Part 6

(_With an air of sweet sadness._) Not think of you, Gertrude? Ah, how often have I not longed to seek you--to come to you with outstretched arms and say, "Gertrude, let us forgive and forget, let us be happy again as we were in the dear old days gone by." (_Stifles a sob._)

MRS. BEN DIXON.

Why didn't you do it?

MR. BEN DIXON.

My dear Bella, do not interrupt. There were reasons rendering it necessary for me to control my longing--you were one of them.

MRS. WHEEDLES.

And did you never think of what had become of me--of how I was getting on?

MR. BEN DIXON.

Do you think I could have lived a moment in doubt? I made enquiries. They told me you were well and----

MRS. BEN DIXON.

You said just now they told you she was dead.

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_Irritably._) My good woman, do be quiet. I'm not addressing you. I'm talking to my wife.

MRS. WHEEDLES.

Do let the man explain.

MRS. BEN DIXON.

Explain! And do you mean to say you're going to be fool enough to listen to him--you poor ninny-hammer?

MRS. WHEEDLES.

(_Bridling._) Don't you call me names, ma'am. I'm a respectable married woman, which is more than some people are.

MRS. BEN DIXON

And whose fault if they're not, I should like to know? Why couldn't you keep him when you'd got him?--not let him loose to prey on poor fools like me.

MRS. WHEEDLES.

Why did you come with your arts and your tricks and lure him away, ma'am?

MRS. BEN DIXON.

I! I lure away _that!_ You silly old woman!

MRS. WHEEDLES.

No more a silly old woman than you are, ma'am. He was a loving Christian husband till you came between us with your painted face.

MRS. BEN DIXON.

(_Close to her._) You say I paint my face, and I'll pull your false front off.

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_He has hitherto remained standing between them in an attitude expressive of pious indifference, his finger-tips pressed against each other._) Ladies! ladies!

MRS. BEN DIXON.

(_Turns fiercely on him._) You be quiet (_he skips out of her way_), and keep your breath to bamboozle that poor fool with. You take him back again, my dear, you haven't had enough of him as yet. I shan't interfere I am only too glad to be rid of him. Only if he makes a fool of you a second time, don't you come to me for sympathy. I've done with you both, and I've done with respectability. I've paid enough for being a prude. For the future give me something wholesome and disreputable. (_She sweeps out by door at back which she slams behind her._)

MRS. WHEEDLES.

(_Calling after her_.) Hussy!

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_Soothing her._) Don't take any notice of her, dearest; she's a little excited, that's all.

MRS. WHEEDLES.

(_Clinging to him._) I feel so upset, Henery (_crying_).

MR. BEN DIXON.

Of course you do. You're not strong, Gertrude. We must take more care of you. (_Puts his arm round her while slyly looking at his watch._)

MRS. WHEEDLES.

(_Looking up lovingly at him!_) You won't leave me again?

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_He hastily slips watch out of sight._) Leave you! Not now that I have you once again. (_Squeezes her to him tenderly--then with joyful playfulness._) And I'll tell you what we'll do, Gerty, to celebrate this joyful reunion. We'll have one of our dear little old evenings out together--do you remember them? The little dinner at the little restaurant with the little bottle of wine, and the Adelphi afterwards. (_Mrs. Wheedles answers with a look and a coy laugh._) Run and put your bonnet on and we'll trot off together this very minute and get away from them all.

MRS. WHEEDLES.

I must just change my dress, Henery.

MR. BEN DIXON.

Of course, of course you must, you long will it?

But it won't take

MRS. WHEEDLES.

Not more than ten minutes.

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_He edges her towards the door._) Ah, well, be as quick as you can, dear. I'll wait down here for you.

MRS. WHEEDLES.

You--you _will_ wait, Henery?

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_Offended._) Gertrude!

MRS. WHEEDLES.

No--I didn't mean that, dear.

MR. BEN DIXON.

I know you didn't. I know you didn't (_pushing her playfully out._) And, Gerty! (_she stops_) you haven't got the cherry coloured one still by you?--the one you used to look so saucy in?

MRS. WHEEDLES.

(_At open door._) Yes, I have, Henery. I've never worn it since the day you left me.

MR. BEN DIXON.

Put that one on, will you? Eh? (_They both laugh playfully and he pats her cheek and she goes off--he watches her off then closes the door._) Poor old soul! (_Looks at watch and collects his bag, umbrella, hat, etc._) Now if that fool of a cab isn't gone I can just---- (_He has his hat on and with his watch in his hand is opening door when--Enter Cherry, who stands blocking his exit._)

Can't stop a minute, my dear Cherry; so sorry. Good-bye! (_Tries to pass_.)

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Coming in and closing door._) Don't you say goodbye till you're clear off. You've got to have a chat with me first.

MR. BEN DIXON.

My dear sir, I positively decline. I am not at all pleased with you; I consider you have acted in a most unchristianlike manner. I am disappointed in you, Mr. Cherry. More disappointed that I can say.

