Chapter 2

The Widow is overwhelmed with chagrin. Girard is holding in his hand a packet of letters for the Baron. He separates one letter and substitutes another.

Girard Without breaking the seal, and without compromising myself, I half open the Baron's letter and replace the false with the true. My hand trembles for this is my first attempt in falseness.

Widow (dreaming, not listening) Argon will marry Lisette?

Girard He will never marry my charming coquette. This will see to him--as I told you.

Widow Very good! But, let me digest my spite. The one who married me, marries my coquette. Was this what I raised Lisette for? With impunity, Lisette has played me this trick, when I instructed her to pretend love. I was the plaything of her apprenticeship. I thought she would absorb no malice from the instruction I gave her. Just a little grain of it for perfection. I ought to have realized from my own example, that malice, once seeded in a woman's heart, profits, multiplies and grows like weeds.

Girard In malice, Lisette is fertile, yet I love her, I adore her, and I will make her my wife. But, what am I saying? I ought to remember, Madame-- (ironically) that you don't give Lisettes to Girards. As I am only a tax collector, I ought through respect for you, her, and myself, to let her marry your lover.

Widow At her age, to manage, under my eyes, three lovers at the same time! Coquettes of Paris and coquettes of the country--some ready language, some trickery. My word, all is equal for coquetry.

Girard (ironically) You intended to give her to some great lord.

Widow Ah, I will give her to the devil, with all my heart.

Girard I beg you for preference over him at least.

Widow So be it but at least provide me some confidence that you will succeed.

Girard You know all. We must lure our credulous, stupid, avaricious, and amorous Baron with this false lottery into offering Lisette marriage, and if she accepts, for Argon to see she's engaged.

Widow Lisette ought to give up Argon for the Baron. The Baron is rich and the trick is so good.

Girard Yes, but I mustn't lose Lisette.

Widow If Argon is undeceived, I will be satisfied.

Girard May he see her half-married to the Baron.

Widow Completely married, if necessary.

Girard Completely? Hell, no!

Widow He's coming.

Girard My insurance which I well know how to use--

(Enter Baron. Girard presents a packet to the Baron.)

Girard I am returning from the post office and I have the honor to give the gentleman what he asked me to bring.

(Exit Girard.)

Baron (to Widow) Neighbor, my love is going to make me despair. Lisette intends to leave.

Widow I take the place of mother to her. I guarantee her tender, wise, and sincere. You don't know how much she is worth. She wants a contract, that's her only fault. And, you don't wish to make one.

Baron I intend to marry her. Who told you otherwise? But, to do such a thing, the later the better. I will marry when I am much older.

Widow Eh! You are old enough, sir, for a wife.

Baron I am very irresolute. I blame myself for it. Ha, ha, good, this letter is from one of my friends. It's for the lottery we've all subscribed to.

Widow Is it, then, published?

Baron Yes, exactly. It's the list.

Widow I am sure to win. A physiognomist has seen great sums of money on my face. What I must do, he told me, to earn it, is to buy a lottery. It's the most prompt way to win for a wise woman.

Baron Hum! Hum! I know, by heart, the puzzle of each. The numbers, the names, I don't see one. Let's read-- Ah!

Widow What's the matter?

Baron Something I see irritates me.

Widow What is it, then? From where does this sudden dolor come?

Baron Lucas: one hundred thousand francs.

Widow To the farmer, the Grand Prize? But, let's see. Reread it. Is it, indeed, his name? Lucas?

Baron I am not the master of my scorn.

Widow Grand Prize to Lucas? You are ruining us, traitor.

Baron To Lucas, the Grand Prize.

Widow You won't allow it. Oh, Fate, unjust Fate, that Lucas be enriched.

Baron I cannot recover. His good fortune desolates me.

Widow (pretending a quick thought, accompanied by joy) But, let us rejoice and laugh.

Baron Are you crazy?

Widow No, at first we both had a stupid inspiration. It's surprised us.

Baron Well?

Widow You are angry that chance has just enriched Lisette's fortune. Fortune, on the contrary, is favoring you. It has determined to make you happy.

Baron Oh, oh!

Widow For the money, and without any love, these days, the most noble marry Lisettes.

Baron Right, one hundred thousand francs would pay off my debts. This motive and love will excuse all.

Widow Yes, but you must marry instantly, before this lottery becomes known. This is delicacy. She will believe she owes your tenderness more. Lucas will get the Grand Prize, but while he is unaware of it, the fool must be taken, so that he gives all his wealth to Lisette. Wealth, present and to come.

