Chapter 3

After he thought the Court of _England_ was universally acquainted with his mighty Honour, he was pleas'd to think fit to retire to his own more private Palace, with Sir _Philip_ and _Goodland_, whom he entertain'd that Night very handsomly, till about seven o'Clock; when they went together to the Play, which was that Night, _A King and no King_. His Attendant-Friends could not forbear smiling, to think how aptly the Title of the Play suited his Circumstances. Nor could he choose but take Notice of it behind the Scenes, between Jest and Earnest; telling the Players how kind Fortune had been the Night past, in disposing the Bean to him; and justifying what one of her Prophetesses had foretold some Years since. I shall now no more regard (said he) that old doating Fellow _Pythagoras's_ Saying _Abstineto a Fabis_, That is, (added he, by way of Construction) _Abstain from Beans_: for I find the Excellency of 'em in Cakes and Dishes; from the first, they inspire the Soul with mighty Thoughts; and from the last our Bodies receive a strong and wholesom Nourishment. That is, (said a Wag among those sharp Youths, I think 'twas my Friend the Count) these puff you up in Mind, Sir, those in Body. They had some further Discourse among the Nymphs of the Stage, ere they went into the Pit; where Sir _Philip_ spread the News of his Friend's Accession to the Title, tho' not yet to the Throne of _Bantam_; upon which he was there again complimented on that Occasion. Several of the Ladies and Gentlemen who saluted him, he invited to the next Night's Ball at his Palace.

The Play done, they took each of them a Bottle at the _Rose_, and parted till Seven the Night following; which came not sooner than desired: for he had taken such Care, that all things were in readiness before Eight, only he was not to expect the Musick till the End of the Play. About Nine, Sir _Philip_, his Lady, _Goodland_, _Philibella_, and _Lucy_ came. Sir _Philip_ return'd him _Rabelais_, which he had borrow'd of him, wherein the Knight had written, in an old odd sort of a Character, this Prophecy of his own making; with which he surpriz'd the Majesty of _Bantam_, who vow'd he had never taken Notice of it before; but he said, he perceiv'd it had been long written by the Character; and here it follows, as near as I can remember:

_When +M. D. C.+ come +L.+ before, Three +XXX+'s, two II's and one I. more; Then +KING+, tho' now but Name to thee, Shall both thy Name and Title be._

They had hardly made an End of reading it, ere the whole Company, and more than he had invited, came in, and were receiv'd with a great deal of Formality and Magnificence. _Lucy_ was there attended as his Queen; and _Philibella_, as the Princess her Sister. They danc'd then till they were weary; and afterwards retired to another large Room, where they found the Tables spread and furnished with all the most seasonable cold Meat; which was succeeded by the choicest Fruits, and the richest Desert of Sweetmeats that Luxury could think on, or at least that this Town could afford. The Wines were all most excellent in their Kind; and their Spirits flew about thro' every Corner of the House: There was scarce a Spark sober in the whole Company, with drinking repeated Glasses to the Health of the King of _Bantam_, and his Royal Consort, with the Princess _Philibella's_ who sat together under a Royal Canopy of State, his Majesty between the two beautiful Sisters: only _Friendly_ and _Goodland_ wisely manag'd that part of the Engagement where they were concern'd, and preserv'd themselves from the Heat of the Debauch.

Between Three and Four most of them began to draw off, laden with Fruit and Sweetmeats, and rich Favours compos'd of Yellow, Green, Red and White, the Colours of his new Majesty of _Bantam_. Before Five they were left to themselves; when the Lady _Friendly_ was discompos'd, for want of Sleep, and her usual Cordial, which obliged Sir _Philip_ to wait on her Home, with his two Nieces: But his Majesty would by no means part with _Goodland_; whom, before Nine that Morning, he made as drunk as a Lord, and by Consequence, one of his Peers; for Majesty was then, indeed, as great as an Emperor: He fancy'd himself _Alexander_, and young _Valentine_ his _Hephestion_; and did so be-buss him, that the young Gentleman fear'd he was fallen into the Hands of an _Italian_. However, by the kind Persuasions of his condescending and dissembling Majesty, he ventur'd to go into Bed with him; where King _Would-be_ fell asleep, hand-over-head: and not long after, _Goodland_, his new-made Peer, follow'd him to the cool Retreats of _Morpheus_.

