Part 24
Congratulations are offered the father and mother, and the baby, robed elaborately, then becomes the center of attraction for a few moments, until the host leads the way to the refreshment table which is bountifully spread as for a reception.
A toast in the child’s honor is often given at this time by one of the sponsors. Guests shortly disperse. After calls are made, or cards left, within ten days. Sometimes relatives only are invited to these parties. When the christening is held in church, the party is set for some hour of the same day.
Godfathers and Godmothers.
In selecting godparents or sponsors, relatives are often given precedence and very close friends come next. Be careful in the choice, as from these godparents is to be expected much good counsel and kindly aid in the future. In all old countries this relationship is expected to last for a lifetime, and the godparents are supposed to watch over the religious growth of the child and see that in due time he is brought forward for confirmation, or for union with the church in some other manner.
A boy is expected to have two godfathers and one godmother; a girl one godfather and two godmothers. A note is sent to each person selected as sponsor asking him to assume that friendly office. This request should never be refused except for good and sufficient reason.
Godparents usually make a present to the child, generally in the form of some suitable silver article. Among the very wealthy, especially if the child bears the godfather’s name, very valuable presents are often made, these generally taking the form of checks for large amounts.
Caudle Party.
The modern caudle party is given when the child is about six weeks old, and is quite a separate affair from the christening, the church having objected in some cases to having the two celebrated at the same time. Caudle parties, simply in the nature of a name-festival, are frequently given when the christening is not observed.
Invitations are sent out one week in advance, and are in the following form: MR. and MRS. BROWN request your company, Wednesday afternoon, at three. CAUDLE. 125 Vancouver Street. No presents expected.
The words, “no presents,” need not prevent any who wish from making a gift, but relieves those who may not be prepared.
The phrase, “Caudle Party,” is somewhat difficult to define, but the name and the custom have come down from olden times. It used then to be the habit to serve all who called with inquiries and congratulations on the arrival of a little stranger, with a kind of spiced gruel, flavored with rum or Madeira, and known as “caudle.” This was served in china cups having two handles, so they could be passed from one to another. These were called “caudle cups,” and are much prized heirlooms in more than one old family. This ceremony was then observed when the child was three days old; now the “caudle party” is celebrated when it is at least six weeks old.
The mother receives her guests in some elaborate house gown, the baby in robes of state is on exhibition for a short time, and the guests are served with “caudle” in the form of an oatmeal gruel, long and slowly boiled with raisins and spices, and fine old Madeira or rum added at the last until the beverage is “to the Queen’s taste.”
Christening Gifts.
When the announcement cards of a baby’s birth are sent out, very many friends of the family interpret this as an opportunity for making a present to the new arrival. This is not a new social custom, for its origin goes back to the time of the Chaldean shepherds, when wise men of the East journeyed to the stable cradle to present their gifts of frankincense and myrrh.
The most sensible plan in this case, and, in fact, in all gift making, is to consult the condition of the recipient as well as the purse of the giver. If the parental purse is a little slim, gifts that are useful are generally the best to give. Dainty gowns, embroidered flannels, coach rugs, things that every baby needs.
The least expensive and simplest gifts and always of use, are the lace pin, shoulder pin and chained buttons in gold. Three pins connected by delicate gold chains are very much in demand, and a studding of turquoise of pearl adds much to their beauty. The dear little silver-backed brushes and powder boxes have always been favorites.
One exquisite present from a point of sentiment and value was recently presented to a girl. Each of her father’s groomsmen sent a five-dollar gold piece to the goldsmith, who melted them down and transformed them into a gold chain and locket. The locket bore the monogram of the baby and the initial letter of each groomsman’s name.
Dainty Presents for the Newcomer.
Another tiny new woman received from her grandmother a spoon which was made of little bits of silver melted down. A silver piece taken from the pocket of a dead aunt, two or three bits left in the purse of the grandfather, who had died; a bit of a broken spoon used by the baby’s own mamma—these and other souvenirs of the family history made the gift spoon something far out of the ordinary.
One of the most magnificent and costly gifts in silver that is given to the baby is the entire food set, consisting of plate, bowl, pitcher, knife and fork, spoon and napkin ring. These sets come in cases and range in prices ordinarily from $50 to $150, though some very elaborate ones may be ordered which go far into the hundreds.
A very pretty and surely most interesting gift that could be sent to a baby is a baby diary in which the principal events of the little one’s life can be entered by the mother and kept in after years as a record of those marvelously interesting days of babyhood.
A certain very sensible woman usually deposits a small sum of money in bank and presents the bank book to her little new friend, thus laying the foundation for future habits of economy and thrift.
Some Birthday Superstitions.