Baron Yes, but be discreet. I will say that I am taking Lisette without a sou.

Widow The joke is that everybody will believe you're a fool.

(Enter Lisette.)

Baron Here, Lisette, here.

(The Widow goes to find Lisette, who listens from the depths of the theatre.)

Widow Your fortune is made, Lisette. It is I who am procuring it. Hug me, Lisette.

Baron Your tears have softened me, Lisette. I surrender. Let's sign the contract as quickly as I can inform the notary.

Lisette (aside, while the Widow and the Baron talk in low voices) Do they wish to deceive me? For I understand nothing. (she dreams profoundly)

(Enter Argon.)

Argon (aside) An explanation would be very nice here.

Lisette Ah, here they both are. All is lost. What to do?

Argon (to the Baron) What did Girard warn me? But, it's your custom. I've often seen you boast of love. You believe yourself loved by Lisette, then, sir?

Baron The proof of this is that I am making her my wife.

Argon Girard made no mistake. You intend to overwhelm her with your wealth. But she cannot betray her love for me.

Baron She hasn't any love for you. I swear it.

Argon It's you who flatter yourself to a fault, I assure you.

Baron I tell you, she has never loved anyone but me.

Argon I am sure of her heart and her good faith. Decide between us to finish the dispute.

Baron I disdain it. Repeat for the one hundredth time that you love me tenderly.

Lisette Me, tell you that? Truly, I take little care, sir. It is from respect that I let you speak. I believed, at first, that you were boasting, to laugh. But, without offending you, sir, I will tell you, I have no love for you, nor will I ever have.

Baron What? Why?

Widow What does she say? Ah, how great is my shock!

Baron What do you say?

Argon Must she tell you again?

Baron What? Haven't you said a hundred times that you love me?

Lisette Me? No.

Argon (charmed) What naivete.

Widow (angry that Lisette has not fallen into the trap) What do I hear?

Baron What? Your tears, your sighs?

Lisette Were lies.

Argon I know my neighbor. Without a doubt, it is a dream that he has seen you in tears and heaving sighs. At his age, while sleeping, these are pleasant notions.

Baron But, I haven't dreamed what you have written.

Lisette It's my father, and Madame is there to tell you so.

Widow I am enraged.

Argon I know Lucas is ambitious. He prefers your wealth; for you're worth more to him. But, besides, I believe her--what likelihood is there that Lisette, who always says what she thinks, has spoken to you of love, when she loves me?

Lisette What are you saying, sir? I have believed, in good faith, that you spoke in jest that you love me; but this joke is not true.

Argon Eh--what?

Widow (aside, delighted) What is her plan? Does she dream, or is it I who dream?

Argon It's in vain that you still think the secret is necessary. (to Baron) We made a secret of our love. (to Lisette) Speak, I permit you to speak freely.

Lisette If you permit me to speak freely, I don't love you.

Widow She's frank enough about that.

Argon How indignant I am!

Baron By God, I've my revenge.

Argon But, I understand nothing. Speak clearly, I wish it. Tell them that you intended to manage us both.

Lisette I had no intention of managing either of you, I assure you, and you can see it quite well.

Widow That's speaking plainly.

Lisette For, hold on, I prefer my liberty, a hundred times, to all your grand honors and quality. To be the wife of a great lord, I would be a servant. As for your kindnesses, of which I am cognizant, pardon me if I refuse them. In a word, both of you wish to marry me, but I will never marry either one of you.

Baron There's your dismissal.

Argon It is also yours.

Baron I cannot recover from my astonishment.

Argon Leave her, forget her, that's sufficient to punish her.

Baron Well said. No more love.

Argon Yes, we scorn Lisette

Baron (to Widow) She has a hundred thousand francs which I still regret.

Widow (low) Keep it up your sleeve. We are going to speak to her.

Argon (low) Madame.

Widow Well, sir?

Argon Would you go get a notary to come to your house? We are going to conclude our business instantly.

(Argon exits.)

Widow (to Baron, low) He abandons her, for you that's the main thing. I am going to rid you of a rival.

Baron No, I don’t understand at all.

Widow Neither do I. But, prudence dictates that one go in the greatest hurry.

(Exit Baron and Widow. Argon returns from the other side, and looks to see if the Widow sees him.)

Lisette (dreaming, alone) I think--yes, from what I've seen, I've done well, I believe. When they are with me, by themselves, as they will be, I will know what to do to have them back.

Argon (aside) The Widow is already far away. Let's Let's penetrate this mystery. From scorn, I have banished all animosity. I return solely from curiosity, to see what reasons you will have to give me.

