Chapter 2

A Crew of these wicked companions, being one day met togither in Pauls Church (as that is a usual place of their assemblie, both to determin on their drifts, as also to speed of many a bootie) seeing no likelihood of a good afternoone, so they tearme it either fore-noone or after, when ought is to be done: some dispersed themselves to the plaies, other to the bowling allies and not past two or three stayed in the Church. Quoth on of them, I have vowed not to depart, but something or other Ile haue before I go: my minde giues me, that this place yet will yeelde us all our suppers this night, the other holding like opinion with him, there likewise walked vp and downe, looking when occasion would serue for some Cash. At length they espyed a Gentleman towarde the lawe entring in at the little North doore, and a countrey Clyent going with him in verye hard talke, the Gentleman holding his gowne open with his armes on eyther side as very manie doe, gaue sight of a faire purple velvet purse, which was halfe put vnder his girdle: which I warrant you the resolute fellow that would not depart without some thing, had quicklye espyed. A game, quote hee to his fellows, marke the stand, and so separating themselves walked aloofe, the Gentleman going to the nether steppe of the staires that ascend vp into the Quire, and there he walked still with his client. Oft this crew of mates met together, and said there was no hope of nipping the bong because he held open his gowne so wide, and walked in such an open place. Base knaves, quoth the frolik fellowe, if I say I will have it, I must have it, though hee that owes it had sworne the contrarie. Then looking aside, hee spyed his trugge or queane comming vppe the Church: away, quoth hee to the other, go looke you for some other purchase, this wench and I are suffient for this. They goe, he lessons the drab in this sort, that shee should to the Gentleman, whose name shee verye well knew, in that shee had holpe to coosen him once before, & pretending to be sent to him from one he was well acquainted with for his councell should give him his fee for auoiding suspition, & so frame some wrong done hir as well inough she could: when her mate (taking occasion as it serued) would woorke the meane, shee should strike, & so they both prevaile. The queane well inured with such courses, because she was one of the most skilful in that profession, walked up and downe alone in the Gentlemans sight, that he might discerne shee stayed to speake with him, and as he turned toward her, hee saw her take money out of her purse, whereby hee gathered some benefite was toward him: which made him the sooner dispatch his other clyent, when shee stepping to him, told such a tale of commendations from his verie friend, that had sent her to him as she said, that hee entertained her very kindly, and giving him his fee, which before her face he put up into his purse, and thrust under his girdle againe: she proceeded to a very sound discourse, whereto he listened with no little attention. The time serving fit for the fellows purpose, he came behind the Gentleman, and as many times one friend wil familiarly with another, clap his hands over his eyes to make him guesse who he is, so did this companion, holding his hands fast over the Gentlemans eyes, sayde: who am I: twise or thrise, in which time the drab had gotten the purse and put it up. The Gentleman thinking it had been some merrie friend of his, reckoned the names of three or foure, when letting him go, the crafty knave dissembling a bashful shame of what he had done, said: By my troth sir I crie ye mercy, as I came in at the Church doore, I took ye for such a one (naming a man) a verie friend of mine, whome you very much resemble: I beseech ye be not angrie, it was verie boldlye done of me, but in penance of my fault, so please yee to accept it, I will bestow a gallon or two of Wine on yee, and so laboured him earnestly to go with him to the taverne, stil alledging his sorow for mistaking him. The Gentleman little suspecting how who am I had handled him, seeing how sorie he was, and seeming to be a man of no such base condition: tooke all in good part, saying: No harme sir, to take one for another, a fault wherein any man may easily erre, and so excusing the acceptation of his wine, because he was busie there with a gentlewoman his friend: the trecher with courtesie departed, & the drab (having what shee would) shortning her tale, hee desiring her to come to his Chamber the next morning, went to the place where her copes-mate and she met, and not long after, divers other of the crue, who bearing in what manner this act was performed, smiled a good therat, that she had both got the Gentlemans purse, her owne money againe, and his advise for iust nothing. He that had done this tall exploit, in a place so open in view, so hardly to be come by, & on a man that made no meane esteem of his wit: bids his fellowes keepe the worthles name of a Conny-catcher to themselves: for he hence-foorth would bee termed a Foole-taker, and such as could imitate this quaint example of his, (which he would set down as an entrance into that art) should not thinke scorne to become his schollers.

