Part 18
But, if we hope to gather about us men of mind and distinction, we must not expect to be amused only, we must be amusing, we must offer some tempting equivalent; something that has the ring of pure gold, rather than the glamour of fashionable dress, dancing or music. So, with an Archbishop to entertain, we may hope to attract the distinguished clergy of the city; with a great author, other celebrities of the pen and pencil who will gladly come to greet him; and once drawn to a successful and brilliant assembly, they will be easily induced to return. Therefore, any lady who would make her home attractive to the best society must offer some higher stimulant than the glitter of fashion. For good society we need men and women who can talk. We need relaxation, and it is best sought in intercourse of abiding value with those whose lives differ from those of our own.
Correct Dress.
The invitations are written in the same form as those given for an evening entertainment, and although given by daylight, the rooms are frequently darkened and artificial illumination gives to the whole a festive air. The hostess may be dressed in demi-toilet, somewhat low at the throat if wished, and of the richest materials, but not in full evening dress, laces or conspicuous jewels. She may have friends to receive with her who will dress in the same demi-toilets. The guests wear reception dresses or handsome street dresses. Wraps are laid aside, but hats and gloves are kept on. Gentlemen wear full morning dress on all these occasions. Overcoats and umbrellas are left in the hall or dressing-room, but hats, if the stay is to be short, may be carried into the drawing-room.
Visitors do not usually remain more than half an hour, though, if the occasion is especially interesting, an hour or more is often spent. Conversation is indulged in, and guests listen to music, or whatever is provided for their entertainment. At an ordinary morning reception the refreshments are light, and served the same as at an evening reception. If, however, the occasion is unusually important, the collation is more abundant, and the service more formal.
Visitors leave cards to serve instead of the after call. Those who were invited but unable to attend, call within a few days. (For general forms of invitations see Department of “Invitations.”)
Introductions are not expected to be general, except where the reception is given in honor of some one person, when, of course, all comers are presented to this guest. Morning parties given in small country towns are attended with less formality than in large cities, and introductions are general.
SUPPER PARTIES.
Some lover of this social repast says, “Suppers have always been invested with a peculiar charm. They are the most conversational, the most intimate and the most poetical of all entertainments. They are the favorite repast of men of letters, the inspiration of poets, and a form of hospitability eminent in history. Who has not heard of the _petite soupers_ of the Regency and the brilliant minds there assembled?”
Suppers are the popular entertainment of gentlemen, and usually take some distinctive name, such as fish suppers, game suppers, wine suppers, and each has suitable supplies for the table.
Invitations to suppers may be given in person, by a friendly note, or writing on the card of the host or hostess: “Supper at 10 o’clock, Thursday, December 18th.”
The very late city dinners have prevented supper parties from keeping their popularity, but there is no reason why in towns these should not be favorite entertainments.
The same service is proper at a supper as at a dinner, with the exception of soup plates. Oysters on the half-shell and bouillon served in cups are the first two courses. Then follows the usual order of dishes, such as sweetbreads and green peas, whatever game may be in season, salads of all kinds, then ices, fruits and coffee. It is not quite so heavy a repast as the elaborate dinner party. Games and salads are served together. If wine is used it is found on the table in handsome decanters. Three sorts may be served, such as Sherry or Madeira and Burgundy. Bread and napkin are beside each plate, or else the bread is passed after the guests are seated. Next, plain plates and cups of bouillon are served, with gold teaspoons. Then follow the other courses. The dishes are removed after each course as at a formal dinner. At the close of the supper a tiny glass of cordial is served to the gentlemen. Wines may be entirely omitted if against the principles, and mineral waters may be substituted. The table may be decorated as for a dinner party.
There is perhaps no entertainment where so much brilliant conversation and repartee is indulged in as at the “sit-down” supper.
Residents of large cities, possessing abundant means, can avoid trouble by ordering supplies from the professional caterer, but in the country home, where economy is an object, it devolves on the housekeeper to prepare the appetizing dainties for her entertainments. For the benefit of such, we give a few items that may be useful in arranging the menu. Any reliable work on cookery will give the directions for their preparation: Boned turkey, boned ham, deviled ham sandwiches, salmon salad, chicken salad, potted fish, fish salad, etc., etc.
A Simple Supper.
There is a much simpler supper possible to be offered by a hostess after the opera or theatre which may be made very charming and inexpensive. This is a desirable little “spread,” since there are few people who can undergo the excitement of an evening at the opera, play, concert, or card party, without a feeling of hunger; and with many, unless this hunger is appeased a sleepless night will be the result; and as the excitement is usually so good an aid to digestion, no evil consequences may be feared.
