Part 34
And notwithstanding of their barbarous crueltie, ever executed at all advantages, with slaughter and murder upon the Scots and English dwellers there; yet they have and find at their owne wills Symonaicall protections, for lesser or longer times; ever as the confused disposers, have their law-sold hands, filled with the bloody bribes of slaughtered lives, high-way, and house-robbed people: And then thereafter their ill got meanes being spent, like unto dogs, they returne backe to their former vomit; so jugling with their in, and outgoings, like to the restlesse Ocean, that they cannot, nor never did, become true [The filthy corruption of Irish Priests and Wood-Carnes, theevish Rebells.] subjects to our King, nor faithfull friends to their Countrey: Unlesse by extremity of Justice, the one still hanged before the other, the remanent by the gallowes may examplifie amendment, contrarywise that Land shall never be quiet: for these villanous Woodcarnes are but the Hounds of their hunting Priests, against what faction soever, their malicious malignity is intended: Partly for intertaynement, partly for particular splenes, and lastly, for a general disturbance of the Countrey, for the Priests greater security and stay.
The other abuse is, their Libertinous Masses, the redresse whereof, I first to the Heavens, and then to my Prince bequeath: whose Sabboth recusant mony, whereof they bragge (as they say) in derision of our luke-warme dispensation, tendeth to none other purpose, but to obumbrat the true light of the Gospell, and to feed their absurd, and almost irrevocable ignorance.
And neverthelesse at their dayly meetings (experience taught mee) there was never a more repining people against our Prince and Church as they be: for in this presumption a twofold cause arriseth, want of zeale, and Church discipline in our part, and the officious nine penny Masse on their part: yea, all, and each of them, so exacted and compounded with at higher or lower rates, as the officers in this nature please.
The distribution whereof I nowaies paralell to the sleight concaviating veynes of the earth, nor the sole supply of high-rising Atlas, neither to invelope the Perpendiculars of long-reaching Caucasus: howsoever tect-demolished Churches, unpassable Bridges, indigent Schollers, and distressed Families be supported there-with, I am as cleare of it as they, although I smart by the contrary confusion.
But leaving this and observing my Method, I remember I saw in Irelands North-parts, two remarkable sights: [A bad and uncivill Husbandry in Ireland.] The one was their manner of Tillage, Ploughes drawne by Horse-tayles, wanting garnishing, they are only fastned, with straw, or wooden Ropes to their bare Rumps, marching all side for side, three or foure in a Ranke, and as many men hanging by the ends of that untoward Labour. It is as bad a Husbandry I say, as ever I found among the wildest Savages alive; for the Caramins, who understand not the civill forme of Agriculture; yet they delve, hollow, and turne over the ground, with manuall and Wooden instruments: but they the Irish have thousands of both Kingdomes daily labouring beside them; yet they can not learne, because they wil not learne, to use garnishing, so obstinate they are in their barbarous consuetude, unlesse punishment and penalties were inflicted; and yet most of them are content to pay twenty shillings a yeare, before they wil change their Custome.
[Northerne Irish women giving sucke to their Babes behind their shoulders.] The other as goodly sight I saw, was women travayling the way, or toyling at home, carry their Infants about their neckes, and laying the dugges over their shoulders, would give sucke to the Babes behinde their backes, without taking them in their armes: Such kind of breasts, me thinketh were very fit, to be made money bags for East or West-Indian Merchants, being more then halfe a yard long, and as wel wrought, as any Tanner, in the like charge, could ever mollifie such Leather.
As for any other customes they have, to avoyd prolixitie I spare; onely, before my pen flee over Seas, I would gladly shake hands with some of our Churchmen there, for better are the wounds of a friend, than the sweet smiles of a flatterer, for love and trueth can not dissemble.
Many dissembling impudents intrude themselves in this high calling of God, who are not truely, neither worthily thereunto called; the ground here arrising either from a carnall or carelesse presumption, otherwise from needy greed, and lacke of bodily maintenance.
