Chapter 13

Trouble not thyself, coming sinner: if thou seest thy lost condition by original and actual sin; if thou seest thy need of the spotless righteousness of Jesus Christ; if thou art willing to be found in him, and to take up thy cross and follow him, then pray for a fair wind and good weather, and come away. Stick no longer in a muse and doubt about things, but come away to Jesus Christ.

6. Thy fears that Christ will not receive thee may arise from THOSE DECAYS THAT THOU FINDEST IN THY-SOUL, even while thou art coming to him. Some, even as they are coming to Jesus Christ, do find themselves grow worse and worse. To explain myself: there is such a one coming to Jesus Christ, who, when he first began to look out after him, was sensible, affectionate, and broken in spirit, but now is grown dark, senseless, hard-hearted, and inclining to neglect spiritual duties. Besides, he now finds in himself inclinations to unbelief, atheism, blasphemy, and the like; now, he finds he cannot tremble at God's word, his judgments, nor the apprehension of hell-fire; neither can he, as he thinketh, be sorry for these things.

This man is in the wilderness among wild beasts. Here he sees a bear, there a lion, yonder a leopard, a wolf, a dragon. Devils of all sorts, doubts of all sorts, fears of all sorts haunt and molest his soul. This man feeleth the infirmity of his flesh; he findeth a proneness in himself to be desperate. Now he chides with God, flings and tumbles like a wild bull in a net, and still the guilt of all returns upon himself to the crushing of him to pieces. Yet he feeleth his heart so hard that he can find, as he thinks, no kindness under any of his miscarriages. Now, he is a lump of confusion in his own eyes, whose spirit and actions are without order. "Now, I see I am lost," says the sinner; "this is not coming to Jesus Christ; such a desperately hard and wretched heart as mine is, cannot be a gracious one," saith the sinner. And bid such a one be better, he says, "I cannot; no, I cannot."

QUESTION. But what will you say to a soul in this condition?

ANSWER. I will say, that temptations have attended the best of God's people; I will say that temptations come to do us good; and I will say also, that there is a difference betwixt growing worse and worse, and thy seeing more clearly how bad thou art.

There is a man of an ill-favored countenance who hath too high a conceit of his heauty, and wanting the benefit of a glass, he still stands in his own conceit. At last a limner is sent unto him, who draweth his ill-favored face to the life. Now, looking thereon, he hegins to be convinced that he is not half so handsome as he thought he was. Coming sinner, thy temptations are these painters; they have drawn out thy ill-favored heart to the life, and have set it before thine eyes, and now thou seest how ill-favored thou art.

Some that are coming to Christ cannot lie persuaded, until the temptation comes, that they are so vile as the scripture saith they are. True, they see so much of their wretchedness as to drive them to Christ. But there is an over and above of wickedness which they see not. Peter little thought that he had had in his heart cursing and swearing and lying, and an inclination to deny his Master, before the temptation came; but when that indeed came upon him, then he found it there to his sorrow.

It may be that thy graces must be tried in the fire, that that rust which cleaveth to them may be taken away, and themselves proved, both before angels and devils, to be far better than gold that perisheth. It may be also, that thy graces are to receive special praises and honor and glory, at the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ to judgment, for all the exploits that thou hast acted by them against hell and its infernal crew, in the day of thy temptation.

But to conclude this, put the worst to the worst, and then things will be bad enough: suppose that thou art to this day without the grace of God; yet thou art but a miserable creature, a sinner that has need of a blessed Saviour; and the text presents thee with one as good and kind as heart can wish, who also for thy encouragement saith, "And him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out."

MERCY'S EXPERIENCE.

So the Interpreter addressed him to Mercy, and said unto her, "And what moved thee to come hither, sweetheart?"

Then Mercy blushed and trembled, and for a while continued silent.

Then said he, "Be not afraid; only believe, and speak thy mind."

