Part 1

E-text prepared by Eileen Gormly, Norbert H. Langkau, Daryl Hrdlicka, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team (https://www.pgdp.net)

Note: Project Gutenberg also has an HTML version of this file which includes the original illustrations. See 24171-h.htm or 24171-h.zip: (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/4/1/7/24171/24171-h/24171-h.htm) or (https://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/4/1/7/24171/24171-h.zip)

Transcriber's Notes:

Text that is handwritten in the original is surrounded by tildes (~).

The second signature on the "Witnesses" page is too faint in the original to be readable.

THE WEDDING DAY.

The Service--The Marriage Certificate--Words of Counsel.

Edited by

JOHN F. HURST, D.D., LL.D.

Buffalo: H. H. Otis. 1889.

Copyright, 1888, by H. H. OTIS Buffalo, N. Y.

CONTENTS

Page

FORM FOR THE SOLEMNIZATION OF MATRIMONY, 5

CERTIFICATE, 13

WITNESSES, 14

THE NEW HOME, 15

THE HOME ALTAR, 21

THE HOME BEAUTIFUL, 28

GOOD READING AT HOME, 32

FORBEARANCE, 37

THE YESTERDAYS OF HOME, 44

FORM FOR THE SOLEMNIZATION OF MATRIMONY.

[THE PARTS IN BRACKETS THROUGHOUT MAY BE USED OR NOT, AT DISCRETION.]

_At the day and time appointed for the Solemnization of Matrimony, the persons to be married--having been qualified according to law--standing together, the Man on the right hand and the Woman on the left, the Minister shall say:_

Dearly beloved: we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the presence of these witnesses, to join together this man and this woman in holy Matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that exists between Christ and his Church; which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified with his presence, and first miracle that he wrought in Cana of Galilee, and is commended of Saint Paul to be honorable among all men; and therefore is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly, but reverently, discreetly, and in the fear of God.

Into which holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. Therefore, if any can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter forever hold his peace.

[_And also, speaking unto the persons who are to be married, the Minister shall say:_

I require and charge you both, that if either of you know any impediment why you may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, you do now confess it; for be ye well assured, that so many as are coupled together otherwise than God's word doth allow are not joined together by God, neither is their Matrimony lawful.]

_If no impediment be alleged, then shall the Minister say unto the Man:_

M. Wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health: and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her so long as ye both shall live?

_The Man shall answer:_

I will.

_Then shall the Minister say unto the Woman:_

N. Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love, honor, and keep him, in sickness and in health: and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him so long as ye both shall live?

_The Woman shall answer:_

I will.

[_Then the Minister shall cause the Man with his right hand to take the Woman by her right hand, and to say after him as followeth:_

I _M._ take thee _N._ to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance: And thereto I plight thee my faith.

_Then shall they loose their hands, and the Woman with her right hand taking the Man by his right hand shall likewise say after the Minister:_

I _N._ take thee _M._ to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance: and thereto I plight thee my faith.]

_Then shall the Minister Pray thus:_

O eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life: send thy blessing upon these thy servants, this man and this woman, whom we bless in thy name; that as Isaac and Rebecca lived faithfully together, so these persons may surely perform and keep the vow and covenant between them made, and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according to thy laws, through Jesus Christ our Lord. _Amen._

[_If the parties desire it, the Man shall here hand a Ring to the Minister, who shall return it to him, and direct him to place it on the third finger of the Woman's left hand. And the Man shall say to the Woman, repeating after the Minister:_

With this ring I thee wed, and with my worldly goods I thee endow, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. _Amen._]

_Then shall the Minister join their right hands together, and say:_

Forasmuch as _M._ and _N._ have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and thereto have pledged their faith either to other, and have declared the same by joining of hands; I pronounce that they are husband and wife together, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder. _Amen._

_And the Minister shall add this blessing:_

God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, bless, preserve, and keep you; the Lord mercifully with his favor look upon you, and so fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace, that ye may so live together in this life, that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting. _Amen._

