Part 11
The Duke of _Milan_ being Besieg’d, and hard put to it in a Castle by the _Florentines_, could find no manner of Meat that pleas’d his Palate when he was at Table, and as he often quarrell’d with his Cook about it, this cunning Servant after many other Excuses, told him at last: _My Lord, will you give me leave to be plain with you? The Meat is good and well drest, but, Faith, the_ Florentines _have taken away your Stomach-_
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Le Duc de _Milan_ assiegé dans un Chateau par les _Florentins_, qui le pressoient fort, ne trouvoit aucune Viande à son goût lors qu’il étoit à Table; et comme il en querelloit souvent son Cuisinier, ce domestique adroit, aprés plusieurs autres Excuses, lui dit enfin: _Voulez vous, Monseigneur, que je vous parle nettement? les Viandes sont bonnes, & bien preparées mais franchement les_ Florentins _vous degoutent_.
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The Life of Pope _Bonifacius_ VIII_th._ was so irregular that it was said of him: _That he came to the Soveraign Pontificate like a Fox, liv’d like a Lion, and died like a Dog_.
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La Vie du Pape _Boniface_ VIII. fût si peu reglée, qu’on a dit de lui: _Qu’il entra au Souverain Pontificat, comme un Renard, qu’il vécut comme un Lion, & qu’il mourut comme un Chien_.
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King _Henry_ the IV_th._ being importun’d by a man of Quality, who begg’d a Pardon for a Nephew of his guilty of Murder, answer’d him: _I am sorry I cannot grant your Request; it becomes you to act the Part of an Uncle, and me that of a King: I excuse your Demand, excuse my Denial_.
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Le Roy _Henry_ IV. importuné par un homme de Qualité, qui lui demandoit une Grace pour son Neveu, coupable d’un assassinat, lui répondit: _Je suis bien fâché de ne pouvoir vous accorder ce que vous me demandez, il vous sied bien de faire l’Oncle, & à moy de faire le Roy: J’excuse vôtre demande, excusez mon refus_.
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An Impertinent Poet, having begun to read to one a Poem of his own making, asked him, _Which of those Verses were the best?_ _Those_, answered he, _thou hast not yet read, for they have not made my Head ake_.
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Un Poëte importun, aprés avoir commencé de lire à quelqu’un un Poëme qu’il avoit fait, demanda à celui qui l’écoutoit lesquels de ces Vers étoient les meilleurs? _Ce sont ceux_, repondit-il, _que tu n’as pas encore lus, car ils ne m’ont pas fait mal à la tête_.
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A man of Note, coming from a great Dinner, and his Head full of the sweet vapours of Wine, signed an Order that was brought to him, which had starved a whole Province, had not the thing been prevented. _He is to be excus’d_, said a Jester upon it, _for how can a man imagine in the first hour of Digestion, that People can starve any where_.
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Un homme de Marque, au sortir d’un long diner, et dans les douces fumées du Vin, signa un Ordre qu’on lui presenta, qui eût ôté le Pain à toute une Province, si l’on n’y eut remédié. _Il est excusable_, dit un Railleur là dessus, _le moyen de comprendre dans la premiere heure de la Digestion, qu’on puisse quelque part mourir de faim?_
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When the _Doge_ of _Genoa_ was at _Versailles_ (where he was come to make Submissions to the King in the name of his Common-wealth,) and was viewing all the Beauties of the Place, a Courtier ask’d him what he found there most extraordinary; _To see my self here_, answer’d he.
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Lorsque le _Doge_ de _Genes_ étoit à _Versailles_, (où il étoit venu faire des Soumissions au Roy de la Part de sa Republique) et qu’il en visitoit toutes les Beautés, un Courtisan lui demanda ce qu’il y trouvoit de plus extraordinaire: _C’est de m’y voir_, lui répondit le _Doge_.
