SCENE III.

_Another Chamber in_ SIR BOUNTEOUS’S _House_.

_Enter_ GUMWATER, _with_ FOLLYWIT _disguised as the Courtesan and masked_.

GUM. Come, lady: you know where you are now? FOL. Yes, good master Gumwater. GUM. This is the old closet, you know. FOL. I remember it well, sir. GUM. There stands a casket: I would my yearly revenue were but worth the wealth that’s locked in’t, lady! yet I have fifty pound a-year, wench. FOL. Beside your apparel, sir? GUM. Yes, faith, have I. FOL. But then you reckon your chain,[856] sir. GUM. No, by my troth, do I not, neither: faith, and[857] you consider me rightly, sweet lady, you might admit a choice gentleman into your service. FOL. O, pray away, sir! GUM. Pusha,[858] come, come; you do but hinder your fortunes, i’faith: I have the command of all the house, I can tell you; nothing comes into th’ kitchen, but comes through my hands. FOL. Pray do not handle me, sir. GUM. Faith you’re too nice, lady; and as for my secrecy, you know I have vowed it often to you. FOL. Vowed it? no, no, you men are fickle. GUM. Fickle? ’sfoot! bind me, lady—— FOL. Why, I bind you by virtue of this chain to meet me to-morrow at the Flower-de-luce yonder, between nine and ten. GUM. And if I do not, lady, let me lose it, thy love, and my best fortunes! FOL. Why, now I’ll try you; go to. GUM. Farewell, sweet lady! [_Kisses_ FOLLYWIT, _and exit_. FOL. Welcome, sweet coxcomb! by my faith, a good induction! I perceive by his overworn phrase, and his action toward the middle region still, there has been some saucy nibbling motion; and no doubt the cunning quean waited but for her prey: and I think ’tis better bestowed upon me, for his soul’s health, and his body’s too. I’ll teach the slave to be so bold yet, as once to offer to vault into his master’s saddle, i’faith. Now, casket, by your leave: I’ve[859] seen your outside oft, but that’s no proof; Some have fair outsides that are nothing worth. [_Rifles the casket._ Ha! now, by my faith, a gentlewoman of very good parts; diamond, ruby, sapphire; _Onyx cum prole silexque_![860] if I do not wonder how the quean ’scaped tempting, I’m an hermaphrodite! sure she could lack nothing, but the devil to point to’t; and I wonder that he should be missing: well, ’tis better as it is. This is the fruit of old grunting venery; grandsire, you may thank your drab for this. O fie, in your crinkling days, grandsire, keep a courtesan, to hinder your grandchild! ’tis against nature, i’faith, and I hope you’ll be weary on’t. Now to my villains that lurk close below: Who keeps a harlot, tell him this from me, He needs nor thief, disease, nor enemy. [_Exit._

_Enter_ SIR BOUNTEOUS.

SIR B. Ah, sirrah, methink I feel myself well toasted, bombasted, rubbed, and refreshed! but, i’faith, I cannot forget to think how soon sickness has altered her to my taste. I gave her a kiss at bottom o’ th’ stairs, and, by th’ mass, methought her breath had much ado to be sweet; like a thing compounded, methought, of wine, beer, and tobacco; I smelt much pudding[861] in’t. It may be but my fancy, or her physic: For this I know, her health gave such content, The fault rests in her sickness, or my scent.— How dost thou now, sweet girl? what, well recover’d? Sickness quite gone, ha? speak—ha? wench? Frank Gullman!—

Why, body of me, what’s here? my casket wide open, broke open, my jewels stolen!—Why, Gumwater!

_Re-enter_ GUMWATER.

GUM. Anon, anon, sir. SIR B. Come hither, Gumwater. GUM. That were small manners, sir, i’faith: I’ll find a time anon; your worship’s busy yet. SIR B. Why, Gumwater! GUM. Foh, nay then you’ll make me blush, i’faith, sir—— SIR B. Where’s this creature? GUM. What creature is’t you’d have, sir? SIR B. The worst that ever breathes. GUM. That’s a wild boar, sir. SIR B. That’s a vild[862] whore, sir;—where didst thou leave her, rascal? GUM. Who? your recreation, sir? SIR B. My execration, sir! GUM. Where I was wont; in your worship’s closet. SIR B. A pox engross her! it appears too true. See you this casket, sir? GUM. My chain, my chain, my chain! my one and only chain! [_Exit._ SIR B. Thou runnest to much purpose now, Gumwater, yea! Is not a quean enough to answer for, but she must join a thief to’t? a thieving quean! nay, I have done with her, i’faith. ’Tis a sign sh’as been sick a’ late; for she’s a great deal worse than she was: by my troth, I would have pawned my life upon’t. Did she want any thing? was she not supplied? Nay, and liberally; for that’s an old man’s sin: We’ll feast our lechery, though we starve our kin. Is not my name sir Bounteous? am I not express’d there? Ah, fie, fie, fie, fie, fie! but I perceive, Though she have never so complete a friend, A strumpet’s love will have a waft[863] i’ th’ end, And distaste the vessel. I can hardly bear this; But say, I should complain; perhaps she has pawn’d ’em— ’S foot, the judges will but laugh at it, and bid her borrow more money of ’em; make the old fellow pay for’s lechery; that’s all the mends I get. I have seen the same case tried at Newbury the last ’sizes. Well, things must slip and sleep; I will dissemble it, Because my credit shall not lose her lustre: But whilst I live, I’ll neither love nor trust her. I ha’ done, I ha’ done, I ha’ done with her, i’faith! [_Exit._