Chapter 7

In the latter part of 1905 a farmer in Michigan sent in thirty dollars as the duty which he should have paid on a horse driven across the Canadian border from Manitoba a number of years ago. This was duly credited to the Conscience Fund, and nearly a month later a second letter was received from the same penitent farmer, saying that he had decided also to pay duty on the harness (valued at seven dollars) which the horse wore and the buggy (valued at ten dollars) it hauled on the occasion of its journey across the border from Manitoba. In the second letter he enclosed six dollars and sixty-five cents for the Conscience Fund.

When John G. Carlisle was Secretary of the Treasury he received the following letter with forty dollars enclosed:

DEAR SIR:

Though I disapprove as heartily as you of the recent tariff laws, I think it the duty of every honest man to declare fully the value of articles subject to the same, as he can only avoid doing so by perjuring himself. I did so when I returned from Europe, with the exception of a few trifles, which, if examined, would have involved the putting about the contents of my trunk to the injury of my property. I hope that you will use your influence to have the present tariff laws changed. I hope this less on account of economic ignorance which they display than because of the terrible demoralizations which they have powerfully aided to bring about.

The Shadow of the Great Hereafter.

From Pleasant Lake, North Dakota, came a registered letter which contained ten dollars. An accompanying note was evidently in the handwriting of a very old man. He added the pathetic postscript:

"There is a lot more due in the near future. All of us become honest as we near the Great Hereafter. I need only sign my name as 'Conscience.'"

Collectors of customs throughout the United States, and particularly along the Canadian border, frequently receive sums of money sent to them anonymously, with the request that they be forwarded to the Conscience Fund at Washington. Some of these officials state that passengers, including fashionably dressed women, come hurriedly into the office of the collector, nervously hand in sums of money to relieve their conscience, and depart without any explanation other than at some previous time they have smuggled goods into the country.

The largest sum, briefly referred to above, was for fourteen thousand two hundred and twenty-five dollars and fifteen cents. It was sent to the Conscience Fund by the Rev. Prebendary Bariff, Vicar of St. Giles' Church, Cripplegate, London, who explained that the sum was entrusted to him by a person who declined to disclose his identity, but who said that he had come into the possession of that amount by defrauding the United States government.

Some of the penitents confess to odd offenses. A Chicago man sent one dollar to the Conscience Fund with the statement that years before he had taken a small apple-tree from the government orchard at Fort Sheridan, and that he now wished to make compensation for it. A few weeks ago Secretary Shaw received a letter from the West, stating that many years before the writer had stolen two sheets and a pillow-case from an Indian school. This penitent also sent one dollar to cover the value of the stolen goods.

Five Cents From Kansas.

During the administration of the late President McKinley, a Kansas man sent five cents to the United States Treasury to be added to the Conscience Fund. His note said:

Enclosed find five cents which I wish to refund, as I used a canceled stamp when it took three cents to send a letter. One who wishes to lead a Christian life.

Whether large or small, the sums sent to the Conscience Fund no doubt take a great load from the spirit of the repentant ones. The following letter received by the President of the United States is typical of many. It was written by a woman, and reads:

Enclosed please find three dollars, the amount of which I did not defraud the government of, but only a few small coins, but I will send more to give peace to my tortured conscience. The act was committed in childhood. Remorse has taken hold of me, and I cannot rest. Who but God, my Heavenly Father, has made me do this? Oh, that I may feel that I am forgiven, for God, my Heavenly Father, knows I would not do such a thing now. Forgive me for withholding my name. If I were face to face with you, I would not hesitate to tell you, but I have other reasons. Pray for me, too. May God bless you and yours. Please do not publish this. But, still, how am I ever to find out that you received it? I trust the Lord will take care of it.

UNHAPPY PENITENT.

P.S.--Ezekiel 23d chap., 15th verse.

The Conscience Fund is presided over by E.B. Daskam, chief of the Division of Public Moneys. All these quaint and tragic records of the quickening of conscience in America are carefully filed away.