Monday’s child is fair of face. Tuesday’s child is full of grace. Wednesday’s child is born for woe. Thursday’s child has far to go. Friday’s child is loving and giving. Saturday’s child must work for a living. But the child that is born on the Sabbath Day, Is bonny and happy and wealthy and gay.
CONFIRMATION.
In the Episcopal, Lutheran and Roman Catholic churches, “Confirmation is the sequel of baptism.” Here comes in one of the duties of the godparents, and should the child become orphaned, or should its parents by reason of carelessness, or irreligion, neglect this important matter, the church holds the godparents in a large measure responsible that these children be brought before the Bishop for confirmation.
Some weeks prior to the arrival of the Bishop, persons desirous of admission to the church present their names to the clergymen, and classes are formed of instruction and preparation for the solemn event.
The ceremony of the confirmation service is in accordance with the forms of the church in which it is observed. The only uniformity being in the garb of the young candidates. This for the girls is always gowns of purest white, with gloves and shoes to match. White bound prayer-books should be carried, and in the Roman Catholic and the Lutheran churches white veils and wreaths crown the young heads. For the youths, black suits, black ties and gloves are the proper thing.
GRADUATION.
With the important event of graduation ends the three great ceremonies of youth. The church and the school have both set their seal upon the young man and maiden, and the business world and the social world are waiting to receive them.
In the matter of dress for this important event, the young man is supposed to confine himself to conventional black with white tie. The young girl is usually in white, with gloves, shoes, hose and fan to match.
This, however, depends upon the taste of the class, as they expect to dress alike, and often select some other delicate shade of color for the class costume.
Avoid all Extravagance.
There is one thing to be remembered—that is, that too much extravagance should not be displayed in the selection and adornments of the gown for the occasion. In the first place, simplicity is the prerogative of youth. In the second, it is bad taste to overload a young schoolgirl with expensive materials and lavish ornaments. In the third, there will always be found in every graduating class one or more students to whose purse the expenses incident upon the school course have been a heavy drain, and to whom compliance with the style of dress worn by other members of the class will mean a serious strain upon the home exchequer, or the incurring of a debt for the future, while to dress as their purse affords requires more self-denial than an outsider realizes. The slights, the sneers of insolent classmates have driven more than one sensitive soul to solitude and tears, and clouded what should have been the bright beginning of life with sorrow and anger.
Directors of schools have more than once striven to do away with this abuse of the occasion by prescribing the dress to be worn, but with poor success, since sumptuary laws are not kindly received in this free country.
Now, the remedy lies in the hands of the girls themselves, and with their parents. Let it be once understood that such a display is the mark of social _parvénus_, of the newly-rich, and the custom will cease to exist.
Friends bring flowers to the place of graduation which are sent up, either by the ushers, who are chosen among intimates of the classmates, or by tiny boys dressed as pages. These floral offerings have come to be so extensive that the stage is often banked with the beautiful blossoms. Here, too, is another abuse. To those who have few friends, and less money, the absence of these remembrances is often so marked as to cause many a heartache.
Cards with the donor’s name and the words, “Congratulations,” or “Graduation Congratulations,” penned in one corner, are tied with narrow ribbons to these gifts. Presents of a more substantial nature are also sent up; books, watches, jewels, etc., and have a more lasting remembrance than the fleeting blossoms. One of the prettiest floral gifts seen on an occasion of graduation was a graceful ship, white sailed, and lovely, all of fragrant flowers, and full freighted with the hopes and prayers for the young legal graduate, who was sole son of the house.
Carriages convey the graduates to and from the hall, and a class reception is supposed to finish the long round of the gaieties of “Class Week.”
Etiquette of Funerals and Mourning.
The great sorrow brought upon a family by the death of a loved one renders the immediate members of the family incapable of attending to the necessary arrangements for the funeral. The services of an intimate friend, or a relative, should, therefore, be sought. He should receive general instructions from the family, after which he should take entire charge of the arrangements, and relieve them from all care on the subject. If such a person cannot be had, the arrangements may be placed in the hands of the sexton of the church the deceased attended in life, or of some responsible undertaker.
The expenses of the funeral should be in accordance with the means of the family. No false pride should permit the relatives to incur undue expense in order to make a showy funeral. At the same time, affection will dictate that all the marks of respect which you can provide should be paid to the memory of your beloved dead.
Funeral Invitations.
In some parts of the country it is customary to send notes of invitation to the funeral to the friends of the deceased and of the family. These invitations should be printed, neatly and simply, on mourning paper, with envelopes to match, and should be delivered by a private messenger. The following is a correct form, the names and dates to be changed to suit the occasion:
“Yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of DAVID B. JONES, on Tuesday, March 18, 189-, at 11 o’clock A. M., from his late residence, 1926 Amber Street, to proceed to Laurel Hill Cemetery.”
