SCENE I.

_A Street._

_Enter three Pages, with lights._ MULLIGRUB, FREEVILL, MALHEUREUX, TYSEFEW, _and_ CAQUETEUR.

_Free._ Nay, comfort, my good host Shark; my good Mulligrub.

_Mal._ Advance thy snout; do not suffer thy sorrowful nose to drop on thy Spanish[2] leather jerkin, most hardly-honest Mulligrub.

_Free._ What, cogging Cocledemoy is run away with a neast[3] of goblets? True, what then? they will be hammered out well enough, I warrant you.

_Mul._ Sure, some wise man would find them out presently. 10

_Free._ Yes, sure, if we could find out some wise man presently.

_Mal._ How was the plate lost? how did it vanish?

_Free._ In most sincere prose, thus: that man of much money, some wit, but less honesty, cogging Cocledemoy, comes this night late into mine hostess Mulligrub's tavern here; calls for a room; the house being full, Cocledemoy consorted with his movable chattel, his instrument of fornication, the bawd Mrs. Mary Faugh, are imparlour'd next the street; good poultry was their food, blackbird, lark, woodcock; and mine host here comes in, cries "God bless you!" and departs. A blind harper enters, craves audience, uncaseth, plays; the drawer, for female privateness' sake, is nodded out, who knowing that whosoever will hit the mark of profit must, like those that shoot in stone-bows,[4] wink with one eye, grows blind o' the right side, and departs. 27

_Caq._ He shall answer for that winking with one eye at the last day.

_Mal._ Let him have day[5] till then, and he will wink with both his eyes.

_Free._ Cocledemoy, perceiving none in the room but the blind harper (whose eyes Heaven had shut up from beholding wickedness), unclasps a casement to the street very patiently, pockets up three bowls unnaturally, thrusts his wench forth the window, and himself most preposterously, with his heels forward, follows: the unseeing harper plays on, bids the empty dishes and the treacherous candles much good do them. The drawer returns, but, out alas! not only the birds, but also the neast of goblets, were flown away. Laments are raised---- 42

_Tys._ Which did not pierce the heavens.

_Free._ The drawers moan, mine host doth cry, the bowls are gone.

_Mul._ _Hic finis Priami!_

_Mal._ Nay, be not jaw-fall'n, my most sharking Mulligrub.

_Free._ 'Tis your just affliction; remember the sins of the cellar, and repent, repent! 50

_Mul._ I am not jaw-fall'n, but I will hang the coney-catching Cocledemoy; and there's an end of't.

[_Exit._

_Caq._ Is it a right stone? it shows well by candle-light.

_Free._ So do many things that are counterfeit, but I assure you this is a right diamond.

_Caq._ Might I borrow it of you? it will not a little grace my finger in visitation of my mistress.

_Free._ Why, use it, most sweet Caqueteur, use it.

_Caq._ Thanks, good sir; 'tis grown high night: gentles, rest to you. [_Exit._

_Tys._ A torch! Sound wench, soft sleep, and sanguine dreams to you both. On, boy! 62

_Free._ Let me bid you good rest.

_Mal._ Not so, trust me, I must bring my friend home: I dare not give you up to your own company; I fear the warmth of wine and youth will draw you to some common house of lascivious entertainment.

_Free._ Most necessary buildings, Malheureux; ever since my intention of marriage, I do pray for their continuance. 70

_Mal._ Loved sir, your reason?

_Free._ Marry, lest my house should be made one. I would have married men love the stews as Englishmen loved the Low Countries: wish war should be maintain'd there, lest it should come home to their own doors. What, [not] suffer a man to have a hole to put his head in, though he go to the pillory for it! Youth and appetite are above the club of Hercules.

_Mal._ This lust is a most deadly sin, sure.

_Free._ Nay, 'tis a most lively sin, sure. 80

_Mal._ Well, I am sure, 'tis one of the head sins.

_Free._ Nay, I am sure it is one of the middle sins.

_Mal._ Pity 'tis grown a most daily vice.

_Free._ But a more nightly vice, I assure you.

_Mal._ Well, 'tis a sin.

_Free._ Ay, or else few men would wish to go to heaven: and, not to disguise with my friend, I am now going the way of all flesh.

_Mal._ Not to a courtezan?

_Free._ A courteous one. 90

_Mal._ What, to a sinner?

_Free._ A very publican.

_Mal._ Dear, my loved friend, let me be full with you: Know, sir, the strongest argument that speaks Against the soul's eternity is lust, That wise man's folly, and the fool's wisdom: But to grow wild in loose lasciviousness, Given up to heat and sensual appetite, Nay, to expose your health and strength and name, Your precious time, and with that time the hope 100 Of due preferment, advantageous means, Of any worthy end, to the stale use, The common bosom of a money creature, One that sells human flesh--a mangonist!

