Chapter 7

_Enter_ LOVEBY. LOVEBY'S _collar unbuttoned, band carelessly on, hat on the table, as new risen from sleep_.

_Lov_. Boy! how long have I slept, boy?

_Enter Boy_.

_Boy_. Two hours and a half, sir.

_Lov_. What's a-clock, sirrah?

_Boy_. Near four, sir.

_Lov_. Why, there's it: I have promised my lady Constance an hundred pounds ere night; I had four hours to perform it in, when I engaged to do it; and I have slept out more than two of them. All my hope to get this money lies within the compass of that hat there. Before I lay down, I made bold a little to prick my finger, and write a note, in the blood of it, to this same friend of mine in t'other world, that uses to supply me: the devil has now had above two hours to perform it in; all which time I have slept, to give him the better opportunity: time enough for a gentleman of his agility to fetch it from the East Indies, out of one of his temples where they worship him; or, if he were lazy, and not minded to go so far, 'twere but stepping over sea, and borrowing so much money out of his own bank at Amsterdam: hang it, what's an hundred pounds between him and me? Now does my heart go pit-a-pat, for fear I should not find the money there: I would fain lift it up to see, and yet I am so afraid of missing: Yet a plague, why should I fear he'll fail me; the name of a friend's a sacred thing; sure he'll consider that. Methinks, this hat looks as if it should have something under it: If one could see the yellow boys peeping underneath the brims now: Ha! [_Looks under round about_.] In my conscience I think I do. Stand out o'the way, sirrah, and be ready to gather up the pieces, that will flush out of the hat as I take it up.

_Boy_. What, is my master mad, trow?

[LOVEBY _snatches up the hat, looks in it hastily, and sees nothing but the paper_.

_Low_. Now, the devil take the devil! A plague! was ever man served so as I am! [_Throws his hat upon the ground_.] To break the bands of amity for one hundred pieces! Well, it shall be more out of thy way than thou imaginest, devil: I'll turn parson, and be at open defiance with thee: I'll lay the wickedness of all people upon thee, though thou art never so innocent; I'll convert thy bawds and whores; I'll Hector thy gamesters, that they shall not dare to swear, curse, or bubble; nay, I'll set thee out so, that thy very usurers and aldermen shall fear to have to do with thee.

[_A noise within of_ ISABELLA _and_ FRANCES.

_Enter_ FRANCES, _thrusting back_ ISABELLA _and_ TIMOROUS.

_Franc_. How now, what's the matter?

_Isa_. Nay, sweet mistress, be not so hard-hearted; all I desire of you is but harbour for a minute: you cannot, in humanity, deny that small succour to a gentlewoman.

_Franc_. A gentlewoman! I thought so; my house, affords no harbour for gentlewomen: you are a company of proud harlotries: I'll teach you to take place of tradesmen's wives, with a wannion to you.

_Lov_. How's this! Madam Isabella!

_Isa_. Mr Loveby! how happy am I to meet with you in my distress!

_Lov_. What's the matter, madam?

_Isa_. I'll tell you, if this gentlewoman will give me leave.

_Franc_. No, gentlewoman, I will not give you leave; they are such as we maintain your pride, as they say. [ISABELLA _and_ LOVEBY _whisper_.] Our husbands trust you, and you must go before their wives. I am sure my good-man never goes to any of your lodgings, but he comes home the worse for it, as they say.

_Lov_. Is that all? pr'ythee, good landlady, for my sake entertain my friends.

_Franc_. If the gentleman's worship had come alone, it may be I might have entertained him; but for your minion!

_Enter_ NONSUCH, FAILER, BURR, _and Officers. Cry within, Here, here_.

_Fail_. My lord, arrest Sir Timorous upon a promise of marriage to your daughter, and we'll witness it.

_Tim_. Why, what a strange thing of you's this, madam Isabella, to bring a man into trouble thus!

_Fail_. You are not yet married to her?

_Tim_. Not that I remember.

_Isa_. Well, Failer, I shall find a time to reward your diligence.

_Lov_. If the knight would have owned his action, I should have taught some of you more manners, than to come with officers into my lodging.

_Franc_. I'm glad with all my heart this minx is prevented of her design: the gentleman had got a great catch of her, as they say. His old father in the country would have given him but little thanks for it, to see him bring down a fine-bred woman, with a lute, and a dressing-box, and a handful of money to her portion.

_Isa_. Good Mistress Whatdeelack! I know your quarrel to the ladies; do they take up the gallants from the tradesmen's wives? Lord, what a grievous thing it is, for a she citizen to be forced to have children by her own husband!

_Franc_. Come, come, you're a slanderful huswife, and I squorn your harlotry tricks, that I do, so I do.

_Isa_. Steeple-hat your husband never gets a good look when he comes home, except he brings a gentleman to dinner; who, if he casts an amorous eye towards you, then, "Trust him, good husband, sweet husband, trust him for my sake: Verily the gentleman's an honest man, I read it in his countenance: and if you should not be at home to receive the money, I know he will pay the debt to me." Is't not so, mistress?

