SCENE IV.
_A Gallery in_ OLIVIA'S _House_.
_Enter_ MARIA, _with a black Gown and Hood, and_ CLOWN.
_Mar._ Nay, I pr'ythee, put on this gown and hood; make him believe, thou art Sir Topas the curate; do it quickly: I'll call Sir Toby the whilst.
[_Exit_ MARIA.
_Clo._ Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in't; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown.
_Enter_ SIR TOBY _and_ MARIA.
_Sir To._ Jove bless thee, master parson.
_Clo._ _Bonos dies_, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, _That, that is, is_; so I, being master parson, am master parson: For what is that, but that? and is, but is?
_Sir To._ To him, Sir Topas.
_Clo._ [_Opens the door of an inner Room_] What, hoa, I say,--Peace in this prison!
_Sir To._ The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.
_Mal._ [_In the inner Room._] Who calls there?
_Clo._ Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.
_Mal._ Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.
_Clo._ Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
_Sir To._ Well said, master parson.
_Mal._ Sir Topas, never was man thus wrong'd; good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have bound me, hand and foot, and laid me here in hideous darkness.
_Clo._ Say'st thou, that house is dark?
_Mal._ As hell, Sir Topas.
_Clo._ Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness, but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled, than the Egyptians in their fog.
_Mal._ I say this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused: I am no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant question.
_Clo._ What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild-fowl?
_Mal._ That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.
_Clo._ What thinkest thou of his opinion?
_Mal._ I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.
_Clo._ Fare thee well: Remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
_Mal._ Sir Topas, Sir Topas,--
_Sir To._ My most exquisite Sir Topas,--
_Clo._ Nay, I am for all waters. [_Takes off the gown and hood, and gives them to_ MARIA.]
_Mar._ Thou might'st have done this without thy hood and gown; he sees thee not.
_Sir To._ To him in thine own voice, and bring us word how thou find'st him: Come by and by to my chamber. [_Exeunt_ SIR TOBY _and_ MARIA.
_Clo._ [_Sings._] _Hey Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does._
_Mal._ Fool,--fool,--good fool,--
_Clo._ Who calls, ha?
_Mal._ As ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper; as I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for't.
_Clo._ Master Malvolio!
_Mal_. Ay, good fool.
_Clo._ Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
_Mal._ Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused: I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.
_Clo._ But as well! then you are mad, indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.
_Mal._ Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady; it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.
_Clo._ I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you not mad, indeed? or do you but counterfeit?
_Mal._ Believe me, I am not: I tell thee true.
_Clo._ Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman, till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink.
_Mal._ Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree. I pr'ythee, be gone.
_Clo._ [_Shuts the door of the inner Room, and sings._] _I am gone, sir, And anon, sir, I'll be with you again, &c._ [_Exit._