Part 23

(Constantine was allowed to speak next. On first entering the lists he was confident enough. But when he reflected on the exploits of the others he saw that his own were wholly trivial. He had defeated two tyrants, but, to tell the truth, one of them(650) was untrained in war and effeminate, the other(651) a poor creature and enfeebled by old age, while both were alike odious to gods and men. Moreover his campaigns against the barbarians covered him with ridicule. For he paid them tribute, so to speak, while he gave all his attention to Pleasure, who stood at a distance from the gods near the entrance to the moon. Of her indeed he was so enamoured that he had no eyes for anything else, and cared not at all for victory. However, as it was his turn and he had to say something, he began: “In the following respects I am superior to these others; to the Macedonian in having fought against Romans, Germans and Scythians, instead of Asiatic barbarians; to Caesar and Octavian in that I did not, like them, lead a revolution against brave and good citizens, but attacked only the most cruel and wicked tyrants. As for Trajan, I should naturally rank higher on account of those same glorious exploits against the tyrants, while it would be only fair to regard me as his equal on the score of that territory which he added to the empire, and I recovered; if indeed it be not more glorious to regain than to gain. As for Marcus here, by saying nothing for himself he yields precedency to all of us.” “But Constantine,” said Silenus, “are you not offering us mere gardens of Adonis(652) as exploits?” “What do you mean,” he asked, “by gardens of Adonis?” “I mean,” said Silenus, “those that women plant in pots, in honour of the lover of Aphrodite, by scraping together a little earth for a garden bed. They bloom for a little space and fade forthwith.” At this Constantine blushed, for he realised that this was exactly like his own performance.)

Ἡσυχίας δὲ γενομένης οἱ μὲν ἐῴκεσαν περιμένειν, ὄτῳ θήσονται τὴν ὑπὲρ τῶν πρωτείων οἱ θεοὶ ψῆφον· οἱ δ᾽ ᾤοντο δεῖν τὰς προαιρέσεις εἰς τοὐμφανὲς τῶν ἀνδρῶν προάγειν [330] καὶ οὐ κρίνειν ἐκ(653) τῶν πεπραγμένων αὐτοῖς, ὧν ἡ Τύχη μετεποιεῖτο τὸ πλεῖστον καὶ πάντων αὐτῶν καταβοῶσα παρειστήκει πλὴν Ὀκταβιανοῦ μόνου. τοῦτον δὲ εὐγνώμονα πρὸς ἑαυτὴν εἶναι ἔλεγεν. ἔδοξεν οὖν τοῖς θεοῖς ἐπιτρέψαι καὶ τοῦτο τῷ Ἑρμῇ, καὶ ἔδοσαν αὐτῷ πρῶτον [B] Ἀλεξάνδρου πυθέσθαι, τί νομίσειε κάλλιστον καὶ πρὸς τί βλέπων ἐργάσαιτο καὶ πάθοι πάντα ὅσαπερ δεδράκοι τε καὶ πεπόνθοι. ὁ δὲ ἔφη, Τὸ πάντα νικᾶν. εἶτα, εἶπεν ὁ Ἑρμῆς, οἴει σοι τοῦτο πεποιῆσθαι; καὶ μάλα, ἔφη ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος. ὁ δὲ Σειληνὸς τωθαστικῶς μάλα γελάσας, Ἀλλα ἐκράτουν γέ σου πολλάκις αἱ ἡμέτεραι θυγατέρες, αἰνιττόμενος τὰς ἀμπέλους, [C] τὸν Ἀλέξανδρον οἷα δή τινα μέθυσον καὶ φίλοινον σκώπτων. καὶ ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος ἅτε δὴ γέμων Περιπατητικῶν παρακουσμάτων, Οὐ τὰ ἄψυχα, ἔφη, νικᾶν· οὐδὲ γὰρ ἀγὼν ἡμῖν ἐστι πρὸς ταῦτα· ἀλλὰ πᾶν μὲν ἀνθρώπων, πᾶν δὲ θηρίων γένος, καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς ὥσπερ οἱ θαυμάζοντες εἰρωνικῶς μάλα, [D] Ἰού, ἰού, ἔφη τῶν διαλεκτικῶν κιγκλίδων. αὐτὸς δὲ ἡμῖν ἐν ποτέρῳ σαυτὸν θήσεις γένει, τῶν ἀψύχων ἢ τῶν ἐμψύχων τε καὶ ζώντων; καὶ ὃς ὥσπερ ἀγανακτήσας, Εὐφήμει, ἔφη· ὑπὸ γὰρ μεγαλοψυχίας, ὅτι δὴ καὶ θεὸς γενοίμην, μᾶλλον δ᾽ εἴην, ἐπεπείσμην. Αὐτὸς οὖν, εἶπεν, ἡττήθης σεαυτοῦ πολλάκις. Ἀλλ᾽ αὐτὸν ἑαυτοῦ, εἶπεν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος, κρατεῖν καὶ ἡττᾶσθαι ὁμωνύμως λέγεται· [331] ἐμοὶ δὲ ἦν ὑπὲρ τῶν πρὸς ἄλλους ὁ λόγος. Βαβαὶ τῆς διαλεκτικῆς, εἶπεν, ὅπως ἡμῶν τὰ σοφίσματα διελέγχεις. ἀλλ᾽ ἡνίκα, εἶπεν, ἐν Ἰνδοῖς ἐτρώθης καὶ ὁ Πευκέστης ἔκειτο παρὰ σέ, σὺ δὲ ἐξήγου ψυχορραγῶν τῆς πόλεως, ἆρα ἥττων ἦσθα τοῦ τρώσαντος, ἢ καὶ ἐκεῖνον ἐνίκας; Οὐκ ἐκεῖνον, ἔφη, μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ αὐτὴν ἐξεπόρθησα τὴν πόλιν. Οὐ σύ γε, εἶπεν, ὦ μακάριε· σὺ μὲν γὰρ ἔκεισο κατὰ τὸν Ὁμηρικὸν Ἕκτορα ὀλιγοδρανέων καὶ ψυχορραγῶν· [B] οἱ δὲ ἠγωνίζοντο καὶ ἐνίκων. Ἡγουμένων γ᾽ ἡμῶν, εἶπεν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Πῶς; οἵ γε ἐφέρεσθε μικροῦ νεκροί; εἶτα ᾖδε τῶν ἐξ Εὐριπίδου