ADAM CHERRY.

Then don't say it. The less you say, the sooner you'll get off, and I take it you want to get clear off before Mrs. Wheedles comes downstairs again.

MR. BEN DIXON.

Mr. Cherry, I do. I frankly admit it. Mrs. Wheedles is an excellent woman--a worthy woman, but--well, I put it to _you_, would _you_ like to live with her--as a husband?

ADAM CHERRY.

Mr. Wheedles!

MR. BEN DIXON.

Don't be absurd, sir. How dare you misunderstand me? I mean am I to blame for not wanting to?

ADAM CHERRY.

We won't go into that question. I am with you so far as to think that she will be much better off without you, and I also admit that I have no _wish_ to lodge an information against you on my own account--if we can come to terms.

MR. BEN DIXON.

Come to terms! What do you mean?

ADAM CHERRY.

I mean I want £4,000 in notes or gold out of you before you leave this house.

MR. BEN DIXON.

£4,000! Do you think, sir, that I'm a travelling bank?

ADAM CHERRY.

I know that you've made arrangements to go straight from this house on an absconding tour to the continent, and it's not unreasonable to suppose that under the circumstances you've got about you all the cash you could scrape together. Anyhow, if I don't have the satisfaction of getting the £4,000 out of you I'll have the satisfaction of handing you over to the police.

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_Mounting the high horse._) My good sir, do you know the legal term for what you are doing? "Endeavouring to extort money by threats." Are you aware that that is an indictable offence?

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Putting his hands in his pockets._) All right. Indict away.

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_Looks at watch_.) Damn it, here's five minutes gone already. My dear sir, do be reasonable.

ADAM CHERRY.

My dear Mr. Ben Dixon--or Wheedles--or whatever your name really is, don't argue You are getting off uncommonly cheap. I say nothing about the money you've swindled Mrs. Ben Dixon out of. I say nothing about the money you've swindled me out of. But I want the money you've swindled that poor boy and girl upstairs out of--and I mean to have it.

MR. BEN DIXON.

But if I haven't got it?

ADAM CHERRY.

Then you'll get five years' penal servitude for bigamy.

MR. BEN DIXON.

Dear, dear me, how Providence does seem against me to-day. Oh, this is a beast of a house (_savagely._) What is it you do want? Be quick about it? (_Slams down bag and umbrella and seats himself at table._)

ADAM CHERRY.

(_He has brought writing materials from sideboard and placed them_.) I want you to write a pleasant little note to Ted and Nelly, explaining the circumstances, and enclosing the £4,000, that's all.

MR. BEN DIXON.

Say £2,000, Mr. Cherry--£2,000 and a little something for yourself. I should like to give you a little something for yourself.

ADAM CHERRY.

£4,000--or Bow Street. You'd better be quick. You wouldn't look well with your hair short.

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_Gives him a look of intense malevolence and begins to write_) '.--"My dear children, before leaving England, under circumstances needless to be stated here, my thoughts naturally revert to my beloved ones."--Mr. Cherry, I consider you to be a damned scoundrel.--"It has all along been my intention to make good to you, my dear children, the loss you sustained when Providence ceased to smile upon the Nonconformist Building Society, Limited (_with concentrated rage._) My doing so leaves me a comparative pauper, but do not grieve for me."

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Who is standing beside him, looking over._) That's rather needless, isn't it?

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_Savagely_.) Shut up! (_Writing._) "Committing you, my dear beloved ones, to the care of Providence, and trusting that one day we may be all reunited in the bourne of the righteous, I remain your loving and affectionate uncle, Henry." (_Lays letter down and addresses envelope._)

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Taking up and looking at letter._) Very good--very good indeed.

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_Snatching letter away, and putting it in envelope._) Hypocrite! (_Takes out pocket-book and begins counting notes--pausing half-way through._) It's a lot of money, Mr. Cherry, to put all at once into the hands of two inexperienced young persons. Wouldn't it be better for us to give them £2,000 now, and let me send them the rest later on?

ADAM CHERRY.

Don't be silly! You're wasting time. Mrs. Wheedles will be down in a minute.

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_He gives Cherry another savage look and goes on counting; having finished he puts them in an envelope._) All my little savings, and me an old man. (_Is about to close envelope._)

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Taking it from him_.) You don't mind my counting them?

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_Wounded._) Do you mistrust me?

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Counting._) Merely a matter of form. £3,995 here, Mr. Wheedles.

MR. BEN DIXON.

(_He has collected his baggage, and is on the point of slipping off. He now draws forth and hands Cherry another note._) I look upon you as a common thief, sir, and if I was a young man, I'd----

ADAM CHERRY.

There's nothing further that need detain you, Mr. Wheedles.

MR. BEN DIXON.

