar, and from thence proceeded by the mail-coach to my destination. I may mention here that a few months previous, a transaction had occurred in the vicinity of Strokestown which was of a most unusual, perhaps I might say an exceptional, character in Connaught--namely, the murder of a landlord. I was the sole occupant of the inside of the vehicle, and as the journey was nocturnal, I had several hours of sound and refreshing sleep. The stoppage of the coach in Strokestown to change horses awakened me, and I lowered the window in order to alight. The door was at once opened for me by a young fellow, who said, "Strokestown, sir." "Oh!" I replied, "this is where you shot Major M----." "Troth it is," said he, "we are all rale docthors here, and when we can't cure, of coorse we kill." Such a jest, although prompt and witty, was not calculated to produce a favorable impression on the mind of a stranger; but during my visit to the West, I did not hear an angry word spoken, nor did I observe any tendency on the part of the humbler classes to treat those in higher positions with hostility or disrespect. I was perfectly pleased with the country and the people, and my friend's hospitality afforded me social gratifications in which there was one novelty which I peculiarly relished. It was a liquor derived from no foreign vineyard, but was so peculiarly Irish as to induce one whom I am certainly not singular in believing to be the greatest lyric poet that ever existed, to make it the subject of song adapted to the joyous and spirit-stirring air of "Paddy O'Rafferty." I shall quote the lines of the immortal Moore as fully justifying the predilection which I have acknowledged for the potation he describes:-

"Drink of this cup--you'll find there's spell in Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality; Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen, Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality. Would you forget the dark world we are in, Just taste of the bubble that gleams on the top of it; But would you rise above earth, till akin To Immortals themselves, you must drain every drop of it. Send round the cup--for oh! there's a spell in Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality; Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen, Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.

"Never was philter form'd with such power To charm and bewilder as this we are quaffing; Its magic began when, in Autumn's rich hour, A harvest of gold in the fields it stood laughing. There having, by Nature's enchantment, been fill'd With the balm and the bloom of her kindliest weather, This wonderful juice from its core was distill'd To enliven such hearts as are here brought together. Then drink of the cup--you'll find there's a spell in Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality; Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen, Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality.

"And though, perhaps--but breathe it to no one-- Like liquor the witch brews at midnight so awful, In secret this philter was first taught to flow on, Yet 'tisn't less potent for being unlawful. And ev'n though it taste of the smoke of that flame, Which in silence extracted its virtue forbidden, Fill up, there's a fire in some hearts I could name, Which may work too its charm though as lawless and hidden. So drink of the cup--for oh! there's a spell in Its every drop 'gainst the ills of mortality; Talk of the cordial that sparkled for Helen, Her cup was a fiction, but this is reality."

A PRESENT.

Amongst my convivial friends in Mayo, I expressed my regret that the liquor which I enjoyed so much in their festive society was almost unknown and unattainable in Dublin. In two or three weeks after my return home, I received an anonymous note, stating that a box would be delivered at the Head Police Office, directed to me, and advising that I should not have it opened by any other hands but my own. The box arrived, and was treated according to the suggestion. It contained two jars, each holding two gallons of "the reality." A flat bottle was frequently filled, and conveyed, in my breast-pocket, "to enliven such hearts as I wished to bring together;" but at last I found that the jars were nearly empty. About half a pint remained, and it was never drank. I was aware that the next day was fixed for the hearing of a number of complaints preferred for the evasion or violation of excise laws. I directed the office-attendant to wash and thoroughly cleanse the inkstands, which were on the public table, for the use of parties prosecuting or defending, and to bring the glasses to me. I procured some ink powder, on which I put the remaining portion of the Mayo "philter," and supplied the stands with excellent ink, well suited for transcribing a _strong_ charge or a _spirited_ defence. It was not inodorous, and I was greatly amused by hearing the excise officers frequently observing to their superior and to their solicitor, that "they smelt illicit spirits." Mr. Morewood and Mr. Stormont also recognised the peculiar smell, and formed various conjectures; but none of the persons engaged ever imagined that the ink in their pens was made upon potteen. Immediately after the termination of the excise cases, one of my colleagues had the inkstands emptied and replenished with the ordinary ink. He said that "it was a fair joke on the gaugers, but when they were gone he could not submit to be tantalised by _the smell_ without any chance of enjoying _the taste_."

