SCENE II.--_The Street before_ LOPEZ'S _House_.

_Enter_ SANCHO, _habited like_ DON ALONZO DE CARDONA, _with a hunch-back_, DALINDA _meeting him_.

_Dal._ I watched your coming at the window, and told my father. He's coming out to welcome you.

_San._ But if I chance to break out into a little wit sometimes, you'll excuse my frailty.

_Dal._ Pugh, you are so suspicious of yourself, and have so little reason for it. Be as witty as you can; I fear you not.

_Enter_ DON LOPEZ, _and salutes him_.

_Lop._ Noble Conde, you are welcome from the wars. And who did best in the battle, I beseech your honour?

_San._ Why, next my honour, one colonel Sancho did best.

_Lop._ Who, Sancho? he's little better than a coxcomb.

_San._ Nay, he has too much wit; if he had as much grace, 'twould be better for him.

_Lop._ But he's your lordship's rival in my daughter.

_San._ Is he so? then make much of him, old gentleman.

_Lop._ You would not have me prefer him to your excellency?

_San._ Faith, you can hardly chuse amiss betwixt us two; he's my other self, man.

_Lop._ I make a vast difference betwixt you.

_San._ That shall be a very good jest between you and me another time.

_Dal._ [_Aside._] The fool's too much a fool; he's going to discover himself, if I prevent it not.-- [_To_ LOPEZ.] Make haste, father, and put him upon the point, or he'll give me up to Sancho.

_Lop._ Let Sancho be no fool, since your lordship pleases; for he is not bound to make my daughter any satisfaction, as you are.

_San._ And satisfaction she shall have. What, I hope you don't think I am a eunuch?

_Dal._ [_Aside._] Oh heaven! I shall be ruined between them; I forgot to instruct my father not to meddle with that point.--[_To_ LOPEZ.] Say no more of it, I beseech you, sir.

_Lop._ [_To her._] 'Tis for thy good; let me alone.-- You know you have injured the poor girl, my lord.

_San._ Not to my remembrance, sennor. You and I may have quarrelled, I confess, and I think I may have given you some hard words to-day.

_Dal._ [_Aside._] Now has he forgotten he's my lord, and is harping upon the quarrel he had with him as Sancho. This must end in my destruction.

_Lop._ Your lordship and I can have had no quarrel to-day, for I have not seen you this twelvemonth.

_San._ That's true; now I remember myself, you have not.

_Lop._ But that you have wronged my daughter is manifest.

_Dal._ [_To_ SANCHO.] Sir, I must needs speak a word with you in private. If you love me, confess you have enjoyed me; for I told my father so, on purpose to make him the more condescending to the match.

_San._ [_To her._] A word to the wise, I understand you. Now you shall see me top upon the old fellow [_To_ LOPEZ.] Well, sennor, I won't stand with you for a night's lodging with your daughter; I acknowledge I have been a little familiar with her, or so: but, to make her amends, I will marry her, and consummate with her most abundantly.

_Lop._ Then all shall be set right, and the man shall have his mare again.

_Enter_ CARLOS, _habited like_ SANCHO.

_Lop._ What, another Don Alonzo? this is prodigious!

_Carl._ [_Aside, seeing_ SANCHO.] Bless me, the post is taken up already, and the true count is here before me.

_Dal._ [_Aside._] This is not my Conde; but some other counterfeit. [_To_ SANCHO.] You are as true a count as he: stand to your likeness.

_San._ Would I were out of my likeness! [_Sneaking back._

_Dal._ Put forward, man, I'll second you.

_San._ But what a devilish high back he has gotten too? he'll carry me away a pick-a-pack, that's certain.

_Carl._ [_Aside._] I find him now: by their whispering and by his aukwardness, this must be Sancho; and I'll out-face him. [_To_ LOPEZ.] Sennor Don Lopez, I am come, by your permission, to renew my addresses to your fair daughter.

_Lop._ Your lordship is most welcome.

_San._ Whose lordship?

_Lop._ Why, one of your lordships; I know not which, for by your backs you are both my lords. That's as you two can agree the matter.

_San._ [_To_ CARLOS.] Sirrah, where did you steal that back of mine?

_Carl._ Sirrah, I was born with it; but what he-camel has your mother been dealing withal, that you are begotten in my resemblance?

_San._ What, I hope you wont pretend to pass for the true Conde?

_Carl._ I am Don Alonzo de Cardona.

_San._ And so am I.

_Carl._ If you stay a little longer, I'll stretch your bones, till you are as strait as an arrow.

_San._ Do not provoke me; I am mischievously bent.

_Carl._ Nay, you are bent enough in conscience; but I have a bent fist for boxing.

_San._ And I have a strait foot for kicking.

[_They come up to each other._

_Lop._ Here will be bloodshed immediately.--Hold, noblemen both; will ye be content that I should examine ye, and then stand to my award which is the true Conde?

_San._ Well, to save Christian blood, I will.

_Carl._ And, to save Jewish blood,--that is your blood, sirrah,--I am contented too.

_Lop._ [_To_ CARLOS.] What command had you, my lord, in the last battle?

_Carl._ I had none; I was a volunteer, and charged with honourable Colonel Carlos in the fight.

_Lop._ [_To_ SANCHO.] And what command had your lordship there?

_San._ I had none neither; and I charged with that rogue Carlos.

_Lop._ [_Aside._] So far they are both right, as I have heard. [_To_ SANCHO.] And what became of you afterwards?

