Part 1
The Sunny Side of the Street
THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET
BY MARSHALL P. WILDER _Author of “People I’ve Smiled With”_
WITH TEXT ILLUSTRATIONS BY BART HALEY AND COVER DECORATION BY CHARLES GRAHAM
FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY NEW YORK AND LONDON 1905
Copyright, 1905, by FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY
[_Printed in the United States of America_]
Published, June, 1905
_Affectionately Dedicated To My Father_
PREFACE
In this little volume are offered recollections of the sunny side of many people. I have plucked blossoms from the gardens of humor and pathos, which lie side by side, and in weaving them into a garland, claim only as my own the string that binds them together.
CONTENTS
I. SUNSHINE AND FUN 23
The Sunny Side of the Street.—Jests and Jesters.—The Force of a Joke.—Lincoln’s Way.—Kings and Their Joke-makers.—As They do It in Persia and Ireland.—“Chestnuts.”—Few Modern Jesters but no End of Jokers.—Entertainers and Their Ways.
II. SUNNY MEN OF SERIOUS PRESENCE 31
Richard Croker.—A Good Fellow and Not Hard to Approach, if One is not in Politics.—Croker as a Haymaker.—Does not Keep Opinions on Tap.—He and Chauncey Depew on New York City Politics.—Croker Bewilders a London Salesman.—His Greatest Pride.—Recorder Goff.—Not as Severe as His Acts.—Justice Tempered With Mercy.—Two Puzzling Cases.
III. AT THE WHITE HOUSE AND NEAR IT 41
My Prophecy to “Major” McKinley.—President McKinley Becomes “One of the Boys” of My Audience; His Attention to His Wife.—How He Won a Vermont City.—A Story of the Spanish War.—My First Meeting with President Harrison.—A Second and More Pleasing One.—A Chance Which I Gladly Lost.—Some of President Harrison’s Stories.—I Led a Parade Given in His Honor.—Vice-Presidents Morton and Hobart.
IV. STORY-TELLING AS AN ART 57
Different Ways of Story-Telling.—The Slow Story-Teller.—Lincoln’s Stories.—Bad Telling of Good Stories.—The Right Way to Tell a Story.—The Humorous, the Comic and the Witty Story.—Artemus Ward, Robert J. Burdette and Mark Twain as Story-Tellers.
V. ACTORS’ JOKES 68
All of Them Full of Humor at All Times.—“Joe” Jefferson.—J. K. Emmett.—Fay Templeton.—Willie Collier.—An Actor’s Portrait on a Church Wall.—“Gus” Thomas, the Playwright.—Stuart Robson.—Henry Dixey.—Evans and Hoey.—Charles Hoyt.—Wilson Barrett.—W. S. Gilbert.—Henry Irving.
VI. A SUNNY OLD CITY 81
Some Aspects of Philadelphia.—Fun in a Hospital.—“The Cripple’s Palace.”—An Invalid’s Success in Making Other Invalids Laugh.—Fights for the Fun of Fighting.—My Rival Friends.—Boys Will Be Boys.—Cast Out of Church.—A Startling Recognition.—Some Pleasures of Attending Funerals.—How I Claimed the Protection of the American Flag.
VII. MY FIRST TRIP TO LONDON 93
Large Hopes _vs._ Small Means.—At the Savage Club.—My First Engagement.—Within an Ace of Losing It.—Alone in a Crowd.—A Friendly Face to the Rescue.—The New York Welcome to a Fine Fellow.—One English Way With Jokes.—People Who are Slow to Laugh.—Disturbing Elements.—Cold Audiences.—Following a Suicide.
VIII. EXPERIENCES IN LONDON 108
Customs and Climate Very Unlike Our Own.—No Laughter in Restaurants.—Clever Cabbies.—Oddities in Fire-Fighting.—The “Rogue’s Gallery.”—In Scotland Yard.—“Petticoat Lane.”—A Cemetery for Pet Dogs.—“Dogs Who Are Characters.”—The Professional Toast-Master.—Solemn After-dinner Speakers.—An Autograph Table-cloth.—American Brides of English Husbands.