(Silence was then proclaimed, and the Emperors thought they had only to wait till the gods decided to whom they would vote the first prize. But the latter agreed that they must bring to light the motives that had governed each, and not judge them by their actions alone, since Fortune had the greatest share in these. That goddess herself was standing near and kept reproaching all of them, with the single exception of Octavian; he, she said, had always been grateful to her. Accordingly the gods decided to entrust this enquiry also to Hermes, and he was told to begin with Alexander and to ask him what he considered the finest of all things, and what had been his object in doing and suffering all that he had done and suffered. “To conquer the world,” he replied. “Well,” asked Hermes, “do you think you accomplished this?” “I do indeed,” said Alexander. Whereupon Silenus with a malicious laugh exclaimed, “But you were often conquered yourself by my daughters!” by which he meant his vines, alluding to Alexander’s love of wine and intemperate habits. But Alexander was well stocked with Peripatetic subterfuges, and retorted, “Inanimate things cannot conquer; nor do we contend with such, but only with the whole race of men and beasts.” “Ah,” said Silenus, “behold the chicanery of logic! But tell me in which class you place yourself, the inanimate or the animate and living?” At this he seemed mortified and said, “Hush! Such my greatness of soul that I was convinced that I should become, or rather that I was already, a god.” “At any rate,” said Silenus, “you were often defeated by yourself.” “Nay,” retorted Alexander, “to conquer oneself or be defeated by oneself amounts to the same thing. I was talking of my victories over other men.” “No more of your logic!” cried Silenus, “how adroitly you detect my sophisms! But when you were wounded in India,(654) and Peucestes(655) lay near you and they carried you out of the town at your last gasp, were you defeated by him who wounded you, or did you conquer him?” “I conquered him, and what is more I sacked the town as well.” “Not you indeed, you immortal,” said Silenus, “for you were lying like Homer’s Hector in a swoon and at your last gasp. It was your soldiers who fought and conquered.” “Well but I led them,” said Alexander. “How so? When you were being carried away almost dead?” And then Silenus recited the passage in Euripides(656) beginning)

Οἴμοι, καθ᾽ Ἑλλάδ᾽ ὡς κακῶς νομίζεται, Ὅταν τρόπαιον πολεμίων στήσῃ στρατός.