Lisette Permit me to laugh, seeing you so angry. What? Didn't you see what my plan was?

Argon (enraged) No, I didn't see it, and all subterfuge is in vain.

Lisette I told the Baron the truth, without ruse or subterfuge, for fear he would continue in his mistake. I didn't wish to deceive him.

Argon (still enraged) I understand perfectly. But, why speak to me as to him? To refuse me? Me? Me?

Lisette Let's talk about him first. You see me delighted. I have punished that liar the way I have quite wanted to.

Argon (still enraged) But me, me?

Lisette Patience. He wanted to marry me today, and my father is on his side. And you wanted the jealous Widow to see that I love you and will marry you. If they knew that I can love you they would get me locked up.

Argon Ha! Ha!

Lisette Truly, I would have completely spoiled the mystery. You told me yourself before to keep quiet.

Argon You've done very properly. Yes, you're right, and I am the fool. To deceive the Baron--yes, I see the pretence is prudent and useful.

Lisette I believe, too, well done, at least.

Argon How charming Lisette is. I am not blind, I see clearly that Lisette prefers me to a far richer man. What love! What wit!

Lisette I have no wit. Love has added to my customary want of it.

Argon We must secretly--

Lisette Yes, but let's separate. I will go alone, in secret, to your place for a short while.

Argon Without your father--

Lisette He's coming. Leave me, for I tremble if the Baron and he should see us together.

(Exit Argon. Enter Lucas and the Baron.)

Lisette (aside) Here I am sure of one, but he's my second choice. Let's retake the other one. He's back to speak to me.

Lucas She must have gone crazy and what she said astonishes me. You say she doesn't love you and refuses to be a Baroness?

Baron (to Lisette) You have just revived my wrath. Ah, how I ought to kill my love for you. How can you, at your age, have the audacity to give me the lie-- me, and look in my face, and tell me that you don't love me?

Lisette (pretending to have a grudge against him) Yes, I have maintained it to your face, for it is true.

Baron Without doubt, it happened unexpectedly to you, some vapor which disturbed your senses and memory. For how else could I believe that, after the ardent love you've shown me?

Lisette (adding to her simulated scorn) I never loved you.

Baron Still? I am outraged. You have told me a hundred times, and before your father.

Lisette I never said it to you.

Baron She makes me despair.

Lisette (softening) No, never, or at least--

Baron At least?

Lisette If I said it, I repent it so much. I have so much scorn, that if I said it, I will say the contrary, always to the whole wide world, to yourself, to my father. (pretending tenderness) What the world will know, that I loved you, and that, when I cried from love, you didn't want to marry me. No, no, and against you, my courage has returned. Me! I love you? I would indeed have little heart. My love was honest and yours was deceitful.

Lucas (who has softened, taken in and almost crying) I've seen--she's right.

Baron Then it's from rage, suspecting my love is not sincere, that you have told me you don't love me?

Lisette Yes, exactly. Am I wrong?

Baron You love me then?

Lisette Alas!

Baron Let's forget all this, Lisette, let's go quickly to a notary. May a contract be the prize of your sincere love. Let's hurry.

(Exit Baron.)

Lucas (transported with joy) Quickly, quickly!

Lisette (low to her father, holding him by the arm) Let's go softly.

Lucas I'm going to be papa to a Baroness.

Lisette Oh, I doubt it.

Lucas Why? He's making you his wife and says so.

Lisette No, I can see some trick.

Lucas He marries, and that's that.

Lisette I don't believe a word of it, father.

Lucas To not believe the wedding, when it's come?

Lisette I believe he's deceiving me. First, I saw the Widow when Argon spoke of the business in a fret with Girard. Raging, despairing--and now she's just embraced me, knowing that I deceived her, she comes to caress me.

Lucas Yes, it's treason.

Lisette The Baron refused me. Then, suddenly, he changes and wants me.

Lucas It's a trick.

Lisette (after having dreamed) If the Widow and Girard, who know how to trick, said to the Baron: pretend to marry her and as soon as she agrees, won't Argon be disgusted?

Lucas Oh--that's it! I see clearly.

Lisette (dreaming again) For me, I don't see. For, on the other side, perhaps the Baron really wanted to marry me. That would embarrass, no, yes, the more I think about it-- May I have enough wit and not be too clever by half.

Lucas Listen to my good advice. I have marvelous ideas. For, in the state where things are perilous, you have wit, but in a family affair, a father, as they say, is older than his daughter. Here then is my good advice. Let's go find the Baron. He's the most important.