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_Odo_, Bishop of _Bayeux_ in _Normandy_, and Brother to _William_ the _Conqueror_, by his Mothers side, was created Earl of _Kent_ by the Conqueror. Some time after the Bishop hapned to fall into Disgrace, so that he was cast into Prison. The Clergy in those times were free from the Secular Power, and the Pope espousing the Bishop’s Quarrel, writ a sharp Letter to the King about it. The King gave no other answer, but _That he had imprisoned the Earl of_ Kent, _and not the Bishop of_ Bayeux.
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_Eude_ Evêque de _Bayeux_ en _Normandie_, & frere de _Guillame_ le _Conquerant_, du côté de sa Mere, fut creé Comte de _Kent_ par le Conquerant. Il arriva ensuite que cét Evêque tomba en Disgrace, si bien qu’il fut mis en Prison. Le Clergé dans ce tems-la ètoit exempt du bras Seculier, & le Pape épousant la Querelle de l’Evêque, écrivit aigrement au Roy _Guillaume_ là dessus. Le Roy ne lui fit d’autre réponse, sinon _qu’il avoit mis en Prison le Comte de_ Kent, _& non l’Evêque de_ Bayeux.
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A _Venetian_ Ambassador at _Rome_, went through _Florence_, and waited on the late Duke of _Tuscany_. This Prince complained to the Ambassador, that the Republick had sent him a _Venetian_, whose Conduct during the time of his Residence at his Court he was not satisfied with. _Your Highness_, said the Ambassadour, _ought not to wonder at it, for I can assure you, that we have abundance of Fools at_ Venice: _So have we at_ Florence, answer’d the great Duke, _but we don’t send them abroad to treat of publick Affairs_.
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Un Ambassadeur de _Venise_ à _Rome_ passa à _Florence_, où il salua le feu grand Duc de _Toscane_. Ce Prince se plaignit à cét Ambassadeur de ce que sa Republique lui avoit envoyé un _Venitien_ qui s’etoit fort mal conduit durant le sejour qu’il avoit fait auprés de lui. _Il ne faut pas_, dit l’Ambassadeur, _que vôtre Altesse s’en étonne, car je la puis assurer que nous avons beaucoup de Foux à_ Venise. _Nous avons aussi nos Foux à_ Florence, lui repondit le grand Duc, _mais nous ne les envoyons pas dehors pour traiter des Affaires publiques_.
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A Prince jeer’d one of his Courtiers, who had serv’d him in several Embassies, and told, him, _he look’d like an Ox_: _I know not who I am like_, answer’d the Courtier, _but this I know, that I have had the honour to represent you upon several Occasions._
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Un Prince railloit un de ses Courtisans, qui l’avoit servi dans plusieurs Ambassades, & lui disoit, _qu’il ressembloit à un Boeuf_: _Je ne sai à qui je ressemble_, lui repondit le Courtisan; _mais je sai que j’ai eu l’honneur de vous representer en plusieurs Occasions._
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A Courtier taking his leave of the King, who sent him upon an Embassy to another Prince: _The chief Instruction I have to give you_, said the King to him, _is that your Conduct be entirely opposite to that of your Predecessor_: _Sir_, reply’d the Ambassador, _I will so behave my self that your Majesty will have no occasion to give the like Instruction to him who shall succeed me_,
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Un Homme de la Cour prenant congé du Roy, qui l’envoyoit en Ambassade vers un autre Prince: _La principale Instruction que j’ai à vous donner_, lui dit le Roy, _est que vous observiez une conduite toute opposée à celle de vôtre Predecesseur._ _Sire_, lui repartit l’Ambassadeur, _je vai faire en sorte que vôtre Majesté ne donne pas une pareille Instruction à celui que me succedera._
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A Domestick of King _Henry_ the _Great_, and a Confident of his Amours, obtain’d a Grant of him, and went to the Chancellour to make it pass the Seals. The Chancellour finding some difficulty in it, the Courtier press’d him and offer’d to prove, that there could be no difficulty in the Case. _Every one_, said the Chancellour, _must meddle with his own Trade._ _My Trade_, reply’d the Courtier, who thought himself reflected upon about the confidence of his Masters Amours, _is so good an Employment, that, were the King but twenty Years younger, I would not change it for Four such as yours_.
