Chapter 5

_The Antichamber._

_Enter MRS. HALLER._

_Mrs. H._ What has thus alarmed and subdued me? My tears flow; my heart bleeds. Already had I apparently overcome my chagrin: already had I at least assumed that easy gaiety once so natural to me, when the sight of this child in an instant overpowered me. When the Countess called him William--Oh! she knew not that she plunged a poniard in my heart. I have a William too, who must be as tall as this, if he be still alive. Ah! yes, if he be still alive. His little sister too! Why, fancy, dost thou rack me thus? Why dost thou image my poor children, fainting in sickness, and crying to their mother? To the mother who has abandoned them? [_Weeps._] What a wretched outcast am I! And that just to-day I should be doomed to feel these horrible emotions! just to-day, when disguise was so necessary.

_Enter CHARLOTTE._

_Char._ [_Entering._] Very pretty, very pretty indeed; better send me to the garret at once. Your servant, Mrs. Haller. I beg, madam, I may have a room fit for a respectable person.

_Mrs. H._ The chamber into which you have been shown is, I think, a very neat one.

_Char._ A very neat one, is it? Up the back stairs, and over the laundry! I should never be able to close my eyes.

_Mrs. H._ [_Very mildly._] I slept there a whole year.

_Char._ Did you? Then I advise you to remove into it again, and the sooner the better. I'd have you to know, madam, there is a material difference between certain persons and certain persons. Much depends upon the manner in which one has been educated. I think, madam, it would only be proper if you resigned your room to me.

_Mrs. H._ If the Countess desires it, certainly.

_Char._ The Countess! Very pretty, indeed! Would you have me think of plaguing her ladyship with such trifles? I shall order my trunk to be carried where-ever I please.

_Mrs. H._ Certainly; only not into my chamber.

_Char._ Provoking creature! But how could I expect to find breeding among creatures born of one knows not whom, and coming one knows not whence?

_Mrs. H._ The remark is very just.

_Enter PETER, in haste._

_Pet._ Oh lud! Oh lud! Oh lud! Oh lud!

_Mrs. H._ What's the matter?

_Pet._ The child has fallen into the river! His little Excellency is drowned!

_Mrs. H._ Who? What?

_Pet._ His honour, my young master!

_Mrs. H._ Drowned?

_Pet._ Yes.

_Mrs. H._ Dead?

_Pet._ No; he's not dead.

_Mrs. H._ Well, well, then softly;--you will alarm the Countess.

_Enter the BARON._

_Bar._ What is the matter? Why all this noise?

_Pet._ Noise? why--

_Mrs. H._ Be not alarmed, my lord. Whatever may have happened, the dear child is now at least safe. You said so, I think, master Peter?

_Pet._ Why, to be sure, his little Excellency is not hurt; but he's very wet though: and the Count is taking him by the garden door to the house.

_Bar._ Right, that the countess may not be alarmed. But tell us, young man, how could it happen?

_Pet._ From beginning to end?

_Mrs. H._ Never mind particulars. You attended the dear child?

_Pet._ True.

_Mrs. H._ Into the park?

_Pet._ True.

_Mrs. H._ And then you went to the river?

_Pet._ True.--Why, rabbit it, I believe you're a witch.

_Mrs. H._ Well, and what happened further?

_Pet._ Why, you see, his dear little Excellency would see the bridge, that father built out of the old summer house; and the streamers, and the boat, and all that.--I only turned my head round for a moment, to look after a magpie--crush! down went the bridge, with his little Excellency; and oh, how I was scared to see him carried down the river!

_Bar._ And you drew him out again directly?

_Pet._ No, I didn't.

_Mrs. H._ No; your father did?

_Pet._ No, he didn't.

_Mrs. H._ Why you did not leave him in the water?

_Pet._ Yes, we did!--But we bawled as loud as we could; you might have heard us down to the village.

_Mrs. H._ Ay--and so the people came immediately to his assistance.

_Pet._ No, they didn't: but the Stranger came, that lives yonder, close to old Toby, and never speaks a syllable. Odsbodlikins! what a devil of a fellow it is! With a single spring bounces he slap into the torrent; sails and dives about and about like a duck; gets me hold of the little angel's hair, and, Heaven bless him! pulls him safe and sound to dry land again.--Ha! ha! ha!

_Bar._ Is the Stranger with them?

_Pet._ Oh lud! no. He ran away. His Excellency wanted to thank him, and all that; but he was off; vanquished like a ghost.

_Enter SOLOMON._

_Sol._ Oh! thou careless varlet! I disown you! What an accident might have happened! and how you have terrified his Excellency! But I beg pardon, [_Bows._] His Right Honourable Excellency, the Count, requests your--

_Bar._ We come. [_Exit, with MRS. HALLER._

_Char._ Ha! ha! ha! Why, Mr. Solomon, you seem to have a hopeful pupil.

_Sol._ Ah! sirrah!

_Char._ But, Mr. Solomon, why were you not nimble enough to have saved his young lordship?

_Sol._ Not in time, my sweet Miss. Besides, mercy on us! I should have sunk like a lump of lead: and I happened to have a letter of consequence in my pocket, which would have been made totally illegible; a letter from Constantinople, written by Chevalier--What's his name? [_Draws a letter from his pocket, and putting it up again directly, drops it. PETER takes it up, slily and unobserved._] It contains momentous matter, I assure you. The world will be astonished when it comes to light; and not a soul will suppose that old Solomon had a finger in the pye.

_Char._ No, that I believe.

_Sol._ But I must go and see to the cellar. Miss, your most obedient servant. [_Exit._

_Char._ [_With pride._] Your servant, Mr. Solomon.

_Pet._ Here's the letter from Constantinople. I wonder what it can be about. Now for it! [_Opens it._

_Char._ Aye, let us have it.

Pet. [Reads.] _If so be you say so, I'll never work for you, never no more. Considering as how your Sunday waistcoat has been turned three times, it doesn't look amiss, and I've charged as little as any tailor of 'em all. You say I must pay for the buckram; but I say, I'll be damn'd if I do. So no more from your loving nephew,_

TIMOTHY TWIST.

From Constantinople! Why, cousin Tim writ it.

_Char._ Cousin Tim! Who is he?

_Pet._ Good lack! Don't you know cousin Tim? Why, he's one of the best tailors in all--

_Char._ A tailor! No, sir, I do not know him. My father was state coachman, and wore his highness's livery. [_Exit._

_Pet._ [_Mimicking._] "My father was state coachman, and wore his Highness's livery"--Well, and cousin Tim could have made his Highness's livery, if you go to that. State coachman, indeed! [_Going._

_Enter SOLOMON._

_Sol._ Peter, you ninny, stay where you are. Is that chattering girl gone? Didn't I tell you we would have a practice of our dance? they are all ready on the lawn. Mark me; I represent the Count, and you the Baron. [_Exit, with affected dignity. PETER follows, mimicking._