Chapter 2

Anna What were you doing there for eight days?

Trim The plague! Beautiful business, but it is a secret that I am not permitted to divulge to you.

Anna Why not?

Trim Because, my master has forbidden me to speak of it, and that's why I'm dying from the desire to tell you the whole thing. Oh, the heavy weight of a secret! Well--here it is--my master-- Stop there, Trim, you are going to do something stupid.

Anna You hide something from me,--from your mistress?

Trim I agree: that's not in the rules. But, at the same time, I have a thought: my mistress is a woman. Would she be a woman if she were not a person incapable of keeping her mouth shut and under the compulsion to reveal the greatest secret within twenty-four hours or die?

Anna Don't worry. I--I am stronger than a man about discretion. Speak or I will break with you.

Trim You take me on my tender side. All right, I've got to tell you. The greatest men engage in madness for these little bitches.-- Nobody can hear us?

Anna Not unless you speak loudly.

Trim The devil! There are not childish games.

Anna Well, then?

Trim If someone discovers the mystery, my master will be disinherited-- there it is, more or less.

Anna The deuce!

Trim And I, on the other hand, will inherit a beating. I don't like the idea of such a windfall.

Anna You are only exciting my curiosity. Where have you been?

Trim We were-- Shh! Here comes the old man. I've got to pacify him adroitly on this subject. Leave us--I will join you as soon as I can.

(Exit Anna. Enter Matthews without seeing Trim.)

Matthews To play me such a trick!

Trim (aside) He seems to be in a rage.

Matthews To try to put one over on me with such effrontery--a story like that.

Trim Have we been found out?

Matthews To have the audacity to say he came from Cliffordshire Manor.

Trim The mine is blown.

Matthews I wish to know if that devil Trim will also have the effrontery to pass this imposture off on me.

Trim He knows everything.

Matthews (seeing Trim) Please? Ah, you here. I'm very glad to find you, Mr. Scamp.

Trim Good day, sir, how are you?

Matthews That has nothing to do with your business.

Trim Pardon, sir. The interest that I take in your precious health from the moment that I am separated from you, creates in my foreboding heart, sentiments of the most lively tenderness, and delivers it into the turmoil of the excess of both tender and passionate emotions. Now, you are well, and I rejoice over it.

Matthews Double crosser! It's not a question of this gammon you are telling me.

Trim Anything you please. What is it a question of?

Matthews Tell me where my son has been for the last week!

Trim Didn't he tell you?

Matthews He told me that he was at Cliffordshire Manor.

Trim Well, that's the truth.

Matthews Didn't I predict you would tell me that?

Trim Yes, I said so, and I will continue to say so. When I tell the truth, I fear nobody.

Matthews I have to admire the effrontery of this gallows-bird.

Trim (wishing to escape) Oh--if you're getting irritated.

Matthews Stay put, or I'll brain you.

Trim Is there something I can do to serve you? You have only to speak.

Matthews And you, you have only two choices to make.

Trim Let us see.

Matthews Take two pounds or be pounded on the head twenty times.

Trim Simple choice. I'll take the two pounds.

Matthews (giving him money) Here they are.

Trim Thank you, sir. I wish you a good day.

Matthews (astounded) You're going somewhere?

Trim Yes, indeed. Didn't I choose?

Matthews And have you told me what I want to know?

Trim What sir?

Matthews Where did you spend the entire week? I know that it wasn't at Cliffordshire Manor. Clifford's aunt, the Countess, has come. She was staying with Clifford for two weeks, and she just told me that my son had not put in an appearance.

Trim She wouldn't dare to say that to my face.

Matthews That we'll see. She's still here.

Trim Oh, if she's still here, I have nothing to say. I cannot tell a woman of her quality that she's crazy.

Matthews You're trying to put me off the scent. But you won't succeed. I'm on my guard. Come on, tell the truth.

Trim Oh, willingly! It's my character to tell the truth.

Matthews You sanctimonious hypocrite!

Trim So, to tell you exactly--

Matthews The double crosser is going to lie! But, reckon, that will serve nothing. I know where you were.