[An Ecclesiasticke corruption in unlawfull Preachers.] Such is now the corruption of time, that I know here even Mechanick men admitted in the place of Pastors: yea, and rude bred Souldiers whose education was at the Musket mouth, are become there, both Lybian grave, and unlearned Church-men: Nay; besides them professed; indeed professed Schollers: whose warbling mouthes ingorged with spoonefuls of bruised Latine, seldome or never expressed, unlesse the force of quaffing, spew it forth from their empty sculles: Such I say, interclude their doctrine, betweene the thatch and the Church-wall tops; and yet their smallest stipends shall amount to one, two, three, or foure hundred pounds a yeare.
Whereupon you may demand mee, how spend they, or how deserve they this? I answer, their deserts are nought, and the fruite thereof as naughtily spent: for Sermons and Prayers they never have any, neither never preached any, nor can preach.
And although some could, as perhaps they seeming would, they shall have no Auditour (as they say) but bare walles, the plants of their Parishes, being the rootes of mere Irish. As concerning their cariage, in spending such sacrilegious fees, the course is thus.
The Alehouse is their Church, the Irish Priests their Consorts, their Auditors be fill and fetch more, their Text Spanish Sacke, their Prayers carrousing, their singing of Psalmes the whiffing of Tobacco, their last blessing Aqua vitæ, and all their doctrine, sound drunkenesse.
[A flattering covenant twixt Ministers and Masse Priests.] And whensoever these parties meete, their parting is Dane-like from a Dutch Pot, and the Minister stil purse bearer defrayeth all charges for the Priest: Arguments of Religion, like Podolian Polonians they succumbe; their conference onely pleading mutuall forbearance; the Minister affrayed of the Priests Wood-Carnes, and the Priests as fearefull of the Ministers apprehending, or denoting them; contracting thereby a Gibeonized covenant, yea, and for more submissions sake, hee will give way to the Priest to mumble Masse in his Church, where hee in all his life made never Prayer nor Sermon.
Loe there are some of the abuses of our late weake, and stragling Ecclesiasticks there, and the soule-sunke sorrow of godlesse Epicures and Hypocrites.
To all which, and much more have I beene an occular Testator, and sometimes a constrayned consociat to their companeonry; yet not so much inforced, as desirous to know the behaviour and conversation of such mercenary Jebusites.
Great God amend it, for it is great pitty to behold it, and if it continue so still, as when I saw them last; O farre better it were! that these ill bestowed Tythes, and Church-wall Rents, were distributed to the poore, and needy, than to suffocate the swine-fed bellies of such idle and prophane Parasits.
And here another generall abuse, I observed that whensoever any Irish dye, the friend of the defunct (besides other fees) paying twenty shillings to the English Curat, shall get the corpes of the disceased to be buryed within the Church, yea often, even under the Pulpit foote: And for lucre interred in Gods Sanctuary when dead, who when alive would never approach, nor enter the gates of Sion; to worshipe the Lord, nor conforme themselves to true Religion.
Truely such and the like abuses, and evill examples of lewd lives, have beene the greatest hinderance of that Lands conversion; for such like wolves have beene from time to time, but stumbling blocks before them; regarding more their owne sensuall and licentious ends, than the glory of God, in converting of one soule unto his Church.
[Ministeriall offices strangely abused.] Now as concerning the conscionable carriage of the Hybernian Clergy, aske mee, and there my reply: As many of them (for the most part) as are Protestant Ministers, have their Wives, children, and servants invested Papists; and many of these Church-men at the houre of their death (like dogges) returne backe to their former vomit: Witnesse the late Viccar of Calin (belonging to the late and last, Richard, Earle of Desmond,) who being on death bed, and having two hundred pounds a yeare; finding him selfe to forsake both life and stipend, send straight for a Romish Priest, and received the Papall Sacrament: Confessing freely in my audience, that hee had beene a Romane Catholick all his life, dissembling onely with his Religion, for the better maintaining of his wife and children. And being brought to his buriall place, hee was interred in the Church, with the which hee had played the Ruffian all his life; being openly carryed at mid-day with Jesuits, Priests, and Friers of his owne Nation, and after a contemptible manner in derision of our profession, and Lawes of the Kingdome.
Infinite moe examples of this kind could I recite, and the like resemblances of some being alive; but I respectively suspend (wishing a reformation of such deformation) and so concludeth this Clergicall corruption there. Yet I would not have the Reader to thinke that I condemne all our Clergie there, no God forbid, for I know there are many sound and Religious Preachers of both Kingdomes among them, who make conscience of their calling, and live as Lanthorns to uncapable ignorants, and to those stragling Stoicks I complayne of, condemnatory Judges; for it is a grievous thing to see incapable men, to jugle with the high mysteries of mans salvation.