_Then shall the Minister offer the following Prayer:_

O God of Abraham, God of Isaac, God of Jacob, bless this man and this woman, and sow the seed of eternal life in their hearts, that whatsoever in thy holy word they shall profitably learn, they may indeed fulfill the same. Look, O Lord, mercifully on them from heaven, and bless them: as thou didst send thy blessings upon Abraham and Sarah to their great comfort, so vouchsafe to send thy blessings upon this man and this woman, that they, obeying thy will, and always being in safety under thy protection, may abide in thy love unto their lives' end, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Almighty God, who at the beginning didst create our first parents, Adam and Eve, and didst sanctify and join them together in marriage, pour upon these persons the riches of thy grace, sanctify and bless them, that they may please thee both in body and soul, and live together in holy love unto their lives' end. _Amen._

_Here the Minister may use extemporary Prayer._

_Then the Minister shall repeat the Lord's Prayer:_

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread: and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us: and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. _Amen._

THE NEW HOME.

The founding of a new home marks an important era in a human life. Whether you be poor or wealthy, wise or ignorant, it is all the same--you begin a new existence. The associations of childhood and youth now undergo a total change. The familiar scenes disappear suddenly. Longfellow, in his "Hanging of the Crane," writes the following touching words on the eventful day:

"O fortunate, O happy day, When a new household finds its place Among the myriad homes of earth, Like a new star sprung to birth, And rolled on its harmonious way Into the boundless realms of space!

.....

"For two alone, there in the hall, Is spread the table round and small; Upon the polished silver shine The evening lamps; but, more divine, The light of love shines over all; Of love that says not mine and thine, But ours, for ours is thine and mine.

.....

"They want no guests; they needs must be Each other's own best company."

What sort of a home shall the new one be? Shall it be the abode of happy hearts and pure and noble lives, or shall discontent and misery prevail? Jane Welch Carlyle says truly: "If ever one is to pray--if ever one is to feel grave and anxious--if ever one is to shrink from vain show and vain babble--surely it is just on the occasion of two human beings binding themselves to one another, for better and for worse, till death part them."

Great is the difference in households. As one walks along a beautiful street in a city there is nothing in the fronts of the houses to indicate the kind of life which passes within doors. But an intimate acquaintance, such as a faithful pastor gains in the course of his labors, often reveals the fact that in some of the most magnificent houses there is no peace or joy, while in some of the humblest cottages there is a calm and loving spirit which continues and grows from year to year.

The kind of a house, even the adornments which wealth and luxury bring, do not determine the true home. The two people who establish the new household decide its quality.

That the people who occupy a home decide its quality is beautifully expressed by Nathaniel Cotton, a poet of the last century:

"If solid happiness we prize, Within our breast this jewel lies; And they are fools who roam: The world has nothing to bestow; From our own selves our joys must flow, And that dear hut, our home."

If those who occupy the home resolve to be happy and contented, to avoid envying persons of larger means and higher social position, to lead a life of mutual confidence and esteem, and to serve God with trustful love, their home will be to them a sacred place. I was once pastor of a church in Fulton Street, Elizabeth, N. J., where the most of the members were mechanics and laborers and on the railroad. Their circumstances were limited, and they had but little power to adorn their houses. But in some of those homes there reigned such beauty of spirit, such contentment with the condition in life, such kindliness and sympathy, such cheerfulness and patience, that it was a joy to cross the threshold and commune with the members of the plain and unambitious families. The memories of those visits are among the most delightful of my pastoral experience.

Suppose, then, your new home is plain and homely. Remember, that marble walls, and broad and polished halls, and masterpieces in painting on the walls, and a daily fare of luxuries, and table service of silver and gold, and a retinue of liveried servants do not constitute a home. Though the new home consist of only a few rooms, if mutual love and admiration reign within the narrow walls, no historical palace can be half so beautiful or attractive.

"Home's not merely four square walls, Though hung with pictures nicely gilded; Home is where affection calls, Filled with shrines the heart hath builded.

.....

"Home's not merely roof and room; Home needs something to endear it; Home is where the heart can bloom, Where there's some kind heart to cheer it."

But for a home to be truly beautiful there must needs be, always, one guest--the Saviour. There were many magnificent buildings in Jerusalem when He walked its streets and performed his miraculous works of healing. But in all the land, and in all the ages, there was never one more charming than that little home in Bethany, where Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha constituted the household. And why was that the perfect home? Because our Lord was always the welcome Guest.

