Part 2

Do you think that business slavery can compare to household slavery? I think it's heartrending to see an attractive girl like Laura shut up in a poky little house doing drudgery and tending a baby. Think of it, having to take care of her own baby! Why, it's an outrage. If Gordon was half a man, he'd get her a trained baby nurse so she wouldn't have to _look_ at the poor little thing--

MRS. JOHNS

(_scathing_)

Yes, how sad that Gordon should have to entrust his son to amateur care when it needs scientific attention.

MRS. SHEFF

Poor darling Laura--she never ought to have had a baby.

MRS. JOHNS

Gordon is too intellectual to be bothered with these domestic details. He ought to be able to concentrate on his work.

MRS. SHEFF

(_coming close to Mrs. Johns, feigning great rage, but grimacing to show it is merely acting_)

Well, if you don't think my daughter is good enough for your son, I can always take her home with _me_. I guess I can find room for her, and we can put the child in an institution. (_Both nearly laughs but recover themselves_.)

MRS. JOHNS

Don't worry. _I'll_ take the child. He's a Johns anyway, not a Sheffield. And you just watch Gordon, when he's relieved of all this family worry and quarreling. He'll make his mark in the world. He's too fine to be tied down by a wife that doesn't understand him.

MRS. SHEFF

Oh, how happy Laura will be to hear this. My sweet, clever, attractive, economical, sensible little girl, free at last. Her married life has been a nightmare. That great, hulking, selfish man has tried to trample all the joy out of her. He shan't do it.

MRS. JOHNS

I never heard of a young husband as self-sacrificing as Gordon. I don't believe he _ever_ goes out for an evening with other men, and he _never_ spends anything on himself--

MRS. SHEFF

I think the way Laura runs her little home is just wonderful. See how she struggles to keep her kitchen in order--this miserable, inconvenient little kitchen, no gas, no pantry, no decent help. I think it's _terrible_ she has had to put up with so much--(_They pause, and listen at the door, L. The kitchen is now spick and span. Mrs. Johns makes a gesture to indicate that Laura is taking it all in, offstage._)

MRS. JOHNS

Well, then, it's all settled.

MRS. SHEFF

Yes. As Laura's mother, I can't let her go on like this. A husband, a home, and a baby--it's enough to ruin any woman.

MRS. JOHNS

It's only fair to both sides to end it all. I never heard of such brutal hardships. Gordon can't fight against these things any longer. Throwing away a soupbone and three slices of bread! I wonder he doesn't go mad.

MRS. SHEFF

We've saved them just in time. (_They look at each other knowingly, with the air of those who have done a sound bit of work, Then they stealthily open the door at the rear, and exeunt up the back stairs,_)

*****

(_There is a brief pause; then the door L opens like an explosion, and Laura bursts in, She stands for a moment, wild-eyed, stamps her foot in a passion, Then she seizes one of the baby shirts from the rack, and drops into the chair by the table, crying. She buries her head in her arms, concealing the shirt, Enter Gordon, R, He stands uncertainly, evidently feeling like a fool._)

GORDON

I'm sorry, I--I left my pipe in here. (_Finds it by the sink,_)

LAURA

(_her face still hidden_)

Oh, Gordie, _was_ it all a mistake?

GORDON

(_troubled, pats her shoulder tentatively_)

Now listen, Creature, don't. You'll make yourself sick.

LAURA

I never thought I'd hear such things--from my own mother.

GORDON

I never heard such rot. They must be mad, both of them.

LAURA

Then you were listening, too--

GORDON

Yes. Why, they're deliberately trying to set us against each other.

LAURA

They wouldn't have _dared_ speak like that if they had known we could hear. Gordon, I don't think it's _legal_--

GORDON

I'm afraid the law doesn't give one much protection against one's mothers.

LAURA

(_miserably_)

I guess she's right. I _am_ spoiled, and I _am_ silly, and I _am_ extravagant--

GORDON

Don't be silly, darling. That's crazy stuff. I'm _not_ overworked, and even if I were I'd love it, for you--

LAURA

I don't _want_ a nurse for Junior. I wouldn't have one in the house. (_Sits up, dishevelled, and displays the small shirt she has been clutching._) Gordon, I'm _not_ an amateur! I love that baby and I _am_ scientific. I keep a chart of his weight every week.

GORDON

Yes, I know, ducky, Gordon understands. Soon we'll be able to buy that scales you want, and we won't have to weigh him on the meat balance.

LAURA

_Nobody_ can take away my darling baby--

GORDON

It was my fault, dear. I _am_ obstinate and disagreeable--

LAURA

I'll speak to Ethel about the garbage--

GORDON

Ethel's all right. We're lucky to have her.

LAURA

Gordon, you mustn't work too hard. You know you're all I have--(_A sob_.) since Mother's gone back on me.

GORDON

(_patting her_)

I think it's frightful, the things they said. What are they trying to do, break up a happy home?

LAURA

We _are_ happy, aren't we?

GORDON

Well, I should say so. Did you ever hear me complain? (_Takes her in his arms_.)

LAURA

No, Gordie. It was cruel of them to try to make trouble between us--but, perhaps, some of the things they said--

GORDON

Were true?--

LAURA

Well, not exactly true, dear, but--interesting! --your mother is right, you _do_ have a hard time, and I'll try--

GORDON

(_stops her_)

No, _your_ mother is right. I've been a brute--

LAURA

I'm lucky to have such a husband--(_They are silent a moment_.)

GORDON

I suppose you'll think it an awful anticlimax--

LAURA

What, dear?

GORDON

Suppose we have something to eat?

LAURA

(_happily_)

Good idea. Quarreling always makes me hungry. (_They go to the icebox_.) I didn't really get any supper to speak of, I was worrying about everything so--

GORDON

(_opening icebox_)

You mean _dinner_, honey--among refined people!

LAURA

Don't be a tease. Come on, we'll have a snack-- (_She discovers Gordon s plate of left-overs_.)

GORDON

Throw out that junk--I was idiotic to save it.

LAURA

No, Gordie, you were quite right. We must save everything we can. Four or five heads of lettuce would make a new shirt for Junior.

GORDON

(_bewildered_)

Lettuce?

LAURA

I mean, if we saved that much, it would make enough money to buy him a new little vest. He's getting so enormous--(_She puts plate of left-overs on the table, with some other cold food._)

GORDON

There, now, this is better. (_They sit down at table._)

LAURA

(_thoughtfully_)

You know, Gordie, we mustn't let them know we heard them.

GORDON

No, I suppose not. But it's hard to forgive that sort of talk.

LAURA

Even if they did say atrocious things, I think they really love us--

GORDON

We'll be a bit cold and stand-offish until things blow over.

LAURA

(_complacently_)

If I'm ever a mother-in-law, I shall try to be _very_ understanding--

GORDON

Yes, Creature. Do you remember why I call you Creature?

LAURA

Do I not?

GORDON

There was an adjective omitted, you remember.

LAURA

Oh, Gordie, that's one of the troubles of married life. So many of the nice adjectives seem to get omitted.

GORDON

Motto for married men: Don't run short of adjectives!--You remember what the adjective was?

LAURA

Tell me.

GORDON

_Adorable_, It was an abbreviation for Adorable Creature--(_Holds her, They are both perfectly happy_.) I love our little Thursday evenings. laura (_partly breaks from his embrace_)

Sssh! (_Listens,_) Was that the baby?

CURTAIN