Part 2

EDITH. I don't know. The kind with a big automobile. And you, Ida?

IDA. I want to be a politician.

Mat. An honest one, of course.

IDA. Well, no. A successful politician. And you, May?

Mat. I want to run a vegetable market, where the women can come with their market baskets.

SUSAN. Where the _men_ can come with their market baskets, (_to_ PAULINE) And you, you poor creature, have you never felt the longing to usurp man's sphere? Have you never longed to do a man's work?

PAULINE. Oh, yes, mam. This humble heart (_tapping her waist_) has felt the what-you-call it many a time. I have always wished, mam, to be a pirate.

All. A pirate!

PAULINE. A pirate. And why not? That's men's work. Listen:--

Since my mother's lap I played in When I was a wee small maiden--

SUSAN. Just so high!

All. Just so high!

PAULINE.

I have had a great ambition For to better my condition--

SUSAN. So have I.

All. So have I.

PAULINE.

Dolls was things I much detested Toys left me uninterested. Even as a little baby I had hopes that sometime, maybe I could be a roaring pirate, Be a swearing, tearing pirate, Be a shocking, wicked pirate, With a cruel, cruel eye,

SUSAN. I call that a very noble and uplifting ambition for a modern young lady.

PAULINE.

Listen:--

I have dreamed of death and slaughter On the wild tumultuous water

SUSAN. Oh, how dear!

ALL. Oh, how dear!

PAULINE.

I have longed to wear a dagger And cut throats, and swear, and swagger.

SUSAN, Hear! Hear!

All. Hear! Hear!

PAULINE.

All around me, dead and dying, I would see my victims lying; And I'd laugh out loud and louder As I smelled the blood and powder, For I'd be a roaring pirate, Be a swearing, tearing pirate, Bloody-bones, the heartless pirate, With a cruel, cruel eye.

SUSAN. I consider Bloody-bones a very sweet name for a young lady pirate. Very!

PAULINE. Yes, mam. (_curtseys_) So, if it's all the same to you, I'd like to be a pirate, mam, SUSAN. Certainly. A pirate's life is a very mannish occupation.

KATE. Wouldn't it be lovely to be a pirate! It is much more interesting than being a doctor.

PAULINE. Yes, Miss Kate. And there's no scrubbin' on a pirate craft. The wash of the sea is merely a poetical term. And if the men is drove off the land, they'll take to ships, do you see, and there'll be plenty of work for a respectable, blood-thirsty lady pirate to do, catchin' 'em and extinguishing 'em.

GRACE. Oh, girls, wouldn't it be lovely to be pirates?

SUSAN. Then be pirates! The Militant Suffragettes need a navy as well as an army. Every revolution needs its privateers.

KATE. No more sewing! (_gathers up sewing and throws it down_)

PAULINE. No more scrubbin'. (_throws away mop and brush_)

GRACE. No more rag bags! (_takes rag bag from chair, and is about to throw it, when red rags fall out_)

PAULINE. Hold on, Miss GRACE! Pirates is mostly dressed out of rag bags, (_winds red rag around_ GRACE's _head, and a red rag as sash. All do likewise_) Wait till I get the swords, (_exit_ PAULINE)

KATE, (_front, with clenched fists_) OO--I feel blood-thirsty!

SUSAN. And you look extremely blood-thirsty.

GRACE, OO--I feel ferocious!

SUSAN. And you look too ferocious for anything.

EDITH. OO--I feel wicked!

SUSAN. You are certainly a fear-compelling sight.

IDA. OO--I feel murderous!

SUSAN. You look like a most criminal character.

Mat. OO--I feel dangerous!

SUSAN. You look extremely dangerous.

PAULINE. (_entering with table knives, etc_.) OO--I feel like if I seen a cake of soap I could kick it! (_she distributes knives_)

SUSAN. Reserve your wrath for the men. (_drawing them all to her_) Hist! To-night--at dead of night--we will capture--a lumber schooner--at Copp's lumber yard--

All. Aye! Aye! Mam!

SUSAN. To-night--at dead of night--meet me--at the corner of--Main and Broadway!

All. Aye! Aye! Mam!

SUSAN. To-night--at dead of night--we will strangle the watchmen--

KATE. At dead of night? I don't think we ought to strangle watchmen at dead of night unless we have a chaperone, do you girls?

SUSAN. Nonsense! What kind of Suffragettes are you to need a chaperone? I don't have a chaperone.

GRACE. Well, I don't care! I'm not going out strangling at night without a chaperone! It isn't proper.

SUSAN. But you are a pirate.

EDITH. I don't care if we are pirates. We don't have to be improper pirates. I want to strangle and murder in a perfectly proper manner.

PAULINE. How about takin' the old lady with you?

KATE. Grandma Gregg? Why, she's no Suffragette. Oh, girls! The very thing! We _will_ take Grandma Gregg! We'll capture her! We'll take her, in chains!