While a separate record is kept of the Conscience Fund, the money constituting it is placed in the Government's big vaults and becomes a part of the nation's finances. It has been suggested that an act of Congress be passed setting aside this particular fund for some national benevolence.

HOCH, DER GOVERNOR OF KANSAS.

Taken to Task by a Recalcitrant Legislature Because He Said "Set 'Em Up," He Talks of Things That May Happen on Resurrection Morn.

Governor Edward Wallis Hoch, of Kansas, is a big man, with a slow manner and a keen sense of humor. Born fifty-seven years ago in Kentucky, as soon as he had graduated from a freshwater college he moved westward. At twenty-five he found himself editor and proprietor of a country weekly in Kansas; and the step from journalism to politics proved an easy one.

When Hoch talks about "trust-busting" legislation he speaks quietly and seriously, with shrewdness and intelligence. At other times he is capable of enlivening the dull routine of official work with a touch of unconventional pleasantry. During the recent legislative eruption at Topeka one of the more impetuous representatives introduced a bill which had already been passed. The Governor vetoed it, remarking that it was up to the representative to "set 'em up."

A member of the opposition, thinking that this was a dangerous expression for the Governor of a prohibition State to use, had a resolution adopted calling on the Governor to explain. Governor Hoch was extremely busy, but he disentangled his signing hand from the pile of bills before him long enough to dash off the following reply:

To the Senate--I am in receipt of Senate Resolution No. 40, introduced by the Senator from Atchison County, requesting me to explain what was meant by the term "set 'em up," as used in my veto message of Senate Bill No. 341. This expression, used playfully, and without having any particular meaning, and possibly hardly comporting with the dignity of your body, seems to have had, if not a good, at least an unexpected effect, in that it has caused the emaciated corpse of the Kansas Democracy to take on the semblance of life and sit up and take notice.

The belief in miracles is here strengthened by absolute proof, showing that the proper call will restore animation to the dead. If the Angel Gabriel, standing with one foot on land and one on sea, were to blow such a blast from his trumpet that the mountains should rock to their bases, the Democratic party of Kansas would probably sleep on undisturbed, but if he were even to whisper the magic words "set 'em up," the grave of this moribund organization would give up its dead, and from the entire aggregation, headed by the talented and handsome Senator from Atchison, would come the answer in swelling chorus, "We will take the same."

E.W. HOCH, Governor.

ALL KINDS OF THINGS.

Curious Letters That Enliven the Prosaic Records of the United States Post-Office Department--The Human Nose as a Sign-Board of Character--The Origin of Lynch Law--Amusing Extracts From Old-Time Newspapers--The First Self-Made American--The Comparative Longevity of Various Callings--With Other Interesting Items From Many Sources.

HUMOROUS SIDE OF THE POSTAL SERVICE.

ILLITERACY OF RURAL OFFICIALS.

Fourth-Class Postmasters Sometimes Write Queer Letters, Telling Their Troubles to the Department.

The eagerness with which fourth-class postmasterships are sought seems strange when one remembers that the salaries are small and the duties often exacting. No fourth-class postmaster receives more than a thousand dollars a year. More than half of them receive less than a hundred dollars a year; fourteen thousand receive less than fifty dollars a year; and hundreds of them receive ten or twelve dollars a year.

Henry A. Castle, former auditor for the Post-Office Department, recently contributed to the _Sunday Magazine_ an article filled with curious information concerning the fourth-class postmaster and his idiosyncrasies. Here, for example, is a facetious letter from an Illinois postmaster who for some time had been vainly trying to resign:

But anyhow, this time I am unanimously through fiddling about it, and this here 'leventh and last resignation of mine has got to be accepted, let the chips fall where they may. Along about four o'clock this afternoon a passel of our best citizens informed me in no uncertain tones that if I wasn't up and gone by midnight they 'lowed to tar and feather and rail-ride me out of our law-abidin' little city, for a small matter that it ain't necessary for me to go into details at present; and a spell ago a friend let me know that they had reconsidered to the extent of decidin' to make it nine o'clock instead of midnight, and were already a-bilin' of the tar.

