CHAPTER II.

_Podbury picks up Acquaintances._

SCENE--_Courtyard of the "Grand Hôtel du Lion Belgique et d'Albion," at Brussels. It is just after table d'hôte_; PODBURY _and_ CULCHARD _are sitting on a covered terrace, with coffee._

PODBURY (_producing a pipe_). Not such a bad dinner! Expect they'll rook us a lot for it, though. Rather fun, seeing the waiters all troop in with a fresh course, when the proprietor rang his bell. Like a ballet at the Empire--eh?

CULCHARD (_selecting a cigarette_). I'm not in a position to say. I don't affect those places of entertainment myself.

PODB. Oh! Where _do_ you turn in when you want to kick up your heels a bit? Madame Tussaud's? I say, why on earth didn't you talk to that old Johnny next to you at dinner? He was trying all he knew to be friendly.

CULCH. Was he? I dare say. But I rather understood we came out with the idea of keeping out of all that.

PODB. Of course. _I'm_ not keen about getting to know people. He had no end of a pretty daughter, though. Mean to say you didn't spot her?

CULCH. If by "spotting" you mean--was I aware of the existence of a very exuberant young person, with a most distressing American accent?--I can only say that she made her presence sufficiently evident. I confess she did not interest me to the point of speculating upon her relationship to anybody else.

PODB. Well--if you come to that, I don't know that I--still, she was uncommonly----(_Happens to glance round, and lowers his voice._) Jove! she's in the Reading-room, just behind us. (_Hums, with elaborate carelessness._) La di deedle-lumpty--loodle-oodle-loo----

CULCH. (_who detests humming_). By the way, I wish you hadn't been in such a hurry to come straight on. I particularly wished to stop at Bruges, and see the Memlings.

PODB. I do like that! For a fellow who means to keep out of people's way! They'd have wanted you to stay to lunch and dinner, most likely.

CULCH. (_raising his eyebrows_). Hardly, my dear fellow--they're pictures, as it happens.

PODB. (_unabashed_). Oh, are they? Any way, you've fetched up your average here. Weren't there enough in the Museum for you?

CULCH. (_pityingly_). You surely wouldn't call the collection here exactly representative of the best period of Flemish Art?

PODB. If you ask me, I should call it a simply footling show--but you were long enough over it. (CULCHARD _shudders slightly, and presently pats his pockets._) What's up now? Nothing gone wrong with the works, eh?

CULCH. (_with dignity_). No--I was merely feeling for my note-book. I had a sudden idea for a sonnet, that's all.

PODB. Ah, you shouldn't have touched those mussels they gave us with the sole. Have a nip of this cognac, and you'll soon be all right.

[CULCHARD _scribbles in lofty abstraction_; PODBURY _hums_; MR. CYRUS K. TROTTER, _and his daughter_, MAUD S. TROTTER, _come out by the glass door of the Salon de Lecture, and seat themselves at an adjoining table._

MISS TROTTER. Well, I guess it's gayer out here, anyway. That Reading Saloon is just about as lively as a burying lot with all the tombs unlet. I want the address of that man who said that Brussels was a second Parrus.

MR. TROTTER. Maybe we ain't been long enough off the cars to jedge yet. Do you feel like putting on your hat and sack, and sorter smellin' round this capital?

MISS T. Not any. I expect the old city will have to curb its impatience to see me till to-morrow. I'm tired some.

CULCH. (_to himself_). Confound it, how can I----! (_Looks up, and observes_ MISS T. _with a sudden attention._) That fellow Podbury has better taste than I gave him credit for. She _is_ pretty--in her peculiar style--_quite_ pretty! Pity she speaks with that deplorable accent.

[_Writes--"Vermilion lips that sheathe a parrot tongue," and runs over all the possible rhymes to "tongue."_

PODB. (_observing that his pencil is idle_). Gas cut off again? Come for a toddle. You don't mean to stick here all the evening, eh?

CULCH. Well, we might take a turn later on, and see the effect of St. Gudule in the moonlight.

PODB. Something _like_ a rollick that! But what do you say to dropping in quietly at the Eden for an hour or so, eh? Variety show and all that going on.

CULCH. Thanks--variety shows are not much in my line; but don't mind me if you want to go.

[PODBURY _wanders off, leaving_ CULCHARD _free to observe_ MISS TROTTER.