Trim If you know, why do you ask me?

Matthews I want to hear it from your own mouth.

Trim Oh, fie, sir! Where is honor, where is probity? I give the word of a gentleman. Admit to me that you know nothing if I keep silent.

Matthews' If you keep silent, I will roast you.

Trim They will be blows wasted. I have shoulders equal to any beating. I am of the race of sergeants and blows cannot frighten an illustrious member of my family.

Matthews A singularly well-bred villain.

Trim It is I who have an interest to make you admit that you are totally ignorant of where we have been.

Matthews Why?

Trim Because I am sensible of the honor. I want to be able to boast that you have caught me, and gained nothing from your money.

Matthews Well, I admit that all I know is that you were not where you said.

Trim You don't know any more than that?

Matthews No, that's the truth.

Trim So much the better! May the plague choke me if I tell you any more.

Matthews You won't speak?

Trim Here's your money. I have the right to keep my mouth shut.

Matthews And, I have the right to brain you.

Trim Strike. I will make you see that I have degenerated not one whit from the intrepidity of my forebears.

Matthews His impudence leaves me helpless, and I know no more where I'm at than before. I order you to leave my house, and to never let me see you again.

(Exit Matthews.)

Trim My word, I've had to withstand a rude assault--but, I brought it off like a gentleman. Now, let's look for my master. I have to instruct him.-- Here he is in the nick of time.

(Enter Walter.)

Walter What's the matter with you, Trim?

Trim Nothing. Just thinking about a terrible beating I almost got because of you.

Walter Because of me! And who is the rogue who wished to beat you?

Trim Your honored father.

Walter I don't understand a word. Are you joking?

Trim No, indeed. The Countess of Cliffordshire has just informed Mr. Matthews that we were nowhere near her nephew's estate.

Walter Ah, the old fool. She has sworn to make me unhappy. It isn't the only evil she has done me.

Trim I know she's the devil.

Walter You know she's been in love with me for the last two years and she's mad for me to respond to her.

Trim That's the truth! I've helped you deceive her a bit: you’ve had some narrow escapes.

Walter Here, you see, she's coming to persecute me some more.

Trim Leave her to me. I'll give her her walking papers.

(Enter the Countess.)

Countess Well, sir, you've finally decided to stop hoping for me.

Walter Me, Madame? I have no intention of giving you any trouble.

Trim He doesn't think you're the only one in the world.

Countess I don't know about that! What's all this about your little hunting trip?

Walter Madame, with your indulgence, I really don't have any story to tell you.

Countess You don't owe me any explanation, little rogue! I can tell you better. You must tell me now where you've been for the last eight days. Are you pretending to me that you were with Clifford?---- I'm waiting, faithless one, and I flatter myself that love will draw it from you.

Trim Madame, he prayed for love to lead him, but unfortunately, they lost their way and became separated.

Countess Eh! You should have followed love, ingrate! How could you be in league together, when I wasn't there?

Trim They didn't know their way, Madame. Or me either. Love is blind, I hear tell--and when one takes love for a guide, it's easy to get lost.

Countess All this gallantry is useless. I want him to answer my questions himself.

Walter It suits you, Madame, to reproach me--after all you have done to embroil me with my father. If my absence bothered you, you should have had an explanation with me--I would have explained everything. But, after the service you have just done me, I will tell you plainly, you will learn nothing.

Countess I will learn nothing! You will explain to me or I will strangle you.

Trim Let it go, Madame--he's a bullhead, and won't say a thing. I will respond to you; I will interpret his thoughts.

Countess Well--speak, and I will recompense you in accordance with your sincerity.

Trim You have a very tender feeling for him.

Countess So much, you cannot imagine. I lose my wits, my poor Trim.

Trim It's apparent. You want him to respond with a tenderness equal to your own.

Countess Haven't I the right to expect it?

Trim There are pros and cons to this business. He knows how you feel toward him. He's a very penetrating fellow. There it is, Madame, I wager a hundred pounds against you that he can never love you.

Countess He can never love me, villain? I don't know what prevents me from scratching your eyes out.