Where the funeral is from a church, the invitation should read:
“Yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral of DAVID B. JONES, from the Church of the Holy Trinity, on Tuesday, March 18, 189-, at 11 o’clock A. M., to proceed to Laurel Hill Cemetery.”
Where such invitations are sent, a list of persons so invited must be given to the person in charge of the funeral, in order that he may provide a sufficient number of carriages. No one to whom an invitation has not been sent should attend such a funeral, nor should those invited permit anything but an important duty to prevent their attendance.
When the funeral is at the house, some near relative or intimate friend should act as usher, and show the company to their seats.
Showing Respect for the Dead.
Preserve a decorous silence in the chamber of death—speak as little as possible, and then only in low, subdued tones.
The members of the family are not obliged to recognize their acquaintances. The latter show their sympathy by their presence and considerate silence.
As the coffin is borne from the house to the hearse, gentlemen who may be standing at the door or in the street remove their hats, and remain uncovered until it is placed in the hearse.
The pall-bearers should be chosen from among the intimate friends of the deceased, and should correspond to him in age and general character.
With regard to sending flowers, the wishes of the family should be considered. If you are uncertain upon this point, it is safe to send them. They should be simple and tasteful.
Letters of condolence are sent to those in bereavement by their intimate friends. We append a few forms that will be helpful to all persons who wish to express their sympathy with the bereaved.
To a Lady on the Death of her Husband.
CLEVELAND, O., June 6, 189—.
DEAR MRS. WALROD:
Though I know that no words of mine can bring comfort to your sorely tried heart, yet I can not refrain from writing to you to express my deep and heartfelt sympathy in your affliction.
Knowing your husband as intimately as I did, I can understand what a blow his death is to you. He was a man whose place will not be easily filled in the world; how impossible to fill it in his home!
You are, even in your loss, fortunate in this. He left behind him a name unsullied, and which should be a priceless legacy to his children and to you. His life was so pure and his Christian faith so undoubted, that we may feel the blessed assurance that he has gone to the home prepared for those who love and faithfully serve the Lord Jesus.
This should comfort you. You have the hope of meeting him one day in a better and a happier union than the ties that bound you here on earth. He waits for you, and reunited there, you will know no more parting.
I pray God to temper your affliction and give you strength to endure it. May He, in His own good time, give you the peace that will enable you to wait with patience until He shall call you to meet your loved one in heaven.
Sincerely yours, WALTER BAILEY.
MRS. LYDIA WALROD, New York.
To a Friend on the Death of Her Sister.
GENEVA, N.Y. May 4, 189—.
MY DEAR NELLIE:
The melancholy intelligence of your sister’s death has grieved me more than I can express, and I beg to render you my heartfelt sympathy. Truly we live in a world where solemn shadows are continually falling upon our path—shadows that teach us the insecurity of all temporal blessings, and warn us that here “there is no abiding place.” We have, however, the blessed satisfaction of knowing that death cannot enter that sphere to which the departed are removed. Let hope and faith, my dear friend, mingle with your natural sorrow. Look to that future where the sundered ties of earth are reunited.
Very sincerely yours, SARAH CLARK.
To MISS NELLIE BARTON, No. 4 Beacon Place, Boston.
To a Friend on the Death of His Brother.
CHICAGO, July 12, 189—,
DEAR MR. AMES:
In the death of your brother, you have sustained a misfortune which all who had the pleasure of knowing him can feelingly estimate. I condole with you most sincerely on the sad event, and if the sympathy of friends can be any consolation under the trying circumstance, be assured that all who knew him share in your sorrow for his loss. There is, however, a higher source of consolation than earthly friendship, and, commending you to that, I remain,
Yours sincerely, JEROME C. HOOVER.
G. H. AMES, St. Louis.
To a Friend on the Death of Her Child.
ATLANTA, GA., November 17, 189—.
MY DEAR BLANCHE:
I feel that a mother’s sorrow for the loss of a beloved child cannot be assuaged by the commonplaces of condolence, yet I must write a few lines to assure you of my heartfelt sympathy in your grief. There is one thing, however, that should soften the sharpness of a mother’s agony under such a bereavement. It is the reflection that “little children” are pure and guileless, and that of such is the kingdom of heaven. “It is well with the child.” Much sin and woe has it escaped. It is treasure laid up in a better world, and the gate through which it has passed to peace and joy unspeakable is left open so that you, in due time, may follow. Let this be your consolation.
Affectionately yours, MAUD TROWBRIDGE.
To MRS. BLANCHE NORTON, New Haven, Conn.
To a Friend on a Sudden Reverse of Fortune.
LOUISVILLE, KY., June 5, 189—.
