Part 21

(With Aurelian entered Probus, who in less than seven years restored seventy cities and was in many ways a wise administrator. Since he had been unjustly treated by impious men the gods paid him honours, and moreover exacted the penalty from his assassins. For all that, Silenus tried to jest at his expense, though many of the gods urged him to be silent. In spite of them he called out, “Now let those that follow him learn wisdom from his example. Probus, do you not know that when physicians give bitter medicines they mix them with honey?(596) But you were always too austere and harsh and never displayed toleration. And so your fate, though unjust, was natural enough. For no one can govern horses or cattle or mules, still less men, unless he sometimes yields to them and gratifies their wishes; just as physicians humour their patients in trifles so that they may make them obey in things more essential.” “What now, little father,” exclaimed Dionysus, “have you turned up as our philosopher?” “Why, my son,” he replied, “did I not make a philosopher of you? Do you not know that Socrates also, who was so like me,(597) carried off the prize for philosophy from his contemporaries, at least if you believe that your brother(598) tells the truth? So you must allow me to be serious on occasion and not always jocose.”)

[315] Ἔτι διαλεγομένων αὐτῶν πρὸς ἀλλήλους, ὄ τε Κᾶρος ἅμα τοῖς παισὶν εἰσφρῆσαι βουληθεὶς εἰς τὸ συμπόσιον ἀπελήλατο παρὰ τῆς Δίκης, καὶ ὁ Διοκλητιανός, ἄγων μεθ᾽ ἑαυτοῦ Μαξιμιανώ τε τὼ δύο καὶ τὸν ἐμὸν πάππον Κωνστάντιον, ἐν κόσμῳ προῆγεν. εἴχοντο δὲ ἀλλήλων τὼ χεῖρε, καὶ ἐβάδιζον οὐκ ἐξ ἴσης, ἀλλ᾽ οἷα χορός τις ἦν περὶ αὐτόν, [B] τῶν μὲν ὥσπερ δορυφορούντων καὶ προθεῖν αὐτοῦ βουλομένων, τοῦ δὲ εἴργοντος· οὐδὲν γὰρ ἠξίου πλεονεκτεῖν. ὡς δὲ ξυνίει κάμνοντος ἑαυτοῦ, δοὺς αὐτοῖς ἅπαντα, ὅσα ἔφερεν ἐπὶ τῶν ὤμων, αὐτὸς εὔλυτος ἐβάδιζεν. ἠγάσθησαν οἱ θεοὶ τῶν ἀνδρῶν τὴν ὁμόνοιαν, καὶ ἐπέτρεψαν αὐτοῖς πρὸ πολλῶν πάνυ καθῆσθαι. δεινῶς δὲ ὄντα τὸν Μαξιμιανὸν ἀκόλαστον ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπισκώπτειν μὲν οὐκ ἠξίου, [C] τὸ δὲ τῶν βασιλέων οὐκ εἰσεδέχετο συσσίτιον. οὐ γὰρ μόνον τὰ εἰς Ἀφροδίτην ἦν παντοίαν ἀσέλγειαν ἀσελγής, ἀλλὰ καὶ φιλοπράγμων καὶ ἄπιστος καὶ οὐ τὰ πάντα τῷ τετραχόρδῳ συνῳδῶν. ἐξήλασεν οὖν αὐτὸν ἡ Δίκη ταχέως. εἶτα ἀπῆλθεν οὐκ οἶδα ὅποι γῆς· ἐπελαθόμην γὰρ αὐτὸ παρὰ τοῦ Ἑρμοῦ πολυπραγμονῆσαι. τούτῳ δὲ τῷ παναρμονίῳ τετραχόρδῳ παραφύεται δεινὸν καὶ τραχὺ καὶ ταραχῶδες σύστημα. [D] τοὺς μὲν οὖν δύο οὐδὲ τῶν προθύρων ἅψασθαι τῆς τῶν ἡρώων ἀγορᾶς ἡ Δίκη συνεχώρησε, Λικίνιον δὲ μέχρι τῶν προθύρων ἐλθόντα, πολλὰ καὶ ἅτοπα πλημμελοῦντα ταχέως ὁ Μίνως ἐξήλασεν. ὁ Κωνσταντῖνος δὲ παρῆλθεν εἴσω καὶ πολὺν ἐκαθέσθη χρόνον, εἶτα μετ᾽ αὐτὸν τὰ παιδία. Μαγνεντίῳ γὰρ οὐκ ἦν εἴσοδος, [316] ὅτι μηδὲν ὑγιὲς ἐπεπράχει, καίτοι πολλὰ ἐδόκει πεπρᾶχθαι τῷ ἀνδρὶ καλά· οἱ θεοὶ δὲ ὁρῶντες, ὅτι μὴ ταῦτα ἐκ καλῆς αὐτῷ πεποίηται διαθέσεως, εἴων αὐτὸν οἰμώζειν ἀποτρέχοντα.