_Free._ Alas, good creatures! what would you have them do? Would you have them get their living by the curse of man, the sweat of their brows? So they do: every man must follow his trade, and every woman her occupation. A poor decayed mechanical man's wife, her husband is laid up, may not she lawfully be laid down, when her husband's only rising is by his wife's falling? A captain's wife wants means; her commander lies in open fields abroad, may not she lie in civil arms at home? A waiting gentlewoman, that had wont to take say[6] to her lady, miscarries or so; the court misfortune throws her down; may not the city courtesy take her up? Do you know no alderman would pity such a woman's case?[7] Why, is charity grown a sin, or relieving the poor and impotent an offence? You will say beasts take no money for their fleshly entertainment: true, because they are beasts, therefore beastly;[8] only men give to loose, because they are men, therefore manly: and indeed, wherein should they bestow their money better? In land, the title may be crack'd; in houses, they may be burnt; in apparel, 'twill wear; in wine, alas for our pity! our throat is but short: but employ your[9] money upon women, and a thousand to nothing, some one of them will bestow that on you which shall stick by you as long as you live; they are no ungrateful persons, they will give quid [10] for quo: do ye protest, they'll swear; do you rise, they'll fall; do you fall, they'll rise; do you give them the French crown, they'll give you the French--_O justus justa justum!_ They sell their bodies: do not better persons sell their souls? nay, since all things have been sold, honour, justice, faith, nay, even God Himself, 136 Aye me, what base ignobleness is it To sell the pleasure of a wanton bed! Why do men scrape, why heap to full heaps join? But for his mistress, who would care for coin? For this I hold to be denied of no man, All things are made for man, and man for woman. Give me my fee.

_Mal._ Of ill you merit well. My heart's good friend, Leave yet at length, at length; for know this ever, 'Tis no such sin to err, but to persever.

_Free._ Beauty is woman's virtue, love the life's music, and woman the dainties, or second course of heaven's curious workmanship. Since then beauty, love, and woman are good, how can the love of woman's beauty be bad? and, _Bonum, quo communius, eo melius_: wilt then go with me? 152

_Mal._ Whither?

_Free._ To a house of salvation.

_Mal._ Salvation?

_Free._ Yes, 'twill make thee repent. Wilt go to the family of love?[11] I will show thee my creature; a pretty nimble-ey'd Dutch tanakin;[12] an honest soft-hearted impropriation; a soft, plump, round-cheek'd froe,[13] that has beauty enough for her virtue, virtue enough for a woman, and woman enough for any reasonable man in my knowledge. Wilt pass along with me? 162

_Mal._ What, to a brothel?--to behold an impudent prostitution;[14] fie on't, I shall hate the whole sex to see her. The most odious spectacle the earth can present is an immodest vulgar woman.

_Free._ Good still; my brain shall keep't. You must go as you love me.

_Mal._ Well, I'll go to make her loath the shame she's in; The sight of vice augments the hate of sin. 170

_Free._ The sight of vice augments the hate of sin! Very fine, perdy!

[_Exeunt._

[1] In the old eds., opposite the title, is written, "Turpe est difficiles habere nugas." The quotation is from Martial, ii. 86.

[2] Spanish leather was held in great esteem.--See Middleton, viii. 70.

[3] The word "nest" was frequently written "neast." (Cotgrave has--"_Nicher._ To _neastle_, build or make a _neast_ in;" "_Nid_: neast.") A "nest of goblets" was a large goblet containing several others of gradually diminishing size.

[4] A cross-bow for shooting stones or bullets. ("_Arbaleste à boulet._" A _stone-bow_.--_Cotgrave._)

[5] A debtor was said to have _day_ (or _longer day_) when his creditors allowed him to defer payment.

[6] "Take say" is used here with a double meaning. "Say" was a sort of delicate serge; but the waiting-woman _takes say_ (_i.e._, assay) because she tastes before her mistress (and is suitably rewarded for her lickorousness).

[7] A play on words: (1) case; (2) kaze ( = _pudendum muliebre_).

[8] Compare the witticism of Julia, daughter of Augustus, in Macrobius (_Saturn._, ii. 5).

[9] Ed. 2. "you."

[10] Old eds. "quite" and "quit."

[11] For an account of the religious sect called _The Family of Love_, see Middleton, iii. 3-5.

[12] Halliwell (_Dict. of Arch. and Prov. Words_) quotes from Armin's _Nest of Ninnies_:--"Out she would, tucks up her trinkets, like a Dutch _tannikin_ sliding to market on the ice, and away she flings."

[13] Woman (_Dutch_).

[14] Whore. (The word _brothel_ was so used).--Cf. Middleton, i. 269: "I may grace her with the name of a courtezan, a backslider, a _prostitution_," &c.