This little supper is well set out with a few oysters, a pair of cold roast chickens, a boned turkey, or boned ham, and a dish of some kind of salad, and perhaps one sort of ice cream or ice and coffee. Oysters are invaluable for a supper. Scalloped or broiled, they can be used in place of chicken or turkey.
A Game Supper.
A game supper consists of wild fowls and fish, with jellies, ices and bon-bons, while a wine supper admits of almost every variety of luscious dishes, differing very little from dinner, except that the delicacies are all cold, and of course no vegetables are served. Fillets of game, boned turkey, cold ham, fish, salads, ices, jellies and creams, are suitable to this style of entertainment.
A Fish Supper.
When a fish supper is given, dishes are generally composed of the products of the sea or river. This is a fashionable mode of entertainment for the season of Lent. Salads, olives, pickles and sauces are served as relishes. Sweet desserts never accompany a fish supper, but fruits are an appropriate addition. Coffee must be given with all suppers.
BALLS DANCING AND MASQUERADES
Balls, to distinguish them from other evening gatherings where dancing is one of the features of the evening, may be designated as parties given for the express purpose of dancing.
Balls should begin at about nine o’clock in the evening, and terminate at two or three in the morning. A private ball may be a very elaborate affair, from fifty to seventy-five guests being necessary to make the occasion enjoyable. Where the size of the ball-room will permit, many more are frequently bidden. Over-crowding should be guarded against, as ruinous to the toilets of the ladies, and the pleasure of all concerned. The invitations to very elaborate affairs are sometimes sent out from three weeks to one month in advance.
It is always proper for an invited guest to solicit an invitation for a young lady visitor, or some stranger of distinction, or for a young gentleman known to be a dancing man, and it is always permissible for the hostess, if she wish, to refuse such solicitations on the ground that her list is full, and no one should feel offended at such refusal. Should the request, however, be for the admission of an eligible, dancing man, it is rarely refused.
Never more than three from one family (the mother or chaperon excepted) should accept an invitation to a ball, or party, unless in the case of a ball, where two brothers, if they dance, may be accompanied by two sisters from the same family. Those who do not dance should refuse invitations to balls (chaperons excepted). The most brilliant man who does not dance is usually out of place in an entertainment given for that sole purpose.
The ball-room should be large; the floor well waxed, or covered with drugget, and an abundance of palms and potted plants set about to make cosy nooks just lighted by a shaded lamp. Cut flowers may be massed upon the mantels with gorgeous effect. If the stairway be of sufficient breadth, it should be bravely furnished forth with plants in bloom. If it should be a first-floor room and open into the cool dusk of a faintly lighted conservatory, then it is everything to be desired for the occasion. Good ventilation is an absolute necessity.
Invite at least one quarter more guests than can be comfortably accommodated, since about that number will fail, from different causes, to accept. If it is impossible to entertain with comfort all those to whom one is socially indebted, then it is better to divide the entertainment into two or three smaller gatherings, always leaving space for as many mothers of daughters, or other appointed chaperons, as may choose to attend and who should always be included in the invitations.
Sitting accommodations should be furnished for them, as well as for those who may not be dancing. All other furniture should be removed from the rooms.
Full-dress toilets are demanded for the occasion; flowers, jewels,
“The gloss of satin and the glimmer of pearls,”
should mingle in this festivity, the gayest of our social gatherings.
The ball-room should be brilliantly, and at the same time, softly illuminated, the lights coming chiefly from the sides.
General Arrangements.
In a large city it is necessary to provide an awning to extend from the carriage to the front entrance, thus screening guests from the crowd that usually gathers on such an occasion. A carpet should also cover the steps and walk to protect the ladies’ gowns. A manservant in evening dress and white lisle gloves should be at the curbstone to assist ladies, who may have come unattended, in alighting, (providing they have no footman). He also provides each party with the number of their carriage, giving the same to the driver, in order that he may be ready when called. This same attendant also calls for the carriages upon the departure of the guests.
Another manservant, or a white-capped maid, waits at the door, which is opened without the bell being touched. This functionary receives the cards of the guests, and directs them to their respective dressing-rooms. These should be large and convenient as possible. Assistants should be provided with thread, needles and pins to rectify any accidents that may occur to the ladies’ toilets, and to render every possible aid to them in making ready for the drawing-rooms. Duplicate tickets should also be in readiness; one to attach to each wrap and one to hand its owner. These precautions lessen the confusion and add to the comfort of all concerned.
Combs, brushes, and hairpins should be in abundance, while a powder-box and puff is not amiss. Cologne, camphor and ammonia should also be in the rooms for use in cases of sudden faintness. A couch in the room is also useful, and low chairs or ottomans, in case any of the ladies should wish to change their shoes.