Then she began, and said, "Truly, sir, my want of experience is that which makes me covet to be in silence, and that also that filleth me with fears of coming short at last. I cannot tell of visions and dreams as my friend Christiana can, nor know I what it is to mourn for my refusing of the counsel of those that were good relations."

INTERPRETER. "What was it then, dear heart, that hath prevailed with thee to do as thou hast done?"

MERCY. "Why, when our friend here was packing up to be gone from our town, [the city of Destruction,] I and another went accidentally to see her. So we knocked at the door and went in. When we were within, and seeing what she was doing, we asked her what she meant. She said she was sent for to go to her husband; and then she up and told us how she had seen him in a dream, dwelling in a curious place, among immortals, wearing a crown, playing upon a harp, eating and drinking at his Prince's table, and singing praises to him for the bringing him thither. Now methought, while she was telling these things unto us, my heart burned withm ran. And I said in my heart, 'If this be true, I will leave my father and my mother, and the land of my nativity, and will, if I may, go along with Christiana.'

"So I asked her further of the truth of these things, and if she would let me go with her; for I saw how that there was no dwelling, but with the danger of ruin, any longer in our town. But yet I came away with a heavy heart; not for that I was unwilling to come away, hut for thai so many of my relations were left behind. And I am come with all my heart, and will, if I may, go with Christiana to her husband and his King."

INTERPRETER. "Thy setting out is good, for thou hast given credit to the truth; thou art a Ruth, who did, for the love she hare to Naomi and to the Lord her God, leave father and mother, and the land of her nativity, to come out and go with a people that she knew not before. 'The Lord recompense thy work, and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel, under whose wings thou art come to trust.'"

FEARS AND ENCOURAGEMENTS OF THE AWAKENED.

Some men are blood-red sinners, crimson sinners, sinners of a double dye: dipped and dipped again before they come to Jesus Christ. Art thou that readest these lines such a one? Speak out, man. Art thou such a one? and art thou now coming to Jesus Christ for the mercy of justification, that thou mightest be made white in his blood and be covered with his righteousness? Fear not; forasmuch as this thy coming betokeneth that thou art of the number of them that the Father hath given to Christ; for he will in no wise cast thee out. "Come now," saith Christ, "and let us reason together: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

I might tell you of the contests and battles that great sinners at their conversion are engaged in, wherein they find the besettings of Satan above any other of the saints. At which time Satan assaults the soul with darkness, fears, frightful thoughts of apparitions; now they sweat, pant, cry out, and struggle for life.

The angels now come down to behold the sight, and rejoice to see a bit of dust and ashes overcome principalities, and powers, and mights, and dominions.

But whea these come to be a little settled, they are prepared for helping others, and are great comforts unto them. Their great sins give great encouragement to the devil to assault them; and by these temptations Christ takes advantage to make them the more helpful to the churches.

The biggest sinner, when he is converted and comes into the church, says to them all by his very coming in, "Behold me, all you that are men and women of a low and timorous spirit, you whose hearts are narrow--for that you have never had the advantage to know, because your sins are few, the largeness of the grace of God--behold, I say, in me the exceeding riches of his grace. I am a pattern set forth before your faces, on whom you may look and take heart." Christ Jesus makes of the biggest sinners bearers and supporters to the rest.

Christ saved the thief, to encourage thieves to come to him for mercy; he saved Magdalen, to encourage other Magdalens to come to him for mercy; he saved Saul, to encourage Sauls to come to him for mercy; and this Paul himself doth say: "For this cause," saith he, "I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show forth all long-suffering for a pattern to them which should hereafter believe on him to life everlasting."

When Christ was crucified and hanged up between the earth and heavens, there were two thieves crucified with him; and behold, he lays hold of one of them and will have him away with him to glory. Was not this a strange act and a display of unthought of grace? Were there none but thieves there, or were the rest of that company out of his reach? Could he not, think you, have stooped from the cross to the ground, and have laid hold of some honester man, if he would? Yes, doubtless. O, but then he would not have displayed his grace, nor have so pursued his own designs, namely, to get himself a praise and a name; but now he has done it to purpose. For who that shall read this story but must confess that the Son of God is full of grace? for a proof of the riches thereof he left behind him, when upon the cross he took the thief away with him to glory.