(“Alas how unjust is the custom of the Greeks, when an army triumphs over the enemy—”)

καὶ ὁ Διόνυσος, Παῦσαι, εἶπεν, ὦ παππίδιον, τοιαῦτα λέγων, [C] μή σε οὗτος ὁποῖα τὸν Κλεῖτον ἐργάσηται.(657) καὶ ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος ἐρυθριάσας τε ἅμα καὶ ὥσπερ συγχυθεὶς ὑπὸ τῶν δακρύων τὰ ὄμματα ἐσιώπα. καὶ ὅδε μὲν ὧδε ἔληξεν ὁ λόγος.

(But Dionysus interrupted him saying “Stop, little father, say no more, or he will treat you as he treated Cleitus.” At that Alexander blushed, his eyes became suffused with tears and he said no more. Thus their conversation ended.)

Ὁ δὲ Ἑρμῆς ἤρετο πάλιν τὸν Καίσαρα, Σοὶ δέ, εἶπεν, ὦ Καῖσαρ, τίς ἐγένετο σκοπὸς τοῦ βίου; Τὸ πρωτεύειν, [D] ἔφη, τῆς ἐμαυτοῦ καὶ μηδενὸς μήτε εἶναι μήτε νομίζεσθαι(658) δεύτερον. Τοῦτο, εἶπεν ὁ Ἑρμῆς, ἀσαφές ἐστι· πότερον γάρ, εἰπέ,(659) κατὰ σοφίαν ἢ τὴν ἐν τοῖς λόγοις δεινότητα ἢ πολεμικὴν ἐμπειρίαν ἢ πολιτικὴν δύναμιν; Ἦν μὲν οὖν, ἔφη ὁ Καῖσαρ, ἡδύ μοι τῶν πάντων ἐν πᾶσιν εἶναι πρώτῳ· τούτου δὲ οὐ δυνάμενος ἐπιτυχεῖν τὸ δύνασθαι μέγιστον παρὰ τοῖς ἐμαυτοῦ πολίταις ἐζήλωσα. [332] Σὺ δέ, εἶπεν, ἐδυνήθης μέγα; πρὸς αὐτὸν ὁ Σειληνός. καὶ ὅς, Πάνυ γε, ἔφη· κύριος γοῦν αὐτῶν ἐγενόμην. Ἀλλὰ τοῦτο μέν, εἶπεν ἐδυνήθης· ἀγαπηθῆναι δὲ ὑπ᾽ αὐτῶν οὐχ οἷός τε ἐγένου, καὶ ταῦτα πολλὴν μὲν ὑποκρινάμενος ὥσπερ ἐν δράματι καὶ σκηνῷ φιλανθρωπίαν, αἰσχρῶς δὲ αὐτοὺς πάντας κολακεύων. Εἶτα οὖκ ἀγαπηθῆναι δοκῶ, [B] εἶπεν, ὑπὸ τοῦ δήμου τοῦ διώξαντος Βροῦτον καὶ Κάσσιον; Οὐκ ἐπειδή σε ἀπέκτειναν, ἔφη· διὰ τοῦτο μὲν γὰρ αὐτοὺς ὁ δῆμος ἐψηφίσατο εἶναι ὑπάτους· ἀλλὰ διὰ τὸ ἀργύριον, ἐπειδὴ τῶν διαθηκῶν ἀκροασάμενοι μισθὸν ἑώρων τῆς ἀγανακτήσεως αὐτοῖς οὔτοι(660) τὸν τυχόντα προσεγγεγραμμένον.

(Next Hermes began to question Caesar, and said, “And you, Caesar, what was the end and aim of your life?” “To hold the first place in my own country,” he replied, “and neither to be nor to be thought second to any man.” “This,” said Hermes, “is not quite clear. Tell me, was it in wisdom that you wished to be first, or in oratorical skill, or in military science, or the science of government?” “I should have liked well,” said Caesar, “to be first of all men in all of these; but as I could not attain to that, I sought to become the most powerful of my fellow‐citizens.” “And did you become so very powerful?” asked Silenus. “Certainly,” he replied, “since I made myself their master.” “Yes, that you were able to do; but you could not make yourself beloved by them, though you played the philanthropic rôle as though you were acting in a stage‐play, and flattered them all shamefully.” “What!” cried Caesar, “I not beloved by the people? When they punished Brutus and Cassius!” “That was not for murdering you,” replied Silenus, “since for that they elected them consuls!(661) No, it was because of the money you left them. When they had heard your will read they perceived what a fine reward was offered them in it for such resentment of your murder.”)