[My departure from Ireland to France.] And now after the fastidious ending of a tempestuous raine-sacking toyle, I imbarked at Yoghall in Munster, February 27. 1620. in a little French Pinke bound for St. Mallo in Bretagne. Where, when transported, I set face to Paris, where I found the workes of two scelerat and perverst Authors: the one of which had disdainefully wrot against the life and raigne of Queene Elizabeth of sempiternall renowne: the other ignominiously, upon the death of our late Queene Anne of ever blessed memory. The circumstances whereof, I will not avouch, since Malaga detaineth the notes of their abjured names, and perfidiat paines.
A just reward (may I say) refounded, upon these fond conceites, you have of the fantasticke French: Especially these superstitious straglers heere; who, when they have sucked the milke of their selfe ends, and your lavish Liberalities without desert; returne a kicke with their heeles (like to the Colt of an Asse) in your teeth agayne. And there your meritorious thankes, and their shamefull slaunders, in acquittance of your vayne Expence.
[The fantastick foolery of the French.] Tell me, if you be tyed like Apes to imitate their ever-changing humours? and can you draw from them (in any Art or cariage) a greater draught, then they draw from the Italian, for first they be Imitators; next, Mutators; thirdly, Temptators; and lastly, your Plantators, in all the varieties of vanity. Have you a desire to learne modestly to Daunce, skilfully to Fence, dexteriously to manage Great Horses, view Forraine sights, learne Languages, Humane policies, and the like conducements:
Then rather reach, the Fountaine, whence they flow, Whence Science, Arts, and Practise lively grow; Than sucke the streames, of separate distasts, He well derives, his labour never wasts; Fond Fooles affect, what foolery Fooles effect, The sequell sight, than sense, doth more infect.
Besides these two infamous Authors, what hath Edee, the Idea of a Knave, (and Gentle man of the French Privy Chamber) done; who like a Wood weather cocke, and giddy headed Foole, (full of deficient Vapours) hath shamefully stayned with his shamelesse Pen, the light of this Kingdome, which now I omit to avouch till a fitter time.
Thus, they fondly Write, thus they pratle, thus they sing, thus they Daunce, thus they brangle, thus they dally in capritziat humours, and thus they vary, in the fleering conceite of sa, sa, sa, sa, sa, far beyond the inconstancy of all female inconstancies.
But to conclude this Epitome of France, three things [Certaine caveats for strangers, that goe to France.] I wish the way-faring man to prevent there: First, the eating of Victuals, and drinking of Wine without price making; least (when he hath done) for the stridor of his teeth his charges be redoubled. Next to choose his lodging (if it fall out in any way-standing Taverne) far from palludiat Ditches, least the vehemency of chirking frogs, vexe the wish'd-for Repose of his fatigated body, and cast him in a vigilant perplexity.
And lastly, unlesse earely hee would arise, I never wish him to lye neere the fore-streetes of a Towne; because of the disturbant clamours of the Peasant samboies or nayle-woodden shoes: whose noyse like an æquivox, resembleth the clashing armour of Armies; or the clangour of the Ulyssen-tumbling Horse to fatall Troy.
But now to my purpose, leaving Paris behind me, I arrived at Pau in Bearne. This Province is a principality of it selfe, anciently annexed to the Kingdom of Navarre: lying betweene the higher Gascony of Guyan, and the Pyrhenei Mountaynes of Baske, bordering with the North parts of Navarre: Both of which, belongeth to the French King, except a little of Baske toward the Columbian Alpes, and that the Spaniard commandeth.
Pau is the Justice seate of Bearne, having a goodly Castle, situate on an artificiall Rocke; and in this place was that Martial Henry du Burbone la Quatriesme borne, than King of Navarre.
Here be the finest Gardens in Christendome, the Gardens of Pretolino (5. miles from Florence) only excepted. Yet for faire Arbors, spacious over-siling walkes, and incorporate Trees of interchanging growths, it surpasseth Pretolino: but the other for the variety of fructiferous Trees, rare and admirable ponds, artificial fountaynes; Diana, and her Allabaster Nymphly-portrayed trayne, the counter-banding force of Agvadotti, and the exquisite banqueting Roome, contrived among sounding unseene waters, in forme of Gargantus body, it much excelleth Pau.