_San._ Now I am posed; for Carlos told me he knew nothing of the count afterward:--Sennor, I do not well remember what became of me, for I was in a very great passion; but I did prodigious things, that is certain.

_Carl._ [_To_ LOP.] Sennor, you may see he is a counterfeit, because he knows nothing of himself; but I, the true Conde, was trodden under the horses' feet, and lay for dead above half an hour.

_San._ Well, and now I remember myself, I was laid for dead too, for just about half a year.

_Lop._ [_To_ DAL.] This is the wrong lord; he can say nothing but what the other lord has said before him.

_Dal._ Then he's the likelier to be the true Conde; for he's a fool, father.

_Carl._ You see, sennor, he does not remember what became of him, as I said before.

_San._ How would you have a man remember, when he was laid for dead?

_Carl._ But I recovered, rogue, and pursued the enemy.

_San._ And I recovered, and pursued them too, for above an hundred miles together, at full speed.

_Lop._ That's farther than you needed, by three-score miles; for 'tis but forty from the place of battle to the city.

_Carl._ Yes, at full speed upon the same horse, and never drew bit neither.

_San._ [_To_ DAL.] Help me, dear Dalinda! I am bogged, you see.

_Dal._ [_To him._] That's with pursuing your enemies too far; but I'll help you out again--[_To_ LOPEZ.]--Pray, sir, let me examine them a little.

_Lop._ You'll make nothing of that first Conde.

_Dal._ Yes, a son-in-law, I warrant you.--[_To them._] Which of you two promised me marriage?

_Both._ I did.

_Dal._ [_To_ CARL.] And did you enjoy me?

_Carl._ Heaven forbid, madam! What, before marriage?

_Dal._ [_To_ SAN.] And what did you?

_San._ I did enjoy her; so I did: and there I was before you, for a false Conde, as you are.

_Carl._ Speak for yourself, madam, and clear your reputation from that scandalous companion.

_Dal._ [_With her Fan before her Face._] I must confess the true Conde has enjoyed me; the more my frailty.

_Lop._ The matter mends on that side.

_San._ Now, goodman Goose-cap, who's the most a man of honour, he, who has enjoyed a fair lady, or he, who has only licked his lips, and gone without her?

_Carl._ [_Aside._] I see she takes his part; this is all a lie contrived betwixt them.

_Enter a Messenger._

_Mess._ [_To_ DAL.] Madam, I am sent to you on a sad errand from the late Conde Don Alonzo, who was killed in the last battle.

_Lop._ You are mistaken, friend; for here he stands alive and well. [_Pointing to_ SANCHO.] And, for fear of failing, here's a counterpart of him. [_Pointing to_ CARLOS.

_Mess._ Do not abuse yourself, sennor; neither of these is the true Conde: I took him from under the horses' feet, and he had only life enough to say, remember me to my fair Dalinda.

_Lop._ [_To_ SAN.] What does your lordship say to this?

_San._ He was fairly killed, I must confess; but I can give you a better account of his lordship afterwards.

_Lop._ You? why, who are you?

_San._ Nay, I am he too.

_Mess._ You see he's a counterfeit; and so is the other.

_Lop._ 'Tis too true.

_Dal._ Did the Conde leave me nothing in his will?

_Mess._ Not a cross, madam.

_Dal._ There's the same payment for your news; be gone, poor fellow. [_Exit Messenger._

_Carl._ At least I have the satisfaction, that he's discovered as well as I am. [_Throwing off some part of his disguise._] Now, Sancho, you are welcome to the discovery of your fine intrigue.

_Lop._ Then, Sancho, I make good my word to you; since the Conde is dead, you stand fairest for my daughter;--and you, cousin Carlos, with your wit and your poverty, are in _statu quo._--Come away, son-in-law, and leave the forsaken lover to make himself a willow garland.

[_Exeunt_ SANCHO, LOPEZ, _and_ DALINDA.

_Carl._ Yet if I could hinder Sancho from marrying her, I should make myself some satisfaction. I'll think on't farther; and something comes into my head already. [_Stands musing._

_Enter_ ALPHONSO.

_Alph._ Now, Carlos, what make you here in this disguise? I have been looking for you at least half an hour.

_Carl._ Only a masquerade, sir; an innocent diversion in times of peace.

_Alph._ No, Carlos, these are times of war, not peace. I must abruptly tell you what is past: I am Ramirez's son, not Veramond's; I love Victoria, and for her am banished.

_Carl._ Just my own condition: I have had a revolution in my small affairs too; I am banished, and going to look for the next commodious tree to make a wry face upon it.

_Alph._ I know you brave; and, if you love me still, Follow my fortune: yours shall be my care. Our army lies encamped without the walls; Your regiment is quartered in the town: I think I can with ease revolt the troops, Because they love me; and, with their assistance Release my father, and redeem my mistress; While you and yours, at an appointed signal, Procure me entrance.

_Carl._ Right; and force the gate----

_Alph._ That's all I ask: I think myself as worthy To wed Victoria, as this foreign prince. But, if you find reluctance to this action, Now speak, that I may seek some other friend.

_Carl._ No, sir; I shall never break with you for so small a matter as a rebellion. I warrant you for my soldiers; they'll never flinch, when there's a town to plunder.

_Alph._ The signal and the time shall be concerted; Victoria be the word---- That happy name our bold attempt shall bless, And give an omen of assured success. [_Exeunt severally._