[C] Λήξαντος δὲ καὶ τοῦδε τοῦ λόγου, τὸν Ὀκταβιανὸν αὖθις ὁ Ἑρμῆς ἐκίνει. Σὺ δέ, εἶπεν, οὐκ ἐρεῖς ἡμῖν, τί κάλλιστον ἐνόμιζες εἶναι; καὶ ὅς, Βασιλεῦσαι, ἔφη, καλῶς. Τί δέ ἐστι τὸ καλῶς, ὧ Σεβαστέ, φράσον, ἐπεὶ τοῦτό γε ἔστι καὶ τοῖς πονηροτάτοις λέγειν. ᾤετο γοῦν καὶ Διονύσιος καλῶς βασιλεύειν καὶ ὁ τούτου μιαρώτερος Ἀγαθοκλῆς. Ἀλλ᾽ ἴστε, [D] εἶπεν, ὦ θεοί, ὡς προπέμπων τὸν θυγατριδοῦν ηὐξάμην ὑμῖν τόλμαν μὲν αὐτῷ δοῦναι τὴν Καίσαρος, δεινότητα δὲ τὴν Πομπηίου, τύχην δὲ τὴν ἐμήν. Πολλά, εἶπεν ὁ Σειληνός, καὶ θεῶν ὄντως σωτήρων ἔργα δεόμενα συνεφόρησεν οὗτος ὁ κοροπλάθος. Εἶτα διὰ τί τοῦτο, ἔφη, τὸ ὄνομά μοι γελοῖον οὕτως ἔθου; Ἢ γὰρ οὐκ ἔπλαττες ἡμῖν, εἶπεν, ὥσπερ ἐκεῖνοι τὰς νύμφας, ὦ Σεβαστέ, θεούς, ὧν ἕνα καὶ πρῶτον τουτονὶ Καίσαρα; [333] καὶ ὁ μὲν Ὀκταβιανὸς ὥσπερ δυσωπούμενος ἀπεσιώπησεν.

(When this dialogue ended, Hermes next accosted Octavian. “Now for you,” he said, “will you please tell us what _you_ thought the finest thing in the world?” “To govern well,” he replied. “You must say what you mean by ‘well,’ Augustus. Govern well! The wickedest tyrants claim to do that. Even Dionysius,(662) I suppose, thought that he governed well, and so did Agathocles(663) who was a still greater criminal.” “But you know, O ye gods,” said Octavian, “that when I parted with my grandson(664) I prayed you to give him the courage of Caesar, the cleverness of Pompey, and my own good fortune.” “What a many things,” cried Silenus, “that do need really saving gods have been jumbled together by this doll‐maker!” “Why pray do you give me that ridiculous name?” asked the other. “Why,” he replied, “just as they model nymphs did you not model gods,(665) Augustus, and first and foremost Caesar here?” At this Octavian seemed abashed and said no more.)