[Biscai in Spayne is a scurrile Countrey.] Hence, I discended the River of Orthes to Baion, and crossing the River Behobia, which divideth France and Spaine, I entered in Biscai June 19. 1620. This is a Mountaynous and invincible Countrey, (of which Victoria is the chiefe City) being a barren and almost unprofitable Soyle. The speciall commodities whereof, are Sheep, Woole as soft as silke, Goates, and excellent good Iron: Cornes they have none, or little at all, neither wine, but what is brought from Navarre in Pelagoes or Swineskins, carried on Mulets backes.
Leaving Biscai, I entred Navarre, and came to Pampelona its Metropolitane Citty: Here I found the poorest Viceroy (nomen sine re) with the least meanes to maintaine him, that ever the World affoorded such a stile. Navarre is but a little Kingdome, amounting in length (with the South Pendicles of the high Pirhenese) to twenty three leagues: That is, betweene Porto di St. Joanne in Baske, and Grono upon the River Hebro, dividing the old Castilia and Navarre. In breadth it extendeth to seaventeene Leagues, that is betweene Varen in Biscai, and Terrafranca in Arragon: The soyle is indifferent fertile of Cornes and Wines. From thence I set East-ward to Syragusa, the Capitall Seate of Arragon.
Arragon, hath Navarre to the West, South Valentia Kingdome, East, and South-east Catalogna; and on the North the Alpes Pyrhenese. It is an auncient and famous Kingdome, under whose Jurisdiction, were both the petty Kingdomes of Valentia, & Barselona: And not long ago traduced to the Castilian King by marriage. For although Castilia hath the language, they have the lineall dissent of the Romans; the Inhabitants whereof being instinctively endued with all humane affabilities. From thence returning through the old Castilia, or Kingdome of Burgos, in the way to St. Iago of Compostella in Galitia: It was my fortune, at St. Domingo to enter the Towne-Church: accompanied with two French Puppies, mindfull to shew me a miraculous matter.
Where, when come, I espied over my head opposit to the great Altar, two milke white Hennes, enraveled in [A leying miracle.] an iron Cage, on the inner side of the Porches Promontore. And demanding why they were kept? Or what they signified? Certaine Spaniards replyed come along with us, and you shall see the Storie, and being brought to the (Choro) it was drawne thereon as followeth. The father and the sonne, two Burboneons of France; going in Pilgrimage to St. James, it was their lot to lodge here in an Inne: Where supper ended, and reckoning payed, the Host perceiving their denariat charge, he entered their Chamber, when they were a sleepe, and in bed, conveying his owne purse in the young mans Budget.
To morrow earely; the two innocent Pilgrimes, footing the hard bruising way, were quickly over-hied by the Justice; where the Host making search for his purse, found it in the sonnes bagge. Whereupon instantly, and in the same place hee was hanged, and left hanging there, seazing on their money be a sententiall forfeiture.
The sorrowfull Father (notwithstanding) continued his Pilgrimage to Compostella. Where, when come, and devotion made, our Lady of Mount Serata appeared to him saying: Thy prayers are heard, and thy groanes have pierced my heart, arise, and returne to Saint Domingo for thy sonne liveth. And hee accordingly returned, found it so, and the sonne-hanged Monster, after 30. dayes absence, spoke thus from the Gallowes, Father, goe to our Host, and shew him I live, then speedily returne. By which direction the old man entred the Towne, and finding the Host at Table, in breaking up of two roasted Pullets, [A damnable delusion of a divellish miracle.] told him, and sayd: My sonne liveth, come and see. To which the smiling Host replyed, he is as surely alive on the Gallowes, as these two Pullets be alive in the dish. At which protestation, the two fire-scorched fowles leapt out suddainly alive, with heads, wings, feathers, and feet, and kekling, tooke flight thrice about the Table. The which amazing sight, made the astonished Host to confesse his guiltines; and the other relieved from the rope, he was hung up in his place, allotting his house for an Hospitality to Pilgrimes for ever.