(While they were talking, Carus and his sons tried to slip into the banquet, but Justice drove them away. Next Diocletian advanced in pomp, bringing with him the two Maximians and my grandfather Constantius.(599) These latter held one another by the hand and did not walk alongside of Diocletian, but formed a sort of chorus round him. And when they wished to run before him as a bodyguard he prevented them, since he did not think himself entitled to more privileges than they. But when he realised that he was growing weary he gave over to them all the burdens that he carried on his shoulders, and thereafter walked with greater ease. The gods admired their unanimity and permitted them to sit far in front of many of their predecessors. Maximian was so grossly intemperate that Silenus wasted no jests on him, and he was not allowed to join the emperors at their feast. For not only did he indulge in vicious passions of all sorts, but proved meddlesome and disloyal and often introduced discord into that harmonious quartette. Justice therefore banished him without more ado. So he went I know not whither, for I forgot to interrogate Hermes on this point. However into that harmonious symphony of four there crept a terribly harsh and discordant strain. For this reason Justice would not suffer the two(600) so much as to approach the door of that assembly of heroes. As for Licinius, he came as far as the door, but as his misdeeds were many and monstrous Minos forthwith drove him away. Constantine however entered and sat some time, and then came his sons.(601) Magnentius(602) was refused admission because he had never done anything really laudable, though much that he achieved had the appearance of merit. So the gods, who perceived that these achievements were not based on any virtuous principle, sent him packing, to his deep chagrin.)

Οὔσης δὴ τοιαύτης τῆς ἀμφὶ τὸ δεῖπνον παρασκευῆς, ἐπόθουν μὲν οὐδὲν οἱ θεοί, πάντα γὰρ ἔχουσιν, αὐτῶν δὲ τῶν ἡρώων ἐδόκει τῷ Ἑρμῇ διαπειρᾶσθαι, καὶ τῷ Διὶ τοῦτο οὐκ ἀπὸ γνώμης ἦν. ἐδεῖτο δὲ καὶ ὁ Κυρῖνος ἤδη τινὰ μετάγειν ἐκεῖθεν παρ᾽ ἑαυτόν. Ἡρακλῆς δὲ εἶπεν, [B] Οὐκ ἀνέξομαι, ὦ Κυρῖνε· διὰ τί γὰρ οὐχὶ καὶ τὸν ἐμὸν Ἀλέξανδρον ἐπὶ τὸ δεῖπνον παρεκάλεις; σοῦ τοίνυν, εἶπεν, ὦ Ζεῦ, δέομαι, εἴ τινα τούτων ἔγνωκας ἄγειν πρὸς ἡμᾶς, ἥκειν τὸν Ἀλέξανδρον κέλευε. τί γὰρ οὐχὶ κοινῇ τῶν ἀνδρῶν ἀποπειρώμενοι τῷ βελτίονι τιθέμεθα; δίκαια λέγειν ὁ τῆς Ἀλκμήνης ἐδόκει τῷ Διί. [C] καὶ ἐπεισελθόντος αὐτοῦ τοῖς ἥρωσιν οὔτε ὁ Καῖσαρ οὔτε ἄλλος τις ὑπανίστατο· καταλαβὼν δὲ σχολάζουσαν καθέδραν, ἣν ὁ τοῦ Σεβήρου παῖς ἐπεποίητο ἑαυτῷ, ἐκεῖνος γὰρ ἀπελήλατο διὰ τὴν ἀδελφοκτονίαν, ἐνεκάθισε, καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπισκώπτων τὸν Κυρῖνον, Ὅρα, εἶπε, μή ποτε οὗτοι ἑνὸς εἰσιν(603) ἀντάξιοι τουτουὶ τοῦ Γραικοῦ. Μὰ Δία, εἶπεν ὁ Κυρῖνος, οἶμαι