ACT I.

SCENE.--_The Forest._

SHOWMAN (_outside, calling out_). Now, Mr. Punch, I want you to show yourself.

PUNCH (_within_). All right; let me put my boot on.

SHOWMAN. Your boot on--hurry up.

_Enter PUNCH. After a few preliminary squeaks, he bows three times to the spectators--once in the centre and once at each side of the stage, and then vigorously beats the stage with his club._

_Enter SCARAMOUCH._

SCARA. Hollo, Mr. Punch, what is all this noise about?

PUNCH. Who are you?

SCARA. I want to know what you've done with my dog Toby.

PUNCH. Your dog?

SCARA. Yes.

PUNCH. I know nothing about him.

SCARA. That won't do, Mr. Punch. You were seen going round Gretna Square with him last night, and I want that dog.

PUNCH. You are a cure. (_beats his stick on the stage._)

SCARA. You call me a cure; that won't do, Mr. Punch.

PUNCH (_dancing around_). Yes, you are, you are.

SCARA. Now, Mr. Punch, that is too bad for you to call me a cure, when here I am thought handsome, and am engaged to be married to Miss Jennie L---- early next week.

PUNCH. I don't believe it.

SCARA. Yes, yes, it is true, and Bella's to be at the wedding, too; but what, Mr. Punch, have you done with my dog?

PUNCH. I told you that I knew nothing about him. (_he knocks SCARAMOUCH down-stairs with a blow of his club._)

_Enter DOG TOBY._

TOBY. Bow, wow, wow!

PUNCH. How do, my good friend, your master, Mr. Toby? How do, Mr. Scaramouch?

TOBY. Bow, wow, wow!

PUNCH. I'm glad to hear it. Poor Toby! What a nice, good-tempered dog it is! No wonder his master is so fond of him.

TOBY (_snarls_). Arr! Arr!

PUNCH. What! Toby! you cross this morning? You got out of bed the wrong way upwards?

TOBY (_snarls again_). Arr! Arr!

PUNCH. Poor Toby! (_putting his hand out cautiously, and trying to coax the dog, who snaps at it_) Toby, you're one nasty, cross dog; get away with you! (_strikes at him._)

TOBY. Bow, wow, wow! (_seizing PUNCH by the nose._)

PUNCH. Oh, dear! oh, dear! My nose! my poor nose, my beautiful nose! Get away! get away, you nasty dog--I tell your master. Oh, dear, dear! Judy! Judy!

(_PUNCH shakes his nose, but cannot shake off the DOG, who follows him as he retreats around the stage. He continues to call, "_Judy! Judy, my dear!_" until the DOG quits his hold, and exit._)

PUNCH (_solus, and rubbing his nose with both hands_). Oh, my nose! my pretty little nose! You nasty, nasty brute, I will tell your master of you.

_Re-enter SCARAMOUCH._

SCARA. Ah, ah! Mr. Punch, you got the worst of it. My dog got hold of your nose. Ah, ah! (_PUNCH, mad at being made fun of, aims a blow at SCARAMOUCH, but misses; he, quickly disappearing, pops up again, saying: "_Never mind, Mr. Punch, I'll fetch up a fine horse for you._" PUNCH commences to dance about in high glee. SCARAMOUCH below stamps his feet, calling out: "_Wo, ho, my Hector! this way, my Hector._" PUNCH continues his dance, then attempts to mount his HECTOR by the tail. Horse gallops away, PUNCH in pursuit._)

_Re-enter PUNCH, leading his horse by the bridle over his arm. It prances about, and seems very unruly._

PUNCH. Wo, ho, my fine fellow! Wo, ho, Hector! Stand still, can't you, and let me get my foot up to the stirrup.

(_While PUNCH is trying to mount, the horse runs away round the stage, and PUNCH sets off after him, catches him by the tail, and so stops him. PUNCH then mounts by sitting on the front of the stage, and, with both his hands, lifting one of his legs over the animal's back. At first it goes pretty steadily, but soon quickens its pace, while PUNCH, who does not keep his seat very well, cries: "_Wo, ho, Hector! Wo, ho!_" but to no purpose, for the horse sets off at full gallop, jerking PUNCH at every stride with great violence. PUNCH lays hold around the neck, but is ultimately thrown upon the platform._)