THE HOME ALTAR.

Every thing depends on the way you begin your new life in your own new home. The household altar is a supreme necessity. No hesitation or timidity should be allowed to prevent family worship. If both of you are members of the Church, the holding of a brief family worship need not be a serious trial. The difficulty will be when only one is a Christian, and still greater will it be if neither is a Christian. What is to be done under such circumstances? Must the having family worship be postponed until the religious life be commenced? That is uncertain, and it may be years before a household altar is established. The only safe way is to begin at once by holding a short service. Simple it may be. It was the daily custom of President Hayes, during his presidential term of office, to convene his family for daily worship. The prayer consisted of only the Lord's Prayer. But it was enough. The minds of the household were directed toward spiritual things. The help of God was sought, to bear whatever burdens the day might bring.

However great the embarrassment in the face of this great duty, let it not prevent the brief domestic worship. Begin--begin immediately. A short Scripture reading, followed by prayer, even only the Lord's Prayer, will be sufficient. There are good forms of prayer, some of which I have used to advantage. Fletcher's _Family Devotion_; Sturm's _Family Devotions_; Morison's _Family Prayers_; Cumming's _Daily Family Devotion_; _Family Worship_, by one hundred and eighty clergymen of the Church of Scotland; Cassell's _Family Devotion_; Dale's _Domestic Liturgy_; Thornton's _Family Prayers_; Thompson and Spurgeon's _Home Worship and the Use of the Bible in the Home_; and Jay's _Morning and Evening Exercises_, are good books for this purpose. The works of Fletcher, Thornton, and the _Home Worship_ of Thompson and Spurgeon are worthy of special commendation. Even when one is accustomed to extemporaneous prayer, the use of one of the above books will, nevertheless, be of great service in preventing stereotyped phrases and trains of thought. I have often found that my own needs, and I believe those of my family, have been better and more exactly described by others than by myself. It is best, however, to get into no fixed form. Let the extemporaneous prayer, or the printed form of prayer, be used judiciously, as circumstances require.

Care should be taken that the home worship may not be made tedious, and thus become a burden. I have always found it best to use the Bible for the Scripture selection rather than the selections made in the books containing forms of prayer. It is well to read the Bible in course, and to have _the same copy of the Bible_ from which to read brief selections, without being governed by the divisions in chapters. Your one and the same Bible, being used every day in family worship, becomes very precious with the growing years. It will be associated with all the tenderest memories of the home life. I have occasionally used a different copy of the Bible in my own home for family worship, but none is half so dear as the plain, old, and well-worn copy with which I began, when I established my own home altar, far back in the years.

But, besides worship together at the family altar, there should be private prayer. Every one should have a place where he can worship God alone. Our Lord saw the necessity that each of his disciples should be alone with him. Hence he said: "When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly." Begin the day by solitary communing with God. End the day in the same way, by asking God for his forgiveness for the past, for his preservation for the night, and for his care in all the time to come.

But some one may say: "Does not this attention to religious duties make the new home gloomy?" Not at all. It is the way to make it bright and cheerful. The wedding day soon passes by, and in time will come the regular domestic life, with its monotony and cares. Leave this life to God's ordering. He alone can make us strong for every hour's demands. The German poet Schirmer says a wise word, which well applies to all who begin life in the new home:

"Left to ourselves we shall but stray; O, lead us in the narrow way: With wisest counsel guide us, And give us steadfastness, that we May henceforth truly follow thee, Whatever woes betide us.

.....

"O mighty Rock, O Source of life, Let thy clear word, 'mid doubt and strife, Be so within us burning, That we be faithful unto death In thy pure love and holy faith, From thee true wisdom learning. Lord, thy graces on us shower; By thy power Christ confessing Let us win his grace and blessing."

Vinet here lays down the true principle of a thoroughly good life at home: "Wherever we advance in the path of marriage and of life, with eyes lifted up toward a Saviour we love, with a salvation we hope for, with a spirit of prayer and supplication through which Jesus Christ constantly intervenes by his Spirit between the husband and wife--there, indeed, a marriage may be happy; nay, must be infallibly so. The union between two converted hearts is necessarily sweet and unutterable; without this there is no security." The new home consecrated by prayer--daily prayer--will become what that beautiful home of Sir Thomas More was--"a school and exercise of the Christian religion."