πολλοὺς εἶναι μὴ χείρονας. οὕτω δὲ αὐτὸν οἱ ἐμοὶ τεθαυμάκασιν ἔγγονοι, [D] ὥστε μόνον αὐτὸν ἐκ πάντων, ὅσοι γεγόνασιν ἡγεμόνες ξένοι, ὀνομάζουσι καὶ νομίζουσι μέγαν. οὐ μὴν ἔτι καὶ τῶν παρ᾽ ἑαυτοῖς γεγονότων οἴονται μείζονα τοῦτον, ἴσως μὲν ὑπὸ φιλαυτίας τι παθόντες, ἴσως δὲ καὶ οὕτως ἔχον· εἰσόμεθα δὲ αὐτίκα μάλα τῶν ἀνδρῶν ἀποπειρώμενοι. ταῦτα μάλιστα λέγων ὁ Κυρῖνος ἠρυθρία, καὶ δῆλος ἦν ἀγωνιῶν ὑπὲρ τῶν ἀπογόνων τῶν ἑαυτοῦ, μή του τὰ δευτερεῖα λαβόντες οἴχωνται.

(When the feast had been prepared as I have described, the gods lacked nothing, since all things are theirs. Then Hermes proposed to examine the heroes personally and Zeus was of the same mind. Quirinus thereupon begged that he might summon one of their number to his side. “Quirinus,” said Heracles, “I will not have it. For why did you not invite to the feast my beloved Alexander also? Zeus, if you are minded to introduce into our presence any of these Emperors, send, I beg of you, for Alexander. For if we are to examine into the merits of men generally, why do we not throw open the competition to the better man?” Zeus considered that what the son of Alcmena said was only just. So Alexander joined the company of heroes, but neither Caesar nor anyone else yielded his place to him. However he found and took a vacant seat which the son(604) of Severus had taken for himself—he had been expelled for fratricide. Then Silenus began to rally Quirinus and said, “See now whether all these Romans can match this one Greek.”(605) “By Zeus,” retorted Quirinus, “I consider that many of them are as good as he! It is true that my descendants have admired him so much that they hold that he alone of all foreign generals is worthy to be styled ‘the Great.’ But it does not follow that they think him greater than their own heroes; which may be due to national prejudice, but again they may be right. However, that we shall very soon find out by examining these men.” Even as he spoke Quirinus was blushing, and was evidently extremely anxious on behalf of his descendants and feared that they might come off with the second prize.)

[317] Μετὰ τοῦτο ὁ Ζεὺς ἤρετο τοὺς θεούς, πότερον χρὴ πάντας ἐπὶ τὸν ἀγῶνα καλεῖν ἤ, καθάπερ ἐν τοῖς γυμνικοῖς ἀγῶσι γίνεται, ὁ τοῦ πολλὰς ἀνελομένου νίκας κρατήσας, ἑνὸς περιγενόμενος, οὐδὲν ἔλαττον δοκεῖ κἀκείνων γεγονέναι κρείσσων, οἳ προσεπάλαισαν μὲν οὐδαμῶς αὐτῷ, τοῦ κρατηθέντος δὲ ἥττους ἐγένοντο. καὶ ἐδόκει πᾶσιν ἡ τοιαύτη σφόδρα ἐμμελῶς ἔχειν ἐξέτασις. [B] ἐκήρυττεν οὖν ὁ Ἑρμῆς παριέναι Καίσαρα καὶ τὸν Ὀκταβιανὸν ἐπὶ τούτῳ, Τραϊανὸν δὲ ἐκ τρίτων, ὡς πολεμικωτάτους. εἶτα γενομένης σιωπῆς ὁ βασιλεὺς Κρόνος βλέψας εἰς τὸν Δία θαυμάζειν ἔφη, πολεμικοὺς μὲν αὐτοκράτορας ὁρῶν ἐπὶ τὸν ἀγῶνα τουτονὶ καλουμένους, οὐδένα μέντοι πιλόσοφον. Ἐμοὶ δέ, εἶπεν, οὐχ ἧττόν εἰσιν οἱ τοιοῦτοι φίλοι. [C] καλεῖτε οὖν