ACT II. SCENE I.

_A Hall in_ SIR BOUNTEOUS PROGRESS’S _Country House_.

_Enter_ SIR BOUNTEOUS PROGRESS _and two Knights_.

FIRST K. You have been too much like your name, sir Bounteous. SIR B. O, not so, good knights, not so; you know my humour: most welcome, good sir Andrew Pollcut;[757] sir Aquitain Colewort, most welcome. BOTH. Thanks, good sir Bounteous. [_Exeunt at one door._

_At the other door, enter in haste one of_ FOLLYWIT’S _companions disguised as a Footman_.

FOOT. O, cry your worship heartily mercy, sir! SIR B. How now, linen stockings and threescore mile a-day? whose footman art thou? FOOT. Pray, can your worship tell me—ho, ho, ho!—if my lord be come in yet. SIR B. Thy lord! what lord? FOOT. My lord Owemuch, sir. SIR B. My lord Owemuch? I have heard much speech of that lord; has great acquaintance i’ th’ city; that lord has been much followed. FOOT. And is still, sir; he wants no company when he’s in London: he’s free of the mercers, and there’s none of ’em all dare cross him. SIR B. And[758] they did, he’d turn over a new leaf with ’em; he would make ’em all weary on’t i’ th’ end. Much fine rumour have I heard of that lord, yet had I never the fortune to set eye upon him: art sure he will alight here, footman? I am afraid thou’rt mistook.

FOOT. Thinks your worship so, sir? by your leave, sir. [_Going._ SIR B. Pooh, passion of me, footman! why, pumps, I say, come back! FOOT. Does your worship call? SIR B. Come hither, I say. I am but afraid on’t; would it might happen so well! How dost know? did he name the house with the great turret a’ th’ top? FOOT. No, faith, did he not, sir. [_Going._ SIR B. Come hither, I say. Did he speak of a cloth-a’-gold chamber? FOOT. Not one word, by my troth, sir. [_Going._ SIR B. Come again, you lousy seven-mile-an-hour! FOOT. I beseech your worship, detain me not. SIR B. Was there no talk of a fair pair of organs,[759] a great gilt candlestick, and a pair of silver snuffers? FOOT. ’Twere sin to belie my lord; I heard no such words, sir. [_Going._ SIR B. A pox confine thee! come again, pooh! FOOT. Your worship will undo me, sir. SIR B. Was there no speech of a long dining-room, a huge kitchen, large meat, and a broad dresser-board? FOOT. I have a greater maw to that indeed, an’t please your worship. SIR B. Whom did he name? FOOT. Why, one sir Bounteous Progress. SIR B. Ah, a, a! I am that sir Bounteous, you progressive round-about rascal. FOOT. Pooh! [_Laughs._[760] SIR B. I knew I should have him i’ th’ end: there’s not a lord will miss me, I thank their good honours; ’tis a fortune laid upon me; they can scent out their best entertainment. I have a kind of complimental gift given me above ordinary country knights; and how soon ’tis smelt out! I warrant ye, there’s not one knight i’ th’ shire able to entertain a lord i’ th’ cue, or a lady i’ th’ nick, like me;—like me! there’s a kind of grace belongs to’t, a kind of art which naturally slips from me; I know not on’t, I promise you, ’tis gone before I’m aware on’t—cuds me, I forget myself—where——

_Enter Servants._

FIRST S. Does your worship call? SIR B. Run, sirrah! call in my chief gentleman i’ th’ chain of gold;[761] expedite. [_Exit First Servant._]— And how does my good lord? I never saw him before in my life.—A cup of bastard[762] for this footman! FOOT. My lord has travelled this five year, sir. SIR B. Travelled this five year? how many children has he?—Some bastard, I say! FOOT. No bastard, an’t please your worship. SIR B. A cup of sack to strengthen his wit!— [_Exit Second Servant, and returns with the wine._

The footman’s a fool.

_Enter_ GUMWATER.