IX. “LUCK” IN STORY-TELLING 121
The Real Difference Between Good Luck and Bad.—Good Luck with Stories Presupposes a Well-stored Memory.—Men Who Always Have the Right Story Ready.—Mr. Depew.—Bandmaster Sousa’s Darky Stories.—John Wanamaker’s Sunday-School Stories.—General Horace Porter’s Tales That go to the Spot.—The Difference Between Parliament and Congress.
X. JOURNALISTS AND AUTHORS 133
Not all Journalists are Critics, Nor are all Critics Fault-finders.—The Most Savage Newspapers not the Most Influential.—The Critic’s Duty.—Horace Greeley.—Mark Twain’s First Earnings.—A Great Publisher Approached by Green Goods Men.—Henry Watterson.—Opie Reid.—Quimby of the “Free Press.”—Laurence Hutton, Edwin Booth and I in Danger Together.
XI. THE UNEXPECTED 146
Robert Hilliard and I and a Dog.—Hartford’s Actors and Playwrights.—A Fit that Caused a Misfit.—A Large Price to Hear a Small Man.—Jim Corbett and I.—A Startled Audience.—Captain Williams and “Red” Leary.—“Joe” Choate to the Rescue.—Bait for a Dude.—Deadheads.—Within an Inch of Davy Jones.—Perugini and Four Fair Adorers.—Scanlon and Kernell.
XII. SUNSHINE IN SHADY PLACES 164
On Blackwell’s Island.—Snakes and Snake Charmers.—Insane People as Audiences.—A Poorhouse That was a Large House.—I am Well Known by Another Profession.—Criminals are Not Fools.—Some Pathetic Experiences.—The Largest Fee I Ever Received.
XIII. “BUFFALO BILL” 177
He Works Hard But Jokes Harder.—He and I Stir Up a Section of Paris.—In Peril of a Mob.—My Indian Friends in the Wild West Company.—Bartholdi and Cody.—English Bewilderment Over the “Wild West” People.—Major “Jack” Burke.—Cody as a Stage Driver.—Some of His Western Stories.—When He Had the Laugh on Me.
XIV. THE ART OF ENTERTAINING 190
Not as Easy as It Would Seem.—Scarcity of Good Stories for the Purpose.—Drawing-room Audiences are Fastidious.—Noted London Entertainers.—They are Guests of the People Who Engage Them.—London Methods and Fees.—Blunders of a Newly-wed Hostess from America.—Humor Displaces Sentiment in the Drawing-room.—My Own Material and Its Sources.
XV. IN THE SUNSHINE WITH GREAT PREACHERS 199
I am Nicknamed “The Theological Comedian.”—My Friend, Henry Ward Beecher.—Our Trip Through Scotland and Ireland.—His Quickness of Repartee.—He and Ingersoll Exchange Words.—Ingersoll’s Own Sunshine.—DeWitt Talmage on the Point of View.—He Could Even Laugh at Caricatures of His Own Face.—Dr. Parkhurst on Strict Denominationalism.
XVI. THE PRINCE OF WALES, NOW KING EDWARD VII 211
The Most Popular Sovereign in Europe.—How He Saved Me From a Master of Ceremonies.—Promotion by Name.—He and His Friends Delight Two American Girls.—His Sons and Daughters.—An Attentive and Loving Father.—Untiring at His Many Duties.—Before He Ascended the Throne.—Unobtrusive Politically, Yet Influential.
XVII. SIR HENRY IRVING 222
A Model of Courtesy and Kindness.—An Early Friend Surprised by the Nature of His Recognition.—His Tender Regard for Members of His Company.—Hamlet’s Ghost Forgets His Cue.—Quick to Aid the Needy.—Two Luck Boys.—Irving as a Joker.—The Story He Never Told Me.—Generous Offer to a Brother Actor-manager.—Why He is Not Rich.
XVIII. LONDON THEATRES AND THEATRE-GOERS 236
Why English and American Plays Do Best at Home.—The Intelligent Londoner Takes the Theatre Seriously.—Play-going as a Duty.—The High-class English Theatre a Costly Luxury.—American Comedies too Rapid of Action to Please the English.—Bronson Howard’s “Henrietta,” not Understood in London.—The Late Clement Scott’s Influence and Personality.