εἴσω καὶ τὸν Μάρκον. ἐπεὶ δὲ καὶ ὁ Μάρκος κληθεὶς παρῆλθε, σεμνὸς ἄγαν, ὑπὸ τῶν πόνων ἔχων τά τε ὄμματα καὶ τὸ πρόσωπον ὑπό τι συνεσταλμένον, κάλλος δὲ ἀμήχανον ἐν αὐτῷ τούτῳ δεικνύων, ἐν ᾧ παρεῖχεν ἑαυτὸν ἄκομψον καὶ ἀκαλλώπιστον· ἥ τε γὰρ ὑπήνη βαθεῖα παντάπασιν ἦν αὐτῷ καὶ τὰ ἱμάτια λιτὰ καὶ σώφρονα, καὶ ὑπὸ τῆς ἐνδείας τῶν τροφῶν ἦν αὐτῷ [D] τὸ σῶμα διαυγέστατον καὶ διαφανέστατον ὥσπερ αὐτὸ οἶμαι τὸ καθαρώτατον καὶ εἰλικρινέστατον φῶς· ἐπεὶ καὶ οὗτος ἦν εἴσω τῶν ἱερῶν περιβόλων, ὁ Διόνυσος εἶπεν, Ὦ βασιλεῦ Κρόνε καὶ Ζεῦ πάτερ, ἆρα ἄξιον ἐν θεοῖς ἀτελὲς εἶναί τι; τῶν δὲ οὐ φαμένων, Εἰσάγωμεν οὖν τινα καὶ ἀπολαύσεως ἐραστὴν ἐνθαδί. καὶ ὁ Ζεύς, Ἀλλ᾽ οὐ θεμιτὸν εἴσω φοιτᾶν, εἶπεν, ἀνδρὶ μὴ τὰ ἡμέτερα ζηλοῦντι. Γιγνέσθω τοίνυν, εἶπεν, ἐπὶ τῶν προθύρων, ὁ Διόνυσος, αὐτοῖς ἡ κρίσις. ἀλλ᾽, [318] εἰ τοῦτο δοκεῖ ταύτῃ, καλῶμεν ἄνδρα οὐκ ἀπόλεμον μέν, ἡδονῇ δὲ καὶ ἀπολαύσει χειροηθέστερον. ἡκέτω οὖν ἄχρι τῶν προθύρων ὁ Κωνσταντίνος. ἐπεὶ δὲ ἐδέδοκτο καὶ τοῦτο, τίνα χρὴ τρόπον αὐτοὺς ἁμιλλᾶσθαι, γνώμη προυτέθη. καὶ ὁ μὲν Ἑρμῆς ἠξίου λέγειν ἕκαστον ἐν μέρει περὶ τῶν ἑαυτοῦ, τίθεσθαι δὲ τοὺς θεοὺς τὴν ψῆφον. οὐ μὴν ἐδόκει ταῦτα τῷ Ἀπόλλωνι καλῶς ἔχειν· ἀληθείας γὰρ εἶναι, [B] καὶ οὐ πιθανότητος οὐδ᾽ αἱμυλίας ἐν θεοῖς ἔλεγχον καὶ ἐξέτασιν. βουλόμενος δὲ ὁ Ζεὺς ἀμφοτέροις χαρίζεσθαι καὶ ἅμα προάγειν ἐπὶ πλέον αὐτοῖς τὴν συνουσίαν, Οὐδέν, εἶπε, κωλύει λέγειν μὲν αὐτοῖς ἐπιτρέψαι, μικρὰ τοῦ ὕδατος ἐπιμετρήσαντασ, εἶτα ὕστερον ἀνερωτᾶν [C] καὶ ἀποπειρᾶσθαι τῆς ἑκάστου διανοίας. καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς ἐπισκώπτων, Ἀλλ᾽ ὅπως μή, νομίσαντες αὐτὸ νέκταρ εἶναι, Τραïανός τε καὶ Ἀλέξανδρος ἅπαν ἐκροφήσουσι(606) τὸ ὕδωρ, εἶτα ἀφελοῦνται(607) τοὺς ἄλλους. καὶ ὁ Ποσειδῶν, Οὐ τοὐμοῦ ὕδατος, εἶπεν, ἀλλὰ τοῦ ὑμετέρου πώματος ἐρασταὶ τὼ ἄνδρε ἐγενέσθην. [D] ὑπὲρ τῶν σεαυτοῦ τοιγαροῦν ἀμπέλων μᾶλλον ἢ τῶν ἐμῶν πηγῶν ἄξιόν ἐστί σοι δεδιέναι. καὶ ὁ Σειληνὸς δηχθεὶς ἐσιώπα, καὶ τοῖς ἀγωνιζομένοις ἐκ τούτου τὸν νοῦν προσεῖχεν. Ἑρμῆς δὲ ἐκήρυττεν·

(Then Zeus asked the gods whether it would be better to summon all the Emperors to enter the lists, or whether they should follow the custom of athletic contests, which is that he who defeats the winner of many victories, though he overcome only that one competitor is held thereby to have proved himself superior to all who have been previously defeated, and that too though they have not wrestled with the winner, but only shown themselves inferior to an antagonist who has been defeated. All the gods agreed that this was a very suitable sort of test. Hermes then summoned Caesar to appear before them, then Octavian, and thirdly Trajan, as being the greatest warriors. In the silence that followed, Kronos turned to Zeus and said that he was astonished to see that only martial Emperors were summoned to the competition, and not a