MY DEAR FRIEND:
Hackneyed phrases of condolence never yet comforted a man in the hour of trouble, and I am not going to try their effect in your case. And yet let me say, in heartfelt earnest, that I was deeply pained to hear of your sudden and unexpected reverse of fortune. Misfortune is very hard to bear, when it falls upon one, like a flash of lightning from a clear sky, without any warning. But do not be discouraged. When Senator Benton saw the work of many years consumed in ten minutes, he took the matter coolly, went to work again, and lived long enough to repair the damage. So I hope will you. There is no motto like “try again,” for those whom fate has stricken down. Besides, there are better things than wealth even in this world, to say nothing of the next, where we shall neither buy nor sell.
If I can be of any assistance to you, let me know it, and I will help you as far as I am able.
In the meantime, cheer up, and believe me as ever,
Yours sincerely, JAMES STERLING.
H. R. DRAYTON, Covington, Ky.
ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES.
There is no surer mark of a well-bred man or woman than proper and dignified conduct in public. The truly polite are always quiet, unobtrusive, considerate of others, and careful to avoid all manifestations of superiority or elegance.
Loud and boisterous talking, immoderate laughing and forward and pushing conduct are always marks of bad breeding. They inevitably subject a person to the satirical remarks of the persons with whom he is thrown, and are perhaps the surest means of proclaiming that such a person is not used to the ways of polite society.
Etiquette in Church.
It is the duty of a well-bred person to attend church regularly on Sunday.
In entering the church you should pass quietly and deliberately to your pew or seat. Walking rapidly up the aisle is sure to disturb the congregation.
If you are a stranger, wait in the lower part of the aisle until the sexton or ushers show you a seat, or you are invited to enter some pew.
A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he enters the inner doors of the church, and should not replace it on his head after service until he has reached the outer vestibule.
In accompanying a lady to church, pass up the aisle by her side, open the pew door for her, allow her to enter first, and then enter and seat yourself beside her.
Should a lady desire to enter a pew in which you are sitting next the door, rise, step out into the aisle, and allow her to enter.
Once in church, observe the most respectful silence except when joining in the worship. Whispering or laughing before the service begins, or during service, is highly improper. When the worship is over, leave the sacred edifice quietly and deliberately. You may chat with your friends in the vestibule, but not in the hall of worship. Remember, the church is the house of God.
Should you see a stranger standing in the aisle, unnoticed by the sexton or usher, quietly invite him into your pew.
You should see that a stranger in your pew is provided with the books necessary to enable him to join in the service. If he does not know how to use them, assist him as quietly as possible. Where there are not books enough for the separate use of each person, you may share yours with an occupant of your pew.
In attending a church of a different denomination from your own you should carefully observe the outward forms of worship. Stand up when the congregation do, and kneel with them. A Protestant attending a Roman Catholic church should be careful to do this. It involves no sacrifice of principle, and a failure to do so is a mark of bad breeding. Whatever the denomination, the church is devoted to the worship of God. Your reverence is to Him—not to the ministers who conduct the worship.
To be late at church is an offence against good manners.
Gentlemen will not congregate in groups in front of a church, and stare at the ladies as they pass out.
In receiving the Holy Communion both hands should be ungloved.
Etiquette of Fairs.
Fairs are generally given in aid of a church or some charitable purpose. At such fairs ladies serve the tables at which articles are offered for sale.
Ladies should not use unfair or unladylike means to sell their wares. Do not importune a gentleman to buy of you; and do not charge an extortionate price for a trifling article. A young man may not have the courage to refuse to buy of a lady acquaintance; but his purchase may be beyond his means, and may involve him in serious embarrassment.
Visitors to a fair should make no comments upon the character or quality of the articles offered, unless they can offer sincere praise.
Do not dispute the price of an article offered for sale. If you cannot afford to buy it, decline it frankly. If you can, pay the sum asked, although you may think it exorbitant, and make no comment.
A gentleman must remove his hat upon entering the room in which a fair is held, although it be a public hall, and remain uncovered while in the room.
Flirting, loud or boisterous talking or laughing, and conspicuous conduct, are marks of bad breeding.
When a purchaser offers a sum larger than the price asked for the article, return the change promptly. Some thoughtless young ladies consider it “a stroke of business” to retain the whole amount, knowing that a gentleman will not insist upon the return of the change. To do this is simply to be guilty of an act of gross ill-breeding.
A lady may accept any donation of money a gentleman may wish to make at her table. The gift is to the charity, not to her; and the gentleman pays her a delicate compliment in making her the means of increasing the receipts of the fair.
Etiquette of Shopping.
In visiting a store for the purpose of examining the goods or making purchases, conduct yourself with courtesy and amiability.