About Three the next Afternoon they both wak'd, as by consent, and called to dress. And after that Business was over, I think they swallow'd each of 'em a Pint of _Old-Hock_, with a little Sugar, by the way of healing. Their Coaches were got ready in the mean time; but the Peer was forced to accept of the Honour of being carried in his Majesty's to Sir _Philip's_, whom they found just risen from Dinner, with _Philadelphia_ and his two Nieces. They sat down, and ask'd for something to relish a Glass of Wine, and Sir _Philip_ order'd a cold Chine to be set before 'em, of which they eat about an Ounce a-piece; but they drank more by half, I dare say.

After their little Repast, _Friendly_ call'd the _Would-be-Monarch_ aside, and told him, that he would have him go to the Play that Night, which was _The London-Cuckolds_; promising to meet him there in less than half an Hour after his Departure: telling him withal, that he would surprize him with a much better Entertainment than the Stage afforded. _Majesty_ took the Hint, imagining, and that rightly, that the Knight had some Intrigue in his Head, for the Promotion of the Commonwealth of Cuckoldom: In order therefore to his Advice, he took his leave about a quarter of an Hour after.

When he was gone, Sir _Philip_ thus bespoke his pretended Niece: Madam, I hope your Majesty will not refuse me the Honour of waiting on you to a Place where you will meet with better Entertainment than your Majesty can expect from the best Comedy in Christendom. _Val_, (continued he) you must go with us, to secure me against the Jealousy of my Wife. That, indeed (return'd his Lady) is very material; and you are mightily concern'd not to give me Occasion, I must own. You see I am now, (replied he:) But--come! on with Hoods and Scarf! (pursued he, to _Lucy_.) Then addressing himself again to his Lady; Madam, (said he) we'll wait on you. In less Time than I could have drank a Bottle to my Share, the Coach was got ready, and on they drove to the Play-House. By the way, said _Friendly_ to _Val._--Your Honour, noble Peer, must be set down at _Long's_; for only _Lucy_ and I must be seen to his Majesty of _Bantam_: And now, I doubt not, you understand what you must trust to.--To be robb'd of her Majesty's Company, I warrant (return'd the other) for these long three Hours. Why (cry'd _Lucy_) you don't mean, I hope, to leave me with his Majesty of _Bantam_? 'Tis for thy Good, Child! 'Tis for thy Good (return'd _Friendly_.) To the _Rose_ they got then; where _Goodland_ alighted, and expected Sir _Philip_; who led _Lucy_ into the King's Box, to his new Majesty; where, after the first Scene, he left them together. The over-joy'd fantastick Monarch would fain have said some fine obliging Things to the Knight, as he was going out; but _Friendly's_ Haste prevented 'em, who went directly to _Valentine_, took one Glass, call'd a Reckoning, mounted his Chariot, and away Home they came: where I believe he was welcome to his Lady; for I never heard any thing to the contrary.

In the mean Time, his Majesty had not the Patience to stay out half the Play, at which he was saluted by above twenty Gentlemen and Ladies by his new and mighty Title: but out he led Miss Majesty ere the third Act was half done; pretending, that it was so damn'd a bawdy Play, that he knew her Modesty had been already but too much offended at it; so into his Coach he got her. When they were seated, she told him she would go to no Place with him, but to the Lodgings her Mother had taken for her, when she first came to Town, and which still she kept. Your Mother, Madam, (cry'd he) why, is Sir _Philip's_ Sister living then? His Brother's Widow is, Sir, (she reply'd.) Is she there? (he ask'd.) No, Sir, (she return'd;) she is in the Country. Oh, then we will go thither to chuse. The Coach-man was then order'd to drive to _Jermain-Street_; where, when he came in to the Lodgings, he found 'em very rich and modishly furnish'd. He presently call'd one of his Slaves, and whisper'd him to get three or four pretty Dishes for Supper; and then getting a Pen, Ink and Paper, writ a Note to _C----d_ the Goldsmith with _Temple-Bar_, for five hundred guineas; which _Watchful_ brought him, in less than an Hour's time, when they were just in the Height of Supper; _Lucy_ having invited her Landlady, for the better Colour of the Matter. His _Bantamite_ Majesty took the Gold from his Slave, and threw it by him in the Window, that _Lucy_ might take Notice of it; (which you may assure yourself she did, and after Supper wink'd on the goodly Matron of the House to retire, which she immediately obey'd.) Then his Majesty began his Court very earnestly and hotly, throwing the naked Guineas into her Lap: which she seemed to refuse with much Disdain; but upon his repeated Promises, confirm'd by unheard of Oaths and Imprecations, that he would give her Sister three thousand Guineas to her Portion, she began by Degrees to mollify, and let the Gold lie quietly in her Lap: And the next Night, after he had drawn Notes on two or three of his Bankers, for the Payment of three thousand Guineas to Sir _Philip_, or Order, and received his own Bond, made for what he had lost at Play, from _Friendly_, she made no great Difficulty to admit his Majesty to her Bed. Where I think fit to leave 'em for the present; for (perhaps) they had some private Business.