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Un Domestique du Roy _Henry_ le _Grand_, qui étoit confident du ses Amours, en obtint quelque grace, & alla voir le Chancelier pour en avoir l’expedition. Le Chancelier y trouvant de la difficulté, le Courtisan le pressoit, & vouloit lui prouver qu’il n’y en devoit pas avoir: _il faut_, lui dit le Chancelier, _que chacun se mêle de son mètier_. _Mon Metier_, lui repondit le Courtisan, qui crut qu’il lui reprochoit la Confidence de Son Maîtres, _est un si bon Employ, que si le Roy avoit vingt ans de moins, jè nê le changerois pas pour quatre comme le vôtre_.
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A Man whose Head was full of a Stage-Play of his own making, was explaining the Plot and Design of it to a Courtier: _The Scene_, said he to him, _is in_ Cappadocia, _and to judge rightly of the Play, a man must transport himself into the Country, and get acquainted with the Genius of the People._ _You say right_, answer’d the Courtier, _and I think it were best to have it acted there_.
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Un Homme entêté d’une piece de Théatre de sa facon, en expliquoit l’intrigue & le Dessein à un Courtisan: _La scene_, lui disoit-il, _est en_ Cappadoce; _il faut se transporter dans ce Pais là, & entrer dans le genie de la Nation, pour bien juger do la Piece_: _Vous avez raison_, répondit le Courtisan, _& je croi qu’elle seroit bonne à jouer sur les lieux_.
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Monsieur de _Vaugelas_, having obtain’d a Pension of the King by the means of Cardinal _Richelieu_, this Cardinal told him: _Sir, I hope you won’t leave out the word_ Pension _in your Dictionary_: _No my Lord_, answer’d _Vaugelas_, _nor the word_ Gratitude.
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Monsieur _de Vaugelas_ ayant obtenu une Pension du Roy par l’entremisé du Cardinal de _Richelieu_, ce Cardinal lui dit; _Au moins, Monsieur, vous n’oublierez pas dans vôtre Dictionnaire le mot de_ Pension. _Non, Monseigneur_, lui repondit _Vaugelas_, _ni celui de Reconnoissance_.
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_Benserade_ being come to the Academy, took the Place of the Abbot _Furetiere_, whom he had no kindness for, and as he sat in it, he said, _Here’s a Place where I am like to say many a foolish Thing_; _Very well_, answer’d _Furetiere_, _you have made a very good Beginning._
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_Benserade_ étant à l’Academie y prit la Place de l’Abbé _Furetiere_, qu’il n’aimoit pas, & dit en s’y mettant; _Voici une Place où je dirai bien des sotises_: _Courage_, lui repondit _Furetiere_, _vous avez fort bien commencé_.
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The Marquis _du Chatelet_, another _Academician_, being got out of the _Bastille_, where he had been imprison’d upon a Slight occasion, appear’d before the late King of _France_. The King who cared not to see a Man he had not well us’d, made it his business to turn off his Eyes from him. The Marquis perceiving it, drew near the Duke of S. _Simon_, and told him: _My Lord, I beg of you to tell the King that I forgive him, and wish he would do me the honour to look upon me._ Which had the effect he desir’d; For the Duke having told the King of it, his Majesty fell a laughing, and afterwards spoke to him very graciously.
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Le Marquis du _Chatelet_, autre Academicien, ètant sorti de la Bastille, où il avoit été mis pour un sujet assez leger, se presenta devant le feu Roy de _France_. Le Roy, qui avoit de la peine à voir un homme qu’il n’avoit pas bien traité, s’appliquoit à detourner les yeux de dessus lui. Le Marquis s’en appercevant, s’approcha du Duc de S. _Simon_, & lui dit: _je vous prie, Monsieur, de dire au Roy que je lui pardonne, & qu’il me fasse l’honneur de me regarder._ Ce qui fit l’effet qu’il desiroit; car le Duc l’ayant dit au-Roy, il en rit, & lui parla ensuite fort obligeamment.