I have one thing more to offer for thy encouragement, who deemest thyself one of the biggest sinners; and that is, thou art as it were called by thy name, in the first place to come in for mercy. Thou man of Jerusalem, Luke 24:47, hearken to thy call: men do so in courts of judicature, and presently cry out, "Here, sir;" and then shoulder and crowd, and say, "Pray give way, I am called into the court." Why, this is thy case, thou great, thou Jerusalem sinner; be of good cheer, he calleth thee. Why sittest thou still? Arise. Why standest thou still? Come, man, thy call should give thee authority to corne. "Begin at Jerusalem," is thy call and authority to come; wherefore up and shoulder it, man; say, "Stand away, devil, Christ calls me; stand away, unbelief, Christ calls me; stand away, all ye discouraging apprehensions, for my Saviour calls me to him to receive of his mercy." Men will do thus, as I said, in courts below; and why shouldst not thou approach thus to the courts above? The Jerusalem sinner is first in thought, first in commission, first in the record of names; and therefore should give attendance with expectation that he is first to receive mercy of God.

Is not this an encouragement to the biggest sinners to make their application to Christ for mercy? "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden," doth also confirm this thing; that is, that the biggest sinner and he that hath the biggest burden, is he who is first invited. Christ pointeth over the heads of thousands as he sits on the throne of grace, directly to such a man, and says, "Bring in hither the maimed, the halt, and the blind; let the Jerusalem shiner that stands there hehind, come to me." Wherefore, since Christ says to thee, Come, let the angels make a lane and let all men give place, that the Jerusalem sinner may come to Christ for mercy.

DESPAIR OF MERCY UNREASONABLE.

Would Jesus Christ have mercy offered, in the first place, to the biggest sinners? Then this shows how unreasonable a thing it is for men to despair of mercy.

I am concerned only with the despair of those that would be saved, but are too strongly borne down with the burden of their sins. I say, therefore, to thee that art thus, And why despair? Thy despair, if it was reasonable, should flow from thee because found in the land that is beyond the grave, or because thou certainly knowest that Christ will not or cannot save thee.

But for the first, thou art yet in the land of the living; and for the second, thou hast ground to believe quite the contrary. Christ is able to save to the uttermost them that come to God by him; and if he were not willing, he would not have commanded that mercy, in the first place, should be offered to the biggest sinners. Besides, he hath said, "And let him that is athirst come, and whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely"--that is, with all my heart. What ground, now, is here for despair? If thou sayest, "The number and burden of my sins;" I answer, Nay; that is rather a ground for faith; because such a one, above all others, is invited by Christ to come unto him, yea, promised rest and forgiveness, if he come. Matt. 11: 28. What ground, then, to despair? Verily, none at all Thy despair, then, is a thing unreasonable, and without footing in the word.

"But I have no experience of God's love; God has given me no comfort or ground of hope, though I have waited upon him for it many a day."

Thou hast experience of God's love, in that he has opened thine eyes to see thy sins, and in that he has given thee desires to be saved by Jesus Christ. For by thy sense of sin, thou art made to see thy poverty of spirit, and that has laid thee under a sure ground to hope that heaven shall be thine hereafter.

Also, thy desires to be saved by Christ have put thee under another promise, Matt. 5: 3, 6; so there are two to hold thee up in them, though thy present burden be never so heavy. As for what thou sayest as to God's silence to thee, perhaps he has spoken to thee once or twice already, but thou hast not perceived it. Job 33:14, 15.

Besides, God says, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles;" but perhaps it may be long first. "I waited patiently," says David, "I sought the Lord;" and at length his cry was heard: wherefore, he bids his soul wait on God, and says, "For it is good" so to do "before thy saints." Psalm 40:1; 52:9; 62:5.