The gentlemens’ dressing-room should also be presided over by an attendant supplied with the same duplicate system of tickets and ready to render any called-for assistance.
Programs with the order of the dances and blanks for recording engagements for each, should be distributed to the guests as they enter the ball-room. To each card should be attached a small pencil.
Concerning the Music.
Good music is a prime necessity. An orchestra, even if it must be a small one, is needful for a ball. Four pieces are enough: violin, piano, violincello, or harp, and cornet. If more are desired, leave the choice to the leader, with whom the selections will have been carefully talked over beforehand, and who must be furnished with a copy of the dancing program.
The musicians should be concealed back of a group of flowering shrubs at the end of the hallway, or some other convenient nook or corner. If there should be a balcony, a shady bower can be constructed for them there, and by taking out the window frame they will be heard to perfection.
Never, even at a “small and early,” depend, for the pianist, upon volunteer service from among the guests. In the first place, it is a tiresome and unwillingly performed service, and in the second, there are few amateurs who play dance-music with sufficient correctness to render dancing after their music a pleasure.
Refreshments.
At a ball elaborate refreshments are to be expected, and are usually served all the evening from a long table loaded with silver and glass and softly but brilliantly illuminated. No one is expected to sit down at such a supper, but the guests as they come in, a few at a time, are served by waiters in attendance.
Both hot and cold dishes are to be had; and substantial food, as well as all manner of sweets, should be furnished for an amusement that begets a most unromantic hunger. Small game birds may be served cold; the larger fowl hot. Boned turkey (cold) is especially liked. Game _patés_, oysters, cooked or raw, all manner of truffled dishes, and a variety of salads are served, while fruits, ices, confections, cakes, and so on, _ad infinitum_, do fitly furnish forth the feast.
If the German is to finish the evening, a separate, hot supper should be served at its close, and the all-night supper confined more exclusively to cold dishes, with the exception of hot drinks.
In case of a very spacious mansion, the hostess may, if she prefer, keep the supper-room closed until half-past twelve, or one, when she will give the word. Her husband should lead the way to supper with some lady to be especially honored. The hostess should not go out herself until she sees that every lady has been properly escorted, save in cases where she is to accompany some very distinguished gentleman who is present. In this case she delegates her authority either to a grown son, some other relative, or to some gentleman especially appointed, who takes her place in seeing that there are no forgotten wall-flowers left to blush unseen.
No gentleman should presume to offer the hostess his escort to the supper-room, this being an honor she confers at pleasure.
A small tea-room on an upper floor is very desirable at a large gathering. Here guests, ladies especially, can, unattended, seek the refreshment of a cup of tea, coffee, cocoa, or bouillon before descending to the drawing-rooms. Gentlemen, too, may escort their wearied partners to this haven for a moment’s light refection and rest after dancing. Iced lemonade should also be served here, and the room never left without an attendant.
Many who do not care for a heavy supper, are wont to resort to this room, where tiny sandwiches, maccaroons, etc., should also be in readiness.
A smoking-room is frequently provided at large entertainments where the gentlemen may retire. Cigars, effervescent waters, and lemonade are furnished here, and sometimes stronger drinks. This last, however, is a question which every hostess must settle according to her own convictions. If wines are furnished, champagne and claret punch are the usual choice, and a trusted attendant should be at hand to serve them. Those who patronize this room will, if they wish to lay any claim to the name of “gentlemen,” carefully refrain from the slightest over-indulgence in these cooling, but deceptive drinks.
If there should be no smoking-room set aside, gentlemen must never smoke in their dressing-room. To do so is especially thoughtless and impolite.
Host and Hostess.
In giving a ball the hostess, upon whom the greatest strain will fall, must be sure of her own physical and mental strength. To stand for two consecutive hours in one spot and receive each comer with the same sweet courtesy is a severe strain upon both.
Daughters, young lady relatives or ladies invited to receive, are usually at hand to support her. The host, if there be one, does not stand beside his wife to receive, but is usually not far away and should assist in making the occasion an agreeable one.
Sons of the house do not seek their own pleasure at such a time, but quietly endeavor, aided by the daughters or receiving ladies, to provide dancing and supper partners for all present. Sometimes two or three young men are appointed beforehand to attend to this duty.
The hostess, while richly dressed, should never show any desire by the elaborateness of her costume to outshine her guests.
Should an obtuse cabman, misled by some similarity of name or error in number (as may occur in large cities), permit a perplexed guest, perhaps a stranger, to drift across the wrong threshold, let it be a hospitable one. The hostess, though she may not be able to unravel the mystery, should be gracious and attentive.
Arrival and Departure.
The first move after leaving the dressing-rooms is for ladies to join their escorts and proceed to the drawing-rooms.