MOLL RAFFLE.

I was sitting one day at the police-court in Dublin, along with another magistrate, when a gentleman entered and preferred a very urgent request that one of us would accompany him to Kingstown, to witness and certify the execution of a power of attorney by his mother, in reference to certain funds in the Bank of England. The applicant was reputed to be the natural son of a very distinguished nobleman who had discharged viceregal duties in Ireland, and also in very important and extensive oriental territories. I never heard what the original name of the lady had been, but she was known by the rather inelegant _soubriquet_ of Moll Raffle. She had followed her aristocratic paramour to Ireland, and he had relieved himself from her claims or importunities by providing her with a husband, and her son with an official appointment of respectable rank and emolument. I had never seen her, and I was influenced by personal curiosity to accede to her son's request. We proceeded to Kingstown, and on arriving at a commodious and genteel residence, he desired the servant to inform Mrs. ---- that he had brought the magistrate for the business required. In a few minutes she appeared, and although no longer youthful, or even middle-aged, a second look was not necessary to convince me that she must have been exquisitely beautiful in her features, and of a tall and symmetrical figure. Her right arm was bandaged and in a sling, and she exclaimed to her son that she was deeply mortified at having given me the trouble of coming so far on an ineffectual mission, for that she had unfortunately sustained a severe fall, having trodden on a loose stair-rod just after he had started for Dublin, and her wrist and hand were so much bruised as to render her incapable of making her signature. I told her that if she took the pen in her left hand, I would, at her instance and request, guide it so as to write her name, and that I would explain the matter in a special magisterial attestation on the document. To this suggestion she readily acceded, and the power of attorney was promptly perfected. She insisted that I should take luncheon, after which I left. Not having to return to official duties, I sauntered through Kingstown until about four o'clock, when I went to the jetty, which was crowded, as a military band was playing there. I was not long on the jetty before I saw Mrs. ---- with half-a-dozen companions, but the sling was gone, and her right hand seemed perfectly capable of managing her parasol. I subsequently ascertained that "Moll Raffle" had never been taught to write, and that she thought it more agreeable to pretend that her hand had been hurt than to acknowledge her educational deficiency.

A LUCKY ACCUSATION.

In the year 1846, the Ribbon association, or fraternity, prevailed very extensively in the city of Dublin, and in the counties of Dublin, Wicklow, Kildare, and Meath. I believe that religious opinions or political tendencies had very little influence on their deliberations or proceedings. All the information that I acquired in reference to them led me to the conclusion that their temporal interests actuated them throughout. Threats, menaces, and even murderous violence were used without hesitation to deter competition with a ribbon-man in affairs of tenancy, traffic, or employment. I notice these tendencies merely as being connected with a most extraordinary incident at the time. A man named Lacy held a small farm somewhere between Brittas and Blessington, and at an early hour on a Saturday morning, he left home, bringing, with a horse and cart, various commodities for sale in Dublin. Having disposed of his goods, he was about to start for home in the evening. He stopped at a shop in Bride Street to purchase some groceries, and tendered in payment a crown-piece. It was a coin of George the Third's reign, was rather worn, and had acquired a dark and very questionable appearance. The proprietor of the shop pronounced the crown to be base, and used some expressions which irritated Lacy, who replied to them in vituperative terms. The grocer observed a constable passing, and having called upon him, charged Lacy with tendering a base coin. The man was taken to the station-house in Chancery Lane, his horse and cart were sent to a livery stable, and he remained in custody until Monday morning, when the charge was laid before me. Mr. Stuart, of Dame Street, a silversmith, was examined, and in my presence tested the crown. He pronounced it to be perfectly genuine. I accordingly directed the accused party to be discharged from custody, and I was not surprised at his expressions of indignation for having been detained and locked up amongst thieves and disorderly characters, and his horse and cart sent to livery, whilst his family could not but feel alarmed for his safety when he failed to return at the expected time. I directed his horse and cart to be given to him, and that the livery should be defrayed from the police funds. Scarcely had I disposed of the case when Lacy's wife arrived in an indescribable state of joyful excitement. She clasped him in her arms, exclaiming, "You're safe, all is right, thanks to God." She manifested no resentment towards the grocer, but wished him good luck and prosperity. The cause of her delight may be briefly explained, but it is not the less extraordinary. Her husband had incurred the resentment of the ribbon-men of his vicinity, by offering for land against one of the fraternity. On the Saturday night an armed party entered his house for the purpose of killing him, but their diabolical design was thwarted by the circumstance of their intended victim being in custody of the Dublin Police, upon an unfounded, but certainly not an unfortunate accusation. His family had communicated with the constabulary, lest the intended assassination might be perpetrated on his journey home, and early on Monday morning his wife started in search of him with the result which has been stated.