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_Lewis_ XII. King of _France_, while he was Duke of _Orleans_, had several times been disoblig’d by two Persons in Favour in the foregoing Reign. One of his Confidents would persuade him to shew them his Resentment: No, answer’d the King, _’tis below the King of_ France, _to revenge injuries done to the Duke of_ Orleans.
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_Louis_ XII. Roy de _France_, ètant Duc D’_Orleans_, avoit receu plusieurs deplaisirs de deux Personnes qui ètoient en faveur dans le regne precedent. Un de ses Confidents l’excitoit à lui en temoigner son ressentiment: _Il est indigne du Roy de_ France, répondit il, _de venger les injures faites au Duc_ d’Orleans.
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_John_ II. Duke of _Bourbon_ being a Hostage in _England_ for King _John_, several Gentlemen, Vassals to the Duke, caballed against him in his Absence, and encroached upon his Rights. One of his Officers kept an exact account of all, and upon the Duke’s return, presented him with a great Volume of it, that he might cause justice to be done. The Duke ask’d him, whether he had kept likewise a Register of all the good Services they had formerly done him, to which the Officer answering, _No_: _Then_, reply’d the Duke, _’tis, not fit for me to make any use of this_, and so threw it into the Fire, without giving it the reading.
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_Jean_ II. Duc de _Bourbon_ ètant en Otage en _Angleterre_ pour le Roy _Jean_, plusieurs Gentilhommes, Vassaux de ce Duc, cabalerent contre lui durant son absence, & empieterent sur ses Droits. Un de ses Officiers en fit des Memoires exacts, et en presenta un gros Recueîl au Duc à son retour, afin qu’il en fit faire justice. Le Duc lui demanda, s’il avoit aussi tenu Regitre de tous les bons Services qu’ils lui avoient rendus auparavant, & l’Officier lui répondant que non: _il n’est donc pas juste, repliqua le Duc, que je fasse aucun usage de celui ci_, & le jetta dans le feu sans le lire.
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The late Duke of _Guise_’s Steward was telling him the necessity he lay under of regulating his domestick Affairs, and gave him a List of several Persons, that were of no use in his house. The Prince having examin’d it, _’Tis true_, says he, _I might make shift without them all; but did you ask them whether they could make shift without me_?
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L’Intendant Du feu Duc de _Guise_ lui representoit la nêcessité qu’il y avoit de mettre ordre à ses affaires domestiques, & lui donna une liste de plusieurs personnes inutiles dans sa Maison. Le Prince l’ayant examinée, _il est vray_, lui dit il, _que je pourrois bien me passer de tous ces Gens là: Mais leur avez vous demandé, s’ils pourront aussi se passer de moy_.
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A wanton Gentlewoman reproach’d her Brother with his strong Passion for Gaming, which was the ruin of him: _When will you leave off Gaming_? Says she to him: _when you’ll cease to Love_, answers the Brother. _Oh! Unhappy Man_, replied the Sister, _then you are like to game all your Life-time_.
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Une demoiselle galante reprochoit à son Frere sa passion pour le jeu qui le ruinoit: _Quand cesserez vous de joüer_, lui dit elle: _Quand vous cesserez d’aimer_, repondit le _Frere_. _Ah! Malheureux_, repliqua la soeur, _Vous joüerez donc toute vôtre vie_.
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A Man of Quality, travelling in _Spain_, went to see the _Escurial_, and as he view’d the Rich and Magnificent Convent of the Monks of the order of St. _Jerom_, call’d the Cloister of St. _Laurence_, the Superiour, who Conducted him, told him the Particulars of its foundation, and how King _Philip_ II. had caus’d it to be built to perform the Vow he made on that Day the Battle of St. _Quentin_ was fought, which was on St. _Laurence_’s Day, in case he should come off Victorious; whereupon the Traveller, admiring the Magnificence of that Building, said: _Father, that King must needs he be in great Fear, when he made so great a Vow_.