single philosopher. “For my part,” he added, “I like philosophers just as well. So tell Marcus(608) to come in too.” Accordingly Marcus was summoned and came in looking excessively dignified and showing the effect of his studies in the expression of his eyes and his lined brows. His aspect was unutterably beautiful from the very fact that he was careless of his appearance and unadorned by art; for he wore a very long beard, his dress was plain and sober, and from lack of nourishment his body was very shining and transparent, like light most pure and stainless. When he too had entered the sacred enclosure, Dionysus said, “King Kronos and Father Zeus, can any incompleteness exist among the gods?” And when they replied that it could not, “Then,” said he, “let us bring in here some votary of pleasure as well.” “Nay,” answered Zeus, “it is not permitted that any man should enter here who does not model himself on us.” “In that case,” said Dionysus, “let them be tried at the entrance. Let us summon by your leave a man not unwarlike but a slave to pleasure and enjoyment. Let Constantine come as far as the door.” When this had been agreed upon, opinions were offered as to the manner in which they were to compete. Hermes thought that everyone ought to speak for himself in turn, and then the gods should vote. But Apollo did not approve of this plan, because he said the gods ought to test and examine the truth and not plausible rhetoric and the devices of the orator. Zeus wished to please them both and at the same time to prolong the assembly, so he said, “There is no harm in letting them speak if we measure them a small allowance of water,(609) and then later on we can cross‐examine them and test the disposition of each one.” Whereupon Silenus said sardonically, “Take care, or Trajan and Alexander will think it is nectar and drink up all the water and leave none for the others.” “It was not my water,” retorted Poseidon, “but your vines that these two were fond of. So you had better tremble for your vines rather than for my springs.” Silenus was greatly piqued and had no answer ready, but thereafter turned his attention to the disputants. Then Hermes made this proclamation:)

Ἄρχει μὲν ἀγὼν τῶν καλλίστων ἄθλων ταμίας, καιρὸς δὲ καλεῖ μηκέτι μέλλειν. ἀλλὰ κλύοντες τὰν ἁμετέραν [319] κήρυκα βοὰν οἱ πρὶν βασιλῆς, ἔθνεα πολλὰ δουλωσάμενοι καὶ πολέμοισι δάιον ἔγχος θήξαντες, ὁμοῦ γνώμης τε μέγαν πινυτόφρονα νοῦν, ἴτ᾽, ἐς ἀντίπαλον [B] ἵστασθε κρίσιν, οἷς τε φρόνησιν τέλος ὀλβίστης θέσθαι βιοτῆς, οἷς τ᾽ ἀντιβίους κακὰ πόλλ᾽ ἔρχαι καὶ χρηστὰ φίλους τέκμαρ βιότου νενόμιστο καλοῦ, οἷς θ᾽ ἡδίστην ἀπόλαυσιν ἔχειν [C] τέρματα μόχθων δαῖτας τε γάμους τ᾽, ὄμμασι τερπνά, μαλακάς τε φέρειν ἐσθῆτας ὁμοῦ λιθοκολλήτοις περὶ χεῖρας ἄκρας ψελίοισι φάνη μακαριστότατον. νίκης δὲ τέλος Ζηνὶ μελήσει.