XIX. TACT 247
An Important Factor of Success.—Better Than Diplomacy.—Some Noted Possessors of Tact.—James G. Blaine.—King Edward VII.—Queen Alexandra.—Henry Ward Beecher.—Mme. Patti.—Mrs. Ronalds.—Mrs. Cleveland.—Mrs. Langtry.—Colonel Ingersoll.—Mrs. Kendall.—General Sherman.—Chauncey M. Depew.—Mrs. James Brown Potter.—Mme. Nordica.
XX. ADELINA PATTI 263
Her Home in Wales.—Some of Her Pets.—An Ocean Voyage With Her.—The Local Reception at Her Home-coming.—Mistress of an Enormous Castle and a Great Retinue of Servants.—Her Winter Garden and Private Theatre.—A Most Hospitable and Charming Hostess.—Her Local Charities are Continuous and Many.
XXI. SOME NOTABLE PEOPLE 278
Cornelius Vanderbilt.—Mrs. Mackey.—The Rockefellers.—Jay Gould.—George Gould and Mary Anderson.—Mrs. Minnie Maddern Fiske.—Augustin Daly.—Nicola Tesla.—Cheiro.
XXII. HUMAN NATURE 292
Magnetism and Its Elements.—Every One Carries the Marks of His Trade.—How Men Are “Sized Up” at Hotels.—Facial Resemblance of Some People to Animals.—What the Eye First Catches.—When Faces Are Masked.—Bathing in Japan.—The Conventions of Every Day Life That Hide Us From Our Fellows.—Genuineness is the One Thing Needful.
XXIII. SUNNY STAGE PEOPLE 302
“Joe” Jefferson.—I Take His Life.—His Absent-Mindedness.—Jefferson and General Grant.—Nat Goodwin, and How He Helped Me Make Trouble.—Our Bicycling Mishap.—Goodwin Pours Oil on Troubled Dramatic Waters Abroad.—George Leslie.—Wilton Lackaye.—Burr McIntosh.—Miss Ada Rehan.
XXIV. SUNSHINE IS IN DEMAND 313
Laughter Wanted Everywhere.—Dismal Efforts at Fun.—English Humor.—The Difference Between Humor and Wit.—Composite Merriment.—Carefully Studied “Impromptus.”—National Types of Humor.—Some Queer Substitutes for the Real Article.—Humor is Sometimes “Knocked Out,” Yet Mirth is Medicine and Laughter Lengthens Life.
XXV. “BILL” NYE 321
A Humorist of the Best Sort.—Not True to His Own Description of Himself.—Everybody’s Friend.—His Dog “Entomologist” and the Dog’s Companions.—A Man With the Right Word for Every Occasion.—His Pen-name was His Own.—Often Mistaken for a Distinguished Clergyman.—Killed by a Published Falsehood.
XXVI. SOME SUNNY SOLDIERS 330
General Sherman.—His Dramatic Story of a Trysting-place.—The Battle of Shiloh Fought Anew.—Sherman and Barney Williams.—General Russell A. Alger on War.—General Lew Wallace.—The Room in Which He Wrote “Ben Hur.”—His Donkey Story.—General Nelson A. Miles and Some of His Funny Stories.—A Father Who Wished He Had Been a Priest.
XXVII. SOME FIRST EXPERIENCES 348
When I was a Boy.—One Christmas Frolic.—How I Got on One Theatre’s Free List.—My First Experience as a Manager.—Strange Sequel of a Modest Business Effort.—My First Cigar and How It Undid Me.—The Only “Drink” I Ever Took.—My First Horse in Central Park.—I Volunteer as a Fifer in School Band, with Sad Results to All Concerned.
The People, Stories About Whom Appear in “The Sunny Side of the Street”
Abbey, Henry E., 99
Abbot Sisters (Bessie and Jessie), 215, 216
Albert Victor, Prince, 217
Alexandra, Queen, 221-249
Alger, Gen. Russell A., 42, 339
Allen, Heron-, 289
Allen, Viola, 303
Anderson, Col., 336
Anderson, Mary, Miss, 282
Arkell, W. J., 47, 100
Bancroft, Sir Squire, 310
Bangs, Frank, 303
Barrett, Lawrence, 73
Barrett, Millie, 74
Barrett, Wilson, 78, 98, 261
Barrymore, Maurice, 153
Bartholdi, 182
Battenberg, Prince Henry of, 273
Baumeister, Caroline, 271
Beecher, Henry Ward, 46, 199, 201, 202, 250
Bell, Digby, 163
Bellew, Kyrle, 158
Bingham (Ventriloquist), 149
Blaine, James G., 248, 257
Bliss, Cornelius N., 42
Booth, Edwin, 143
Bowers, Arthur, 100
Brockway, Supt. (Elmira), 167
“Bronco Bill,” 182
Brough, Lionel, 222
Buntline, Ned, 177
Burdette, Robert J., 62
Burgess, Neil, 148
Burke, Major John, 186
Burnand, F. C., 118
Busbey, Georgia, 73
Byron, Oliver Dowd, Mr. and Mrs., 148
Cameron, Gov., 251
Carlyle, Francis, 147
Carr, Comyns, 310
Carte, D’Oyley, 191
Chanfrau, Mr. and Mrs. Frank, 148
“Cheiro” (Louis Warner), 288-291
Childs, Geo. W., 99
Choate, Joseph H., 151
Clarke, J. I. C., 99
Cleveland, Mr. and Mrs. Grover, 46, 69, 254, 255, 295
Coates, Foster, 99
Cockerill, John A., 331
Cody, Kit Carson, 177
Cody, Col. Wm. J. (“Buffalo Bill”), 100, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 186, 187, 188, 189
Collier, Wm. (“Willie”), 71
Corbett, James J., 150
Croker, Mr. and Mrs. Richard, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36
Croly, Mrs., 284
Dailey, Pete, 69
Dale, Musical, 147
Daly, Augustin, 99, 285
Davis, Richard Harding, 260
Depew, Chauncey M., 34, 99, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 137, 196, 214, 260, 290
Devonshire, Duke of, 214
Dewey, Gott, 84, 86, 88
Dickens, Charles, 118
Dillingham, C. B., 147
Dix, Rev. Morgan, 326
Dixey, Henry E., 75
Dockstader, Lew, 147
Dodson, J. E., 225
Doubleday, Frank N., 140
Dougherty, Daniel, 99
Drew, John, 303
Dunham, Geo., 303
Du Val, Harry, 99
Eames, Emma, Mme., 147
Edward the Seventh (King), 211-221, 249
Emmett, J. K., 69
Evans, Charles, 76, 77
Evarts, Wm. M., 295
Fawcett, George, 155
Fiske, Harrison Grey, 100
“Flat Iron,” 182, 183, 184
Florence, W. J., 100, 303
Frohman, Charles, 155
Frohman, Daniel, 99
Fuller, Loie, 288
Geary (P. M. Gen.), Mr. and Mrs., 42
George, Prince, 217
Gilbert, W. S., 78, 79, 118
Gildersleeve, Judge, 189
Gillette, Wm., 147
Glenny, Charles, 79
Goff, Recorder, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40
Goodwin, Nat, 156, 199, 307
Gould, Edith Kingdon, 282
Gould, George, 281, 282
Gould, Jay, 280
Grain, Corney, 191
Grant, Gen. Fred., 336
Grant, Mayor Hugh, 99
Grant, Gen. U. S., 32, 330
Greeley, Horace, 137
Griffen, Mrs., 283
Grossmith, Geo., 191
Gunn, Michael, 283
Halford, Leige, 46, 47
Handy, Moses P., 100, 286
Harris, Sir August, 245, 310
Harrison, Benj. F., 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52
Harrison, Russell, 46, 48
Hatton, Joseph, 100
Hilliard, Robert, 146
Hobart, Garrett A., 42, 54
Hoey, Bill (“Old Hoss”), 76, 77
Howard, Bronson, 239
Howard, Jos., Jr., 100
Howe, “Daddy,” 224
Hoyt, Charles, 78
Hutton, Laurence, 143
Ingersoll, Col. Robt. G., 99, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 257, 319
Irving, Sir Henry, 98, 222-235, 290
Jefferson, Charles, 303
Jefferson, Jos., 69, 303, 304, 305, 306
Jefferson, Jos., Jr., 303
Jefferson, Thomas, 303
Jefferson, Willie, 303
Jones, Henry Arthur, 310
