Chapter 15

Europe got its cards, apparently, from the Orient, in the days of the Crusades--for your Crusader was a great gambler. In the European history of the pack we find that the cards have frequently been used as symbols, political or social. But no more remarkable card symbolism has ever been evolved than that which is described in the following brief narrative:

A private soldier by the name of Richard Doe was taken before a magistrate charged with playing cards during divine service.

It appears that a sergeant commanded the soldiers at the church, and when the parson had read the prayers, he took the text.

Those who had Bibles took them out, but this soldier had neither Bible nor Book of Common Prayer. Pulling out a pack of cards, he spread them before him.

The sergeant of the company saw him, and said:

"Richard, put up the cards; this is no place for them."

"Never mind that," said Richard.

When the service was over, a constable took Richard before a magistrate.

"Well," asked the magistrate, "what have you brought the soldier here for?"

"For playing cards in church."

"Prisoner, what have you to say?"

"I have been," said the soldier, "about six weeks on the march. I have neither Bible nor Book of Common Prayer. I have nothing but a pack of cards, and I'll satisfy your worship of the purity of my intentions."

And, spreading the cards before the magistrate, he began with the ace:

"When I see the ace, it reminds me there is but one God. When I see the deuce, it reminds me of Father and Son. When I see the tray, it reminds me of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. When I see the four-spot, it reminds me of the four evangelists--Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

"When I meet the five, it reminds me of the five wise virgins that trimmed their lamps--there were ten, but only five were wise, while five were foolish and were shut out.

"When I see the six, it reminds me that in six days the Lord made heaven and earth. When I see the seven, it reminds me that on the seventh day He rested from the great work He had created, and hallowed it.

"When I see the eight, it reminds me of the eight righteous persons that were saved when God destroyed the world--namely, Noah and his wife, with his three sons and their wives. When I see the nine, it reminds me of the nine lepers that were cleansed by our Saviour; there were nine out of ten who never returned thanks.

"When I see the ten, it reminds me of the Ten Commandments which God handed down to Moses on tables of stone. When I see the king, it reminds me of the King of Heaven, which is God Almighty.

"When I see the queen, it reminds me of the Queen of Sheba, who visited Solomon, for she was as wise a woman as he was a man. She brought with her fifty boys and fifty girls, all dressed in boys' apparel, for King Solomon to tell which were boys and which were girls. King Solomon sent for water for them to wash; the girls washed to the elbows and the boys to the wrists, so King Solomon told by that."

"Well," said the magistrate, "you have given a good description of all the cards but one."

"What is that?"

"The knave," said the magistrate.

"I will give your honor a description of that, too, if you will not be angry."

"I will not," said the magistrate, "if you do not term me to be the knave."

"Well," said the soldier, "the greatest knave that I know of is the constable that brought me here."

"I do not know," said the magistrate, "if he is the greatest knave, but I begin to think that he must have been a fool to arrest so devout a man."

"When I count the number of cards in a pack," continued the soldier, "I find there are fifty-two, the number of weeks in a year; and I find four suits, the number of weeks in a month. I find there are twelve picture cards in a pack, representing the number of months in a year; and on counting the tricks, I find thirteen, the number of weeks in a quarter. So, you see, a pack of cards serves for a Bible, almanac, and prayer-book."

THE BATTLE OF THE "YATCHES."

The Rhythmical Lamentation of a British Tar On the Occasion of the Famous Victory of the Yankee Yacht America in English Waters.

In no branch of sport is there a trophy more valuable or highly cherished than that which is so dear to the hearts of American yachtsmen--the America's Cup. While the original cost of this celebrated piece of silverware was only about five hundred dollars, the expenses of fitting out challengers and defenders and maintaining them while in commission have aggregated many millions of dollars.