Night drawing on apace, the Gentleman returned home, not al this while missing his purse, but being set at supper, his wife intreated a pint of Sack, which hee minding to send for: drewe to his purse, and seeing it gone, what strange lookes (beside sighs) were betweene him and his wife. I leave to your supposing, and blame them not: for as I have heard, there was seven pound in gold, beside thirtie shillings and od white money in the purse. But in the middle of his griefe, hee remembred him that said, who am I: Wherewith hee brake foorth into a great laughter, the cause whereof his wife beeing desirous to know, he declared all that passed between him and the deceiuer, as also how sone afterward the queane abreuiated her discourse and followed: so in troth wife (quoth he) betweene who am I and the drab, my purse is gone: let his lesse teach others to looke better to theirs.

An other Tale of a coosening companion, who would needs trie his cunning in this new inuentcd arte, and how by his knauerie (at one instant) he beguiled halfe a dozen and more.

Of late time there hath a certaine base kinde of trade beene vsed, who though diuers poore men, and doubtles honest, apply themselues onely to relieue their need: yet are there some notorious varlets do the same, being compacted with such kinde of people, as this present treatise manifesteth to the world, and what with outward simplicity on the one side, and cunning close treachery on the other, diuers honest Cittizens and day-labouring men, that resort to such places as I am to speake of, onely for recreation as opportunitie serueth, haue beene of late sundry times deceyued of their purses. This trade, or rather vnsufferable loytring qualitie, in singing of Ballets, and songs at the doores of such houses where playes are vsed, as also in open markets and other places of this Cittie, where is most resort: which is nothing els but a slie fetch to draw many together, who listning vnto an harmelesse dittie, afterwarde walke home to their houses with heauie hearts: from such as are heereof true witnesses to their cost, doo I deliuer this example. A subtill fellow, belike imboldned by acquaintance with the former deceit, or els being but a beginner to practise the same, calling certain of his companions together, would try whether he could attaine to be maister of his art or no, by taking a great many of fools with one traine: but let his intent and what els beside, remaine to abide the censure after the mater is heard, and come to Gratious street, where this villanous pranke was performed. A roging mate, & such another with them were there got vpon a stal singing of balets, which belike was some prety toy, for very many gathered about to heare it, & divers buying, as their affections serued, drew to their purses, & paid the singers for them. The slie mate and his fellowes, who were dispersed among them that stood to hear the songs well noted where euerie man that bought, put up his purse againe, and to such as would not buy, counterfeit warning was sundrie times giuen by the roge and his associate, to beware of the cut-purse, & take to their purses, which made them often feel where their purses were, either in sleeue, hose, or at girdle, to know whether they were safe or no. Thus the crafty copesmates were acquainted with what they most desired, and as they were scatred by shouldring, thrusting, feining to let fall somthing, and other wilie tricks fit for their purporse: heere one lost his purse, there another had his pocket pickt, & to say all in briefe, at one instant, vpon the complaint of one or two that saw their purses were gone, eight more in the same companie, found themselues in like predicament. Some angrie, others sorrowfull, and all greatly discontented, looking about them, knewe not who to suspect or challenge, in that the villaines themselues that had thus beguiled them, made shew that they had sustained like losse. But one angry fellow, more impacient then all the rest, he falls vpon the ballad singer, and beating him with his fists well favouredly, sayes, if he had not listned his singing, he had not lost his purse, and therefore would not be otherwise perswaded, but that they two and the cutpurses were compacted together. The rest that had lost their purses likewise, & saw that so many complaine togither: they iump in opinion with the other fellow, & begin to tug & hale the ballad singers when one after one, the false knaves began to shrink away with the purses, by means of some officer then being there present, the two Roges were had before a iustice, and upon his discreete examination made, it was found, that they and the cut-purses were compacted together, and that by this unsuspected villanie, they had deceived many. The one Foole-taker himself, with one or two more of that companie, was not long after apprehended: when I doubt not but they had their reward answerable to their deseruing: for I heare of their iorney westward, but not of their returne: let this forewarne those that listen singing in the streets.

Of a craftie mate, that brought two young men vnto a Tauerne, where departing with a Cup, hee left them to pay both for the wine and Cup.

