Part 11

"But if you can't sign these kinds of names, you will have to Make your Mark. It's a difficult mark, and requires a lot of learning.

"As the first instalment of twenty-five pounds down is all I am ever likely to get, I will take it now--no, that one won't do; it's a peppermint-drop, not a sovereign. _That's_ not the way to get on, young man!"

"Isn't it?" asked young Bansted Downs thoughtfully. "I'm glad you told me. I thought perhaps it might be; but, of course, I've got to learn."

That very week young Bansted Downs commenced his studies under the Master Genius. He found he had a very great deal to learn.

"The difference between talent and genius is that talent does what it can and genius does what it must--you will find that in the poets," said the Master Genius. "Consequently, to be a genius, you need not feel that you have the _ability_ to do a thing, but only that it is _necessary_ to do it. A house-painter is a specimen of genius: he has not the ability to do his work; but he is compelled to do it in order to obtain the means for his Saturday drinks. But, of course, that's only one kind of genius. What we have to teach you first is to feel that you _must_ do something transcendent--and then all you've got to do is to do it--see?"

So, acting on his instructions, young Bansted Downs went to the office and sat quite still day after day for a month or two, with his eyes fixed on space; and one afternoon at the end of that time he got up and rushed at Power junior (who took charge of him in these preliminary studies), and announced that he felt the irresistible impulse to do something great and wonderful.

"What sort of thing?" asked the Junior Genius.

"I don't know--anything--something stupendous and transcendent--a master-piece!" said young Bansted Downs.

"Knock it off, then. Don't make a labour of it, mind; that would spoil all the genius of it. Just knock it off--shed it--see?"

The apprentice went back to his stool in the corner and knocked off that scintillation of genius.

"Very good for a beginner," said the Junior Genius; "you show much promise. I shall soon be able to hand you over to my father for the Higher Grades."

And some time after that young Bansted Downs moved into the room of the Master Genius to learn the higher attributes of genius--eccentricity and obscureness. These were the most important parts of the qualifications, and he worked hard at acquiring them. The eccentricity had infinite ramifications extending into language, manner, dress, habits, appearance, and opinions. The teacher communicated a thousand little touches of eccentricity invaluable to a genius--such as the bringing out of a book of poems with the title printed upside down and the capitals at the end of the lines instead of the beginning; the wearing of the back hair tied in a bow under the tip of the nose, and so forth. The pupil learned to hop backwards on to a public platform, wearing his dress-coat upside down, to paint his figures with their bones outside their skin, to sob audibly when performing on the piano; and many other things necessary to the obtaining of his degrees.

Having completed these studies, he was ready for the uphill work of trying to Make his Mark; and he found it a complicated bit of drawing too, far worse than the signature of a Chinese emperor--everything lay in the flourish.

The Master Genius said that no one could Make his Mark without a great flourish; and the best way to make the flourish was to blow it on his own trumpet; so there was the expense of a trumpet.

But he didn't seem able to get on; and after he had worn out a gross of pens in the attempt to Make his Mark he felt that he would never obtain his degrees, and took a back cistern-cupboard under the roof in a poor street, and fell into a low state.

One day, as he was eating his weekly sausage at the Three Melancholy Geniuses, off Fleet Street, there entered a party whom he knew slightly and who had Made his Mark and passed all his degrees some time before.

"Haven't Made your Mark yet?" said this party. "Tell you what--why don't you get Boomed?"

"Does it hurt?" asked young Bansted Downs.

"Hurts your self-respect just a little and your respect for your fellow-creatures a little more--but it's nothing," replied the party.

"Where do you go?"

"To the Press Booming Department, of course. Just put your name down for Booming, and fill up a form, stating what you require said about you. You began all wrong: I never studied--I only went and put my name down the moment it occurred to me that I would be a genius. I called at the office every day, and shouted my name, and created disturbances, and got turned out; until at last they couldn't stand it any longer, and my turn came.