The cup was originally offered by the Royal Yacht Club and was won on August 22, 1851, by the American schooner-yacht America, which had as competitors no less than fourteen British yachts. The Yankee boat won by eighteen minutes, and her victory inspired a general feeling of chagrin among the owners and crews of the British boats who had regarded their nation as invincible in the yachting world. The following verses, published shortly after the America's victory, are said to have been written by a sailor on a British ship of war from which a view of the race had been obtained:

Oh, weep, ye British sailors true, Above or under hatches, Here's Yankee Doodle's been and come, And beat our crackest yatches! They started all to run a race, And wor well timed with watches; But oh! they never had no chance, Had any of our yatches.

The Yankee she delayed at first, Says they, "She'll never catch us," And flung up their tarpaulin hats-- The owners of the yatches! But presently she walked along; "Oh, dear," says they, "she'll match us!" And stuck on their tarpaulin hats, The builder of our yatches.

Then deep we plows along the sea, The Yankee scarcely scratches; And cracks on every stitch of sail Upon our staggering yatches. But one by one she passes us, While bitterly we watches, And utters imprecations on The builder of our yatches.

And now she's quite hull down a-head, Her sails like little patches, For sand-barges and colliers we May sell our boasted yatches. We faintly hear the club-house gun-- The silver cup she snatches-- And all the English clubs are done, The English clubs of yatches!

They say she didn't go by wind, But wheels, and springs, and satches; And that's the way she weathered on Our quickest-going yatches. But them's all lies, I'm bound to say-- Although they're told by batches-- 'Twas bulk of hull, and cut of sail, That did for all our yatches.

But novelty, I hear them say, Fresh novelty still hatches! The Yankee yatch the keels will lay Of many new club yatches. And then we'll challenge Yankee land, From Boston Bay to Natchez, To run their crackest craft agin Our spick-and-span new yatches.

Wit and Cruelty as Allies.

The Temptation to be Clever at Another's Expense is so Irresistible That Whenever We Find a Modern Bon Mot We See a Victim Picking Up Pieces of His Shattered Egotism.

It is almost a proverb that a witty person is also a cruel one. True wit does not need to be caustic; but it is so much easier to be clever at some one's expense than in any other way, that the person with a reputation to sustain for saying witty things will fall into the habit of sarcasm very readily if his heart is not particularly kind.

The Parson's Suggestion.

It is related of a famous English clergyman that when presiding at a meeting where the necessity of wood-paving a street in his parish was under discussion he became greatly disgusted at the want of intelligence displayed by many of those present. Finally, unable to control the annoyance which a more than usually frivolous objection occasioned him, he said:

"Gentlemen, do not let us discuss the matter further. You have only to put your heads together and the thing is done at once."

Lamb's Unkind Thrust.

Charles Lamb, than whom no gentler or kinder-hearted wit ever breathed, at times found it impossible to restrain himself from the personal; as, for instance, when he covered a friend with shame at a whist-party by blurting out:

"Gad, James, if--if dirt were t-t-trumps, what a hand you would have!"

A Weighty Politician.

A personal _bon mot_, perpetrated at the expense of the late Sir William Harcourt, is harmless enough:

"You must admit that he is a most weighty politician," insisted one of his admirers.

"A weighty politician!" said an irreverent one. "I should think so! When he moves to the east the west tips up."

Religiously Personal.

"Sir," said a little blustering man to a religious opponent--"I say, sir, do you know to what sect I belong?"

"Well, I don't exactly know," was the answer, "but to judge from your make, shape, and size, I should say you belong to a class called the in-sect."

A Beggar's Benison.

An Irish beggarwoman, following a gentleman who had had the misfortune to lose his nose, kept exclaiming:

"Heaven preserve your honor's eyesight!"

The gentleman was at last annoyed at her importunity, and said:

"Why do you wish my eyesight to be preserved? Nothing ails my eyesight, nor is likely to."

"No, your honor," said the Irishwoman, "but it will be a sad thing if it does, for you will have nothing to rest your spectacles upon."

Hard Hit by Napoleon.