MISS T. Charley writes he's having a lovely time in Germany going round. I guess he isn't feeling so cheap as he did. I wish he'd come along right here.

MR. T. I presume he's put in all the time he had for Belgium--likely we'll fetch up against him somewhere before he's through.

MISS T. Well, and I don't care how soon we do, either. Charley's a bright man, and real cultivated. I'm always telling him that he's purrfectly splendid company, considering he's only a cousin.

MR. T. That's so every time. I like Charley Van Boodeler firstrate myself.

CULCH. (_to himself_). If Charley Van Boodeler was _engaged_ to her, I suppose he'd be there. Pshaw! What _does_ it matter? Somehow, I rather wish now that I'd--but perhaps we shall get into conversation presently. Hang it, here's that fellow Podbury back again! Wish to goodness he'd----(_To_ PODBURY.) Hallo, so you haven't started yet?

PODB. Been having a talk with the porter. He says there's a big fair over by the Station du Midi, and it's worth seeing. Are you game to come along and sample it, eh?

CULCH. (_with an easy indifference intended for_ MISS T.'S _benefit_). No, I think not, thanks. I'm very comfortable where I am.

[_He resumes his writing._

PODB. Well, it's poor fun having to go alone!

[_He is just going, when_ MR. TROTTER _rises and comes towards him._

MR. T. You'll excuse me, Sir, but did I overhear you remark that there was a festivity in progress in this city?

PODB. So I'm told; a fair, down in the new part. I could tell you how to get to it, if you thought of going.

MR. T. Well, I don't see how I should ever strike that fair for myself, and I guess if there's anything to be seen we're bound to _see_ it, so me and my darter--allow me to introduce my darter to you--Maud, this gentleman is Mr.--I don't think I've caught your name, Sir--Podbury?--Mr. Podbury, who's kindly volunteered to conduct us round.

MISS T. _I_ should have thought you'd want to leave the gentleman some say in the matter, father--not to mention me!

PODB. (_eagerly_). But won't you come? Do. I shall be awfully glad if you will!

MISS T. If it makes you so glad as all that, I believe I'll come. Though what you could say different, after Poppa had put it up so steep on you, _I_ don't know. I'll just go and fix myself first. [_She goes._

MR. T. (_to_ PODBURY). My only darter, Sir, and a real good girl. We come over from the States, crossed a month ago to-day, and seen a heap already. Been runnin' all over Scotland and England, and kind of looked round Ireland and Wales, and now what _we've_ got to do is to see as much as we can of Germany and Switzerland and It'ly, and get some idea of France before we start home this fall. I guess we're both of us gettin' pretty considerable homesick already. My darter was sayin' to me on'y this evening at _table d'hôte_, "Father," she sez, "the vurry first thing we'll do when we get home is to go and hev a good square meal of creamed oysters and clams with buckwheat cakes and maple syrup." Don't seem as if we _could_ git along without maple syrup _much_ longer. (MISS TROTTER _returns._) You never mean going out without your gums?

[_He roars._

MISS T. I guess it's not damp here--any. (_To_ PODBURY.) Now you're going to be _Mary_, and father and I have got to be the little lambs and follow you around.

[_They go out, leaving_ CULCHARD _annoyed with himself and everybody else, and utterly unable to settle down to his sonnet again._

IN AN UPPER CORRIDOR TWO HOURS LATER.

CULCH. (_coming upon_ PODBURY). So you've got rid of your Americans at last, eh?

PODB. _I_ was in no hurry, I can tell you. She's a ripping little girl--tremendous fun. What do you think she asked me about _you_?

CULCH. (_stiff, but flattered_). I wasn't aware she had honoured me by her notice. What _was_ it?

PODB. Said you had a sort of schoolmaster look, and wanted to know if you were my tutor. My tutor! [_He roars._

CULCH. I hope you--ah--undeceived her?

PODB. Rather! Told her it was t'other way round, and I was looking after _you_. Said you were suffering from melancholia, but were not absolutely dangerous.

CULCH. If that's your idea of a joke, all I can say is----

[_He chokes with rage._

PODB. (_innocently_). Why, my dear chap, I thought you wanted 'em kept out of your way!

[CULCHARD _slams his bedroom door with temper, leaving_ PODBURY _outside, still chuckling._