"They put a long article about me in every newspaper, all the same day--mostly interviews--and quoted me as a classic. Some of 'em described me as a painter, and others as a novelist: I never was either; but it answered all right."

So young Bansted Downs went to the Booming office, and put his name down, and shouted; and the end of it was he got his Boom, and several editors wrote to him; and he began to be a little successful.

He hired halls, and went before the public in person; and painted on the platform; and sang and played his own compositions to them; and recited his own poems, and acted his own plays; and told them about his own scientific researches, and his military, exploratory, judicial, political, and athletic achievements.

But the thing dulled off, for one day a deputation of the public called at the Booming office to ask something about him; and the office had forgotten his name, and said that he wasn't being Boomed now, as Smith was up; and so the public got on an omnibus and went to Smith's hall, and Bansted Downs faded out.

After that he was to be found all day at the Three Melancholy Geniuses, drooping over fours of Irish; and one day his late instructor happened to come in and find him thus, with his melancholy nose over the edge of his glass.

"Haven't got your Head Above Water, I see?" said the Master Genius. "Sorry you haven't Made your Mark."

"I've made a good many," said Downs, pointing to the wet rings on the counter.

"Ah, that sort of mark's no use--unless you make it in Company," said the Genius.

One day, as young Bansted Downs sat in his cistern-cupboard biting his nails, a step was heard on the stair, and his late instructor entered.

"I've been all wrong," he said, sitting down on the cistern. "I put you all wrong--I've put all my pupils all wrong. I fell down stairs lately and knocked my head, and when I got up I saw everything--the light broke in upon me!"

"Why, you've cut your hair, and you're dressed quite neatly--I should hardly have known you for a Master Genius at all!" exclaimed young Bansted Downs.

"I am no longer a Genius--I am now the M.W.K.A.A.I.--the Man Who Knows All About It. I now know why genius fails to get the Ear of the Public, and is not appreciated----"

"Fault of the public--everybody knew that before," growled young Bansted Downs.

"Pardon me, it is not the fault of the poor public, but the fault of the system. We--the entertainers--have made the mistake of being geniuses; whereas we had no business to meddle with genius at all.

"It is the public who ought to have the genius; _they_ should have the lively appreciation, the keen sense of humour, the afflatus, and all that; and then those who cater for them would not need to trouble about those things--they would only have to cater, and leave the public to perceive, by means of their genius, the excellences of the fare provided. If a plain person does something, and geniuses perceive greatness in it, that's a right state of affairs; but if a genius does something great, and plain persons fail to appreciate it, that's a wrong state of things, and a waste of material---see?"

"And what do you propose to do?" asked young Bansted Downs.

"That's very simple--just make geniuses of the public. Of course the public, having their own affairs to attend to, will not wish to turn caterers and originate--their province is to appreciate, perceive, applaud, and pay at the doors--see? By this system any dullard is enabled, without effort, fatigue, or preliminary study, to Make his Mark and get his F.I., his E.P., and his H.A.W. A child could use it."

"But," objected young Bansted Downs, "under your system, dullardism paying so well, everybody would want to cater for the public, and there wouldn't be any audience--any public."

"Pooh! The system at present in vogue is all I require--compulsory education. Everybody will have to be educated as a genius, except a few who will be specially exempted from attendance at the Board schools to enable them to lie fallow and fit themselves for originators.

"Of course, you may say that it would not be _necessary_ for the entertainer to be dull. Of course it would not; but, as it is not necessary for him to be a genius either, there would be a waste of public money in educating him as one. In fact, it might be a disadvantage for both originator and appreciator to be geniuses, and their conceptions might clash and create confusion. It's better for a conception to be lighted from one side only, as you get more contrast."

"But would not the genius of the spectator simply perceive the dulness of the originator?"

"Not in the least. It's just the sphere of genius to perceive, in a given production, excellences which the ordinary observer fails to detect; and it's only a question of degree of genius. I take it that perfect genius can detect perfect excellence in everything submitted to its discrimination. And now, will you be kind enough to come and vote for me, as for the furtherance of my scheme I am offering myself as Chairman of the School Board?"