When Napoleon was only an officer of artillery a Prussian officer said in his presence, with much pride:

"My countrymen fight only for glory, but Frenchmen for money."

"You are right," replied Napoleon; "each of them fights for what he is most in want of."

A Triumph for Billingsgate.

The Rev. Matthew Wilkes, a celebrated London preacher, was caught in a shower in the famous Billingsgate Market, where the profanity of the women who sell fish there is proverbial. As he stopped under a shed among them, he felt called upon to at least give his testimony against their wickedness.

"Don't you think," said he, speaking with the greatest deliberation and solemnity, "I shall appear as a swift witness against you in the day of judgment?"

"I presume so," said one, "for the biggest rogue always turns state's evidence."

David vs. Goliath.

Lord Roberts once found himself among new friends in a London club. There was a very tall man present, who, evidently believing himself to shine as a wit, seized every opportunity of raising a laugh at other people's expense.

On being introduced to Lord Roberts, the wit bent down patronizingly to his lordship and remarked:

"I have often heard of you, but"--shading his eyes with one hand as though the famous general, being so small, could be seen only with difficulty--"I have never seen you."

To this Lord Roberts promptly replied:

"I have often seen you, sir, but I have never heard of you."

An American Woman's Retort.

Lord Sackville was never much of a lover of America, and what love he ever had was considerably affected by his dismissal in disgrace as British ambassador in President Cleveland's administration.

Some time after his return he was a guest of honor at a dinner which was also attended by Lady Randolph Churchill, now Mrs. Cornwallis West, who is an American. His lordship did not air his personal grievances, but he lost no opportunity of decrying everything American. He was especially severe upon American table manners.

"Do you know," he remarked, "that I have seen Americans eating with their knives and spilling their soup on the table-cloth?"

Lady Randolph's eyes had flashed several times during the dinner, but this was a little too much. She leaned quietly toward the distinguished diplomat and remarked, in her cool, sarcastic voice:

"What poor letters of recommendation you must have had, my lord!"

Silencing the Surgeon.

At a certain dinner-table with General Miles, one night, was a distinguished Washington surgeon, who listened with a certain air of superiority to some of the soldier's reminiscences of various experiences during the Civil War.

"And how do you feel, general," he finally asked, with just a touch of sarcasm, "after you've professionally killed a man?"

"Oh," replied General Miles, "I dare say I don't mind doing that any more than you do."

Thomas Lawson's Sharp Tongue.

A Marblehead fisherman reports hearing, while out one day in the bay, this bit of repartee between Thomas Lawson and a young woman, evidently no respecter of persons.

As Mr. Lawson, in a naphtha launch, passed the rowboat containing the girl, she called out:

"Hullo, Tom, how's copper?"

Instantly came the retort: "First-rate. How's brass?"

The Deacon Smelled Sulfur.

Old Deacon Morse was as good at repartee as any man living. One time he was taking a vessel down New York Harbor. Another vessel collided with his, and the two drifted on together.

"Cut loose! Cut loose!" called the other captain.

Morse couldn't, but demanded that the other do so. This the stranger wouldn't do, but he warned Morse that if he didn't they would soon reach Hell Gate.

"Well," replied Morse, "you won't stop at the gate if you don't cut loose from us in about two minutes!"

Laying Up Treasure for Heaven.

Francis Baylies, an historian of note, on returning from a church meeting one Thanksgiving Day, met Nicholas Tillinghast, one of the most humorous and also one of the most eloquent of the members of the Bristol County bar, in the sitting-room of an hotel.

In the course of the conversation which ensued Mr. Baylies said to Mr. Tillinghast:

"I have deposited a ten-cent piece in the contribution-box, to be placed on interest until I reach heaven."

Mr. Tillinghast replied:

"Ah, yes! That will amount to a very large sum before you will be admitted there."

Tact of Disraeli.

When it was more expedient to evade a question than to give a definite answer, Disraeli could do so with consummate tact. A story illustrative of this is told in the "Memoirs of Mary Duchess of Teck."