Ὁ δὲ Ἑρμῆς πρὸς τὸν Τραïανὸν βλέψας, Σὺ δέ, εἶπε, τί διανοούμενος ἔπραττες ὅσαπερ ἔπραξας; Τῶν αὐτῶν Ἀλεξάνδρῳ σωφρονέστερον, εἶπεν, ὠρέχθην. καὶ ὁ Σειληνός, Ἡττήθης μὲν οὖν,(666) εἶπε, καὶ σὺ τῶν ἀγεννεστέρων. ὁ μὲν γὰρ θυμοῦ τὸ πλεῖστον ἥττων ἦν, σὺ δὲ αἰσχρᾶς ἡδονῆς καὶ ἐπονειδίστου. [B] Βάλλ᾽ εἰς μακαρίαν, εἶπεν ὁ Διόνυσος, ἐπεὶ σκώπτεις σὺ πάντας αὐτοὺς καὶ ποιεῖς οὐδὲν ὑπὲρ ἑαυτῶν λέγειν. ἀλλ᾽ ἐπ᾽ ἐκείνων εἶχέ σοι χώραν τὰ σκώμματα· πρόσεχε δὲ νῦν, ὅπως ἀντιλήψῃ τοῦ Μάρκου δοκεῖ γὰρ εἶναί μοί πως ἀνὴρ κατὰ τὸν Σιμωνίδην τετράγωνος ἄνευ ψόγου τετυγμένος. ὁ Ἑρμῆς δὲ βλέψας εἰς τὸν Μάρκον, Σοὶ δέ, εἶπεν, ὦ Βῆρε, τί κάλλιστον ἐδόκει τοῦ βίου τέλος εἶναι; καὶ ὃς ἠρέμα καὶ σωφρόνως, [C] Τὸ μιμεῖσθαι, ἔφη, τοὺς θεούς. ἔδοξε μὲν οὖν εὐθέως ἡ ἀπόκρισις οὐκ ἀγεννής, ἀλλὰ καὶ τοῦ παντὸς ἀξία. ἀλλὰ καὶ ὁ Ἑρμῆς οὐκ ἐβούλετο πολυπραγμονεῖν, πεπεισμένος ὅτι πάντα ὁ Μάρκος ἀκολούθως ἐρεῖ. τοῖς μὲν οὖν ἄλλοις θεοῖς ἐδόκει ταύτῃ· μόνος δὲ ὁ Σειληνός, Ἀλλ᾽ οὐ μὰ τὸν Διόνυσον ἀνέξομαι τούτου τοῦ σοφιστοῦ. τί δήποτε γὰρ ἤσθιες, εἰπέ,(667) [D] καὶ ἔπινες οὐχ ὥσπερ ἡμεῖς ἀμβροσίας τε καὶ νέκταρος, ἄρτου δὲ καὶ οἴνου; Ἀλλ᾽ ἔγωγε, εἶπεν, οὐχ ᾗπερ οὖν ᾤμην τοὺς θεοὺς μιμεῖσθαι, ταύτῃ προσεφερόμην σιτία καὶ ποτά· τὸ σῶμα δὲ ἔτρεφον, ἴσως μὲν ψευδῶς, πειθόμενος δέ, ὅτι καὶ τὰ ὑμέτερα σώματα δεῖται τῆς ἐκ τῶν ἀναθυμιάσεων τροφῆς. πλὴν οὐ κατὰ ταῦτά γε ὑμᾶς εἶναι μιμητέους, ἀλλὰ κατὰ τὴν διάνοιαν ὑπέλαβον. [334] ὀλίγον ὁ Σειληνὸς διαπορήσας(668) ὥσπερ ὑπὸ πύκτου δεξιοῦ πληγείς, Εἴρηται μέν σοι τοῦτο, εἶπε, τυχὸν οὐκ ἀτόπως, ἐμοὶ δέ, ἔφη, φράσον, τί ποτε ἐνόμιζες εἶναι τὴν τῶν θεῶν μίμησιν; καὶ ὅς, Δεῖσθαι μὲν ὡς ἐλαχίστων, εὖ ποιεῖν δὲ ὡς ὅ, τι μάλιστα πλείστους. Μῶν οὖν, εἶπεν, οὐδενὸς ἐδέου; καὶ ὁ Μάρκος, Ἐγὼ μὲν οὐδενός, ἴσως δὲ τὸ σωμάτιόν μου μικρῶν. δόξαντος οὖν [B] καὶ τοῦτο ὀρθῶς εἰρηκέναι τοῦ Μάρκου, τὸ τέλος ἀπορούμενος ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπιφύεται τοῖς περὶ τὸν παῖδα καὶ τὴν γαμετὴν αὐτῷ δοκοῦσιν οὐκ ὀρθῶς οὐδὲ κατὰ λόγον πεποιῆσθαι, τὴν μὲν ὅτι ταῖς ἡρωίναις ἐνέγραψε, τῷ δὲ ὅτι τὴν ἡγεμονίαν ἐπέτρεψεν. Ἐμιμησάμην, εἶπε, καὶ κατὰ τοῦτο τοὺς θεούς· Ὁμήρῳ μὲν γὰρ ἐπειθόμην λέγοντι περὶ τῆς γαμετῆς, [C] ὅτι ἄρα, ὅστις ἀγαθὸς καὶ ἐχέφρων, τὴν αὑτοῦ φιλέει καὶ κήδεται· περὶ δὲ τοῦ παιδὸς αὐτοῦ τοῦ Διὸς ἀπόφασιν ἔχω· αἰτιώμενος γὰρ τὸν Ἄρεα, Πάλαι ἄν, εἶπεν, ἐβέβλησο τῷ κεραυνῷ, εἰ μὴ διὰ τὸ παῖδά σε εἶναι ἠγάπων. ἄλλως τε καὶ οὐδὲ ᾤμην ἐγὼ τὸν παῖδα πονηρὸν οὕτως ἔσεσθαι. εἰ δὲ ἡ νεότης ἐφ᾽ ἑκάτερα μεγάλας ποιουμένη ῥοπὰς ἐπὶ τὸ χεῖρον ἠνέχθη, οὐχὶ πονηρῷ τὴν ἡγεμονίαν ἐπέτρεψα, συνηνέχθη δὲ τὸν λαβόντα πονηρὸν γενέσθαι. [D] τά τε οὖν περὶ τὴν γυναῖκα πεποίηταί μοι κατὰ ζῆλον Ἀχιλλέως τοῦ θείου, καὶ τὰ περὶ τὸν παῖδα κατὰ μίμησιν τοῦ μεγίστου Διός, ἄλλως τε καὶ οὐδὲν καινοτομήσαντι. παισί τε γὰρ νόμιμον ἐπιτρέπειν τὰς διαδοχάς, καὶ τοῦτο ἅπαντες εὔχονται, [335] τήν τε γαμετὴν οὐκ ἐγὼ πρῶτος, ἀλλὰ μετὰ πολλοὺς ἄλλους ἐτίμησα. ἴσως δὲ τὸ μὲν ἄρξασθαι τῶν τοιούτων οὐκ ἔστιν εὔλογον, τὸ δὲ ἐπὶ πολλῶν γενόμενον τοὺς οἰκειοτάτους ἀποστερεῖν ἐγγὺς ἀδικίας. ἀλλ᾽ ἔλαθον ἐμαυτὸν ἐγὼ μακρότερα ἀπολογούμενος πρὸς εἰδότας ὑμᾶς, ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί· διόπερ μοι τῆς προπετείας ταυτησί συγγνώμονες γένοισθε.