In due course, the Man Who Knew All About It was elected to the School Board. He secured this by publishing handbills declaring his intention to squander the rate-payers' money like water, and provide free food, clothing, lodging, sweets, tobacco, drinks, theatres, and pianos to all the Board school children and their parents, relatives, and friends. The public judged by the proceedings of past candidates, all of whom had deliberately broken their promises on coming into office; and they concluded that this one would do so as well, and refuse to spend a penny. The Board were compelled to choose him as Chairman; and he at once commenced his work of reform.

Genius took the place of all the former studies at the Board schools: no pupil was permitted to leave until he had passed the fifth standard, which turned him out a full-fledged genius; and he had to attend until he _could_ pass it, even if he became old and decrepit. This was a wise step; for, had this rule been relaxed, those unable to pass the standard would have joined the ranks of the originators, and thus flooded the market.

Young Bansted Downs now set himself to steadily forgetting all the genius he had learned, feeling that it would be nothing but an incumbrance in his new career; and he succeeded so well that in the course of a few years he had become as dull as ditch-water.

Meanwhile a new public were growing up, a public of such brilliant perceptions--so great a faculty of appreciation--that they were quite bewildered with the excellences they perceived in everything around them.

To take the sense of humour alone: they possessed it to so marvellous an extent that they could perceive a joke in the passing cloud, facetiousness in the growth of flowers, a choice witticism in the rates and taxes, an incentive to mirth in strikes. Not that they were incessantly giggling--that would have argued a something wanting; no, they drank in and appreciated and enjoyed the universal humour, and their eyes were bright.

So, when young Bansted Downs was middle-aged Bansted Downs he started all over again in quite a different way: he just wrote twaddle, and painted twaddle, and composed twaddle; and went on to a platform and twaddled about twaddle: and the public genius detected the brilliancy lurking in it all, and they were in ecstacies.

A terrible thing happened to the Boom Department of the Press. One day the public arose as one man and remarked that they were capable of finding out merit for themselves and no longer required the Department; and they took large stones, and bad eggs, and dead cats, and fagots of wood, and proceeded to the Boom Department; and it was in vain that the head of the Department came out on the balcony and pleaded that the Booming System, as practised by the Press, had nothing to do with the finding-out of merit; for the public smashed the windows and burned the offices, and abolished the Boom Department.

However, nobody required Booming now, as absence of ability was no longer a bar to fame; and things worked far more happily than they ever had under the old system. Authors and others no longer pined under want of appreciation; on the contrary, they were always wildly surprised at the wonderful things the public discovered in their work; and as for the public, they were vastly contented.

It's the true system--there's not a question about that.

J. F. SULLIVAN.

* * * * *

INDEX.

PAGE ADJUTANT'S LOVE STORY, THE. From the French of LE COMTE ALFRED DE VIGNY (_Illustrations_ by H. R. MILLAR.) 528

ADVENTURES OF SHERLOCK HOLMES. By A. CONAN DOYLE. (_Illustrations_ by SIDNEY PAGET.)

XIV.--THE ADVENTURE OF THE CARDBOARD BOX 61

XV.--THE ADVENTURE OF THE YELLOW FACE 162

XVI.--THE ADVENTURE OF THE STOCKBROKER'S CLERK 281

XVII.--THE ADVENTURE OF THE "GLORIA SCOTT" 395

XVIII.--THE ADVENTURE OF THE MUSGRAVE RITUAL 479

XIX.--THE ADVENTURE OF THE REIGATE SQUIRE 601

"AUTHOR! AUTHOR!" By E. W. HORNUNG 241 (_Illustrations_ by W. S. STACEY.)