The great statesman was very fond of the princess, and admired her grasp of political problems; but he never allowed himself to be charmed into telling cabinet secrets.

One evening at dinner, during a crisis in foreign affairs, Princess Mary, who was puzzled at the inaction of the government, turned to him and said:

"What are we waiting for, Mr. Disraeli?"

The prime minister paused for a moment to take up the menu, and, looking at the princess, gravely replied:

"Mutton and potatoes, madam."

A HOROSCOPE OF THE MONTHS.

BY MARION Y. BUNNER.

What the Astrological Traditions Have to Say of the Characteristics and the Destiny of Those Born Under the Sign "Leo."

_Compiled and edited for_ THE SCRAP BOOK.

LEO: THE LION.

JULY 24 to AUGUST 23.

CUSP: RUNS JULY 22 to JULY 28.

The constellation Leo--the fifth sign of the zodiac, and the middle point of the magnet of the Fire Triplicity--is a masculine, fiery, changeable, northern sign, governing the heart and blood of life. The higher attributes are belief and self-control.

Persons born under this sign are kind-hearted, sympathetic, and jovial. The willpower is firm, and is combined with enterprise and perseverance. Their bearing is perfectly natural and without self-consciousness. They are animated and convincing talkers, and excel in repartee. They always make a point, and never fail to see one.

Leo gives to those born under its influence a lofty mind, a spirit of fair play, an unbending dignity, and a generous heart. While they have a great respect for law and authority, their imperious and independent nature causes them to feel resentment when commanded.

The special aptitudes of the subject will be of a martial character. They make many friends to whom they are devotedly attached, and who frequently impose upon them. Their actions are guided by their impulses and emotions.

Leo people are steadfast, virile, proud, and liberal, with great brilliancy that may render them egotistical and presumptuous. The temper is kindly though firm, courageous, and magnanimous.

Those born under this sign are likely to have strong, wiry bodies, round heads, light complexions, keen perceptive faculties, deep, mellow voices, and friendly expressions of the eyes. They walk with a quick, buoyant step.

Their physical temperament will be nervous-sanguine, with remarkably fine health and a long life.

They will find their most congenial friends, first, among Sagittarius people; next, among those born under Libra and Aries.

The faults of these persons are trickery in business affairs, prevarication, and laziness. They are chronic borrowers. They are hot-headed, impetuous, fiery, and passionate. Leo is the only sign governed by the sun, and to this solar influence is ascribed the passion and impetuosity of its subjects.

A union with a person born in Sagittarius or in Aries is likely to be most happy and to produce the strongest offspring. Leo children are quick to observe any duplicity or inconsistency on the part of those around them, and will meet it with corresponding hypocrisy and a deep cunning.

The gems are the ruby, diamond, and sardonyx. The astral colors are red and green. The flower is the morning-glory, the one which responds most readily to the influence of the sun. The lucky months for a Leo subject are January and October. Sunday is traditionally the most fortunate day of the week.

The ancient Hebrew tribe over which Leo has rule is that of Joseph. The ruling angel of the sign is Verchiel.

August, originally Sextilis, the sixth month in the pre-Julian Roman year, received its present name from the Emperor Augustus, in the year 8 B.C. August was selected, not as being his natal month, but because in it his greatest good fortune had come to him, and it is a rather curious example of the irony of fate that he should have died August 29, 14 A.D.

As July contained thirty-one days, and August only thirty, another day was added, in order that Augustus might not be in any respect inferior to Julius Cæsar, his predecessor, in whose honor the month of July was named.

Napoleon Bonaparte, Sir Walter Scott, General Ballington Booth, and Mrs. Grover Cleveland were born under Leo, and are good examples of the soldierly, commanding characteristics, and the ability to make friends, of the sign.

End of Project Gutenberg's The Scrap Book, Volume 1, No. 6, by Various