Jones, Senator of Nevada, 154, 348
Keith, B. F., 212
Kendal, Mrs., 225, 252, 257
Kendall, Ezra, 59, 60
Kennet, Luther M., 337
Kent, Chas., 285
Kernell, Harry, 159, 161
Lackaye, Wilton, 153
Langtry, Mrs., 255, 256
Lawton, Frank, 147
Leary, “Red,” 151
Lee, Gen. Fitzhugh, 251
Lee, Gen. Robt. E., 251
Leslie, Mrs. Frank (Baroness de Bazus), 252
Leslie, George, 311
Levy, Jefferson, 34
Lewis, Marshall, 73
Lincoln, Abraham, 25, 57
Lombard, Elsie C. (Mrs. John T. Brush), 303
Lord, Chester A., 99
Loring, D. A., 42
Louise, Princess of Teck, 217
Lucy, Henry W., 117
Mackaye, Steele, 189, 206
Mackey, Mrs., 279, 311
Maddern, Minnie (Mrs. Fiske), 284
Mannering, Billy, 156
Mansfield, Richard, 79, 231
“Mark Twain,” 64, 65, 66, 67, 138, 147, 148, 316
Matthews, Father, 337
Maude, Princess, 217
McAllister, Ward, 196
McIntosh, Burr, 311
McIntyre, 227
McKelway, St. Clair, 99
McKinley, Abner, 44
McKinley, Mr. and Mrs. Wm., 41, 42, 43, 44, 45
Meade, “Tom,” 226
Merrill, Bradford, 99
Miles, Gen. Nelson A., 344
Mitchell, Maggie, Miss, 148
Morton, Levi P., 55
Nicolini, Signor, 264
Nordica, Madame, 262
Nye, Wm. Edgar (Bill), 100, 321
Ochiltree, Col. Thos. P., 100, 354
Paget, Lady, 261
Palmer, A. M., 99
Parkhurst, Rev. Charles H., 208, 295
Parry, John, 191
Patti, Adelina, 41, 252, 263
Paulding, Fred’k, 303
Perugini (John Chatterton), 157
Pettit, Harry, 310
Philip, Captain, 45
Philip, Mr., 44, 45
Pitou, Augustus, 156
Ponisi, Madame, 303
Porter, Gen. Horace, 130
Potter, Mrs. Brown, 261
Pryor, Roger A., 295
Quimby, W. E., 142
“Red Shirt,” 182, 183
Rehan, Ada, 312
Reid, Opie, 141
Reid, Whitelaw, 99
Riley, Jas. Whitcomb, 139, 159
Robertson, Forbes, 79
Robson, Stuart, 73
Rockefeller, John D., 279
Rogers, Claude, Miss, 162
Rogers, Cynthia, Miss, 160
Ronalds, Mrs., 252, 262
Rosser, Gen., 251
Rothschild, Baron de, 192
Russell, Lillian, 292
Sage, Russell, 290
Salsbury, Nate, 185
Sanger, Frank, 99
Saunders, Lucille Marie, 147
Scanlon, W. J., 159
Scott, Clement, 240, 241, 242, 243, 244, 245, 246
Scott, Margaret Clement, 244
Shah of Persia, 249
Sherman, Gen. W. T., 69, 99, 259, 260, 330
Shine, J. L., 240
Sims, George R., 245
Skinner, Otis, 147, 303
Smith, Ex-Gov., 251
Smyth, Recorder, 295
Snyder, Mr. and Mrs. Mat., 148, 149, 152
Sothern, Sam, 100
Sousa, John Philip, 126
Stevens, Mrs. Paran, 261
Stoddart, J. M., 99
Sutherland, Duke of, 112
Talmage, Rev. T. De Witt, 207
Teck, Duke and Duchess of, 217
Teck, Princess Mary of, 194
Templeton, Fay, 70, 292
Tesla, Dr. Nicola, 286
Thomas, Augustus, 72
Thomas, Brandon, 245
Toole, J. L., 214
Tree, Beerbohm, 117
Vanderbilt, Cornelius Harry, 164, 278
Vassar, Queenie (Mrs. Kernell), 162
Vaughn, Theresa, Miss, 148
Victoria, Princess, 217
Wallace, Lew, 334, 342
Wanamaker, John, 92, 128, 129
Ward, Artemus, 63
Washburn, U. S. Minister, 337
Watterson, Henry, 100, 141
Webb, Jas. Watson, 337
Wilcox, Ella Wheeler, 315
Willard, E. S., 79, 99, 100, 233
Williams, Capt. Alexander, 151
Williams, “Barney,” 337
Wintersmith, Col. Dick, 141
Woodruff, Harry, 147
Wyndham, Charles, 307
Young, James, Jr., 151
Young, John Russell, 100
I
SUNSHINE AND FUN
The Sunny Side of the Street.—Jests and Jesters.—The Force of a Joke.—Lincoln’s Way.—Kings and Their Joke-Makers.—As they do it in Persia and Ireland.—“Chestnuts.”—Few Modern Jesters but no End of Jokers.—Entertainers and Their Ways.
I live on the sunny side of the street; shady folks live on the other. I always preferred the sunshine, and have tried to put other people there, if only for an hour or two at a time, even if I had to do it after sunset from a platform under the gaslight, with my name billed at the door as entertainer.