In going up or down stairs the gentleman always precedes the lady by several steps, unless they walk side by side. This rule holds good on every occasion. A lady, if she wishes the gentleman’s assistance should take his right arm, thus leaving her right hand free to carry her train. Her bouquet or fan may be carried in the hand upon his arm.
Gentlemen and ladies never enter the room arm in arm, no matter what their relationship may be. A lady enters somewhat in advance of a gentleman accompanying her, but at the side of a maiden whom she chaperons. A mother precedes her daughter.
Do not offer to shake hands with the hostess as you bow, unless she makes the initiatory move, since where the number invited is large the process becomes somewhat wearisome. Many hostesses prefer to sweep a graceful courtesy as they receive their guests.
Do not remain chatting with the receiving party. A bow, and a simple exchange of kindly inquiries, is sufficient, when you should pass on immediately to leave room for others. A gentleman’s next duty is to search out his host and exchange the courtesies of the evening with him. Any who may arrive late should at once search out both host and hostess to offer a belated greeting.
A stranger who has received an invitation through friends, should be introduced to both host and hostess and to any daughters of the house. If a gentleman, he should be sure to invite the ladies to dance.
At a large ball any formal leave-taking is unnecessary. To
“Fold your tents like the Arabs, And as silently steal away,”
is quite the thing. Do not make such a stir by your going as to call attention to your departure, apparently wishing others to take notice of it.
The Escort.
The escort of a young lady owes her attention beyond all others he may meet in the ball-room. He should assist her from the carriage, accompany her to the dressing-room door, and after due time return to escort her to the reception-room. He must be her partner in the opening dance and should also put his name down for the one immediately preceding supper, since it is expected that the gentleman dancing with a lady then will take her out to supper, and there see that all her wants are anticipated. If, for any reason, he cannot do this, he must see that she is suitably attended; a gentleman taking a lady into the supper-room must also escort her back to the ball-room and leave her wherever she may desire.
If there should be any seeming neglect he must see that she is provided with partners for as many dances as she may desire; never dancing himself unless she, too, is on the floor, or, if she prefer, sitting out the dance with some pleasant companion. He may introduce other gentlemen to her, after asking her permission.
It is his privilege to send her a bouquet for the occasion, and he first asks what the lady’s costume is to be, in order to harmonize the color of the flowers with the shade of the dress, since it would be most annoying to send blue violets to be worn with a sea-green gown.
It is the lady’s privilege to suggest the hour of departure. After seeing her safely within her own door he should leave; even if she asks him to enter he should politely refuse, remembering, however, to call upon her within two days.
Receiving Ladies.
Ladies called upon to assist in receiving are not to consider their duties ended when they have supported the hostess through the trying hours of standing to greet her guests, but are supposed (though they too often fail in this) to mingle with the company, seeing that strangers and timid or non-attractive girls are not allowed to remain wall-flowers for any length of time. Bashful men, too, must not be left without partners, and all should be provided with escorts to supper.
These things are a part of the hostess’ duty, but in a large entertainment it is quite beyond her power to attend to all the claims upon her time.
The sons of the house, and sometimes a few other especially deputized young men, must sacrifice their own preferences in order to give pleasure to others. If the number of ladies exceed that of gentlemen, these aids frequently take two out to supper.
Daughters of the house, together with receiving ladies and the hostess, do not go out to supper until the last guests are supplied with partners. However, should the hostess be expected to accompany some distinguished gentleman to the table, she will delegate her duties to another.
General Rules for Observance.
Gentlemen may introduce other men to ladies of their own family or to friends, first asking their permission or the permission of their chaperons. In case of a chaperon, the introduction is made first to her and then to the young lady, and the gentleman at close of the dance returns his partner to her chaperon.
Where the gentleman is well acquainted with the lady, a short promenade is often indulged in; but if the gentleman be a stranger to her, she should not expect this, for he may have another engagement, and will return her immediately to the side of her chaperon or some lady friend she may designate. In Europe this promenading is not allowed, the young lady being at once escorted back to her chaperon after dancing.
Supper being announced, a gentleman, having no other engagement, offers his arm to the lady with whom he may be talking or dancing and escorts her out, unless some previous partner arrives to claim her before his invitation is given. Once given, a lady is not free (unusual circumstances excepted) to decline it, even though she may have expected another to offer her the same attention. If she be accompanied by a chaperon, the elder lady is invited at the same time, and it is to her that his arm is offered, the younger lady walking by her side. For two ladies to each take an arm is not good form.
A gentleman requesting a lady for a certain dance, should never ask if she is engaged for it. He may request the pleasure or honor of her company for the next dance, and he will learn from her answer whether she be free, without compelling her to acknowledge at the last moment that she has been hitherto unsought.
Formality of Introductions.