(Then Hermes addressing Trajan said, “Now you tell us what was the principle that guided all your actions?” “My aims,” he replied, “were the same as Alexander’s, but I acted with more prudence.” “Nay,” said Silenus, “you were the slave of more ignoble passions. Anger was nearly always his weak point, but yours was pleasure of the vilest and most infamous sort.” “Plague take you!” exclaimed Dionysus, “You keep railing at them all and you don’t let them say a word for themselves. However, in their case there was some ground for your sarcasms, but now consider well what you can find to criticise in Marcus. For in my opinion he is a man, to quote Simonides, ‘four‐square and made without a flaw.’ ”(669) Then Hermes addressed Marcus and said, “And you, Verus, what did you think the noblest ambition in life?” In a low voice he answered modestly, “To imitate the gods.” This answer they at once agreed was highly noble and in fact the best possible. And even Hermes did not wish to cross‐examine him further, since he was convinced that Marcus would answer every question equally well. The other gods were of the same mind; only Silenus cried “By Dionysus I shall not let this sophist off so easily. Why then did you eat bread and drink wine and not ambrosia and nectar like us?” “Nay,” he replied, “it was not in the fashion of my meat and drink that I thought to imitate the gods. But I nourished my body because I believed, though perhaps falsely, that even your bodies require to be nourished by the fumes of sacrifice. Not that I supposed I ought to imitate you in that respect, but rather your minds.” For the moment Silenus was at a loss as though he had been hit by a good boxer,(670) then he said “There is perhaps something in what you say; but now tell me what did you think was really meant by ‘imitating the gods.’ ” “Having the fewest possible needs and doing good to the greatest possible number.” “Do you mean to say,” he asked, “that you had no needs at all?” “I,” said Marcus, “had none, but my wretched body had a few, perhaps.” Since in this also Marcus seemed to have answered wisely, Silenus was at a loss, but finally fastened on what he thought was foolish and unreasonable in the Emperor’s behaviour to his son and his wife, I mean in enrolling the latter among the deified and entrusting the empire to the former. “But in that also,” said the other, “I did but imitate the gods. I adopted the maxim of Homer when he says ‘the good and prudent man loves and cherishes his own wife,’(671) while as to my son I can quote the excuse of Zeus himself when he is rebuking Ares: ‘Long ago,’ he says, ‘I should have smitten thee with a thunderbolt, had I not loved thee because thou art my son.’(672) Besides, I never thought my son would prove so wicked. Youth ever vacillates between the extremes of vice and virtue, and if in the end he inclined to vice, still he was not vicious when I entrusted the empire to him; it was only after receiving it that he became corrupted. Therefore my behaviour to my wife was modelled on that of the divine Achilles, and that to my son was in imitation of supreme Zeus. Moreover, in neither case did I introduce any novelty. It is the custom to hand down the succession to a man’s sons, and all men desire to do so; as for my wife I was not the first to decree divine honours to a wife, for I followed the example of many others. It is perhaps absurd to have introduced any such custom, but it would be almost an injustice to deprive one’s nearest and dearest of what is now long‐established. However, I forget myself when I make this lengthy explanation to you, O Zeus and ye other gods; for ye know all things. Forgive me this forwardness.”)