THE HOME BEAUTIFUL.

Great art is required in making beautiful the new home. The house need not be large and stately in order to be attractive to the eye. More attention has been paid of late in this country to the adornment of homes than in former years. We Americans begin to see, as never before, that the enjoyment of the occupants of a house is in some way connected with the furnishing and general effect. Let every room be used. Let the inner doors be kept wide open. In this way the atmosphere will be uniform and of free circulation; the interior of the house will appear to its full size, and the general effect will be more cheerful. Even the humblest means need not prevent some simple hangings and a few prints on the walls.

I would let the sunlight pour into the new home. The old dread that the carpets will get faded and the curtains get spoiled is an abomination. My own habit is, so soon as I get down stairs in the morning--and I am an early riser--to draw aside the curtains, to let the shades fly up, and to throw the sashes wide open. By and by, if from the street this airy appearance is considered a little unfashionable, and those within choose to shut out the sunlight in a measure, I rejoice that I have had my unfashionable way, and the sun has had his golden way, for a while at least. Gladness comes into the house with the blaze of the blessed sun. Let all the rooms share the joy. I suppose a carpet somewhat faded will wear as long as if the colors were fresh. But if the penalty for having bright and sunny rooms is to be some faded carpets and window hangings, let the full penalty be paid, and cheerfully, too. No price is too great for a bright and sunny home.

The sight of a few flowers adds to the beauty of even the humblest home. Even a sprig of arbutus or jessamine, or a lily of the valley, on the table, will make every meal the sweeter. The Germans of the poorest class, all over the Fatherland, never forget to have flowers in their lowly homes. If the family occupy only a few rooms in a lofty story, they will be sure to have beautiful plants on the window-ledge, and here and there within the rooms. These are of such kind that the succession of flowers is well kept up in all seasons. Throughout the year, when there is no frost, these flowering plants at the German windows can be seen from the street to the highest flat. The varied flowers and the hanging vines form beautiful pictures in village and town.

Away with the thought that wealth is needed to make the home beautiful! It is a question of taste, tact, and a desire to please another. On the very street where I live there is a quiet little house, occupied by a newly-married couple. It is inexpensive, and the furniture is not costly. But there is so much taste in the furnishing and ornamentation, and there is so much brightness in all the rooms, that the home is a charming picture. I seldom pass it without thinking of the beautiful, but not costly, interior.

GOOD READING AT HOME.

A home without books is a desert. In these days all the standard authors can be bought at small price, and even the humblest home should be adorned with the companionship of at least some of them. You may not have a taste for reading; at any rate, you may think you have not. But possibly you have made a mistake in the kind of books you have tried to enjoy, and so imagined that you do not like any books. Try another class, and you will likely be surprised to find that you can enjoy them. Suppose you have not the experience to select proper books. Now, you will have a pastor, of course, and a church home. Make a friend of that pastor. He ought to be a good adviser in the matter of proper books. At any rate, get some judicious friend to help you in the choice. Buy only a very few books at a time, and let your little home-library grow gradually. Never buy a book that you have your doubts about. Emerson's advice to buy only a standard work, which has been out for years, has its good and safe quality. Avoid too much fiction and a superabundance of periodical literature. One popular magazine is enough. The money which you have for reading-matter should be confined chiefly to books, and they ought to be the world's masterpieces.

I am satisfied that in the average home there is too little reading. History, biography, travel, with a fair share of religious books, can be read in course at home, in the odd half hours, and the mind become richly stored with facts. Is there any thing in the domestic life which ought to interfere with this constant culture of the mind? Not at all. The domestic life is highly favorable to mental discipline. The very beginning of real intellectual improvement in many a mind has been in the new home of persons just married. The reading aloud of an interesting work, the one to the other, is a delightful entertainment, and gives a new charm to life. Every effort must be employed to keep the mind from becoming sluggish and barren. We need information, the thoughts of the good and great and richly endowed, to make our own lives richer.