_Enter_ BIBBER _in slippers, with a skein of silk about his neck_.

_Franc_. Will you see me wronged thus, under my own roof, as they say, William?

_Isa_. Nay, 'tis very true, mistress: you let the men, with old compliments, take up new clothes; I do not mean your wife's clothes, Mr Merchant-Tailor.

_Bib_. Good, i'faith! a notable smart gentlewoman!

_Isa_. Look to your wife, sir, or, in time, she may undo your trade; for she'll get all your men-customers to herself.

_Bib_. An' I should be hanged, I can forbear no longer. [_He plucks out his measure, and runs to_ ISABELLA, _to take measure of her_.

_Isa_. How now! what means Prince Pericles by this?

_Bib_. [_On his knees_.] I must beg your ladyship e'en to have the honour to trust you but for your gown, for the sake of that last jest, flowered sattin, wrought tabby, silver upon any grounds; I shall run mad if I may not trust your ladyship.

_Franc_. I think you are mad already, as they say, William: You shall not trust her--

[_Plucks him back_.

_Bib_. Let me alone, Frances: I am a lion when I am angered.

_Isa_. Pray do not pull your lion by the tail so, mistress--In these clothes, that he now takes measure of me for, will I marry Sir Timorous; mark that, and tremble, Failer.

_Fail_. Never threaten me, madam; you're a person I despise.

_Isa_. I vow to gad, I'll be even with you, sir.

[_Exit_.

_Non_. [_To the Bailiff's_.]--And when you have arrested him, be sure you search him for my gold.

_Bailiffs_. [_To_ LOVEBY.] We arrest you, sir, at my Lord Nonsuch's suit.

_Lov_. Me, you rascals!

_Non_. Search him for my gold; you know the marks on't.

_Lov_. If they can find any marked or unmarked gold about me, they'll find more than I can. You expect I should resist now; no, no; I'll hamper you for this.

_Bail_. There's nothing to be found about him.

_Fail_. 'Tis no matter, to prison with him; there all his debts will come upon him.

_Lov_. What, hurried to durance, like a stinkard!

_Job_. Now, as I live, a pleasant gentleman; I could find in my heart to bail him; but I'll overcome myself, and steal away. [_Is going_.

_Bail_. Come, sir, we must provide you of another lodging; but I believe you'll scarce like it.

_Lov_. If I do not, I ask no favour; pray turn me out of doors.

_Bib_. Turn him out of doors! What a jest was there? Now, an' I should be hanged, I cannot forbear bailing him: Stay, officers, I bail him body and soul for that jest.

_Fail_. Let us begone in time, Burr.

[_Exeunt_ BURR, FAILER, _and_ TIMOROUS.

_Franc_. You shall not bail him.

_Bib_. I know I am a rogue to do it; but his wit has prevailed upon me, and a man must not go against his conscience. There, officers.

_Lov_. to _Non_. Old man, if it were not for thy daughter--

_Non_. Well, well; take your course, sir.

[_Exeunt_ NONSUCH _and Bailiffs_.

_Lov_. Come, Will, I'll thank thee at the tavern. Frances, remember this the next time you come up to make my bed.

_Franc_. Do your worst, I fear you not, sir. This is twice to day, William; to trust a gentlewoman, and bail a ragamuffin: I am sure he called you cuckold but yesterday, and said he would make you one.

_Lov_. Look you, Frances, I am a man of honour, and, if I said it, I'll not break my word with you.

_Bib_. There he was with you again, Frances: An excellent good jest, i'faith la.

_Franc_. I'll not endure it, that I won't, so I won't: I'll go to the justice's worship, and fetch a warrant for him.

_Lov_. But, landlady, the word cuckold will bear no action in the law, except you could prove your husband prejudiced by it. Have any of his customers forsook him for't? Or any mercer refused to trust him the less, for my calling him so?

_Franc_. Nay, I know not for the mercers; perhaps the citizens may take it for no slander among one another, as they say: but for the gentlemen--

_Lov_. Will, have they forsaken thee upon it?

_Bib_. No, I assure you, sir.

_Lov_. No, I warrant 'em: A cuckold has the signification of an honest well-meaning citizen; one, that is not given to jealousies or suspicions; a just person to his wife, &c.; one that, to speak the worst of him, does but to her, what he would be content should be done to her by other men.

_Franc_. But that another man should be the father of his children, as they say; I don't think that a civil thing, husband.

_Lov_. Not civil, landlady! why all things are civil, that are made so by custom.

_Bib_. Why may not he get as fine children as I, or any man?

_Franc_. But if those children, that are none of yours, should call you father, William!

_Bib_. If they call me father, and are none of mine, I am the more beholden to 'em.

_Franc_. Nay, if that be your humour, husband, I am glad I know it, that I may please you the better another time, as they say. [_Exit_ FRANCES.

_Bib_. Nay, but Frances, Frances! 'tis such another woman. [_Exit_ BIBBER.

_Lov_. 'Tis such another man:--My coat and sword, boy, I must go to Justice Trice's; bring the women; and come after me. [_Exit_ LOVEBY.