The next Morning before the Titular King was (I won't say up, or stirring, but) out of Bed, young _Goodland_ and _Philibella_ were privately marry'd; the Bills being all accepted and paid in two Days Time. As soon as ever the fantastick Monarch could find in his Heart to divorce himself from the dear and charming Embraces of his beautiful Bedfellow, he came flying to Sir _Philip_, with all the Haste that Imagination big with Pleasure could inspire him with, to discharge it self to a suppos'd Friend. The Knight told him, that he was really much troubled to find that his Niece had yielded so soon and easily to him; however, he wish'd him Joy: To which the other return'd, that he could never want it, whilst he had the Command of so much Beauty, and that without the ungrateful Obligations of Matrimony, which certainly are the most nauseous, hateful, pernicious and destructive of Love imaginable. Think you so, Sir? (ask'd the Knight;) we shall hear what a Friend of mine will say on such an Occasion, to-morrow about this Time: but I beseech your Majesty to conceal your Sentiments of it to him, lest you make him as uneasy as you seem to be in that Circumstance. Be assur'd I will, (return'd the other:) But when shall I see the sweet, the dear, the blooming, the charming _Philibella_? She will be with us at Dinner. Where's her Majesty? (ask'd Sir _Philip_) Had you enquir'd before, she had been here; for, look, she comes! _Friendly_ seems to regard her with a Kind of Displeasure, and whisper'd Majesty, that he should express no particular Symptoms of Familiarity with _Lucy_ in his House, at any Time, especially when _Goodland_ was there, as then he was above with his Lady and _Philibella_, who came down presently after to Dinner.

About Four o'Clock, as his Majesty had intrigu'd with her, _Lucy_ took a Hackney-Coach, and went to her Lodgings; whither about an Hour after, he follow'd her, Next Morning, at nine, he came to _Friendly's_, who carry'd him up to see his new-married Friends--But (O Damnation to Thoughts!) what Torments did he feel, when he saw young _Goodland_ and _Philibella_ in bed together; the last of which return'd him humble and hearty Thanks for her Portion and Husband, as the first did for his Wife. He shook his Head at Sir _Philip_, and without speaking one Word, left 'em, and hurry'd to _Lucy_, to lament the ill Treatment he had met with from _Friendly_. They coo'd and bill'd as long as he was able; she (sweet Hypocrite) seeming to bemoan his Misfortunes; which he took so kindly, that when he left her, which was about three in the Afternoon, he caus'd a Scrivener to draw up an Instrument, wherein he settled a hundred Pounds a Year on _Lucy_ for her Life, and gave her a hundred Guineas more against her Lying-in: (For she told him, and indeed 'twas true, that she was with child, and knew her self to be so from a very good Reason--) And indeed she was so--by the _Friendly_ Knight. When he return'd to her, he threw the obliging Instrument into her Lap; (it seems he had a particular Kindness for that Place--) then call'd for Wine, and something to eat; for he had not drank a Pint to his Share all the Day, (tho' he had ply'd it at the Chocolate-House.--) The Landlady, who was invited to sup with 'em, bid 'em good-night, about eleven; when they went to bed, and partly slept till about six; when they were entertain'd by some Gentleman of their Acquaintance, who play'd and sung very finely, by way of _Epithalamium_, these Words and more:

_Joy to great +Bantam!+ Live long, love and wanton! And thy Royal Consort! For both are of one Sort, +&c.+_

The rest I have forgot. He took some Offence at the Words; but more at the Visit that Sir _Philip_, and _Goodland_, made him, about an Hour after, who found him in Bed with his Royal Consort; and after having wish'd 'em Joy, and thrown their Majesties own Shoes and Stockings at their Head, retir'd. This gave Monarch in Fancy so great a Caution that he took his Royal Consort into the Country, (but above forty Miles off the Place where his own Lady was) where, in less than eight Months, she was deliver'd of a Princely Babe, who was Christen'd by the Heathenish Name of _Hayoumorecake Bantam_, while her Majesty lay in like a pretty Queen.