CROWN WITNESSES.

For several years subsequent to my appointment to magisterial office, there were two houses in Great Ship Street, on the side now entirely occupied by the barrack, which were appropriated to the accommodation of crown witnesses. There was an internal communication between those houses, and the witnesses, of both sexes, were allowed to associate free from all supervision, except what served to keep them from leaving the premises, unless accompanied by an attendant, and examining letters received or despatched by them. Their meals were generally taken together; and for the amusement or employment of their evenings, they were left entirely to themselves. Amongst those witnesses almost every variety of character was to be found. A young man, whose name has lapsed from my recollection, was charged by a female with attempting to commit an offence which I need not particularise, and I was directed to investigate the affair at the premises, without imparting to it any avoidable publicity. The accused party denied the misconduct imputed to him, and attributed the charge to spite and resentment on the part of the complainant and another inmate of the place. A woman stated that "the girl was vexed by the questions put to her, and the faults found with her evidence every time that her case was tried." I was greatly surprised to find that the crown witnesses were accustomed to have their evidence rehearsed before an amateur judge, an improvised jury, and a couple of supposed counsel, one to prosecute and the other to defend. If a case failed, the witnesses were instructed as to their deficiencies, either in manner or matter; and they were drilled to avoid admissions of any nature calculated to weaken their testimony. I made such representations to the Executive as produced the suppression of the Ship Street establishments.

WHO BLEW UP KING WILLIAM?

Very soon after my appointment to the police magistracy, there was a person named Jones convicted of being deeply implicated in the Ribbon system. He was not committed for trial from the Head Office, and I was not officially connected with any of the proceedings in his case. After he had been sent to another hemisphere under sentence of transportation, I heard casually from a professional man, on whose statements I placed the utmost reliance, that Jones had acknowledged to him being the person by whom the statue of King William in College Green was blown up in 1836. There was no prosecution instituted as to that extraordinary affair, and I notice it only on account of the statements subsequently made, and an incident which may be considered of an amusing character. Two women of a disreputable class were standing at the corner of Church Lane in College Green just after midnight. A man whom they had not previously observed, descended quickly from the statue, and having crossed the rails which then intervened between the pedestal and the thoroughfare, he ignited a fuse which had been previously connected with some explosive substance placed between the figures of the steed and the rider. The man rapidly decamped, the fuse burned quickly, and there was an explosion which was heard in almost every part of the city, and by which the figure of the monarch was completely separated from his horse, and thrown into the public carriage-way, several yards from the pedestal. It was reported that a respectable citizen residing in the immediate vicinity, who had been suffering for some time previous from disease of the heart, rose from his bed in hasty alarm, and almost immediately dropped lifeless. Jones, according to the statement of my informant, subsequently tried to cut the head off the prostrate figure, but was deterred by the approach of a party of police from College Street. I believe that those who examined the figures of man and horse expressed a decided opinion that the explosion had not been effected by gunpowder, and the statements of the acknowledged delinquent denied that gunpowder had been used, but without his specifying what material had effected such an extraordinary result.