O, come hither, master Gumwater, come hither: send presently to master Pheasant for one of his hens; there’s partridge i’ th’ house? GUM. And wild-duck, an’t please your worship. SIR B. And woodcock, an’t please thy worship. GUM. And woodcock, an’t please your worship.—I had thought to have spoke before you. SIR B. Remember the pheasant, down with some plover, clap down six woodcocks; my lord’s[763] coming: now, sir. GUM. An’t please your worship, there’s a lord and his followers newly alighted. SIR B. Despatch, I say, despatch: why, where’s my music? he’s come indeed. [_Exit_ GUMWATER.

_Enter_ FOLLYWIT _dressed as a lord, with_ MAWWORM, HOBOY, _and others, in blue coats_.[764]

FOL. Footman! FOOT. My lord? FOL. Run swiftly with my commendations to sir Jasper Topaz: we’ll ride and visit him i’ th’ morning, say. FOOT. Your lordship’s charge shall be effected. [_Exit._ FOL. That courtly, comely form should present to me Sir Bounteous Progress. SIR B. You’ve found me out, my lord; I cannot hide myself: Your honour is most spaciously welcome. FOL. In this forgive me, sir, That being a stranger to your house[765] and you, I make my way so bold; and presume Rather upon your kindness than your knowledge; Only your bounteous disposition Fame hath divulg’d, and is to me well known. SIR B. Nay, and your lordship know my disposition, you know me better than they that know my person; your honour is so much the welcomer for that. FOL. Thanks, good sir Bounteous. SIR B. Pray, pardon me; it has been often my ambition, my lord, both in respect of your honourable presence, and the prodigal fame that keeps even stroke with your unbounded worthiness, To have wish’d your lordship where your lordship is, A noble guest in this unworthy seat: Your lordship ne’er heard my organs? FOL. Heard of ’em, sir Bounteous, but never heard ’em. SIR B. They’re but double-gilt, my lord; some hundred and fifty pound will fit your lordship with such another pair.[766] FOL. Indeed, sir Bounteous! SIR B. O, my lord, I have a present suit to you! FOL. To me, sir Bounteous? and you could ne’er speak at fitter time, for I’m here present to grant you. SIR B. Your lordship has been a traveller? FOL. Some five year, sir. SIR B. I have a grandchild, my lord; I love him; and when I die I’ll do somewhat for him: I’ll tell your honour the worst of him, a wild lad he has been. FOL. So we have been all, sir. SIR B. So we have been all indeed, my lord; I thank your lordship’s assistance. Some comic pranks he has been guilty of; but I’ll pawn my credit for him, an honest, trusty bosom. FOL. And that’s worth all, sir. SIR B. And that’s worth all indeed, my lord, for he’s like to have all when I die: _imberbis juvenis_, his chin has no more prickles yet than a midwife’s; there’s great hope of his wit, his hair’s so long a-coming. Shall I be bold with your honour, to prefer this aforesaid Ganymede to hold a plate under your lordship’s cup? FOL. You wrong both his worth and your bounty, and[767] you call that boldness. Sir, I have heard much good of that young gentleman. SIR B. Nay, has a good wit, i’faith, my lord. FOL. Has carried himself always generously. SIR B. Are you advised of that, my lord? has carried many things cleanly. I’ll shew your lordship my will; I keep it above in an outlandish box; the whoreson boy must have all: I love him, yet he shall ne’er find it as long as I live. FOL. Well, sir, for your sake, and his own deserving, I’ll reserve a place for him nearest to my secrets. SIR B. I understand your good lordship; you’ll make him your secretary.—My music! give my lord a taste of his welcome. [_A strain played by the consort_:[768] SIR BOUNTEOUS _makes a courtly honour to_ FOLLYWIT, _and seems to foot the tune_.] So.—How like you our airs, my lord? are they choice? FOL. They’re seldom matched, believe it. SIR B. The consort of mine own household. FOL. Yea, sir! SIR B. The musicians are in ordinary, yet no ordinary musicians. Your lordship shall hear my organs now. FOL. O, I beseech you, sir Bounteous! SIR B. My organist! [_The organs play, and servants with covered dishes pass over the stage._]—Come, my lord, how does your honour relish my organ[s]? FOL. A very proud air, i’faith, sir. SIR B. O, how can’t choose? a Walloon plays upon ’em, and a Welchman blows wind in their breech. [_Exeunt._ [_A song to the organs._[769]