And what if thou waitest upon God all thy days? Is it below thee? And what if God will cross his book and blot out the handwriting that is against thee, arid not let thee know it as yet? Is it fit to say unto God, Thou art hard-hearted? Despair not; thou hast no ground to despair, so long as thou livest in this world. It is a sin to begin to despair before one sets his foot over the threshold of hell-gates. For them that are there, let them despair, and spare not; but as for thee, thou hast no ground to do it. What, despair of bread in a land that is full of corn; despair of mercy, when our God is full of mercy; despair of mercy, when God goes about by his ministers, beseeching sinners to be reconciled to him?

Thou scrupulous fool, where canst thou find that God was ever false to his promise, or that he ever deceived the soul that ventured itself upon him? He often calls upon sinners to trust him, though they walk in darkness, and have no light. Isa. 50:10. They have his promise and oath for their salvation, that flee for refuge to the hope set before them.

Despair, when we have a God of mercy and a redeeming Christ alive! For shame, forbear; let them despair that dwell where there is no God, and that are confined to those chamhers of death which can be reached by no redemption.

A living man despair, when he is chid for murmuring and complaining! Lam. 3:39. Oh, so long as we are where promises swarm, where mercy is proclaimed, where grace reigns, and where Jerusalem sinners are privileged with the first offer of mercy, it is a base thing to despair.

Despair undervalues the promise, undervalues the invitation, undervalues the proffer of grace. Despair undervalues the ability of God the Father, and the redeeming blood of Christ his Son. Oh, unreasonable despair!

Despair makes man God's judge; it is a controller of the promise, a contradictor of Christ in his large offers of mercy; and one that undertakes to make unbelief the great manager of our reason and judgment, in determining about what God can and will do for sinners.

Despair! it is the devil's fellow, the devil's master; yea, the chains with which he is captivated, and held under darkness for ever: arid to give way thereto, in a land, in a state and time that flows with milk and honey, is an uncomely thing.

I would say to my soul, O my soul, this is not the place of despair; this is not the time to despair in. As long as mine eyes can find a promise in the Bible, as long as there is a moment left me of breath or life ill this world, so long will I wait or look for mercy, so long will I fight against unbelief and despair.

This is the way to honor God and Christ; this is the way to set the crown on the promise; this is the way to welcome the invitation and the inviter; and this is the way to thrust thyself under the shelter and protection of the word of grace. Never despair, so long as our text is alive; for that doth sound it out, that mercy by Christ is offered in the first place to the biggest sinner.

Let none despair, let none presume: let none despair, that are sorry for their sins and would he saved by Jesus Christ; let none presume that abide in the liking of their sins, though they seem to know the exceeding grace of Christ; for though the doors stand wide open for the reception of the penitent, yet they are fast enough barred and bolted against the presumptuous sinner. Be not deceived, God is not mocked; whatsoever a man sows, that shall he also reap. It cannot be that God should be wheedled out of his mercy, or prevailed upon by lips of dissimulation; he knows them that trust in him, and that sincerely come to him by Christ for mercy.

It is, then, not the abundance of sins committed, but the not coming heartily to God by Christ for mercy, that shuts men out of doors.

Is it so, that they that are coining to Jesus Christ, are ofttimes heartily afraid that he will not receive them? Then this should teach old Christians to pity and pray for young comers. You know the heart of a stranger, for you yourselves were strangers in the land of Egypt. You know the fears and doubts and terrors that take hold of them, for they sometimes took hold of you. Wherefore, pity them, pray for them, encourage them; they need all this.

THE POWER OF THE GOSPEL.

That Jesus Christ, by what he has done, has paid full price to God for sinners and obtained eternal redemption for them, is evident, if you consider how the preaching thereof has been from that time to this a mighty conqueror over all kinds of sinners. What nation, what people, what kind of sinners have not been subdued by the preaching of a crucified Christ? He upon the white horse with his bow and his crown has conquered, doth conquer, and goeth forth yet conquering and to conquer.