SURGICAL ASSISTANCE.

In the year 1836, Lord Mulgrave, afterwards Marquis of Normanby, was Lord Lieutenant of Ireland. He had an aide-de-camp, a Captain B----, who has since supplemented that name by another commencing with O. That gentleman then was, and has since continued to be, a most desirable addition to any social or convivial re-union in which wit and comic humor were appreciated. On the night of the explosion, Captain B---- was returning from some festive scene, and reached College Green, on his way to the Castle, a few minutes after the occurrence. He instantly ordered his driver to make for Merrion Square as quickly as possible, and to stop at the residence of Crampton, who was the first surgical practitioner of the time, and who was very generally considered to have a most persistent anxiety to establish acquaintance and even intimacies amongst the aristocracy. Captain B---- applied himself to the knocker and door-bell until he had completely roused every inmate of the house, and to the first who enquired the reason for his urgent application, he replied, "To let Surgeon Crampton know that a very distinguished personage had fallen from his horse in College Green, and sustained serious injuries." The hoax was successful. Crampton proceeded with the utmost haste to the place designated, and subsequently he caused considerable surprise by becoming the frequent narrator of the trick to which he had been subjected.

A REJECTED SUITOR.

In offering to my readers an incident or anecdote, I have the advantage of being free from any necessity for a consecutive arrangement. My recollections may suggest occurrences anterior to some already narrated without precluding me from a description of them. About the time, however, to which I have last adverted, I was residing in Lower Fitzwilliam Street, and a young lady, a near relative of my wife, was a frequent visitor. She was decidedly handsome, and possessed other attractions of no inconsiderable value. Her admirers were numerous, and amongst them there was no more ardent suitor than a Mr. Richard S----. He was an accomplished gentleman, of handsome countenance and fine portly figure. He sang very well, and almost always adapted his voice to the music of his own guitar. His family was of high respectability in a southern county, but some banking speculations had seriously diminished their financial resources. His addresses were most ardently directed, but the fair lady was not to be won. She was informed that her admirer supported himself by some employments or agencies in the corn trade. He was refused, and almost immediately disappeared from Irish society. When I resigned the police magistracy in 1861, I was invited by my friend, the late Marcus Costello, to visit him at Gibraltar, at which place he held the office of Attorney-General. In a few weeks after my arrival there, he told me that some Spanish officers of high distinction were to cross from Algesiras, to visit the fortress and see the extraordinary productions of nature and art which are there so abundantly displayed. I accompanied him and several other functionaries to the Governor's residence, at which, amidst the firing of salutes and other manifestations of respect, the Spanish officers were received. The principal personage amongst them was highly decorated. He had distinguished himself in the then recent warfare with the Moors, and was a general in the army, besides holding an important provincial office which, as well as I recollect, caused him to be designated "Intendente." To my great astonishment, Don Ricardo de S. advanced to me, preferred his hand, enquired about many of his old acquaintances, and enabled me to recognise the quondam guitar performer, whose personal qualities and capabilities had been better appreciated abroad than in his native land. I may, in some later pages, have occasion to refer to other recollections of Gibraltar.

GEORGE ROBINS.

