SCENE III.

_Enter_ WARNER _and_ ROSE.

_Rose._ A mischief upon all fools! do you think your master has not done wisely? First to mistake our old man's humour; then to dispraise the plays; and, lastly, to discover his acquaintance with my mistress: My old master has taken such a jealousy of him, that he will never admit him into his sight again.

_Warn._ Thou makest thyself a greater fool than he, by being angry at what he cannot help. I have been angry with him too; but these friends have taken up the quarrel. [_Shews gold_.] Look you, he has sent these mediators to mitigate your wrath: Here are twenty of them have made a long voyage from Guinea to kiss your hands: And when the match is made, there are an hundred more in readiness to be your humble servants.

_Rose._ Rather than fall out with you, I'll take them; but I confess, it troubles me to see so loyal a lover have the heart of an emperor, and yet scarce the brains of a cobler.

_Warn._ Well, what device can we two beget betwixt us, to separate Sir John Swallow and thy mistress?

_Rose._ I cannot on the sudden tell; but I hate him worse than foul weather without a coach.

_Warn._ Then I'll see if my project be luckier than thine. Where are the papers concerning the jointure I have heard you speak of?

_Rose._ They lie within, in three great bags; some twenty reams of paper in each bundle, with six lines in a sheet: But there is a little paper where all the business lies.

_Warn._ Where is it? Canst thou help me to it?

_Rose._ By good chance he gave it to my custody, before he set out for London. You came in good time; here it is, I was carrying it to him; just now he sent for it.

_Warn._ So, this I will secure in my pocket; when thou art asked for it, make two or three bad faces, and say it was left behind: By this means, he must of necessity leave the town, to see for it in Kent.

_Enter Sir_ JOHN, _Sir_ MARTIN, _and Mrs_ MILLISENT.

_Sir John._ 'Tis no matter, though the old man be suspicious; I knew the story all beforehand; and since then you have fully satisfied me of your true friendship to me.--Where are the writings? [_To_ ROSE.

_Rose._ Sir, I beg your pardon; I thought I had put them up amongst my lady's things, and it seems, in my haste, I quite forgot them, and left them at Canterbury.

_Sir John._ This is horribly unlucky! where do you think you left them?

_Rose._ Upon the great box in my lady's chamber; they are safe enough, I'm sure.

_Sir John._ It must be so--I must take post immediately: Madam, for some few days I must be absent; and to confirm you, friend, how much I trust you, I leave the dearest pledge I have on earth, my mistress, to your care.

_Mill._ If you loved me, you would not take all occasions to leave me thus.

_Warn._ [_Aside_.] Do, go to Kent, and when you come again, here they are ready for you. [_Shews the paper._

_Sir Mart._ What's that you have in your hand there, sirrah?

_Warn._ Pox, what ill luck was this! what shall I say?

_Sir Mart._ Sometimes you have tongue enough; what, are you silent?

_Warn._ 'Tis an account, sir, of what money you have lost since you came to town.

_Sir Mart._ I am very glad on't: Now I'll make you all see the severity of my fortune----give me the paper.

_Warn._ Heaven! what does he mean to do? It is not fair writ out, sir.

_Sir John._ Besides, I am in haste; another time, sir----

_Sir Mart._ Pray, oblige me, sir; 'tis but one minute: All people love to be pitied in their misfortunes, and so do I: will you produce it, sirrah?

_Warn._ Dear master!

_Sir Mart._ Dear rascal! am I master, or you, you rogue?

_Warn._ Hold yet, sir, and let me read it: You cannot read my hand.

_Sir Mart._ This is ever his way to be disparaging me; but I'll let you see, sirrah, that I can read your hand better than you yourself can.

_Warn._ You'll repent it; there's a trick in't, sir.

_Sir Mart._ Is there so, sirrah? but I'll bring you out of all your tricks with a vengeance to you----[_Reads_.] How now! What's this? A true particular of the estate of Sir John Swallow, knight, lying and situate in, &c.

_Sir John._ This is the very paper I had lost: I'm very glad on't; [_Takes the paper_.] it has saved me a most unwelcome journey--but I will not thank you for the courtesy, which now I find you never did intend me--this is confederacy, I smoke it now--come, madam, let me wait on you to your father.

_Mill._ Well, of a witty man, this was the foolishest part that ever I beheld. [_Exeunt Sir_ JOHN, MILLISENT, _and_ ROSE.

_Sir Mart._ I am a fool, I must confess it; and I am the most miserable one without thy help--but yet it was such a mistake as any man might have made.

_Warn._ No doubt of it.

_Sir Mart._ Pr'ythee chide me! this indifference of thine wounds me to the heart.

_Warn._ I care not.

_Sir Mart._ Wilt thou not help me for this once?

_Warn._ Sir, I kiss your hands, I have other business.

_Sir Mart._ Dear Warner!

_Warn._ I am inflexible.

_Sir Mart._ Then I am resolved I'll kill myself.

_Warn._ You are master of your own body.

_Sir Mart._ Will you let me damn my soul?

_Warn._ At your pleasure, as the devil and you can agree about it.

_Sir Mart._ D'ye see, the point's ready? Will you do nothing to save my life?

_Warn._ Not in the least.

_Sir Mart._ Farewell, hard-hearted Warner.

_Warn._ Adieu, soft-headed Sir Martin.

_Sir Mart._ Is it possible?

_Warn._ Why don't you despatch, sir? why all these preambles?

_Sir Mart._ I'll see thee hanged first: I know thou wouldst have me killed, to get my clothes.

_Warn._ I knew it was but a copy of your countenance; people in this age are not so apt to kill themselves.

_Sir Mart._ Here are yet ten pieces in my pocket; take 'em, and let's be friends.

_Warn._ You know the easiness of my nature, and that makes you work upon it so. Well, sir, for this once I cast an eye of pity on you; but I must have ten more in hand, before I can stir a foot.

_Sir Mart._ As I am a true gamester, I have lost all but these; but if thou'lt lend me them, I'll give 'em thee again.

_Warn._ I'll rather trust you till to-morrow; Once more look up, I bid you hope the best. Why should your folly make your love miscarry, Since men first play the fools, and then they marry? [_Exeunt._