As birds of a feather flock together, it has been my good fortune to meet thousands of other people on the sunny side of the street. In this volume I shall endeavor to distribute some of the sunshine which these fine fellows unloaded on me.
Nature has put up many effective brands of concentrated sunshine in small packages; but the best of these, according to all men of all countries, is the merry jest. As far back as history goes you will find the jest, also the jester. The latter was so important that kings could not get along without him. Some kings more powerful than any European sovereign is to-day are remembered now only by what their jesters said.
All these jesters are said to have been little people. I am doubly qualified to claim relationship with them, for I am only three and a half feet high, and I have been jester to millions of sovereigns—that is, to millions of the sovereign American people, as well as to some foreign royalties.
The reason for little people taking naturally to sunshine and good-natured joking is not hard to find, for it is a simple case of Hobson’s choice. It is easier to knock a man out with a joke than with a fist-blow, especially if you haven’t much height and weight behind your fist. It is the better way, too, for the joke doesn’t hurt. Instead of the other man’s going in search of an arnica bottle or a pistol or a policeman, he generally hangs about with the hope of getting another blow of the same sort. One needn’t be little to try it. Abraham Lincoln had a fist almost as big as the hand of Providence, and as long a reach as John L. Sullivan, but he always used a joke instead, so men who came to growl remained to laugh. I’m not concerned about the size of my own hand, for it has been big enough to get and keep everything that belonged to me. As to reach, as long as my jests reach their mark I shan’t take the trouble to measure arms with any one.
There’s always something in a jest—for the man who hears it. How about the jester? Well, he is easily satisfied. Most men want the earth, so they get the bad as well as the good, but the best that the world affords is good enough for the jester, so I shan’t try to break the record. It is often said that the jester swims near the top. Why shouldn’t he? Isn’t that where the cream is? And isn’t he generous enough to leave the skimmed milk for the chaps dismal enough to prefer to swim at the bottom?
I am often moved to pride when I realize how ancient is my craft. Adam did not have a jester; but he did not need one, for he was the only man—except you and I—who married the only woman in the world. Neither did old Noah have or need one, for he had the laugh on everybody else when the floods fell and he found himself in out of the rain. But as soon as the world dried out and got full enough of people to set up kings in business, the jester appears in history, and the nations without jesters to keep kings’ minds in good-working order dropped out of the procession. The only one of them that survives is Persia, where John the Jester is, as he always was, in high favor at court. When trouble is in the air he merely winks at the Shah and gets off: “Oh, Pshaw!” or some other _bon mot_ old enough to be sweet; then the monarch doubles up and laughs the frown from his face, and the headsman sheathes his sword and takes a day off.