BARNARDO, DR. (_See_ "ILLUSTRATED INTERVIEWS.") 173

BEAUTIES:--

I.--LADIES: THE COUNTESS OF ANNESLEY, THE MISSES HATHAWAY (TWINS), MISS HAYTER, MISS LEE, MISS MENCE 74

II.--CHILDREN: MISS BEAUMONT, MISS CROSS, MISS DUNLOP, MISS MARGUERITE FOSTER, MISS SERJEANT, MISS WATERLOW, MISS WHITE, MISSES WHITE, MISS WINSTEAD 186

III.--LADIES: PRINCESS AHMADEE, MADAME ARNOLDSON, MISS DOROTHY DORR, MISS FLO HENDERSON, MISS KINGSLEY, MISS ALICE LETHBRIDGE, MADAME SCHIRMER-MAPLESON, MLLE. DEL TORRE, MISS WEBSTER 292

IV.--LADIES: MISS ARCHER, LADY CHARLES BERESFORD, MISS FLO BERESFORD, MISS BRANSON, MRS. BRATE, MISS LLOYD, MISS DECIMA MOORE, MISS RIPLEY, MISS NELLIE SIMMONS 415

V.--CHILDREN: MISS KATE BIRCH, MISS DORIS COLLINS, MISS ERNA COLLINS, MISS GASCOYNE DALZIEL, MISS ELSIE DIEDRICHS, MISS GLADYS HERBERT, MISS DOROTHY NORCUTT, MISS MAUDE WALLIS, MISS KATHLEEN WHITE 525

VI.--LADIES: LADY ABERDEEN, MISS ELLA BANISTER, MISS C. L. FOOTE, MISS FRIEND, MISS L. HAROLD, MISS A. HUGHES, MRS. MARSH, MISS ALICE RAVENSCROFT, MISS NORAH WILLIAMS 613

CARDS, PECULIAR PLAYING 77, 148

CHILD'S TEAR, A. From the French of EDOUARD LEMOINE 95 (_Illustrations_ by PAUL HARDY.)

COURTSHIP OF HALIL, THE. By A. F. BURN 84 (_Illustrations_ by H. R. MILLAR.)

DARK TRANSACTION, A. By MARIANNE KENT 362 (_Illustrations_ by PAUL HARDY.)

DEAD OF NIGHT, AT. By MRS. NEWMAN 498 (_Illustrations_ by W. B. WOLLEN.)

DICTATES OF FASHION, FUTURE 551 (_Written_ and _Illustrated_ by W. CADE GALL.)

FASHION, FUTURE DICTATES OF 551

FURNISS, MR. HARRY. (_See_ "ILLUSTRATED INTERVIEWS.") 571

GAME OF CHESS, A. Translated from the French 219 (_Illustrations_ by PAUL HARDY.)

HANDS. By BECKLES WILLSON 119, 295 (_Illustrations_ from Photographs of Casts.)

HUMANE SOCIETY, ROYAL. With Portraits of Winners of the Medals 370, 446 (_Illustrations_ from Photographs.)

ILLUSTRATED INTERVIEWS. By HARRY HOW.

XIX.--THE LORD BISHOP OF RIPON 12 (_Illustrations_ from Photographs by Messrs. ELLIOTT & FRY.)

XX.--DR. BARNARDO 173 (_Illustrations_ from Photographs by Messrs. ELLIOTT & FRY.)

XXI.--MR. AND MRS. KENDAL 228 (_Illustrations_ by MR. KENDAL; and from Photographs by Messrs. ELLIOTT & FRY.)

XXII.--SIR ROBERT RAWLINSON 513 (_Illustrations_ from Drawings and Paintings; and from Photographs by Messrs. ELLIOTT & FRY.)

XXIII.--MR. HARRY FURNISS 571 (_Illustrations_ by HARRY FURNISS; and from Photographs by Messrs. ELLIOTT & FRY.)

KENDAL, MR. AND MRS. (_See_ "ILLUSTRATED INTERVIEWS.") 228

LIEUTENANT GAUTHIER. From the French of JOSÉ DE CAMPOS 616 (_Illustrations_ by H. R. MILLAR.)