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Un homme de Qualité, voyageant en _Espagne_, alla voir l’_Escurial_, & comme il visitoit ce riche & magnifique Convent de Religieux de l’ordre de S. _Jerome_, qu’on nomme le cloitre de S. _Laurent_, le Superieur qui le conduisoit lui raconta les particularitez de sa fondation; il lui dit comme le Roy _Philippe_ II. l’avoit fait batir pour satisfaire au voeu qu’il en fit le jour de la bataille de S. _Quentin_, qui fut donnée le jour de S. _Laurent_, en cas qu’il en sortit victorieux: là dessus le Voyageur lui dit en admirant la Magnificence de ce Batiment: _Mon Pere, il faloit que ce Roy eut grand peur, lors qu’il fit un si grand voeu_.
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All the Teeth of a certain talkative Lady being loose, she ask’d a Physician the cause of it, who Answered, _It proceeded from the violent shakings she gave them, with her Tongue_.
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Toutes les dents d’une Demoiselle, qui parloit beau coup, étant pretes à tomber, elle en demanda la cause à un Medecin, qui lui repondit, _que c’ètoit à cause des secousses, qu’elle leur donnoit avec sa langue_.
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A bad Painter who could not put off his Pictures, went into another Country and turn’d Physician; one who went that way knew him again, and ask’d him for what reason he went in the habit of a Physician; _I have a mind_, said he, _to profess an art, wherein all mistakes are cover’d by the earth_.
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Un méchant Peintre, qui ne pouvoit vendre ses ouvrages, s’en alla dans un autre païs & s’y fit Medecin; Quelqu’ un qui passoit par là le reconnut & lui demanda pour quelle raison il alloit vêtu en Medecin? Il répondit, _J’ai voulu professer un Art, où toutes les fautes que l’on y fait, sont couvertes par la Terre_.
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Certain Young Ladys walking in the fields met in their way, a Shepherd, who carried a Lamb to the Market, one among them coming near, stroak’d it, and said to her Companions, _Look how pretty he is, he has yet no Horns_; the Shepherd hearing that, reply’d, _’tis because he is not yet married_.
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Certaines Demoiselles, se promenant à la campagne, rencontrerent par le chemin un Berger qui portoit un chevreau au marché; une d’entre elles s’en étant approchée, le caressa & dit à ses compagnes, _Regardez comme il est joly, il n’a point encore de cornes_; le Berger entendant cela, leur repondit, _c’est qu’il n’est pas encore marié_.
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The Kings Court being at a certain Town, two Gentlemen walking together met a Clown beating his Ass unmercifully; they said to him harkee friend, have you no conscience to abuse that poor beast at this rate? the Man pulling off his Hat, presently reply’d, _Cry Mercy good Mr. Ass, I did not think you had relations at Court_.
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La Cour du Roy étant en une certaine ville, deux gentilshommmes se promenant ensemble rencontrerent un Païsan qui battoit son Ane avec éxcez, ils lui dirent aussi tôt, he, mon amy, n’avez vous point de conscience de maltraiter ainsi cette pauvre Bête? Cét homme ayant ôté son chapeau dit aussi tôt, _Pardon, monsieur l’Ane, je ne croyois pas que vous eussies des parens à la Cour_.
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A Citizen said to a Courtier, that he had eased himself of a heavy Burden, by paying a Sum of Money he ow’d; and that he could not apprehend how one could Sleep that was deeply indebted. _And I_, answer’d the Courtier, who was in Debt over Head and Ears, _do very easily apprehend it; but I cannot imagine how my Creditors can Sleep, when they think I shall never pay them_.
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Un homme de la Ville dit à un Courtisan, qu’il venoit de se decharger d’un pesant fardeau en payant une Somme qu’il devoit, & qu’il ne comprenoit pas comment on pouvoit dormir, quand on ètoit chargé de dettes: _Pour moy_, repondit le Courtisan, qui ètoit fort endetté, _Je le comprens facilement; mais je ne comprens pas comment mes Creanciers peuvent dormir, sachant bien que je ne les payerai jamais_.