Trim Softly, if you please. It is not I who am insensible to your charms-- on the contrary, I find them very--piquant--although they're not of the first edition.

Countess He can never love me! (to Walter) Is he speaking the truth, perfidious wretch?

Walter Madame, in truth--I am in confusion, if my heart were---- Trim, explain all this to Madame La Comtesse.

Countess He can never love me!

Trim No, Madame, but it's your fault, not his.

Countess It's my fault--after all that I've done?

Trim That's true. We don't disagree. But the fact is, you have such nobility in your looks, such majesty, and I don't know what that's grave and imposing--that it can only inspire him with esteem and respect. Love doesn't rub off from such venerable personages.

Countess If my features inspire him with respect, my glances ought to inspire him with love.

Trim That's where we disagree.

Countess You cannot disagree.

Walter Hold, Madame, I've great obligations to you; I am too gallant a man not to speak to you sincerely. Let me then disabuse you, and say to you, with all respect, that I owe you that.

Countess Don't finish, you double crosser. I know where that little speech is going to end.

Trim But, you are very wrong, Madame.

Countess I am wrong, me! I am wrong! In what respect, if you please?

Trim You're wrong to come into the world twenty years before he did. Why were you in such a hurry? If you loved him with so much tenderness, you ought to have planned ahead, and seen to it that he was born five or six years before you.

Countess That depends on me?

Trim No, Madame. But it doesn't depend on him to love you.

Countess Then, why was it necessary to deceive me with false protestations?

Trim They were not his.

Countess And, whose then?

Trim His father's who let it all happen. You offered to help him in his needs. The occasion was pressing. He saw a way to profit by your generosity. For recompense you wanted signs of love. The poor boy put himself to incredible expense in sighs and protestations. You treated it as a trifle, and he had no other coin to pay you in.

Countess You say not a word to this, sir?

Walter My word, Madame, he who makes no protest consents.

Trim Would you like me to tell you a way to revenge yourself on him?

Countess You would give me a great satisfaction, because I am beside myself.

Trim And I, I who speak to you, I am in a rage against him. Let's stand a little further off.

Walter What the devil's he going to say to her?

Trim What are you looking for in a husband, Madame?"

Countess A nice young man.

Trim Well, I am your man. I will marry you, if you wish.

Countess Get away from me, you wretch!

Trim I will avenge you better than anyone else.

Countess Get out, I tell you--I have a more sure way to punish this infidel.

Trim That's what I'm afraid of.

Walter And, what have I to fear?

Countess Everything. I am going to marry you, in spite of yourself.

Walter Marry me! Ah, Madame, you wouldn't be as cruel as that.

Countess Yes, perjurer! I have just asked you from your father. I offered to take you without a penny. My proposition was agreeable and he accepted it, and that is enough for me. Goodbye, sir. Think about it. But, get it in your head that I am to be your wife. I have sworn it--it will be--and I am the one who tells you so,--and I am your very humble servant.

(Exit Countess.)

Trim She's woman enough to do just as she said--at the very least.

Walter What a mess the crazy old fool has put me in.

(Enter Elizabeth and Anna.)

Elizabeth Oh, brother dear, I really need your help.

Walter Oh, sis, I really need your help.

Elizabeth My father has put me in despair.

Walter My father wishes me to die of sorrow.

Elizabeth Papa intends to marry me to Mr. Nugent.

Walter He wants me to marry the old countess.

Elizabeth I'll die if I do it.

Walter I'll die if I don't resist him.

Anna Here's a good beginning. Our fortunes are parallel--and don't they resemble each other in other respects?

Walter Ah, Anna! My sister has less to complain of than I. She lacks the strength to resist--and she will end up living with a man she has the right to hate; but my fate is more cruel. For, I cannot follow father's orders or explain to him the reasons that prevent me from doing so.

Anna We are in the same boat!

Walter How can that be?

Anna Explain yourself a little more and we will do the same.

Elizabeth Brother--hide nothing from me, I beg you.

Walter Ah, sister; I dare not speak. The slightest indiscretion and I am lost.

Anna Same here. A single word is capable of ruining everything.