LITTLE SURPRISE, A. Adapted from the French of A. DREYFUS by CONSTANCE BEERBOHM 25 (_Illustrations_ by W. S. STACEY.)

MAJOR'S COMMISSION, THE. By W. CLARK RUSSELL 138 (_Illustrations_by W. CHRISTIAN SYMONS.)

NANKEEN JACKET, THE. From the French of GUSTAVE GUESVILLER 418 (_Illustrations_ by H. R. MILLAR.)

ONE AND TWO. By WALTER BESANT 44 (_Illustrations_ by JOHN GÜLICH.)

PIERRE AND BAPTISTE. By BECKLES WILLSON 547 (_Illustrations_ by PAUL HARDY.)

PLAYING CARDS, PECULIAR. By GEORGE CLULOW 77, 148 (_Illustrations_ from facsimiles of Curious Playing Cards.)

PORTRAITS OF CELEBRITIES AT DIFFERENT TIMES OF THEIR LIVES:--

ABEL, SIR FREDERICK, BART. 589

ADLER, DR. HERMANN 278

ALISON, SIR ARCHIBALD 279

BATTERSEA, LORD 274

BERESFORD, LORD CHARLES 393

COWEN, FREDERIC H. 161

FURNISS, HARRY 586

GIRARD, MISS DOROTHEA 59

GOULD, REV. S. BARING 392

HADING, MADAME JANE 280

HALLÉ, SIR CHARLES 277

HALLÉ, LADY 276

HARDY, MISS IZA DUFFUS 473

HAWEIS, REV. H. R. 160

HERKOMER, MR. HUBERT, R.A. 474

HOUGHTON, LORD 156

HUNTER, COLIN, A.R.A. 588

KELVIN, LORD 590

KNILL, MR. STUART (LORD MAYOR) 60

LESLIE, THE LATE FRED 58

LLOYD, EDWARD 478

MACWHIRTER, JOHN, R.A. 476

NICOL, ERSKINE, A.R.A. 475

ORCHARDSON, W. Q., R.A. 275

PETTIE, JOHN, R.A. 157

POTTER, MRS. BROWN 389

PRINCESS MARIE OF EDINBURGH 56

PRINCE FERDINAND OF ROUMANIA 57

PRINCE OF WALES 390

PRINCESS OF WALES 391

REID, SIR GEORGE, P.R.S.A. 587

ROBERTS, JOHN 394

ROBERTSON, J. FORBES 477

RUSSELL, W. CLARK 55

TECK, DUCHESS OF 158

TECK, DUKE OF 159

VAUGHAN, CARDINAL 591

VAUGHAN, CARDINAL, FATHER AND BROTHERS OF 592

PRINCE OF WALES AT SANDRINGHAM, THE 327 (_Illustrations_ from Photographs by BEDFORD LEMERE and W. & D. DOWNEY.)

QUASTANA THE BRIGAND. From the French of ALPHONSE DAUDET 124 (_Illustrations_ by JEAN DE PALÉOLOGUE.)

QUEER SIDE OF THINGS, THE:--

BOTTLE FROM THE DEEP SEA, A 214

CHILDREN OF A THOUSAND YEARS 542

CLOAKS AND MANTLES 106

CROCODILE STORY, A 324

DRINKING VESSELS OF ALL AGES 322

DWINDLING HOUR, THE 98

EXPLOSION OF A LOCOMOTIVE 214

HORSE AND ITS OCCUPATIONS, THE 430

HUNTER AND THE BIRD, THE 108

JUDGE'S PENANCE, THE 535

MANDRAKE ROOTS 105

MISCELLANEOUS 648

N.P.M.C., THE 315

OLD JOE'S PICNIC 423

PAL'S PUZZLES 104, 215

ROOM PAPERED WITH STAMPS 321

SAGACITY OF A DOG 216

STORY OF THE KING'S IDEA 209

TABLES OF A CENTURY 646

TURNIP RESEMBLING A HUMAN HAND 321

USE FOR GENIUS 639