There are still two Hennes reserved here, in memory of this miracle, and aye changed, as they grow fat for the Priests chops, being freely given to the place. And I dare swearing say, these Priests eate fatter Hennes, than Don Phillipo him selfe, they being fed by the peoples devotion, at their enterance to the morning and evening sacrifices, and are tearmed holy Hennes. Infinite paper could I blot, with relating the like absurdities, and miraculous lies of the Romane Church, but leaving them till a fitter occasion, I proceed. From thence traversing a great part of the higher Asturia, I entred in Galitia, and found the Countrey so barren, the people so poore, and victuals so scarce, that this importunate inforcement, withdrew me from S. Jacques, to Portugale: Where I found little better, or lesser reliefe, their soyles being absolute sterile, desartuous, and mountainous.
[The Kingdome of Portugale.] Portugale was formerly called Lusitania, and Hispania, ulteriora: It is in length 320. miles, large 68. and sometimes under: In the Moorish domination it was divided in two Kingdomes, the one reserveth the name of all; the other was called Agarbas: A word Arabick that signifieth the part Occidentall: And were divided with the River Guadion, and the two Castles Odebera, and Aleotino: Agarbas was toward the South, & Portugale Northward.
Portugale is now confined on the South, and South-East with Andolusia: West and South-West, the maine Ocean. Galitia to the North: And Eastward the old and new Castilia. After twenty dayes fastidious climbing in this Kingdome, I returned to Salamancha in Castilia Vecchia; the Sacerdotall University of Spaine, whence springeth these Flockes of Studientes, that over-swarme the whole land with rogueries, robberies, and begging. From thence traversing the Alpes of Siera de Caderama, (which divide the two Castilias) I discended the South side of the mountaines, and arrived at the Escurial; where then late King Phillip the third, had his residence.
[The palace of Escuriall.] This Pallace standeth alone, and founded upon the skirt of a perpendicular hill of Caderama, squared out from a devalling steepnesse, having a large prospect Southwardly towards the Evenise mountaines beyond Toledo. This palatiat cloyster is quadrangled foure stories high, the uppermost whereof, is window-set in the blew tecture: The stone worke below, having three rankes of larger windowes, incircling the whole quadrangles, and French-like high rigged. At every spacious squadrat corner, there is an high Turret erected, above the coverture, whose tops beare each of them a golden Globe. In the middle court standeth a round incorporate Church, arising outward in a rotundo, with a wide leaden top, and on each side thereof a squadrat Steeple, higher then the round, making a goodly shew. It hath neither outward walles nor gates, but the two selfe doores of the eleven incloystered petty Courts, save onely some office houses without, and they stand alone by the hill broken side. [Escurial is rather a Monastery than Palace.] I may rather tearme it a Monastery, then a Kingly Pallace, having a hundred and fifty Monkes, Chartuzians, of St. Hieronimoes order living within it; the King onely remaining in a private corner, at his comming thither. Nay at that instant, he was so private that before I saw his face, I could not beleeve, that the Patrone of so great a Monarchy, could be so quiet; yea, as quiet as a Countrey Baron is with us, and had lived so nine weekes before. The house it selfe I confesse, excelleth in beauty, that Constantinopolitan Seralia, of the great Turke: though not in divisions, and ground distances, yet for a maine incorporate house, and was builded by King Philip the second, standing seven leagues from Madrile, to which I arrived.
Here is the residence of the Court though formerly at Valladoli: Madrid or Madrile, is the Center or middle part of Spaine, situate in the Kingdome of Toledo, the new Castilia. And distant from Lisbone in Portugale Westward one hundred leagues: From Sevilia in Andoluzia ninety leagues: From Grenada Southward, sixty eight leagues: Barselona in Catalogna, East, South-eastward one hundred leagues: From Valentia fifty leagues: From Siragusa in Arragon Eastward fifty three leagues: From Saint Sebastian in Biscai North-westward seventy leagues: And from Pampelona in Navarre, North-eastward, forty nine leagues. Spaine generally, is a masse of mountaines, a barren ill manured soyle: Neither well inhabited nor populous: Yea, so desartuous that in the very heart of Spaine, I have gone eighteene leagues, (two dayes journey) unseeing house or Village, except two Ventas, Tavernes. And commonly eight leagues without any house: Villages be so farre distant, the Rockie Seraes or Alpes so innumerable.