Elizabeth Brother, do you believe I am capable of betraying you?

Walter I can't conceal anything from you--Trim--tell her what has happened. I haven't the strength to do it myself.

Trim Me, sir--reveal a secret! You take me for someone else.

Walter All that I will admit--generally--is that I cannot marry from now on.

Elizabeth Alas, brother, it is no longer permitted that you consent to the marriage proposed for me.

Walter The hardness of my father has constrained me to certain measures which I am unable to take back.

Elizabeth The same reason has put me under the necessity of consenting to engagements which can no longer be broken.

Walter I am already married, sis.

Elizabeth I am already married, brother.

Walter Ah, heavens, who is your spouse?

Elizabeth Manly.

Walter Manly--I know him. He's one of my friends.

Elizabeth And who is the wife you have taken?

Walter Julia. Miss Prescott.

Elizabeth I know her. She's a darling.

Anna So, the confidence has taken place.

Elizabeth What role do you play, brother?

Walter That of exposing myself to everyone rather than break my marriage vows. And you, sis?

Elizabeth To die, rather than break my word.

Anna Here comes your father, with the Countess and Mr. Nugent.

Walter I tremble.

Elizabeth I can't any more.

(Enter Matthews, The Countess, and Mr. Nugent.)

Matthews Here they are--both of them. I am going to make them agree to the projects we've formed.

Countess Here's where you must employ all your parental authority.

Nugent For myself, I make no pretence to the hand of Miss Elizabeth, unless she gives it to me from her heart.

Matthews Oh, it's you, the huntsman. When will your return to Cliffordshire Manor?

Walter Father, if you will only listen to me.

Matthews I don't have to listen. To mend the wrong you've done me, you must prepare to obey me.

Walter If what you order me to do is possible--if not, then I can't do it.

(Enter Belinda.)

Belinda Papa, there are, I don't know how many maskers who have just come in because they heard the violins. They are very nice. Do you want to let them come here?

Matthews They are very welcome. On a day like this, we must think only of spreading joy.

(Enter Julia, Manly, and other Maskers.)

Countess The assembly is not numerous, but it is agreeable. Come here, Walter, here is a happy day for you.

Matthews Assuredly, a happier one than he deserves.

Countess You've been told my intentions.

Walter Madame.

Countess Now, I will marry you. All your rivals will die of jealousy--but you deserve victory. As for the rest, your esteemed father has given his word for our marriage.

Nugent And, he promised me, too, Miss, that I will have the honor of marrying you.

Matthews Say something.

Countess He's so overwhelmed with joy that he lacks the strength to thank me.

Nugent Missy doesn't seem to me so rejoiced by the news I've brought her.

Matthews We'll speak of that later, Madame. Let's think of our entertainment.

Countess No, if you please, I want to finish. I only dance when I feel like it.

Walter If you're in such a hurry to finish, Madame, I will take the liberty of saying to you, with my father's permission--that I do not at all wish to get married.

Countess (grandly) All that is useless.

Walter I have great respect for you, Madame--but that is all your person inspires me with.

Matthews It isn't a question of love or respect. The offer Madame made to me was so advantageous for you, and for me, that you cannot do better than marry her.

Walter Does self interest oblige you to render me miserable? Cast a father's eyes at me, and don't drive a son who throws himself at your feet to despair. For I am resolved to die a thousand times rather than let myself be mercilessly sacrificed.

Matthews Get up, rogue, you will wait for me.

Walter I won't get up unless you hear my reasons.

Matthews I'm sure they're good ones. But I've given my word to Madame. As for that, I don't wish to force you to marry her--but I beg you to resolve this out of love for me. Can you refuse a request asked by your father?---- When he has the right to make you obey him?

Walter Heaven is my witness, I have tried to conquer my distaste and to respond in kind to such a soft and obliging proceeding; if it still depended on me to comply with your wishes in this--but you force me to tell you, before the whole world, that I am not free and my word is pledged forever.

Matthews Forever! Without my consent?