(“The trial that begins Awards to him who wins The fairest prize to‐day. And lo, the hour is here And summons you. Appear! Ye may no more delay. Come hear the herald’s call Ye princes one and all. Many the tribes of men Submissive to you then! How keen in war your swords! But now ’tis wisdom’s turn; Now let your rivals learn How keen can be your words. Wisdom, thought some, is bliss Most sure in life’s short span; Others did hold no less That power to ban or bless Is happiness for man. But some set Pleasure high, Idleness, feasting, love, All that delights the eye; Their raiment soft and fine, Their hands with jewels shine, Such bliss did they approve. But whose the victory won Shall Zeus decide alone.”(610))

[D] Τοιαῦτα τοῦ Ἑρμοῦ κηρύττοντος ἐκληροῦντο· καί πως συνέδραμε τῇ τοῦ Καίσαρος ὁ κλῆρος φιλοπρωτίᾳ. τοῦτο ἐκεῖνον μὲν ἐποίησε γαῦρον καὶ σοβαρώτερον· ἐδέησε δὲ διὰ τοῦτο μικροῦ καὶ φεύγειν τὴν κρίσιν ὁ Ἀλέξανδρος· ἀλλὰ παραθαρρύνων αὐτὸν ὁ μέγας Ἡρακλῆς ἐπέσχε. δεύτερος δὲ ἐπ᾽ ἐκεΊνῳ λέγειν ἔλαχεν Ἀλέξανδρος· ἐπὶ δὲ τῶν ἑξῆς [320] οἱ κλῆροι τοῖς ἑκάστου χρόνοις συμπροῆλθον. ἤρξατο οὖν ὁ Καῖσαρ ὡδί· Ἐμοὶ μέν, ὦ Ζεῦ καὶ θεοί, γενέσθαι ἐν τηλικαύτῃ συνέβη πόλει μετὰ τοσούτους ἄνδρας, ὥστε τὴν μὲν ὅσων οὐ πώποτε ἄλλη πόλις ἐβασίλευσε βασιλεύειν, ταῖς δὲ ἀγαπητὸν τὸ καὶ τὰ δεύτερα κομίσασθαι. τίς γὰρ πόλις ἀπὸ τρισχιλίων ἀνδρῶν ἀρξαμένη [B] ἐν οὐδὲ ὅλοις ἔτεσιν ἑξακοσίοις ἐπὶ γῆς ἦλθε πέρατα τοῖς ὄπλοις; ποῖα δὲ ἔθνη τοσούτους ἄνδρας ἀγαθούς τε καὶ πολεμικοὺς παρέσχετο καὶ νομοθετικούς; θεοὺς δὲ ἐτίμησαν οὕτω τίνες; ἐν δὴ τοσαύτῃ καὶ τηλικαύτῃ πόλει γενόμενος οὐ τοὺς κατ᾽ ἐμαυτὸν μόνον, ἀλλὰ καὶ τοὺς πώποτε παρῆλθον τοῖς ἔργοις. καὶ τῶν ἐμῶν μὲν πολιτῶν εὖ οἶδα ὡς οὐδεὶς ἀντιποιήσεταί μοι τῶν πρωτείων· [C] εἰ δὲ Ἀλέξανδρος οὑτοσὶ τολμᾷ, τίνα τῶν ἔργων τῶν ἑαυτοῦ τοῖς ἐμοῖς ἀξιοῖ παραβαλεῖν; ἴσως τὰ Περσικά, ὥσπερ οὐχ ἑορακὼς ἐγηγερμένα μοι τοσαῦτα κατὰ Πομπηίου τρόπαια; καίτοι τίς δεινότερος στρατηγὸς γέγονε, Δαρεῖος ἢ Πομπήιος; ποτέρῳ δὲ ἀνδρειότερον ἠκολούθει στρατόπεδον; τὰ μὲν οὖν μαχιμώτατα τῶν Δαρείῳ πρότερον [D] ὑπακουόντων ἐθνῶν ἐν τῇ Καρῶν μοίρᾳ Πομπήιος εἶχεν ἑπόμενα, τοὺς δὲ ἐκ τῆς Εὐρώπης, οἳ τὴν Ἀσίαν πολλάκις πόλεμον ἐπάγουσαν ἐτρέψαντο, καὶ τούτων αὐτῶν τοὺς ἀνδρειοτάτους, Ἰταλούς, Ἰλλυριούς, Κελτούς. ἀλλ᾽ ἐπειδὴ τῶν Κελτῶν ὑπεμνήσθην, ἆρα τοῖς Γετικοῖς ἔργοις Ἀλεξάνδρου τὴν τῆς Κελτικῆς ἀντιτάττομεν καθαίρεσιν; οὗτος ἅπαξ ἐπεραιώθη τὸν Ἴστρον, ἐγὼ δεύτερον τὸν Ῥῆνον· Γερμανικὸν αὖ τοῦτο τὸ ἐμὸν ἔργον. τούτῳ δὲ ἀντέστη μὲν οὐδὲ εἷς, [321] ἐγὼ πρὸς Ἀριόβιστον ἠγωνισάμην πρῶτος ἐτόλμησα Ῥωμαίων ἐπιβὴναι τῆς ἐκτὸς θαλάσσης. καὶ τοῦτο ἦν ἴσως τὸ ἔργον οὐ θαυμαστόν. καίτοι τὴν τόλμαν καὶ ταύτην ἄξιον θαυμάσαι· ἀλλὰ τὸ μεῖζόν μου, τὸ ἀποβῆναι τῆς νεὼς πρῶτον· καὶ τοὺς Ἑλβετίους σιωπῶ καὶ τὸ τῶν Ἰβήρων ἔθνος. οὐδενὸς ἔτι τῶν Γαλατικῶν ἐπεμνήσθην, πλεῖν(611) ἢ τριακοσίας ὑπαγαγόμενος πόλεις, ἀνδρῶν δὲ οὐκ ἐλάσσους ἢ διακοσίας μυριάδας. ὄντων δὲ τούτων μοι τοιούτων ἔργων, ἐκεῖνο μεῖζον ἦν καὶ τολμηρότερον. [B] ἐχρῆν γάρ με καὶ πρὸς αὐτοὺς διαγωνίζεσθαι τοὺς πολίτας καὶ κρατεῖν τῶν ἀμάχων καὶ ἀνικήτων Ῥωμαίων. εἴτε οὖν πλήθει τις κρίνει παρατάξεων, τρὶς τοσαυτάκις παρεταξάμην, ὁσάκις ὑπὲρ Ἀλεξάνδρου κομπάζουσιν οἱ τὰ περὶ αὐτοῦ σεμνοποιοῦντες, εἴτε πλήθει πόλεων αἰχμαλώτων, οὐ τῆς Ἀσίας μόνον, [C] ἀλλὰ καὶ τῆς Εὐρώπης τὰ πλεῖστα κατεστρεψάμην. Ἀλέξανδρος Αἴγυπτον ἐπῆλθε(612) θεωρῶν, ἐγὼ δὲ συμπόσια συγκροτῶν κατεπολέμησα. τὴν δὲ μετὰ τὸ κρατῆσαι πρᾳότητα βούλεσθε ἐξετάσαι τὴν παρ᾽ ἑκατέρῳ; ἐγὼ καὶ τοῖς πολεμίοις συνέγνων· ἔπαθον γοῦν ὑπ᾽ αὐτῶν ὅσα ἐμέλησε τῇ Δίκῃ· ὁ δὲ πρὸς τοῖς πολεμίοις οὐδὲ τῶν φίλων ἀπέσχετο. [D] ἔτι οὖν μοι περὶ τῶν πρωτείων ἀμφισβητεῖν οἷός τε ἔσῃ; καὶ οὐκ αὐτόθεν καὶ σὺ παραχωρήσεις μετὰ τῶν ἄλλων, ἀλλὰ ἀναγκάσεις με λέγειν, ὅπως σὺ μὲν ἐχρήσω πικρῶς Θηβαίοις, ἐγὼ δὲ τοῖς Ἑλβετίοις φιλανθρώπως; σὺ μὲν γὰρ ἐκείνων κατέκαυσας τὰς πόλεις, ἐγὼ δὲ τὰς ὑπὸ τῶν οἰκείων πολιτῶν κεκαυμένας πόλεις ἀνέστησα. καίτοι οὔτι ταὐτὸν(613) ἦν μυρίων Γραικῶν κρατῆσαι καὶ πεντεκαίδεκα μυριάδας ἐπιφερομένας ὑποστῆναι. [322] πολλὰ εἰπεῖν ἔχων ἔτι περὶ ἐμαυτοῦ καὶ τοῦδε, τῷ μὴ σχολὴν ἄγειν ἥκιστα τὸ λέγειν ἐξεμελέτησα. διόπερ χρὴ συγγνώμην ὑμᾶς ἔχειν, ἐκ δὲ τῶν εἰρημένων καὶ περὶ τῶν μὴ ῥηθέντων τὴν ἴσην καὶ δικαίαν ἐξέτασιν ποιουμένους ἀποδιδόναι μοι τὸ πρωτεῖον.

