Chapter 12

Enter SURFACE and SERVANT

SURFACE. Mr. Stanley! and why should you think I would see him?--you must know he came to ask something!

SERVANT. Sir--I shouldn't have let him in but that Mr. Rowley came to the Door with him.

SURFACE. Pshaw!--Blockhead to suppose that I should now be in a Temper to receive visits from poor Relations!--well why don't you show the Fellow up?

SERVANT. I will--Sir--Why, Sir--it was not my Fault that Sir Peter discover'd my Lady----

SURFACE. Go, fool!--

[Exit SERVANT.]

Sure Fortune never play'd a man of my policy such a Trick before--my character with Sir Peter!--my Hopes with Maria!--destroy'd in a moment!--I'm in a rare Humour to listen to other People's Distresses!--I shan't be able to bestow even a benevolent sentiment on Stanley--So! here--He comes and Rowley with him--I MUST try to recover myself, and put a little Charity into my Face however.----

[Exit.]

Enter SIR OLIVER and ROWLEY

SIR OLIVER. What! does He avoid us? that was He--was it not?

ROWLEY. It was Sir--but I doubt you are come a little too abruptly--his Nerves are so weak that the sight of a poor Relation may be too much for him--I should have gone first to break you to him.

SIR OLIVER. A Plague of his Nerves--yet this is He whom Sir Peter extolls as a Man of the most Benevolent way of thinking!--

ROWLEY. As to his way of thinking--I can't pretend to decide[,] for, to do him justice He appears to have as much speculative Benevolence as any private Gentleman in the Kingdom--though he is seldom so sensual as to indulge himself in the exercise of it----

SIR OLIVER. Yet [he] has a string of charitable Sentiments I suppose at his Fingers' ends!--

ROWLEY. Or, rather at his Tongue's end Sir Oliver; for I believe there is no sentiment he has more faith in than that 'Charity begins at Home.'

SIR OLIVER. And his I presume is of that domestic sort which never stirs abroad at all.

ROWLEY. I doubt you'll find it so--but He's coming--I mustn't seem to interrupt you--and you know immediately--as you leave him--I come in to announce--your arrival in your real Character.

SIR OLIVER. True--and afterwards you'll meet me at Sir Peter's----

ROWLEY. Without losing a moment.

[Exit.]

SIR OLIVER. So--I see he has premeditated a Denial by the Complaisance of his Features.

Enter SURFACE

SURFACE. Sir--I beg you ten thousand Pardons for keeping--you a moment waiting--Mr. Stanley--I presume----

SIR OLIVER. At your Service.

SURFACE. Sir--I beg you will do me the honour to sit down--I entreat you Sir.

SIR OLIVER. Dear Sir there's no occasion--too civil by half!

SURFACE. I have not the Pleasure of knowing you, Mr. Stanley--but I am extremely happy to see you look so well--you were nearly related to my mother--I think Mr. Stanley----

SIR OLIVER. I was Sir--so nearly that my present Poverty I fear may do discredit to her Wealthy Children--else I should not have presumed to trouble you.--

SURFACE. Dear Sir--there needs no apology--He that is in Distress tho' a stranger has a right to claim kindred with the wealthy--I am sure I wish I was of that class, and had it in my power to offer you even a small relief.

SIR OLIVER. If your Unkle, Sir Oliver were here--I should have a Friend----

SURFACE. I wish He was Sir, with all my Heart--you should not want an advocate with him--believe me Sir.

SIR OLIVER. I should not need one--my Distresses would recommend me.--but I imagined--his Bounty had enabled you to become the agent of his Charity.

SURFACE. My dear Sir--you are strangely misinformed--Sir Oliver is a worthy Man, a worthy man--a very worthy sort of Man--but avarice Mr. Stanley is the vice of age--I will tell you my good Sir in confidence:--what he has done for me has been a mere--nothing[;] tho' People I know have thought otherwise and for my Part I never chose to contradict the Report.

SIR OLIVER. What!--has he never transmitted--you--Bullion--Rupees--Pagodas!

SURFACE. O Dear Sir--Nothing of the kind--no--no--a few Presents now and then--china, shawls, congo Tea, Avadavats--and indian Crackers--little more, believe me.

SIR OLIVER. Here's Gratitude for twelve thousand pounds!--Avadavats and indian Crackers.

SURFACE. Then my dear--Sir--you have heard, I doubt not, of the extravagance of my Brother--Sir--there are very few would credit what I have done for that unfortunate young man.

SIR OLIVER. Not I for one!

SURFACE. The sums I have lent him! indeed--I have been exceedingly to blame--it was an amiable weakness! however I don't pretend to defend it--and now I feel it doubly culpable--since it has deprived me of the power of serving YOU Mr. Stanley as my Heart directs----

SIR OLIVER. Dissembler! Then Sir--you cannot assist me?

SURFACE. At Present it grieves me to say I cannot--but whenever I have the ability, you may depend upon hearing from me.

SIR OLIVER. I am extremely sorry----

SURFACE. Not more than I am believe me--to pity without the Power to relieve is still more painful than to ask and be denied----

SIR OLIVER. Kind Sir--your most obedient humble servant.

SURFACE. You leave me deeply affected Mr. Stanley--William--be ready to open the door----

SIR OLIVER. O, Dear Sir, no ceremony----

SURFACE. Your very obedient----

SIR OLIVER. Your most obsequious----

SURFACE. You may depend on hearing from me whenever I can be of service----

SIR OLIVER. Sweet Sir--you are too good----

SURFACE. In the mean time I wish you Health and Spirits----

SIR OLIVER. Your ever grateful and perpetual humble Servant----

SURFACE. Sir--yours as sincerely----

SIR OLIVER. Charles!--you are my Heir.

[Exit.]

SURFACE, solus Soh!--This is one bad effect of a good Character--it invites applications from the unfortunate and there needs no small degree of address to gain the reputation of Benevolence without incurring the expence.--The silver ore of pure Charity is an expensive article in the catalogue of a man's good Qualities--whereas the sentimental French Plate I use instead of it makes just as good a shew--and pays no tax.

Enter ROWLEY

ROWLEY. Mr. Surface--your Servant: I was apprehensive of interrupting you, tho' my Business demands immediate attention--as this Note will inform you----

SURFACE. Always Happy to see Mr. Rowley--how--Oliver--Surface!--My Unkle arrived!

ROWLEY. He is indeed--we have just parted--quite well--after a speedy voyage--and impatient to embrace his worthy Nephew.

SURFACE. I am astonished!--William[!] stop Mr. Stanley, if He's not gone----

ROWLEY. O--He's out of reach--I believe.

SURFACE. Why didn't you let me know this when you came in together.--

ROWLEY. I thought you had particular--Business--but must be gone to inform your Brother, and appoint him here to meet his Uncle. He will be with you in a quarter of an hour----

SURFACE. So he says. Well--I am strangely overjoy'd at his coming--never to be sure was anything so damn'd unlucky!

ROWLEY. You will be delighted to see how well He looks.

SURFACE. O--I'm rejoiced to hear it--just at this time----

ROWLEY. I'll tell him how impatiently you expect him----

SURFACE. Do--do--pray--give my best duty and affection--indeed, I cannot express the sensations I feel at the thought of seeing him!--certainly his coming just at this Time is the cruellest piece of ill Fortune----

[Exeunt.]