NOTES: The King of Bantam.

p. 17 _last new Plays, being then in the Year 1683_. The new plays acted at the Theatre Royal in 1682 were: Southerne's _The Loyal Brother; or, The Persian Prince_; Tate's _Ingratitude of a Commonwealth; or, The Fall of Caius Marius Coriolanus_; Settle's _The Heir of Morocco, with the Death of Gayland_; Banks' _The Unhappy Favourite; or, the Earl of Essex_; D'Urfey's _The Injur'd Princess; or, The Fatal Wager_. There were also an unusual number of revivals of the older plays at this house. At Dorset Garden the following were produced: Otway's _Venice Preserved; or, A Plot Discovered_; Mrs. Behn's _The City Heiress; or, Sir Timothy Treatall_; D'Urfey's _The Royalist_; Mrs. Behn's _The False Count; or, A New Way to Play an Old Game_; Banks' _Virtue Betray'd; or, Anna Bullen_; Mrs. Behn's _The Roundheads; or, The Good Old Cause_; Ravenscroft's _The London Cuckolds_; and _Romulus and Hersilia; or, The Sabine War_, an anonymous tragedy. There were also notable revivals of Randolph's _The Jealous Lovers_, and Fletcher's _The Maid in the Mill_. The two Companies amalgamated in the autumn, opening at the Theatre Royal, 16 November, for which occasion a special Prologue and Epilogue were written by Dryden. 4 December, Dryden and Lee's famous tragedy, _The Duke of Guise_, had a triumphant first night. It will be remembered that Mrs. Behn is writing of incidents which took place on 6 January, 1683, Twelfth Night, so 'the last new plays' must refer to the productions of 1682. Of course, fresh songs, and probably musical entertainments, would be inserted at the different revivals of the older plays which were so frequent during that year.

p. 20 _Statira, . . . Roxana._ In allusion to the two rival princesses for Alexander's love as they appear in Nat Lee's famous tragedy, _The Rival Queens; or, Alexander the Great_, produced at Drury Lane, 1677. It held the stage over a century and a half, longest of his plays, and is indeed an excellent piece. Originally, Hart played Alexander; Mrs. Marshall, the glowing Roxana; and Mrs. Boutell, Statira. Genest chronicles a performance at Drury Lane, 23 June, 1823, with Kean as Alexander; Mrs. W. West, Statira; Mrs. Glover, Roxana.

p. 24 _forty the Lurch_. 'Lurch' is a very common old term (now rare) 'used in various games to denote a certain concluding state of the game in which one player is enormously ahead of the other; often a "maiden set" or love-game'--_N.E.D._ cf. Urquhart's _Rabelais_ (1653), II, xii: 'By two of my table-men in the corner point I have gained the lurch.' Gouldman's _Latin Dictionary_ (1674), gives: 'A lurch; _duplex palma, facilis victoria_.'

p. 26 _to Locket's, where they din'd_. This fashionable Ordinary stood on the site of Drummond's Bank, Charing Cross. It was named from Adam Locket, the landlord, who died in 1688. In 1702, however, we find an Edward Locket, probably a son, as proprietor. The reputation of the house was on the wane during the latter years of Anne, and in the reign of George I its vogue entirely ceased. There are very frequent references. In _The Country Wife_ (1675), Horner tells Pinchwife: 'Thou art as shy of my kindness as a Lombard-street alderman of a courtier's civility at Locket's' (IV, iii). In Shadwell's _The Scowerers_ (1691), old Tope, replying to a health, cries: 'I'll answer you in a couple of Brimmers of Claret at Locket's at Dinner' (I, i). In Vanbrugh's _The Relapse_ (1696), Lord Foppington, when asked if he dines at home, surmises: ''tis passible I may dine with some of aur House at Lacket's,' which shows that it was then the very rendezvous of fashion and quality.

p. 27 _A King and no King._ Langbaine testifies to the popularity of Beaumont and Fletcher's play both before and after the Restoration. Pepys saw it 14 March, 1661, and again, 26 September the same year. The 1676 quarto 'as it is now acted at the Theatre Royal by his Majestie's Servants' gives a full cast with Hart as Arbaces; Kynaston, Tigranes; Mohun, Mardonius; Lacy, Bessus; Mrs. Betty Cox, Panthea; Mrs. Marshall, Spaconia. In the earlier production Nell Gwynne had acted Panthea. The two Companies amalgamated in 1682, opening 16 November. Hart 'never Acted more' after this date. Mrs. Marshall had retired in 1677; and in 1683 Betterton was playing Arbaces with quite a new allotment of the other roles.

p. 27 _The Rose._ There are repeated references to this celebrated tavern which stood in Russell Street, Covent Garden. _vide_ _The Younger Brother_, I, ii (Vol. IV), Motteux' Song: 'Thence to the Rose where he takes his three Flasks,' and the note on that passage.

