SCENE II.--_A Room in_ Sir DAVY DUNCE'S _House_.

_Enter_ Sir DAVY DUNCE.

_Sir Dav._ Troth, I had forgot my medal and chain, quite, and clean forgot my relic; I was forced to come up these back stairs, for fear of meeting my wife again; it is the troublesomest loving fool! I must into my closet, and write a short letter too; 'tis post-night, I had forgot that: well, I would not have my wife catch me for a guinea. [_Exit._

_Enter_ BEAUGARD _and_ Lady DUNCE.

_Beau._ Are you very certain, madam, nobody is this way? I fancy, as we entered, I saw the glimpse of something more than ordinary.

_L. Dunce._ Is it your care of me, or your personal fears, that make you so suspicious? Whereabouts was the apparition?

_Beau._ There, there, just at the very door.

_L. Dunce._ Fie for shame! that's Sir Davy's closet; and he, I am satisfied, is far enough off by this time. I'm sure I heard the coach drive him away. But to convince you, you shall see now: Sir Davy, Sir Davy, Sir Davy. [_Knocking at the closet-door._] Look you there, you a captain, and afraid of a shadow! Come, sir, shall we call for the cards?

_Beau._ And what shall we play for, pretty one?

_L. Dunce._ E'en what you think best, sir.

_Beau._ Silver kisses, or golden joys? Come, let us make stakes a little.

_Enter_ Sir JOLLY JUMBLE, _unobserved_.

_Sir Jol._ Ah rogue, ah rogue! are you there? Have I caught you in faith, now, now, now? [_Aside._

_L. Dunce._ And who shall keep them?

_Beau._ You, till Sir Davy returns from supper.

_L. Dunce._ That may be long enough; for our engine Fourbin has orders not to give him over suddenly, I assure you.

_Beau._ And is't to yourself, then, I'm obliged for this blest opportunity? Let us improve it to love's best advantage.

_Sir Jol._ Ah--ah! [_Aside._

_Beau._ Let's vow eternal, and raise our thoughts to expectation of immortal pleasures: in one another's eyes let's read our joys, till we've no longer power o'er our desires, drunk with this dissolving. Oh!

_Re-enter_ Sir _Davy Dunce from his closet_.

_L. Dunce._ Ah! [_Squeaks._

_Beau._ By this light, the cuckold! Presto, nay, then halloo! [_Gets up, and runs away._

_Sir Dav._ O Lord, a man--a man in my wife's chamber! Murder! murder! Thieves! thieves! shut up my doors! Madam! madam! madam!

_Sir Jol._ Ay, ay! Thieves! thieves! Murder! murder! Where, neighbour, where, where?

_L. Dunce._ [_Catches up_ BEAUGARD's _sword, which he had left behind him in the hurry, and presents it to_ Sir DAVY.] Pierce, pierce this wretched heart hard to the hilts; dye this in the deepest crimson of my blood; spare not a miserable woman's life, whom Heaven designed to be the unhappy object of the most horrid usage man e'er acted.

_Sir Dav._ What, in the name of Satan, does she mean now?

_L. Dunce._ Curse on my fatal beauty! blasted ever be these two baneful eyes, that could inspire a barbarous villain to attempt such crimes as all my blood's too little to atone for: nay, you shall hear me--

_Sir Dav._ Hear you, madam! No, I have seen too much, I thank you heartily; hear you, quoth-a!

_L. Dunce._ Yes, and before I die too, I'll be justified.

_Sir Dav._ Justified, O Lord, justified!

_L. Dunce._ Notice being given me of your return, I came with speed to this unhappy place, where I have oft been blest with your embraces, when from behind the arras out starts Beaugard; how he came there Heaven knows.

_Sir Dav._ I'll have him hanged for burglary; he has broken my house, and broke the peace upon my wife: very good.

_L. Dunce._ Straight in his arms he grasped me fast; with much ado I plunged and got my freedom, ran to your closet-door, knocked and implored your aid, called on your name; but all in vain--

_Sir Dav._ Ha!

_L. Dunce._ Soon again he seized me, stopped my mouth, and, with a conqueror's fury--

_Sir Dav._ O Lord! O Lord! no more, no more, I beseech thee; I shall grow mad, and very mad! I'll plough up rocks and adamantine iron bars; I'll crack the frame of nature, sally out like Tamberlane upon the Trojan horse, and drive the pigmies all like geese before me. O Lord, stop her mouth! Well, and how? and what then? stopped thy mouth! well! ha!

_L. Dunce._ No, though unfortunate, I still am innocent; his cursed purpose could not be accomplished; but who will live so injured? No, I'll die to be revenged on myself: I ne'er can hope that I may see his streaming gore; and thus I let out my own-- [_Offers to run upon the sword._

_Sir Dav._ Ha, what wouldst thou do, my love? Pr'ythee don't break my heart: if thou wilt kill, kill me; I know thou art innocent, I see thou art; though I had rather be a cuckold a thousand times, than lose thee, poor love, poor dearee, poor baby.

_Sir Jol._ Alack-a-day! [_Weeps._

_L. Dunce._ Ah me!

_Sir Dav._ Ah, pr'ythee be comforted now, pr'ythee do; why, I'll love thee the better for this, for all this, mun; why shouldst be troubled for another's ill doings? I know it was no fault of thine.

_Sir Jol._ No, no more it was not, I dare swear. [_Aside._

_Sir Dav._ See, see, my neighbour weeps too; he's troubled to see thee thus.

_L. Dunce._ Oh, but revenge!

_Sir Dav._ Why, thou shalt have revenge; I'll have him murdered; I'll have his throat cut before to-morrow morning, child: rise now, pr'ythee rise.

_Sir Jol._ Ay, do, madam, and smile upon Sir Davy.

_L. Dunce._ But will you love me then as well as e'er you did?

_Sir Dav._ Ay, and the longest day I live too.

_L. Dunce._ And shall I have justice done me on that prodigious monster?

_Sir Dav._ Why, he shall be crows'-meat by to-morrow night; I tell thee he shall be crows'-meat by midnight, chicken.

_L. Dunce._ Then I will live; since so, 'tis something pleasant:

When I in peace may lead a happy life With such a husband--

_Sir Dav._ I with such a wife. [_Exeunt._

FOOTNOTES:

[40] Rosamond's Pond (not Ponds) was at the S.W. side of St. James's Park. It was filled up more than a century ago.

ACT THE FOURTH.