Παυσαμένου δὲ καὶ τοῦδε τοῦ λόγου, τὸν Κωνσταντῖνον ὁ Ἑρμῆς ἤρετο, [B] Σὺ δὲ τί καλὸν ἐνόμισας; Πολλά, εἶπε, κτησάμενον πολλὰ χαρίσασθαι, ταῖς τ᾽ ἐπιθυμίαις ταῖς ἑαυτοῦ καὶ ταῖς τῶν φίλων ὑπουργοῦντα. ἀνακαγχάσας οὖν ὁ Σειληνὸς μέγα, Ἀλλ᾽ ἦ τραπεζίτης εἶναι, ἔφη, θέλων ἐλελήθεις σεαυτὸν ὀψοποιοῦ καὶ κομμωτρίας βίον ζῶν;(673) ᾐνίττετο δ᾽ αὐτὰ πάλαι μὲν ἥ τε κόμη τό τε εἶδος, ἀτὰρ νῦν καὶ ἡ γνώμη σοῦ κατηγορεῖ. τούτου μὲν οὖν ὁ Σειληνὸς πικρότερόν τως καθήψατο.

(When Marcus had finished his speech, Hermes asked Constantine, “And what was the height of _your_ ambition?” “To amass great wealth,” he answered, “and then to spend it liberally so as to gratify my own desires and the desires of my friends.” At this Silenus burst into a loud laugh, and said, “If it was a banker that you wanted to be, how did you so far forget yourself as to lead the life of a pastrycook and hairdresser? Your locks and your fair favour(674) betokened this all along, but what you say about your motives convicts you.” Thus did Silenus sharply reprove Constantine.)

[C] Σιωπῆς δὲ γενομένης ἔφερον οἱ θεοὶ λάθρᾳ τὰς ψήφους. εἶτα ἐγένοντο πολλαὶ τῷ Μάρκῳ. κοινολογησάμενος δὲ ὁ Ζεὺς ἰδίᾳ πρὸς τὸν πατέρα προσέταξε κηρῦξαι τῷ Ἑρμῇ. ὁ δὲ ἐκήρυττεν, Ἄνδρες οἱ παρελθόντες ἐπὶ τουτονὶ τὸν ἀγῶνα, νόμοι παρ᾽ ἡμῖν εἰσι καὶ κρίσεις τοιαῦται γίνονται, ὥστε καὶ τὸν νικῶντα χαίρειν καὶ τὸν ἡττώμενον μὴ μέμφεσθαι. πορεύεσθε οὖν, εἶπεν, ὅποι φίλον ἑκάστῳ, [D] ὑπὸ θεοῖς ἡγεμόσι βιωσόμενοι τὸ ἐντεῦθεν· ἑλέσθω δ᾽ ἕκαστος ἑαυτῷ τὸν προστάτην τε καὶ ἡγεμόνα. μετὰ τὸ κήρυγμα τοῦτο ὁ μὲν Ἀλέξανδρος ἔθει πρὸς τὸν Ἡρακλέα, Ὀκταβιανὸς δὲ πρὸς τὸν Ἀπόλλωνα, ἀμφοῖν δὲ ἀπρὶξ εἴχετο τοῦ Διὸς καὶ Κρόνου Μάρκος. πλανώμενον δὲ πολλὰ καὶ περιτρέχοντα τὸν Καίσαρα κατελεήσας ὁ μέγας Ἄρης ἥ τε Ἀφροδίτη παρ᾽ ἑαυτοὺς ἀκαλεσάτην· Τραïανὸς δὲ παρὰ τὸν Ἀλέξανδρον ἔθει ὡς ἐκείνῳ συγκαθεδούμενος. [336] ὁ δὲ Κωνσταντίνος, οὐχ εὑρίσκων ἐν θεοῖς τοῦ βίου τὸ ἀρχέτυπον, ἐγγύθεν τὴν Τρυφὴν κατιδὼν ἔδραμε πρὸς αὐτήν· ἡ δὲ ὑπολαβοῦσα μαλακῶς καὶ περιβαλοῦσα τοῖς πήχεσι πέπλοις τε αὐτὸν ποικίλοις ἀσκήσασα καὶ καλλωπίσασα πρὸς τὴν Ἀσωτίαν ἀπήγαγεν, ἵνα καὶ τὸν Ἰησοῦν εὑρὼν ἀναστρεφόμενον καὶ προαγορεύοντα πᾶσιν, “Ὅστις φθορεύς, ὅστις μιαιφόνος, ὅστις ἐναγὴς καὶ βδελυρός, [B] ἴτω θαρρῶν· ἀποφανῶ γὰρ αὐτὸν τουτῳὶ τῷ ὕδατι λούσας αὐτίκα καθαρόν, κἂν πάλιν ἔνοχος τοῖς αὐτοῖς γένηται, δώσω τὸ στῆθος πλήξαντι καὶ τὴν κεφαλὴν τατάξαντι καθαρῷ γενέσθαι,” σφόδρα ἄσμενος ἐνέτυχεν αὐτῷ, συνεξαγαγὼν τῆς τῶν θεῶν ἀγορᾶς τοὺς παῖδας. ἐπέτριβον δ᾽ αὐτόν τε κἀκείνους οὐχ ἧττον τῆς ἀθεότητος οἱ παλαμναῖοι δαίμονες, αἱμάτων συγγενῶν τιννύμενοι δίκας, ἕως ὁ Ζεὺς διὰ τὸν Κλαύδιον καὶ Κωνστάντιον ἔδωκεν ἀναπνεῦσαι.