p. 29 _The London-Cuckolds._ Ravenscroft's rollicking comedy, which had been produced with great success at the Duke's House in 1682 (4to, 1682), long kept the boards with undiminished favour, being very frequently given each season. Genest has the following true and pertinent remark: 'If it be the province of Comedy not to retail morality to a yawning pit but to make the audience laugh and to keep them in good humour this play must be allowed to be one of the best Comedies in the English language.' 29 October (the old Lord Mayor's Day), 1751, Garrick substituted _Eastward Hoe_ at Drury Lane for the annual performance of _The London Cuckolds_, a change not approved by the audience, who promptly damned their new fare. Ravenscroft's comedy was given that evening at Covent Garden, and on 9 November, the following year. It was also performed there in 1753. 9 November, 1754, George II ordered _The Provoked Husband_. It has often been stated (e.g. by Professor A. W. Ward--'Ravenscroft'--_Dictionary of National Biography_) that this royal command gave _The London Cuckolds_ its final _conge_, but such was neither the intent nor the case. The play is billed at Covent Garden, 10 November, 1755; in 1757; and 9 November, 1758. Shuter excelled as Dashwell. A two act version was played at Covent Garden, 10 April, 1782, and repeated on the 12th. This was for the benefit of Quick, who acted Doodle.

p. 30 _Your Honour . . . must be set down at Long's._ Long's was a famous Ordinary in the Haymarket. It was here that in 1678 Lord Pembroke killed Mr. Coney with his fist. He was tried by his Peers and acquitted. There was at the same period a second tavern in Covent Garden kept by Ben Long, Long's brother. In Dryden's _Mr. Limberham_ (1678), Brainsick cries: 'I have won a wager to be spent luxuriously at Long's.' In Etheredge's _The Man of Mode_ (1676), the following conversation occurs:--

_Bellair._ Where do you dine? _Dorimant._ At Long's or Locket's. _Medley._ At Long's let it be.

p. 30 _the King's Box_. The seats in the boxes of the Restoration Theatre were let out severally to separate persons, and although the King had, of course, his own private box when he saw a play, yet when he was not present even the royal box was apportioned to individuals as the rest. There are many allusions to this which prove, moreover, that the front row of the King's box was the most conspicuous and highly coveted position in the house. In Etheredge's _The Man of Mode_ (1676), Dorimant, hearing of a young gentlewoman lately come to town and being taken with his own handsome face, wagers that she must be 'some awkward, ill-fashioned, country toad, who, not having above four dozen of black hairs on her head, has adorned her baldness with a large white fruz, that she may look sparkishly in the forefront of the King's box at an old play.' In Tom Brown's _Letters from the Dead to the Living_[1] we have one from Julian, 'late Secretary to the Muses,' to Will. Pierre of Lincoln's Inn Fields Playhouse, wherein, recalling how in his lampoons whilst he lived characters about town were shown in no very enviable light, he particularizes that 'the antiquated Coquet was told of her age and ugliness, tho' her vanity plac'd her in the first row in the King's box at the playhouse.'

p. 31 _Jermain-Street._ Jermyn Street runs parallel with Piccadilly from the Haymarket to St. James. It was built _circa_ 1667, and derives its name from Henry Jermyn, Earl of St. Albans. Shadwell spells it Germin Street, and it was in a house here that old Snarl was wont to receive amorous castigation at the hands of Mrs. Figgup.--_The Virtuoso_ (1676), III, ii. It was a fashionable quarter. From 1675 to 1681 the Duke of Marlborough, then Colonel Churchill, lived here. La Belle Stuart, Duchess of Richmond, had a house near Eagle Passage, 1681-3, and was succeeded therein by the Countess of Northumberland. Next door dwelt Henry Saville, Rochester's friend, 1681-3. Three doors from the Duchess again was living in 1683 Simon Verelest, the painter. In 1684 Sir William Soames followed him. In after years also there have been a large number of famous residents connected with this favourite street.

p. 34 _after having . . . thrown their Majesties own Shoes and Stockings_. For this old bridal custom see _ante_, Vol. III (p. 223), _The Lucky Chance_, II, ii: 'we'll toss the Stocking'; and the note on that passage.

[Footnote 1: This actual letter was written by Boyer, together with the reply which is dated 5 November, 1701. Julian was a well-known journalistic scribbler and ribald ballader of the time. William Peer [Pierre], a young actor of little account, is only cast for such walk-on roles as Jasper, a valet, in Shadwell's _The Scowerers_ (1691); the Parson in D'Urfey's _Love for Money_ (1696).]

Cross-References from Critical Notes: _The King of Bantam_

Note to p. 27: _vide_ _The Younger Brother_, I, ii (Vol. IV), Motteux' Song: 'Thence to the Rose where he takes his three Flasks,' and the note on that passage.