Lisette No.

Lucas No?

Lisette No.

Lucas It's the second who is good. Lets go find Argon.

Lisette No.

Lucas Then I don't know any more than an animal? Oh, my third advice, it's to have a tete-a-tete.

Lisette Go find the Baron alone.

Lucas Yes, I understand.

Lisette And, I alone am going to find Mr. Argon. You finish one side, I will finish the other.

Lucas Wow! That's very good. I will marry them both before the notary.

Lisette As for me, when both contracts are drawn up--I will see. The first one to sign--that's the one I'll take.

Lucas You will take hastily. It's the chance of the game. Let's sign two contracts soon, for fear we will lack one.

Lisette Mr. Argon's waiting for me. I'm off.

(Exit Lisette.)

Lucas (alone) Go, quick, go. But how can she get that all out of her own head? I believe she must have two brains, for she always amazes me. Yes, she's only my daughter. By God, her wit is already far ahead of mine.

(Enter Girard)

Girard (aside) Let's latch on to the father. I risk nothing, for without him the Baron can conclude nothing. By making him read this phony list, let us disturb his head. Let's throw the dice. (counterfeiting the newsboys) Lists, lists of winners!

Lucas Lottery winners! Let's see a bit. What did you say there?

Girard Let's see if this lottery came out good.

Lucas What do I see there? Don't I see the seal?

Girard Clever. Are you curious? (putting the list on the side where Lucas is not) Read here.

Lucas Very well. But show me better then.

Girard To an avaricious reader--oh beautiful thought. May a happy fool with a lucky number--

Lucas Ha, ha, that's it!

Girard Yes, it is. Hum, hum.

Lucas Let's see that.

Girard (turning the list to the other side) With pleasure. Let's see.

Lucas Eh! I can't see anything that way.

Girard (turning the other side even worse) Let's read. Let's see. Ah!

(Girard is moving and raising and lowering the paper so Lucas can't see.)

Lucas (with a little joy) What is it? Show me then, friend.

Girard No. I was mistaken. But, hum, hum. I hope-- (letting Lucas see the paper) God, I don't see a thing.

Lucas Ah, by God, I see. Let's see quickly there, Girard. I see something about me.

Girard (hiding the list) No, it's nothing at all.

Lucas (joyfully) And I have seen. My name is there!

Girard Take it easy. You probably have won nothing. I will give you a hundred francs at best.

Lucas No, no. I've seen what I've seen. Lucas, it's my name.

Girard If you have, at least I want to be reimbursed. Return my money, it's my only resource.

Lucas All right. Show quickly.

Girard It's one of the numbers. It's at least a thousand francs. I have seen several zeroes.

Lucas Several zeroes? I intend to see as many as grains of sand.

Girard You're a man insatiable for zeroes.

Lucas (joyous) Ah, it's ten thousand francs.

Girard Curious, yes, I see. But, if that isn't the numeral?

Lucas By God, I'm really frightened.

Girard Let's confirm.

Lucas (thoughtful) Yes, there it is, the fifth.

Girard (giving the list) Read it over, and calculate it yourself.

Lucas (taking the list, upset) My heart beats--beats. I am quite transported. I'm afraid to have seen double, and to have counted too many. One, two, three, four, and five.

Girard Let's say--

Lucas (upset) One, two, three, did I say three?

Girard Yes.

Lucas Ah, I see the number that's formed. I'm a bit overwhelmed.

Girard In short, Lucas has the Grand Prize?

Lucas Ouf!

Girard (relaxing) Relax. Take off your coat.

Lucas The Grand Prize!

Girard Since one is rich, one must get a little better clothes.

Lucas One hundred thousand francs!

Girard How much we'll drink at Lucas' place!

Lucas Let's go quickly to Paris.

Girard I will get you a carriage and horses.

Lucas Ah, I believe I'll die of luxury. Let's see the lottery quickly, so I can see myself first again.

Girard Are you going to remain a farmer?

Lucas (indignant) Me! A farmer.

Girard Forgive me for saying the word. I quite see the question is crazy. Well, give me your rents. You won't want them. You'll be a great lord. I am a poor devil, and your loyal friend. You will give them to me for this good news.

Lucas Yes. Get me a carriage and horses that go very fast, very fast.

Girard Yes, like birds. But, at first, in passing, let's stop at the notary to give me the rents. All right, father?

Lucas Yes, I won't need it myself. I will leave you all the rents from my timberland. I am going straight to Paris to get some nobility.

CURTAIN