So you can see for yourself that it is high time for me to step down and out. No more at present from

Yours truly,

T.J. WACKERBACK.

P.S.--It's eight-forty-two right now, and I'm gone.

An Arkansas postmaster expressed as follows his delight in his appointment:

I feel honored, as in duty bound, by my appointment, and am glad to know, the salary is to be the same as heretofore, namely, nothing a year; for I'd hate like thunder to pay anything.

Illiteracy is not uncommon among the postmasters. Mr. Castle quotes a letter from a Southern ex-postmaster, presumably a negro:

P.M. generall Sir, I have a complaint against the citty of gilead the police crippled me. In 1901 committ no offense and the city fathers there humbugged me, and drove me out of town contrary to the laws of christ, moses, and the profets, and all nations, tribes, and clans.

So i pray you to lift your finger and do something about it, i want to get paid for my property. I was up in tenicee to beg the price of a suit of clows but i am back now and want them to settle that claim with me.

P.S.--i tried to get before the last Congris and i got in the workhouse.

And again, here is a letter from a local official who dreads the invasion of rural free delivery:

Poastmaster General, Sir as this Tock of Rheual free Delivery has Got up heare and so many is Dissathisfide is the cause of the Patrishon Being sent you and if you will Nodes, you will See that Several Names Appear on Boath Patrishons and About Nine out of Every Ten that Assign for Rheual Free Delivery Mail Surves is Dissathisfide and doant want hit and Ses they wars Fool and Lyde in to sign the Patrishon for Rheual Free Delivery.

The ignorance and illiteracy of these postmasters is not typical. The cases are really exceptional. Yet there are many official eccentricities. There is, for example, the old story of postmasters who persistently peruse private postal cards--and this propensity is so common, or is supposed to be so common, that it has even been celebrated in verse:

In a village post-office Miss Peek Had a job at six dollars a week; But she near had a fit And threatened to quit When a postal came written in Greek.

A MAN'S CHARACTER IS AS HIS NOSE IS.

SIZE AND SHAPE ARE SIGNIFICANT.

He Who Knows His Nose May Quickly Determine Whether His Traits Are Those of Greatness or Mediocrity.

The nose, according to physiognomists, is one of the most important features. It tells its story of character like the eye and the mouth. Its size and its shape have their significance. Studying the faces of men and women prominent in past history the following interpretation of the language of noses has been made:

The Roman nose denotes a propensity for adventure.

A wide nose with open nostrils is a mark of great sensuality.

A cleft nose shows benevolence; it was the nose of St. Vincent de Paul.

A straight nose denotes a just, serious, fine, judicious, and energetic mind.

The curved, fleshy nose is a mark of domination and cruelty; Catharine de' Medici and Elizabeth of England had noses of this kind.

The curved, thin nose is a mark of a brilliant mind, but vain, and disposed to be ironical; it is the nose of a dreamer, a poet, or a critic.

It is desirable that the nose should be as long as possible, this being a sign of power and genius; for instance, Napoleon and Cæsar had long noses.

If the line of the nose be reentrant--that is, if the nose is turned up--it denotes that its owner has a weak mind, sometimes coarse, and generally playful, pleasant, or frolicsome.

SUPPOSED ORIGIN OF AMERICAN LYNCH LAW.

ROUGH JUSTICE IN OLD VIRGINIA.

The Phrase Probably Arose from the Administration of Off-Hand Judgments of a Colonial Planter.

The application of summary punishment without authority of law is known in our country as Lynch law. The origin of the term is somewhat obscure. Here is one explanation:

Lynch law takes its name from the stern and summary act of one James Lynch Fitz-Stephen, a merchant of the Irish town of Galway, and, in 1526, its mayor or warden. The son of this Lynch Fitz-Stephen, having committed a foul murder, his father, exercising his authority as warden, had him arrested and brought for trial before himself.

The father, on conviction, Brutus-like, sentenced the son to death, and fearing a rescue from the prison, caused him to be brought home and to be hanged before his own door.