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The Baron _des Adrets_, one of the Generals of the _Huguenots_, took during the Wars a Castle belonging to the Catholicks, and condemn’d all the Soldiers that had defended it, to leap out at a Window of that Castle; one of them advanc’d twice to the brink of the Precipice, and still he shrunk back; whereupon the Baron told him, Come, take your Leap without any more ado, for I’ll make you suffer greater Torments if you go back a third time. _Sir_, answer’d the Soldier, _since you take the thing to be so easy, I lay you don’t do it in four times_. Which so pleas’d the Baron, that as cruel as he was, he pardoned the Soldier upon accout of this Repartee.
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Le Baron des _Adrets_, l’un des chefs du Parti _Huguenot_, prit durant la Guerre un Chateau du Parti des Catholiques, & condamna les Soldats qui l’avoient defendu à sauter du haut en bas d’une Tour de ce Chateau; Un du ces Soldats s’avança par deux fois au bord du Precipice, & s’en recula par deux fois; le Baron lui dit, Saute donc sans tant marchander, car je vais te faire souffrir bien d’autres tourmens si tu recules pour la troisiéme fois. _Monsieur_, lui repondit le Soldat, _Puisque vous trouvez la chose si facile, je vous la donne en quatre_: Ce qui plût à ce Baron, qui tout cruel qu’il étoit, lui pardonna en faveur de ce bon mot.
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A young Lady being in Company with her Husband, they began to tell merry Stories, and every one had his own; when it came to the Ladies turn, she was pleas’d to relate all the Stratagems that a Spark had us’d to get one Night into the Room of a Woman he lov’d, and whose Husband was absent; but it fell out unluckily as they were together, very well pleas’d with one another, that the Husband comes and knocks at the Door. _So you may imagine_, said she, _what Trouble I was in_. This preposterous Reflexion cast her Husband into another sort of Trouble, by giving him to understand what share he had in this Adventure; and how his Wife had blurted out a Truth, which she never design’d to let him know.
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Une jeune Dame ètant en Compagnie avec son Mary, on se mit sur les bons Contes, & chacun dit ceux qu’il savoit; la Dame en voulut dire un à son tour, & raconta toutes les addresses dont un Galand s’ètoit servi pour s’introduire la nuit dans la Chambre d’une Femme qu’il aimoit, & dont le Mary ètoit absent; mais par malheur, ajoûta-t-elle, comme ils ètoient en semble, fort contens l’un de l’autre, Voici le Mari qui revint frapper à la porte: _Imaginez vous_, dit elle, _alors l’embarras où je fus._ Cette reflexion mal placée, jetta son Mary dans un autre embarras, en lui faisant connoitre la part qu’il avoit en cette avanture, & comme sa femme, sans y penser, avoit laissé échapper une verité qu’elle n’avoit pas intention de lui apprendre.
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Count _Mansfelt_ having received three Routings in _Germany_, went to the _French_ King for new Recruits. As he was seeing the two Queens one day at Dinner, the Queen Mother said, _They say Count_ Mansfelt _is here among the Croud_. _I do not believe it_, said the young Queen, _for whensoever he sees a_ Spaniard _he runs away_.
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Le Comte de _Mansfelt_, ayant perdu trois Battailles en _Allemagne_, vint demander de nouveaux Renforts au Roy de _France_. Un jour qu’il alla voir les deux Reines à diner, la Reine Mere dit: _On dit que le Comte de_ Mansfelt _est parmi cette Foule_; _je n’en crois rien_, Dit la jeune Reine, _Car il prend la fuite d’abord qu’il voit un Espagnol_.
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A Captain that had a wooden Leg booted over, had it shattered to pieces by a Cannon Bullet; his Soldiers crying out, _A Surgeon, a Surgeon for the Captain_. _No, no_, said he, _a Carpenter will serve my turn_.
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Un Capitaine qui avoit une jambe de bois bottée, y receut un coup de Canon qui la lui fracassa; & comme ses Soldats demandoient un _Chirurgien, Un Chirurgien pour le Capitaine_. _Non, non_, dit il, _un Charpentier fera mon affaire._
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