Chapter 5

_Enter Sir_ Timothy, Sham, Sharp, _and_ Boy.

_Sharp_. Good morrow, Sir _Timothy_; what, not yet ready, and to meet Mr. _Bellmour_ at Five? the time’s past.

Sir _Tim_.--Ay, Pox on’t--I han’t slept to Night for thinking on’t.

_Sham_. Well, Sir _Timothy_, I have most excellent News for you, that will do as well; I have found out--

Sir _Tim_. A new Wench, I warrant--But prithee, _Sham_, I have other matters in hand; ‘Sheart, I am so mortify’d with this same thought of Fighting, that I shall hardly think of Womankind again.

_Sharp_. And you were so forward, Sir Timothy--

Sir _Tim_. Ay, _Sharp_, I am always so when I am angry; had I been but A little more provok’d then, that we might have gone to’t when the heat was brisk, I had done well--but a Pox on’t, this fighting in cool Blood I hate.

_Sham_. ‘Shaw, Sir, ‘tis nothing, a Man wou’d do’t for Exercise in a Morning.

Sir _Tim_. Ay, if there were no more in’t than Exercise; if a Man cou’d take a Breathing without breathing a Vein--but, _Sham_, this Wounds, and Blood, sounds terribly in my Ears; but since thou say’st ‘tis nothing, prithee do thou meet _Bellmour_ in my stead; thou art a poor Dog, and ’.is no matter if the World were well rid of thee.

_Sham_. I wou’d do’t with all my Soul--but your Honour, Sir--

Sir _Tim_.--My Honour! ‘tis but Custom that makes it honourable to fight Duels--I warrant you the wise _Italian_ thinks himself a Man of Honour; and yet when did you hear of an _Italian_, that ever fought a Duel? Is’t not enough, that I am affronted, have my Mistress taken away before my Face, hear my self call’d, dull, common Man, dull Animal, and the rest?--But I must after all give him leave to kill me too, if he can--And this is your damn’d Honourable _English_ way of shewing a Man’s Courage.

_Sham_. I must confess I am of your mind, and therefore have been studying a Revenge, sutable to the Affront: and if I can judge any thing, I have hit it.

Sir _Tim_. Hast thou? dear _Sham_, out with it.

_Sham_. Why, Sir--what think you of debauching his Sister?

Sir _Tim_. Why, is there such a thing in Nature?

_Sham_. You know he has a Sister, Sir.

Sir _Tim_. Yes, rich, and fair.

_Sham_. Both, or she were not worthy of your Revenge.

Sir _Tim_. Oh, how I love Revenge, that has a double Pleasure in it--and where--and where is this fine piece of Temptation?

_Sham_. In being, Sir--but _Sharp_ here, and I, have been at some cost in finding her out.

Sir _Tim_. Ye shall be overpaid--there’s Gold, my little _Maquere_--but she’s very handsom?

_Sharp_. As a Goddess, Sir.

Sir _Tim_. And art thou sure she will be leud?

_Sharp_. Are we sure she’s a Woman, Sir?--Sure, she’s in her Teens, has Pride and Vanity--and two or three Sins more that I cou’d name, all which never fail to assist a Woman in Debauchery--But, Sir, there are certain People that belong to her, that must be consider’d too.

Sir _Tim_. Stay, Sir, e’er I part with more Money, I’ll be certain what returns ‘twill make me--that is, I’ll see the Wench, not to inform my self, how well I like her, for that I shall do, because she is new, and _Bellmour’s_ Sister--but to find what possibility there is in gaining her.--I am us’d to these things, and can guess from a Look, or a Kiss, or a Touch of the Hand--but then I warrant, ‘twill come to the knowledge of _Betty Flauntit_.

_Sham_. What, Sir, then it seems you doubt us?

Sir _Tim_. How do you mean, your Honesty or Judgment? I can assure you, I doubt both.

_Sharp_. How, Sir, doubt our Honesty!

Sir _Tim_. Yes--why, I hope neither of you pretend to either, do you?

_Sham_. Why, Sir, what, do you take us for Cheats?

Sir _Tim_. As errant, as any’s in Christendom.

_Sharp_. How, Sir?

Sir _Tim_. Why, how now--what, fly in my Face? Are your Stomachs so queasy, that Cheat won’t down with you?

_Sham_. Why, Sir, we are Gentlemen; and though our ill Fortunes have thrown us on your Bounty, we are not to be term’d--

Sir _Tim_. Why, you pair of Hectors--whence this Impudence?--Do ye know me, ye Raggamuffins?

_Sham_. Yes, but we knew not that you were a Coward before. You talkt big, and huft where-e’er you came, like an errant Bully; and so long we reverenc’d you--but now we find you have need of our Courage, we’ll stand on our own Reputations.

Sir _Tim_. Courage and Reputation!--ha, ha, ha--why, you lousy Tatterdemallions--dare ye talk of Courage and Reputation?

_Sharp_. Why, Sir, who dares question either?

Sir _Tim_. He that dares try it. [Kicks ‘em.

_Sharp_. Hold, Sir, hold.

_Sham_. Enough, enough, we are satisfy’d.

Sir _Tim_. So am not I, ye mangy Mungrels, till I have kickt Courage and Reputation out of ye.

_Sham_. Hold there, Sir, ‘tis enough, we are satisfy’d, that you have Courage.

Sir _Tim_. Oh, are you so? then it seems I was not to be believ’d--I told you I had Courage when I was angry.

_Sham_. Ay, Sir, we have prov’d it, and will now swear it.--But we had an Inclination to try, Sir.

Sir _Tim_. And all you did, was but to try my Courage, hah!

_Sharp_. On our Honours, nothing else, Sir _Timothy_.

Sir _Tim_. Though I know ye to be cursed cowardly lying Rogues, yet because I have use of ye, I must forgive ye.--Here, kiss my Hand, and be forgiven.

_Sham_. ‘Tis an Honour we are proud of, Sir.

Sir _Tim_. Oh, is it so, Rascallians? then I hope I am to see the Lady without Indentures.

_Sharp_. Oh Lord, Sir, any thing we can serve you in.

_Sham_. And I have brib’d her Maid to bring her this Morning into the _Mall_.

Sir _Tim_. Well, let’s about it then; for I am for no fighting to day--D’ye hear, Boy--Let the Coach be got ready whilst I get my self drest.

_Boy_. The Coach, Sir! Why, you know Mr. _Shatter_ has pawn’d the Horses.

Sir _Tim_. I had forgot it--A pox on’t, this ‘tis to have a Partner in A Coach; by Fortune, I must marry and set up a whole one.

[Exeunt.