More or less apocryphal is this story from Ireland. The explanation most generally accepted refers the term back to a planter who lived in what is now known as the Piedmont country of Virginia.

At the time his district was the western frontier, and having no law of its own, and being seven miles from the nearest court of criminal jurisdiction, controversies were constantly referred to men of sound judgment and impartiality, whose decisions were regarded as final.

Prominent among these was Charles Lynch. His awards exhibited so much justice, judgment, and impartiality, that he was known throughout the country as Judge Lynch.

In the course of time criminals were brought before him, and he awarded such punishment as he considered just and proper.

There were other persons, in different districts, who acted as arbitrators, and who awarded punishments; but Judge Lynch was the most conspicuous, and consequently the system took his name, and was called Lynch law. This was a compliment to his integrity and high character.

In England Lynch law was formerly called Lydford law. In Scotland it was known as Cowper law.

THE SORT OF NEWS OUR ANCESTORS READ.

GLEANINGS FROM OLD JOURNALS.

Runaway Slaves Delighted Hearts of Advertising Managers, and Antics of Militia Excited Applause.

Old newspapers make good reading--if they are old enough. Like the deciphering of moss-covered epitaphs, the reading of journals of other days gives rise to reflections that mingle the sweet with the sad. It shows plainly that time does not alter human nature, much as customs may change.

_The American Weekly Mercury_ was formerly published in Philadelphia. An examination of the issue for November 29, 1722, brings to light this interesting advertisement:

Run away from Ezekiel Balding of Hempstead on Long-Island, one Indian Man Slave, named Dick, of Middle Stature and of a smiling Countenance. He speaks English pretty well, and no other Language. He can read. He has a big nose, and has white scratches on his Arm, and a blue spot on the Inside of one of his Wrists, and a little above his Shirt wrist-bands. He run away about the Beginning of September, and had a homespun Shirt and a dark coloured Drugget Coat. We have been informed, that he intended to get into Indian-habit. Others tell, that he has said he would go towards New London and Rhode-Island, and so to Sea.

Whoever can take up the said Indian Man, and secure him, and give Notice to his Master so that he can be had again shall have Three Pounds Reward, besides reasonable Charges.

Whether Dick was ever caught may never be known, for he seems to have made no deep impression on history, though his "smiling Countenance" is here immortalized.

Another Indian receives mention for another reason in the issue for September 2, 1723, the item coming from Boston:

On Monday Night last at Judge Sewall's, and the Night following at Judge Dudley's, was entertained one of the oldest Indians in New-England; John Quittamog, living in the Nipmug Countrey, near Woodstock. He is reckoned to be above One Hundred and Twelve Years old. The English Inhabitants of Woodstock remember him as a very old Man for near Forty Years past, and that he has all along affirmed and which he still affirms, that he was at Boston when the English first arrived; and when there was but One Cellar in the Place, and that near the Common, and then brought down a Bushel and a half of Corn upon his Back. He says that the Massachusetts Indians sent up word to the Nipmugs, that if they had any Corn to spare the English wanted it, and it would be worth their while to bring some of it down. He is now in good Health, and has his Understanding and Memory very entire, considering his great Age, and is capable of Traveling on Foot Ten Miles in a Day.

The year 1723 seems nearly as far back to us as the year in which the English first settled on Boston Harbor. But Judge Sewall and Judge Dudley and their friends considered John Quittamog as interesting as we should consider a man, still living, who had witnessed the duel between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr.

The genial "neighborhood note" style of journalism is in evidence in this item from Boston in the issue for November 20, 1721:

We hear from Amesbury, That the generous and charitable Captain of that Place, Lately warned his Company to appear at the Place of Parade, well armed with their Axes instead of their Firelocks; after which he marched them into the Woods, where (with invincible Courage) they slew as many Trees as made 30 Cord of Wood, and carted it to the Water side, in order to be brought hither, for the Relief of the Poor of this Place.