Walter Only consider the difficult step I have just taken. You never wanted me to marry. I have taken a wife without your consent. My uncle, and all my relatives advised me to do it. And it was in their presence that I married Julia, Miss Prescott, a week ago.

Matthews I'm delighted to know that, Mr. Rogue, I know what measures I must take.

Walter All your measures will be useless. I pray heaven to destroy me, if I ever take another wife, except Julia, Miss Prescott. All the world knows Julia,--Miss Prescott, to be wise and virtuous. She had noble birth and a fortune large enough so that we can live comfortably without having a charge on you. The whole world is ours.

Matthews It infuriates me to agree he's right, and that I cannot disapprove this marriage without injustice.

Countess Well! I can break it, even if you are crazy enough to approve it.

Walter And, by what right, Madame, if you please?

Nugent Believe me, Madame, it's better to swallow the pill quietly.

Countess Wait and see. He will marry me or I will have him abducted.

(Exit Countess.)

Matthews Let her talk. It's a woman speaking. Anna, go find Julia. When you cannot prevent things, you have to accept them with a good grace. I am going to tell her myself that I recognize her as my daughter.

Julia (unmasking) Here I am, sir. Let me receive this precious title and tell you that I will do everything possible to be worthy of it.

Matthews Ah, my daughter-in-law was in the masquerade. Be welcome, Madame. It’s not necessary that I say anything more to you as you've overheard everything.

Julia I am touched by your kindness, and you will never regret it.

Walter What a recompense I owe you father.

Matthews Forget the sweet talk. Let's enjoy ourselves by celebrating another marriage, the one between my daughter and Mr. Nugent.

Anna Now, it's your turn, Miss. You must jump the ditch.

Elizabeth While you're disposed to pardon, father, and since you've shown so much indulgence to my poor brother and Julia. Let me ask you for the same grace.

Matthews What now?

Elizabeth I don't love this gentleman. If my life means anything to you, don't force me to marry him. I've thought about dying for a long time during my illness--which was brought on by your refusal to let me marry Manly. Be sure I am going to die at your feet if you don't approve my marriage to Manly as well.

Matthews If I don't approve the marriage! You're secretly married, too?

Elizabeth It's with great confusion that I admit it. Yes, father, Manly is my husband. I've been married to him for the last six months, and my aunt who has a fortune wished to unite us together.

Matthews Your uncle, your aunt. By God, I'm indebted to my brother and sister for the care they take of my children! Well, here's an affair for which there's less remedy than the other. Mr. Nugent, I cannot break this marriage without dishonoring my daughter.

Nugent There's nothing for me to do but leave this honorable company.

(Exit Nugent with a cold bow.)

Matthews Come, come, I am well aware there's nothing I can do. Let some one tell Manly that I accept him as my son-in-law--but on condition that he gets nothing from me until I die.

Manly (unmasking) I accept this condition with all my heart. I'm very happy you deign to give me Elizabeth, who is worth a hundred times more to me than all the wealth in the world.

Matthews Oh, my dancing master, you demonstrate to my daughter without my permission?-- As for that, children, I pardon your faults and your follies, provided you pardon mine.

Walter What's that mean, father?

Matthews I am secretly married, too. Me, your modest father.

Trim Without our consent?

Matthews I didn't wish to declare the business for fear it might upset you, but this development mutually excuses all.

Walter Let's see our step-mother, and we will receive her with all the tenderness and respect we owe you.

Matthews She is also in the masquerade, and it was for her that I planned the party. Deign to unmask, Madame, and take these young marrieds for your children.

Sonia (unmasking) I'm very happy to enter into so loveable a family. I hope they are as happy as I am to be their mother.

Trim Anna, shall we give our consent to this marriage?

Anna One could criticize it. But, come, it's necessary to grant a general amnesty.

Belinda Papa. I have one more blessing to ask you.

Matthews What? My God, wench, are you secretly married, too?

Belinda No, no, Papa. I don't want to be married except by your consent. So I bet you; it would be so nice.

Matthews We shall see in a few years. Good Lord, it's a rage that runs through the entire family.

Trim The company is getting impatient. Let the entertainment begin.

CURTAIN