A friend of mine sent mee this note, and assuring me the truth thereof, I thought necessary to let it downe amongst the rest: both for the honest simplicitie on the one side and most cunning knavery used on the other, and thus it was. Two young men of familiar acquaintance, who delighted much in musicke, because themselves therein were somwhat expert, as on the virginals, bandora, lute and such like: were one eventing at a common inne of this town (as I have heard) where the one of them shewed his skil on the virginals to the no little contentment of the hearers. Now as divers guests of the house came into the roome to listen, so among the rest entered an artificial Cony-catcher, who as occasion served, in the time of ceasing between the severall toies and fancies be plaied: very much commended his cunning, quick hand, and such qualities praiseworthy in such a professor. The time being come, when these young men craved leaue to depart, this politique varlet stepping to them, desired that they would accept a quarte of Wine at his hande, which hee would most gladlie bestow upon them: besides, if it liked him that played on the Virginals to instruct, hee would helpe him to so good a place, as happily might advantage him for ever. These kind words, delivered with such honest outward shewe, caused the yoong men, whose thoughts were free from any other opinion, than to bee as truely and plainly dealt withall as themselves meant, accepted his offer, because hee that played on the Virginals was desirous to have some good place of seruice: & hereupon to the Tauerne they goe, and being set, the wily companion calleth for two pintes of wine, a pinte of white, and a pinte of claret, casting his cloake upon the table, and falling to his former communication of preferring the yoong man. The wine is brought, and two cuppes withall, as is the vsuall manner: when drinking to them of the one pinte, they pledge him, not unthankfull for his gentlenesse. After some time spent in talke, and as he perceived fit for his purpose, hee takes the other cup, and tastes the other pinte of wine: wherewith he finding fault, that it dranke somewhat harde, sayd, that Rose-water and Sugar would do no harme: whereupon he leaves his seate, saying he was well acquainted with one of the seruants of the house, of whom he could have two penny worth of Rose-Water for a penny, and so of Sugar likewise, wherefore be would step to the barre unto him, so taking the cup in his hand, hee did: the young men neuer thinking on any such treacherie as ensued, in that he seemed an honest man, and beside left his cloake lying on the table by them. No more returnes the yonker with Rose-water and Sugar, but stepping cut of doores, unseene of any, goes away roundly with the cup. The young men not a little wondering at his long tarrying, by the comming of the seruants to see what they wanted, who tooke no regarde of his sudden departure, finde themselves there left, not onely to pay for the wine, but for the Cuppe also, being rashlye supposed by the maister and his seruants to be copartners with the treacherous villaine: but their honest behaviour well knowne, as also their simplicity too much abused, well witnessed their innocencie: notwithstanding they were faine to pay for the cup, as afterwarde they did, hauing nothing towardes their charge but a thred bare cloake not worth two shillings. Take heede how you drinke wine with any such companions.

Of an honest housholder which was cuningly deceyued by a subtill companion, that came to hire a Chamber for his Master.

Not farre from Charing Crosse dwelleth an honest young man, who being not long since married, and having more roomes in his house than himselfe occupyeth, either for terme time, or the Court lying so neere, as divers do, to make a reasonable commoditie, and to ease house-rent, which (as the worlde goeth now to none of the cheapest) letteth foorth a chamber or two, according as it may be spared. In an evening but a while since, came one in the manner of a Seruing man to this man and his wife, and he must needes have a Chamber for his Maister, offering so largely, as the bargaine was soone concluded betweene them. His intent was to have fingered some bootie in the house, as by the sequele it may bee likeliest gathered: but belike no fit thing lying abroad, or hee better regarded then happily be would be, his expectation that way was frustrated, yet as a resolute Conny-catcher indeed, that scorneth to attempt without some successe, and rather will pray upon small commoditye, then returne to his fellows disgraced with a lost labor: he summons his wits together, & by a smooth tale over-reached both the man and his wife. He tels them, that his Maister was a captaine late come from the Sea, and had costly apparel to bring thither, which for more earlie carriage, he entreats them lend him a sheet to bind it vp in, they suspecting no ill, because he required their boy should goe with him to helpe him cary the stuffe, the good wife steppes vnto her Chest, where her linnen lay finelie sweetned with Rose leaves and Lavender, and lends him a very good sheete in deed.

This successe made him bold to venter a little further, and then he tels them, his maister had a great deale of broken Sugar, and fine spices that lay negligently abroad in his lodging as it was brought from the Ship, all which hee was assured his Maister would bestow on them, so he could deuise how to get it brought thither.

