SCENE II.--_Mr_ WOODALL'S _Chamber.

_Mrs_ BRAINSICK _alone._

_Mrs Brain._ My note has taken, as I wished: he will be here immediately. If I could but resolve to lose no time, out of modesty; but it is his part to be violent, for both our credits. Never so little force and ruffling, and a poor weak woman is excused. [_Noise._] Hark, I hear him coming.--Ah me! the steps beat double: He comes not alone. If it should be my husband with him! where shall I hide myself? I see no other place, but under his bed: I must lie as silently as my fear will suffer me. Heaven send me safe again to my own chamber! [_Creeps under the Bed._

_Enter_ WOODALL _and_ TRICKSY.

_Wood._ Well, fortune at the last is favourable, and now you are my prisoner.

_Trick._ After a quarter of an hour, I suppose, I shall have my liberty upon easy terms. But pray let us parley a little first.

_Wood._ Let it be upon the bed then. Please you to sit?

_Trick._ No matter where; I am never the nearer to your wicked purpose. But you men are commonly great comedians in love-matters; therefore you must swear, in the first place--

_Wood._ Nay, no conditions: The fortress is reduced to extremity; and you must yield upon discretion, or I storm.

_Trick._ Never to love any other woman.

_Wood._ I kiss the book upon it. [_Kisses her. Mrs_ BRAIN. _pinches him from underneath the Bed._] Oh, are you at your love-tricks already? If you pinch me thus, I shall bite your lip.

_Trick._ I did not pinch you: But you are apt, I see, to take any occasion of gathering up more close to me.--Next, you shall not so much as look on Mrs Brainsick.

_Wood._ Have you done? these covenants are so tedious!

_Trick._ Nay, but swear then.

_Wood._ I do promise, I do swear, I do any thing. [_Mrs_ BRAIN. _runs a pin into him._] Oh, the devil! what do you mean to run pins into me? this is perfect caterwauling.

_Trick._ You fancy all this; I would not hurt you for the world. Come, you shall see how well I love you. [_Kisses him: Mrs_ BRAIN. _pricks her._] Oh! I think you have needles growing in your bed. [_Both rise up._

_Wood._ I will see what is the matter in it.

_Saint._ [_Within._] Mr Woodall, where are you, verily?

_Wood._ Pox verily her! it is my landlady: Here, hide yourself behind the curtains, while I run to the door, to stop her entry.

_Trick._ Necessity has no law; I must be patient. [_She gets into the Bed, and draws the clothes over her._

_Enter_ SAINTLY.

_Saint._ In sadness, gentleman, I can hold no longer: I will not keep your wicked counsel, how you were locked up in the chest; for it lies heavy upon my conscience, and out it must, and shall.

_Wood._ You may tell, but who will believe you? where's your witness?

_Saint._ Verily, heaven is my witness.

_Wood._ That's your witness too, that you would have allured me to lewdness, have seduced a hopeful young man, as I am; you would have enticed youth: Mark that, beldam.

_Saint._ I care not; my single evidence is enough to Mr Limberham; he will believe me, that thou burnest in unlawful lust to his beloved: So thou shalt be an outcast from my family.

_Wood._ Then will I go to the elders of thy church, and lay thee open before them, that thou didst feloniously unlock that chest, with wicked intentions of purloining: So thou shalt be excommunicated from the congregation, thou Jezebel, and delivered over to Satan.

_Saint._ Verily, our teacher will not excommunicate me, for taking the spoils of the ungodly, to clothe him; for it is a judged case amongst us, that a married woman may steal from her husband, to relieve a brother. But yet them mayest atone this difference betwixt us; verily, thou mayest.

_Wood._ Now thou art tempting me again. Well, if I had not the gift of continency, what might become of me?

_Saint._ The means have been offered thee, and thou hast kicked with the heel. I will go immediately to the tabernacle of Mr Limberham, and discover thee, O thou serpent, in thy crooked paths. [_Going._

_Wood._ Hold, good landlady, not so fast; let me have time to consider on't; I may mollify, for flesh is frail. An hour or two hence we will confer together upon the premises.

_Saint._ Oh, on the sudden, I feel myself exceeding sick! Oh! oh!

_Wood._ Get you quickly to your closet, and fall to your _mirabilis_; this is no place for sick people. Begone, begone!

_Saint._ Verily, I can go no farther.

_Wood._ But you shall, verily. I will thrust you down, out of pure pity.

_Saint._ Oh, my eyes grow dim! my heart quops, and my back acheth! here I will lay me down, and rest me. [_Throws herself suddenly down upon the Bed;_ TRICKSY _shrieks, and rises; Mrs_ BRAIN. _rises from under the Bed in a fright._

_Wood._ So! here's a fine business! my whole seraglio up in arms!

_Saint._ So, so; if Providence had not sent me hither, what folly had been this day committed!

_Trick._ Oh the old woman in the oven! we both overheard your pious documents: Did we not, Mrs Brainsick?

_Mrs Brain._ Yes, we did overhear her; and we will both testify against her.

_Wood._ I have nothing to say for her. Nay, I told her her own; you can both bear me witness. If a sober man cannot be quiet in his own chamber for her--

_Trick._ For, you know, sir, when Mrs Brainsick and I over-heard her coming, having been before acquainted with her wicked purpose, we both agreed to trap her in it.

_Mrs Brain._ And now she would 'scape herself, by accusing us! but let us both conclude to cast an infamy upon her house, and leave it.

_Saint._ Sweet Mr Woodall, intercede for me, or I shall be ruined.

_Wood._ Well, for once I'll be good-natured, and try my interest.-- Pray, ladies, for my sake, let this business go no farther.

_Trick. and Mrs Brain._ You may command us.

_Wood._ For, look you, the offence was properly to my person; and charity has taught me to forgive my enemies. I hope, Mrs Saintly, this will be a warning to you, to amend your life: I speak like a Christian, as one that tenders the welfare of your soul.

_Saint._ Verily, I will consider.

_Wood._ Why, that is well said.--[_Aside._] Gad, and so must I too; for my people is dissatisfied, and my government in danger: But this is no place for meditation.--Ladies, I wait on you. [_Exeunt._