(While Hermes had been making this proclamation the lots were being drawn, and it happened that the first lot favoured Caesar’s passion for being first. This made him triumphant and prouder than before. But the effect on Alexander was that he almost withdrew from the competition, had not mighty Heracles encouraged him and prevented him from leaving. Alexander drew the lot to speak second, but the lots of those who came next coincided with the order in which they had lived. Caesar then began as follows: “It was my fortune, O Zeus and ye other gods, to be born, following a number of great men, in a city so illustrious that she rules more subjects than any other city has ever ruled; and indeed other cities are well pleased to rank as second to her.(614) What other city, I ask, began with three thousand citizens and in less than six centuries carried her victorious arms to the ends of the earth? What other nations ever produced so many brave and warlike men or such lawgivers? What nation ever honoured the gods as they did? Observe then that, though I was born in a city so powerful and so illustrious, my achievements not only surpassed the men of my own day, but all the heroes who ever lived. As for my fellow‐citizens I am confident that there is none who will challenge my superiority. But if Alexander here is so presumptuous, which of his deeds does he pretend to compare with mine? His Persian conquests, perhaps, as though he had never seen all those trophies that I gathered when I defeated Pompey! And pray, who was the more skilful general, Darius or Pompey? Which of them led the bravest troops? Pompey had in his army the most martial of the nations formerly subject to Darius,(615) but he reckoned them no better than Carians,(616) for he led also those European forces which had often repulsed all Asia when she invaded Europe, aye and he had the bravest of them all, Italians, Illyrians, and Celts. And since I have mentioned the Celts, shall we compare the exploits of Alexander against the Getae with my conquest of Gaul? He crossed the Danube once, I crossed the Rhine twice. The German conquest again is all my doing. No one opposed Alexander, but I had to contend against Ariovistus. I was the first Roman who ventured to sail the outer sea.(617) Perhaps this achievement was not so wonderful, though it was a daring deed that may well command your admiration; but a more glorious action of mine was when I leapt ashore from my ship before all the others.(618) Of the Helvetians and Iberians I say nothing. And still I have said not a word about my campaigns in Gaul, when I conquered more than three hundred cities and no less than two million men! But great as were these achievements of mine, that which followed was still greater and more daring. For I had to contend against my fellow citizens themselves, and to subdue the invincible, the unconquerable Romans. Again, if we are judged by the number of our battles, I fought three times as many as Alexander, even reckoning by the boasts of those who embellish his exploits. If one counts the cities captured, I reduced the greatest number, not only in Asia but in Europe as well. Alexander only visited Egypt as a sight‐seer, but I conquered her while I was arranging drinking‐parties. Are you pleased to inquire which of us showed more clemency after victory? I forgave even my enemies, and for what I suffered in consequence at their hands Justice has taken vengeance. But Alexander did not even spare his friends, much less his enemies. And are you still capable of disputing the first prize with me? Then since you will not, like the others, yield place to me, you compel me to say that whereas I was humane towards the Helvetians you treated the Thebans cruelly. You burned their cities to the ground, but I restored the cities that had been burned by their own inhabitants. And indeed it was not at all the same thing to subdue ten thousand Greeks, and to withstand the onset of a hundred and fifty thousand men. Much more could I add both about myself and Alexander, but I have not had leisure to practise public speaking. Wherefore you ought to pardon me, but from what I have said and with regard to what I have not said, you ought, forming that decision which equity and justice require, to award me the first prize.”)