(Then silence was proclaimed and the gods cast a secret ballot. It turned out that Marcus had most of the votes. After conferring apart with his father,(675) Zeus bade Hermes make a proclamation as follows: “Know all ye mortals who have entered this contest, that according to our laws and decrees the victor is allowed to exult but the vanquished must not complain. Depart then wherever you please, and in future live every one of you under the guidance of the gods. Let every man choose his own guardian and guide.” After this announcement, Alexander hastened to Heracles, and Octavian to Apollo, but Marcus attached himself closely to Zeus and Kronos. Caesar wandered about for a long time and ran hither and thither, till mighty Ares and Aphrodite took pity on him and summoned him to them. Trajan hastened to Alexander and sat down near him. As for Constantine, he could not discover among the gods the model of his own career, but when he caught sight of Pleasure, who was not far off, he ran to her. She received him tenderly and embraced him, then after dressing him in raiment of many colours and otherwise making him beautiful, she led him away to Incontinence. There too he found Jesus, who had taken up his abode with her and cried aloud to all comers: “He that is a seducer, he that is a murderer, he that is sacrilegious and infamous, let him approach without fear! For with this water will I wash him and will straightway make him clean. And though he should be guilty of those same sins a second time, let him but smite his breast and beat his head and I will make him clean again.” To him Constantine came gladly, when he had conducted his sons forth from the assembly of the gods. But the avenging deities none the less punished both him and them for their impiety, and exacted the penalty for the shedding of the blood of their kindred,(676) until Zeus granted them a respite for the sake of Claudius and Constantius.(677))

[C] Σοὶ δέ, πρὸς ἡμᾶς λέγων ὁ Ἑρμῆς, δέδωκα τὸν πατέρα Μίθραν ἐπιγνῶναι· σὺ δ᾽ αὐτοῦ τῶν ἐντολῶν ἔχου, πεῖσμα καὶ ὅρμον ἀσφαλῆ ζῶντί τε σεαυτῷ παρασκευάζων, καὶ ἡνίκα ἂν ἐνθένδε ἀπιέναι δέῃ, μετὰ τῆς ἀγαθῆς ἐλπίδος ἡγεμόνα θεὸν εὐμενῆ καθιστὰς σεαυτῷ.

(“As for thee,” Hermes said to me, “I have granted thee the knowledge of thy father Mithras. Do thou keep his commandments, and thus secure for thyself a cable and sure anchorage throughout thy life, and when thou must depart from the world thou canst with good hopes adopt him as thy guardian god.”)

MISOPOGON, OR, BEARD‐HATER

Introduction