These liberall promises, prevailing with them that lightlie beleeued, and withall were somewhat couetous of the Sugar and spices: The woman demanded if a couple of pillow-beeres would not serue to bring the sugar and spices in: yes marry (quoth hee) so the Sugar may best be kept by it self, and the spices by themselves. And (quoth hee) because there are many craftie knaues abroad,(greeving that any should be craftier then himselfe) and in the evening the linnen might quicklie bee snatched from the boy: for the more safety, he would carry the sheet and pillow-beeres himselfe, & within an hower or little more returne with the boy againe, because he would have all things redy before his maister came, who (as he said) was attending on the Councell at the court. The man and his wife crediting his smooth speeches, sends their boy with him, and so along toward Zuie-bridge go they. The Conny-catcher seeing himselfe at free libertie, that he had gotten a very good sheet, and two fine pillow-beeres: steps to the wall, as though he would make water, bidding the boye goe faire and softly on before. The boy doubting nothing, did as hee willed him, when presently he stept into some house hard by fit to entertaine him: and neuer since was hee, his Maister, the Sugar, spices, or the linnen heard off. Manie have beene in this manner deceived, as I heare, let this then giue them warning to beware of any such unprofitable guests.

Of one that came to buy a knife, and made first proofe of his trade on him that solde it.

One of the cunning Nippes about the towne, came unto a poore Cutler to have a Cuttle made according to his owne minde, and not aboue three inches would he have both the knife and the haft in length: yet of such pure mettall, as possibly may bee. Albeit the poore man never made the like before, yet being promised foure times the value of his stuffe and paines, he was contented to doe this, and the day being come that hee should deliuer it, the partie came, who liking it exceedingly, gaue him the money promised, which the poore man gladly put up into his purse, that hung at a button hole of his wascoate before his brest, smiling that he was so well paid for so small a trifle: the partie perceiuing his merry countenance, and imagining he gest for what purpose the knife was, sayde, honest man, whereat smile you? By my troth sir (quoth the Cutler) I smile at your knife, because I never made one so litle before: and were it not offensive unto you, I would request to know to what use you will put it too? Wilt thou keepe my counsaile (quoth the Nipe) yea on mine honestie (quoth the Cutler.) Then hearken in thy eare said the Nip, and so rounding with him, cut the poore mans purse that houng at his bosom, he neuer faeling when he did it: with this knife (quoth the Nippe) meane I to cut a purse, marry GOD forbid (quoth the Cutler) I cannot thinke you to be such a kind of man, I see you loue to iest, and so they parted.

The poore man, not so wise as to remember his owne purse, when by such a warning hee might haue taken the offendour dooing the deede, but rather proud (as it were) that his money was so easily earned: walkes to the Alehouse, which was within a house or two of his owne, and finding there three or foure of his neighbors with whom he began to iest very pleasantly: sweares by cocke and pie hee would spend a whole groat uppon them, for hee had gotten it and more, cleerely by a good bargaine that morning.

Though it was no maruell to see him so liberall, because indeede he was a good companion: yet they were loth to put him to such cost, nothwithstanding he would need doe it, and so farre as promise stretcht, was presently fild in and set upon the boord. In the drinking time often he wisht to meet more such customers as he had done that morning, and commended him for a very honest gentleman I warrant you. At length, when the reckoning was to be paide, hee drawes to his purse, where finding nothing left but a peece of the string in the button hole, I leave to your iudgement, whether he was now as sorie as he was merrie before.

Blanck and all amort sits the poore Cutler, and with such a pittifull countenance, as his neighbours did not a little admire his solemne alteration, and desirous to know the cause thereof, from point to point he discourseth the whole manner of the tragedie, neuer naming his new customer, but with such a farre fetcht sigh, as soule and body would have parted in sunder. And in midst of all his griefe, he brake forth into these termes. Ile belieue a man the better by his word while I know him, the knife was bought to cut a purse indeed, and I thanke him for it, hee made the first proofe of the edge with mee. The neigbbours greeving for his losse, yet smiling at his folly to be so overreached, were faine to pay the groate the Cutler called in, because he had no other money about him, and spent as much more beside to driue away his heauinesse.

This tale, because it was somewhat misreported before, upon talke had with the poore Cutler himselfe, is set downe now in true forme and manner how it was done, therefore is there no offence offered, when by better consideration, a thing may be enlarged or amended, or at least the note be better confirmed. Let the poore Cutlers mishap example others, that they brag not over hastily of gaine easily gotten, least they chance to pay as deerely for it, as he did.

Of a yoong Nip that cunningly beguiled an antient professor of that trade, and his queane with him, at a play.