The doctrine of forgiveness of sin conquered his very murderers. They could not withstand the grace; those bloody ones that would kill him whatever it cost them, could stand no longer, but received his doctrine, fell into his bosom, and obtained the salvation which is in Christ Jesus. "They shall look upon him whom they have pierced, and mourn for him as one mourneth for his only son, and they shall be in bitterness for him as one is in bitterness for his first-born." Now was the scripture eminently fulfilled, when the kindness of a crucified Christ broke to pieces the hearts of them that had before been his betrayers and murderers. Now was there a great mourning in Jerusalem; now was there wailing and lamentation, mixed with joy and rejoicing.

Though Paul was mad, exceeding mad against Jesus Christ of Nazareth, seeking to put out his name from under heaven; yet the voice from heaven, "I am Jesus, I am the Saviour," how did it conquer him, make him throw down his arms, fall down at Christ's feet, and accept of the forgiveness of sins freely by grace, through redemption by faith in his blood.

How was the sturdy jailer overcome by a promise of forgiveness of sins by faith in Jesus Christ. It stopped his hand of self-murder, it eased him of the gnawings of a guilty conscience and fears of hell-fire, and filled his soul with rejoicing in God.

What shall I say? no man could as yet stand before, and not fall under, the revelation of the forgiveness of sins through a crucified Christ; as hanged, as dying, as accursed for sinners, he draws all men unto him, men of all sorts, of all degrees.

Shall I add, how have men broken through all difficulties to Jesus, when he hath been discovered to them! Neither lions, nor fires, nor sword, nor famine, nor nakedness, nor peril; "neither death nor life; nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers; nor things present, nor things to come; nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

BUNYAN'S CONVERSION

I speak by experience: I was one of these verminous ones, one of these great sin-breeders; I infected all the youth of the town where I was born with all manner of youthful vanities. The neighbors counted me so; my practice proved me so: wherefore Christ Jesus took me first, and taking me first, the contagion was much allayed all the town over. When God made me sigh, they would hearken, and inquiringly say, "What is the matter with John?" They also gave their various opinions of me; but, as I said, sin cooled, and failed as to his full career. When I went out to seek the bread of life, some of them would follow, and the rest be put into a muse at home.

When it pleased the Lord to begin to instruct my soul, he found me one of the black sinners of the world; he found me making a sport of oaths, and also of lies; and many a soul-poisoning meal did I make out of divers lusts, as drinking, dancing, etc., with the wicked ones of the world. The Lord finding me in this condition, opened the glass of his law unto me, showing me so clearly my sins--both the greatness of them, and also how abominable they were in his sight--that I thought the very clouds were charged with the wrath of God, and ready to let fall the fire of his jealousy upon me; yet for all this I was so wedded to my sins, that I thought with myself, "I will have them, though I lose my soul," wretch that I was. But God, the great, the rich, the infinitely merciful God, did not take this advantage of my soul to cast me away; but followed me still, arid won my heart by giving me some understanding, not only of my miserable state which I was very sensible of, but also that there might he hopes of mercy; taking away my love to lust, and placing in the room thereof a holy love to religion. Thus the Lord won my heart to some desire to hear the word, to grow a stranger to my old companions, and to accompany the people of God, giving me many sweet encouragements from several promises in the scriptures. But after this, the Lord wonderfully set my sins upon my conscience; those sins especially that I had committed since the first convictions: temptations also followed me very hard; especially such as tended to make me question the way of salvation--whether Jesus Christ was the Saviour or not, and whether I had best to venture my soul upon him for salvation, or take some other course--and I continued a year and upwards without any sound evidence as from God to my soul, touching salvation as it comes by Jesus Christ. But at the last, as I may say, when the set time was come, the Lord did set me down blessedly in the truth of the doctrine of Jesus Christ.