About the time of my accession to magisterial office, a sale was advertised of two properties on the river Blackwater. The descriptions specified two fine mansions, with the adjuncts of extensive stabling, gardens, ornamental plantations, and such a number of acres suited for pasture or tillage as would fairly entitle each place to be considered a demesne worthy of the attention of all who desired a residence fit for high rank and liberal expenditure. The advertisements stated the properties to be beautifully picturesque, and as affording ample means to the sportsman for the gratification of all his tastes or inclinations. But public attention was peculiarly excited by the announcement that the sale by auction would be conducted at Morrison's in Dawson Street, by the far-famed London auctioneer, GEORGE ROBINS. Not being the least curious of the community, I betook myself to the place appointed, and found the room crowded at the hour of one o'clock, P.M. George allowed fifteen or twenty minutes to elapse before he appeared and offered an apology for his delay, as having been occasioned by the breaking down of a vehicle. He then proceeded to address his auditors in a tone of, perhaps assumed, despondency and discontent, to the following effect:--"Ladies and gentlemen, I feel deeply mortified at having to submit for public competition these properties, of which I have not the slightest personal knowledge. I regret having accepted the engagement, which I am decidedly unable to discharge to my own satisfaction. It was my intention to have viewed the houses and lands, so as to know what I could truly state; but I was unfortunately detained in London, until it became impossible for me to run down to Mallow or Youghal before the auction. I think it very probable that I shall take an early opportunity to see the places which I am now about to sell. My curiosity has been excited greatly by two gentlemen who travelled in the coach with me on my journey through Wales. They knew me; and in the course of our conversation, I mentioned that I was proceeding to Dublin to sell these two properties on the Blackwater. They stated that they knew the places perfectly well, and that I might expect a brisk competition. As we passed through the lovely scenery of Llangollen, Clwyd, and some other enchanting places, I expressed the most unqualified admiration of landscapes uniting all the beauties which hill and valley, wood and water, towering rooks and verdant glens can present to the view of a delighted traveller. My companions did not join in my fervent appreciation of the Welsh scenery. They said that it was certainly agreeable to the eye, but when compared with that of some other localities, it did not surpass mediocrity. When I reiterated my opinion that I had never previously viewed such beautiful landscapes, they replied that _if I only took a glance at the places on the Blackwater, which I was going over to sell, they would monopolise my admiration, and convince me of the utter inferiority of the most picturesque portion of Wales_. I have consequently a very great desire to see the two splendid demesnes which I must now offer for your competition." I do not insist on my readers giving implicit credence to the tale about the travelling companions. Whoever disbelieves it will not be singular.

THE GREEK COUNT--THE RATS.

I had the pleasure of being intimately acquainted with the late Thomas Symes of Leinster Street. He was a solicitor of the highest respectability, and was an universal favorite in a very extensive circle. He had travelled much, especially in the southern parts of Europe; and few foreigners from those localities, if of rank or consideration, came to Dublin without experiencing his attentions. Amongst those whom I met at his house, there was only one in whom I observed a tendency to make statements which were worthy of observation and productive of amusement from the total absence of any truthful ingredient. He was a Greek, and was also a Count, and not a Baron, so that he could not be mistaken for a personage of the latter dignity, whose name commenced with the same letter. Count M---- was not the veritable Baron Munchausen, but he was decidedly his rival in demands on the credulity of those who heard his asservations. He never spoke to the disparagement of any human being except Otho, who was then King of Greece, and whom he occasionally expressed a wish to burn. He spoke English and some other languages with wonderful fluency, and no matter what subjects appeared most agreeable to any company, the Count never failed to introduce and expatiate on the surprising intelligence of RATS, and he invariably closed each anecdote with a declaration that "upon his sacred word of honor it was strictly true."

"I was obliged," said he, "to leave Athens by the tyrannical persecution of Otho, and I betook myself to Zante, in which island I possessed extensive currant grounds and olive plantations. In our oil cellar we had a large tun and a great number of jars and flasks, which were generally well filled. We found, however, that the jars and bottles prepared for corking and sealing in the evening were lessened by some inches as to their contents in the morning. Having closely and quietly watched, we found that the rats took it in turn to let down their tails into the vessels, so as to enable the others to lick off the oil thus abstracted. The store tun appeared to be full to the bung-hole; but when the contents were drawn off for refining, we discovered that the rats had kept the oil up to the orifice by dropping pebbles into the vessel. I pledge you my sacred word, &c.

"I was one day strolling through the currant grounds, and provided with an excellent fowling-piece, in the hope of meeting with quail. I was near to a small stream, when I observed two rats approaching the water. They were so close together that their sides appeared to be touching, and I killed both in one shot. On going to the spot where they were lying, I immediately perceived that one rat was blind, and between them there was a little straw blade, of which each had held an end in his mouth. It was thus that the blindness of one was productive of sagacious care and attention in the other. I pledge you," &c.

