Chapter 12

_The scene opens, and discovers CONSTANCE, and a Parson by her; she habited like Fortune.

Enter again_.

_Set_. Take here the mighty queen of good and ill, Fortune; first marry, then enjoy thy fill Of lawful pleasures; but depart ere morn; Slip from her bed, or else thou shalt be torn Piecemeal by fiends; thy blood caroused in bowls, And thy four quarters blown to the top of Paul's.

_Lov_. By your favour, I'll never venture. Is marrying the business? I'll none, I thank you.

[_Here CONSTANCE whispers SETSTONE_.

_Set_. Fortune will turn her back if twice denied.

_Lav_. Why, she may turn her girdle too on t'other side[A]. This is the devil; I will not venture on her.

[Footnote A: A usual expression of indifference for a man's displeasure.]

_Set_. Fear not; she swears thou shalt receive no harm.

_Lov_. Ay, if a man durst trust her; but the devil is got into such an ill name of lying--

_Set_. Whene'er you are not pleased, it shall be lawful to sue out your divorce.

_Lov_. Ay, but where shall I get a lawyer? there you are aforehand with me; you have retained most of them already. For the favours I have received, I am very much her servant; but, in the way of matrimony, Mr Parson there can tell you 'tis an ordinance, and must not be entered into without mature deliberation; besides, marriages, you know, are made in heaven; and that I am sure this was not.

_Set_. She bids you then, at least, restore that gold, which she, too lavishly, poured out on you, unthankful man.

_Lov_. Faith, I have it not at present; 'tis all gone, as I am a sinner; but, 'tis gone wickedly; all spent in the devil her father's service.

_Set_. Where is the grateful sense of all your favours? Come, fiends, with flesh-hooks, tear the wretch in pieces, And bear his soul upon your leather wings, Below the fountain of the dark abyss.

_Lov_. What, are you a-conjuring? If you are good at that sport, I can conjure as well as you--[_Draws his sword_.

_Const_. Hold; for Heaven's sake, hold! I am no spirit; touch but my hand; ghosts have no flesh and blood. [_Discovering_.

_Lov_. My lady Constance! I began to suspect it might be a trick, but never could imagine you the author. It seems you are desirous I should father this _hans en kelder_ here?

_Const_. I know not how, without a blush, to tell you, it was a cheat I practised for your love.

_Set_. A mere tympany, sir, raised by a cushion; you see 'tis gone already.

_Const_. Setstone was sent to have acquainted you; but, by the way, unfortunately missed you.

_Lev_. Twas you, then, that supplied me all this while with money? pretty familiar, I hope to make thee amends ere I sleep to-night. Come, parson, pr'ythee make haste and join us. I long to be out of her debt, poor rogue.

[_The parson takes them to the side of the stage; they turn their backs to the audience, while he mumbles to them_.

_Set_. I'll be the clerk; Amen--give you joy, Mr Bridegroom, and Mrs Bride.

_Lov. Const_. Thanks, honest Setstone.

[_BIBBER, FRANCES, and music without--they play_.

_Music_. God give your worship a good even, Mr Loveby.

_Const_. Hark! what noise is that! Is this music of your providing, Setstone?

_Set_. Alas, madam, I know nothing of it.

_Lov_. We are betrayed to your father; but the best on't is, he comes too late to hinder us--fear not, madam, I'll bear you through them all.

[_As they rush out, BIBBER, FRANCES, and Music are entering in; BIBBER and FRANCES are beaten down.--Exeunt LOVEBY; CONSTANCE, SETSTONE, and Parson_.

_All cry out_. Oh the devil! the devil! the devil!

_Bib_. Lord bless us, where are you, Frances!

_Fran_. Here, William! this is a judgment, as they say, upon you, William, for trusting wits, and calling gentlemen to the tavern, William.

_Bib_. No; 'twas a judgment upon you, for desiring preferment at court, Frances. Let's call up the watch, and Justice Trice, to have the house searched.

_Fran_. Ay, ay; there's more devils there, I warrant you. [_Exeunt_.

_Enter LOVEBY, CONSTANCE, and SETSTONE again_.

_Lov_. It was certainly Will Bibber and his wife, with music; for, now I remember myself, I 'pointed him this hour at your father's house: but we frighted them worse than they frighted us.

_Const_. Our parson ran away too, when they cried out the devil!

_Lov_. He was the wiser; for if the devil had come indeed, he has preached so long against him, it would have gone hard with him.

_Set_. Indeed, I have always observed parsons to be more fearful of the devil than other people.

_Lov_. Oh, the devil's the spirit, and the parson's the flesh; and betwixt those two there must be a war; yet, to do them both right, I think in my conscience they quarrel only like lawyers for their fees, and meet good friends in private, to laugh at their clients.

_Const_. I saw him run in at my cousin Isabella's chamber door, which was wide open; I believe she's returned: We'll fetch a light from the gallery, and give her joy.

_Lov_. Why, is she married, madam?

_Const_. I'll tell you as we go. [_Exeunt_.