SUSAN. Excellent! _You_ will have your chaperone, and I will be rid of the most dangerous Anti-suffra-gette! Seek her and seize her!

All. We go! We go! (_exit all, left, except_ PAULINE) (_enter_ GRANDMA GREGG, _right_)

GRANDMA. I thought I heard a noise, Pauline. How are the dear girls getting on with their lessons?

PAULINE, (_curtseys_) Fine, mam. They're learning new tricks every day.

GRANDMA. (_picking up dummy and laying it over chair back_) Very good. But I wouldn't wear a bandeau on my hair if I were you, Pauline. I don't like these ribbons bound around the head of young girls. They make them look like pirates. (PAULINE _starts uneasily_)

PAULINE. Pirates, mam? What a notion!

GRANDMA. Pirates, or Italian ditch diggers.

PAULINE, (_boldly_) Well, mam, let it be pirates, then. Pirate is what I am. (_hesitates_) Grandma Gregg, you've always been good to me, barring the scrubbing and mopping and blacking shoes and stoves. If I was you, mam, I'd pack some clothes, so as to be ready for the sea voyage.

GRANDMA. Me? A sea voyage?

PAULINE. Yes'm. (_curtseys_) This Susan Jane Jones is not what she seems, mam. I let on, mam, I was of her way of thinking, mam, but I ain't. A husband is good enough woman's rights for me, mam. A nice, quiet, well-behaved husband like that one there is all I want.

GRANDMA. I don't understand you.

PAULINE. Susan Jane Jones is a Militant Suffragette, mam.

GRANDMA. A Militant Suffragette? In this academy?

PAULINE. Yes, mam. (_curtseys_) She's here like a snake in the grass, mam, and her and the young ladies is goin' to extinguish all the men. They're all goin' to be pirates, mam, and most bloody minded pirates they be, too. And you, mam, that never did them any harm, they are going to capture and take along with them in chains. For a chaperone, mam.

GRANDMA, (_hanging her head_) And is this the reward for my efforts to make good wives of them!

(_Enter_ SUSAN _cautiously. She beckons to the girls_.)

SUSAN. This way! She's here!

(_The girls creep in, knives in their teeth, swaggering like story-book pirates._ SUSAN _folds her arms._)

SUSAN. Woman! Your hour has come!

GRANDMA. Well, I do declare!

SUSAN. These poor maidens you thought to corrupt into housework ways, I have won from you. Here, to-day, the revolution that will sweep the men from the land and sea, begins! We are resolved! ALL. (_shouting_) We are resolved!

SUSAN. In these hearts burns nothing but hatred and detestation of man.

ALL. (_shouting_) Hatred and detestation.

KATE. We don't want to have anything more to do with men.

GRACE. We are absolutely through with them. And with boys, too.

GRANDMA. Now, my dears--

SUSAN. Enough! Pirates, do your duty! Seize that man! (_two girls seize and bind the dummy_)

SUSAN. Ha! Ha! Now seize and bind and gag that woman, (_points to_ GRANDMA. _The girls rush at_ GRANDMA, _who skips backward_)

SUSAN, (_front, rubbing her hands with joy_) pirates! My faithful band of man-haters, (_to audience_) You men, your turn is next!

A BOY'S VOICE. (_off stage_) OO-oo!

(KATE, _who it about to bind_ GRANDMA, _stops and listens_.)

KATE That's John!

SECOND BOY'S VOICE. (_off stage) Oo-oo! Oo-oo!_)

GRACE. (_listening_) That's--that's Arthur!

SEVERAL BOY'S VOICES. Oo-oo! Oo-Oo! Oo-oo!

EDITH, IDA and Mat. That's Sam! That's George! That's Henry! (_all crowd to door and look out_)

KATE. (_eagerly_) Oh, girls! It's the boys, they want us to come out! Where's my hat?

(_All rush in a crowd to sofa and begin digging wildly into wraps and hats, putting them on as hastily as possible_)

SUSAN. Girls! Pirates! Stop! The revolution! Remember your cause!

KATE. (_pinning on her hat_) Revolution! I haven't time for revolutions, don't you hear the boys calling us?

SUSAN. Stop! Are you not women?

GRACE. (_as all come forward_) Women? Pirates? Why no, we are just the I. I. Club. Just girls. Just sweet girls!

VOICES, (_off stage_) Oo-oo!

GIRLS. Oo-oo! Oo-oo! Oo-oo! (_they rush out_)

(SUSAN _slowly picks up umbrella and hand bag, and moves to door_. GRANDMA _takes up her knitting._ PAULINE _picks up her mop, and looks lovingly at dummy_.)

PAULINE. I'm ashamed of you, sir. Why didn't you-oo at me when all them boys was oo-ooing? you had oo-ooed at me I would have oo-ooed back.

GRANDMA. (_with interest_) Did he speak to you, Pauline?

PAULINE. No, mam. He's an Ideal Husband, and Ideal Husbands don't talk back, mam.

(CURTAIN)