The man who inserted the following notice was manifestly in earnest:

Whereas Mathew Burne of Chester County served John Camm two Years (that is ten or twelve months) at Stocking weaving and other work, during which time John Camms Stockings bore many Reflections and now the said Mathew Burne goes about Selling Stockings in John Camms name as though they were his make, which is false and not True.

For incoherence Mr. Camm's English is a match for the printed request which, within a few years, was attached to the doors of a hotel at Lexington, Ky.:

"Guests are respectfully requested, if either leaves the room before the other is up, to lock and bolt the door again immediately upon his departure."

FIRST SELF-MADE MAN IN THIS COUNTRY.

WAS INVENTOR OF THE SEXTANT.

Thomas Godfrey Got a Valuable Idea by Noting the Reflection of the Sun from a Pail of Water.

Thomas Godfrey was probably the first self-made man in America. Born in 1704, he died in 1749. He was a glazier by trade, but he had naturally an interest in mathematics, and he learned Latin in order that he might read certain scientific treatises.

His reputation rests on an improvement which he made in the quadrant of John Davies. What Godfrey really did was to invent the sextant. John Hadley also invented a sextant, evidently carrying out a suggestion of Newton's which was found in Sir Isaac's original draft among Hadley's papers after his death. Godfrey antedated Hadley by about one year, but for a long time his claims were not recognized, and Hadley received all the credit.

How the humble glazier received his first inspiration to design the instrument of so great use to mariners is an interesting story. One day, while replacing a pane of glass in a window of a house on the north side of Arch Street, in Philadelphia, opposite a pump, a girl, after filling her pail, placed it upon the sidewalk. Godfrey, on turning toward it, saw the sun reflected from the window on which he had been at work, into the bucket of water, and his philosophic mind seizing upon the incident, was thus led to combine the plan of an instrument by which he could draw the sun down to the horizon, by a contrivance incomparably superior to any that had ever before been used for the purpose of ascertaining angular measurements.

EUROPEAN MONARCHS WHO SMOKE TOBACCO.

KING EDWARD'S BRIER-ROOT PIPE.

Almost All the European Monarchs Indulge in Cigars, Pipes, or Cigarettes, Except King Oscar of Sweden.

King James I of England, that "wisest fool in Christendom," was a monarch who inveighed against the "Virginia weed" in vain. His "Counter-blast Against Tobacco" was a famous book in its day. Yet to-day there is scarcely a king in Europe who does not smoke. The Paris _Figaro_ has collected statistics as to smoking by royalty, and the _Literary Digest_ translates the item:

The King of England almost always has a cigar in his mouth, but when with his intimate friends he puffs a short brier-root pipe. The Emperor of Germany is forbidden by his physicians to touch tobacco, but sometimes he lights a cigarette and throws it away when half smoked. King Carlos smokes superb cigars, golden-brown and fragrant, and of Portuguese make.

Alphonso XIII prefers cigarettes to cigars, and Nicholas II consumes daily about thirty cigarettes of the Russian variety. Emperor Francis Joseph, in spite of his advanced age, smokes a pipe from morning to night, and King Leopold smokes about twelve cigars a day.

Victor Emanuel III smokes very little, and is satisfied with a few cigarettes daily, but King Oscar of Sweden does not use tobacco at all.

MAN'S LIFE AS AFFECTED BY HIS VOCATION.

SOME LONG-LIVED PROFESSIONS.

Musical Composers and Men of Letters Are Shown to Be the Most Likely to Reach a Sound Old Age.

The Psalmist's "threescore years and ten" are not the average man's life, but are named as the average limit of those who arrived at a normal old age. The average life of men in various occupations appears in the appended table:

Years.

Rural laborers 45.32 Carpenters 45.28 Domestics 42.03 Bakers 41.92 Weavers 41.92 Shoemakers 40.8 Tailors 39.40 Hatters 38.91 Stonemasons 38.19 Plumbers 38.18 Mill operatives 38.09 Blacksmiths 37.96 Bricklayers 37.70 Printers 36.66 Clerks 34.99 Av. population 39.88