I have lately observed that the Count is mentioned in The Life and Recollections of the Hon. Granville Berkeley, but without any allusion to the extraordinary tendencies and dexterous expedients which, amongst us, he attributed to such hateful vermin.

THE CHILD OF THE ALLEY.

Amongst my personal recollections, there is one which I hope to narrate without ruffling or alarming the most sensitively delicate of my readers, although amongst the prominent characters of the scene about a dozen belonged to the most wretched and degraded portion of the female sex, and dwelt in a mean, loathsome, and disreputable locality named Cole Alley, which was, and perhaps still continues to be, occupied by denizens of a similar description. I shall apply to them the term adopted by Hood in his exquisite production of "The Bridge of Sighs," and designate them "unfortunates." I had been a magistrate for three or four years, when I was one day informed by the attendant of the police-court that a deputation of females from Cole Alley earnestly besought me to give them an audience. My colleagues were amused at the application, and ironically congratulated me on such an exclusive preference; but I determined to accede to the request, and directed them to be admitted. About twelve of them entered the court, and amidst the "unfortunates" I perceived a female child of ten or eleven years of age. The spokeswoman of the party led this child forward, and addressed me to the following effect:--

"Yer worship, this poor little girl was born in the alley. She was not quite a year old when the collar (cholera) made a great sweep up there, and took off her mother, who was one of us. The child had no one to care her, so we agreed to do the best we could for her, and we gave her a bit of food, a rag or two to cover her, and she lived about among us, so that we used to call her our own child. But now, yer worship, we see that she is coming to a time of life when to stay in the alley would be her destruction. We are doatingly fond of her, and it would be a heartscald to us all to think of her ever falling into our course of life. We would beg of you to have her put into some school or institution where she will be reared in decency, and trained to earn honest bread."

I at once stated to "the deputation" that I should do my utmost to realize their wishes, and that they might leave the child to my care. They embraced her most affectionately, and with the warmest thanks for my compliance, they departed. The Poor Law Unions had not been organized at the time, and I sent the child on a remand committal to the worthy matron of Grangegorman Prison, Mrs. Rawlins, with a note explaining the circumstances, and requesting that the little girl should be kept apart from the juvenile delinquents. My wishes were strictly complied with. On the following day, I dined at Portrane with the worthy George Evans. I mentioned the transaction to him, and he communicated it to his sister, Mrs. Putland. That lady was an impersonation of charity, and at once offered to have the "child of the alley" placed in one of the many institutions which she contributed to support. I regret that I am unable to state any further results, having omitted to make ulterior enquiries, but I have always considered the earnest application, perhaps I might fairly term it the _supplication_, of the Cole Alley "unfortunates" as the strongest acknowledgment, offered sincerely and spontaneously, by VICE of the superiority of VIRTUE.

THE LUCKY SHOT.

A female of the class to which I have adverted was an inmate of one of the many disreputable houses which constituted almost the entire of a street on the south side of Dublin. It was called "French Street" but the obnoxious establishments having been suppressed, it is now designated "Upper Mercer Street." An English commercial traveller betook himself to the house in which the "unfortunate" resided. He was in a fearful state of _delirium tremens_; and having been refused a further supply of liquor, he took out a pistol, and shot the "unfortunate," lodging two bullets in her body. He was seized, and the woman was conveyed to Mercer's Hospital, which was in the immediate vicinity. Her wounds did not prove mortal, the balls were extracted; but whilst her recovery was uncertain, I went several times to the hospital for the purpose of taking her informations. She never expressed any resentment against her assailant, and she refused to prosecute him. Some of his family and friends contributed about £20, which sum was paid to her a few days before she was discharged, and she appropriated it to defray the expenses of her emigration. I was informed by the attendants that she often spoke of _the lucky shot_, by which she was enabled to quit a course of sin and degradation, and to essay a new life in a new land. This occurred, I think, in the year 1843.