I am going, sir. I shake the dust of this house off my feet. (_Opens door at back and glances out, then turns towards Cherry and speaks in a suppressed voice._) I should never have thought it possible that any man could be so deceived in another as I have been in you. (_Looks out again and then round._) I have no hesitation in describing you, Mr. Cherry, as a blackleg--an experienced blackleg, sir. (_Looks out as before._) I only hope that----- (_Hears noise, looks out, slips round door, and disappears._)

ADAM CHERRY.

(He follows to door and looks after him.) Ah, well, I think that counts one to you, Adam Cherry.

(_Enter Nelly._)

NELLY MORRIS.

Will you come upstairs and see my aunt before she goes, Adam?

ADAM CHERRY.

Oh, tell her, my dear, she can come down. It's all right now. Come in a minute I want to speak to you. (_He closes door._)

NELLY MORRIS.

Is he gone?

ADAM CHERRY.

Yes, my dear.

NELLY MORRIS.

For good?

ADAM CHERRY.

Let us hope so. He is on his way to the continent. And (_giving to her letter_) he left this letter, my dear, for you and Ted. I think you will find the contents very satisfactory.

NELLY MORRIS.

It's the best thing that could happen, undoubtedly. I suppose he's walked off with nearly all aunt's money?

ADAM CHERRY.

A good deal of it I'm afraid, dear. And he's not the only old man who's had the idea of walking off with other people's property.

NELLY MORRIS.

(_With a laugh._) Have you been finding out any more of them?

ADAM CHERRY.

Yes, my dear (_turning towards her_). An old gentleman, my dear, (_taking her hand and stroking it_) that was about to walk off with a beautiful young lady who, by all the laws of love, was the rightful property of somebody else. Only, fortunately, he was stopped in time. (_Nelly looks at him and is about to speak. Stopping her, kindly._) Don't say anything, my dear, it will be less painful for both of us. I was an old fool; and you--you thought of others more than of yourself, my dear. (_Lightly_) The property must be restored to its real owner, and I must leave you, my dear, to make all necessary compensation for temporary loss. See Jack and tell him you are free.

(_Enter Mrs. Ben Dixon, followed by Theodore._)

MRS. BEN DIXON.

We saw that old scoundrel sneak off. Is he coming back?

I fancy not.

ADAM CHERRY.

MRS. BEN DIXON.

Did Mrs. Wheedles let him go?

ADAM CHERRY.

I don't think she knows as yet. She's got to learn it poor woman.

MRS. BEN DIXON.

Poor soul! I must stop and say a kind word to her. I've been calling her a lot of bad names. (_Suddenly_) Here, do you know what Ted's done?

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Alarmed._) Nothing rash?

MRS. BEN DIXON.

Well, it all depends upon how you look at it. He's, got himself engaged to Primrose.

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Smiling meaningly._) Rather a good thing for him, isn't it?

(_Enter Primrose and Ted_.)

PRIMROSE.

(_Who has overheard Cherry's remark as she enters._) No, it isn't. You mustn't think that at all, Mr. Cherry.

I haven't any money, we're going to give it all away. Ted doesn't want me to have any.

MRS. BEN DIXON.

(_Aside to her._) Put it by, quietly, my dear, and hear what he says two years after marriage.

THEODORE TRAVERS.

(_Who has been occupying an unobtrusive position, taking notes._) You know I think it extremely uncivil of you; Ted, I had always regarded Primrose as my own personal property. I had been "nursing" her, as we say in the political world, for years.

TED MORRIS.

(_Laughing!_) I should have thought that a man of your age would have got over all ideas of that kind.

PRIMROSE DEANE.

(_Laughing._) Besides, Theodore, I'm not literary. You know I read the _Family Herald_.

THEODORE TRAVERS.

My dear Primrose, that's a great mistake people make. A literary man doesn't want a literary wife. It would be like living with a critic. A clever man wants a wife foolish enough to always admire him. We should have got on admirably together. (_To Cherry_.) You haven't seen my pocket-book about anywhere, have you, Cherry?

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Taking it from his pocket and giving it to him._) Yes, you left it on the table. I took the liberty of glancing into it; you don't mind I suppose?

THEODORE TRAVERS.

Not at all. Learnt how to write a comedy?

ADAM CHERRY.

Yes, and (_turning away_) how to live one.

NELLY MORRIS

(_Who has been reading letter._) Ted. (_He comes to her._) Mr. Ben Dixon left this addressed to us. (_Gives it him_.) Read it.

TED MORRIS

Moral advice, I suppose. Why what--why here's notes for----

NELLY MORRIS.

It's the money you let him have to put in that building society.

TED MORRIS.

What, the whole £4,000! Nelly, we're rich! Primrose! (_She comes to him._) Poor old Ben, he wasn't so bad. (_Nelly, Primrose, and ted talk together near window._)

MRS. BEN DIXON.

That was very clever of you, Adam. I never thought of that. You're a good sort, Cherry.

(_Enter Mrs. Wheedles, dressed somewhat extravagantly. She comes in eagerly, then pauses at door and looks round. Her heart sinks._)

MRS. WHEEDLES.

Where's----

ADAM CHERRY.

Gone, Mrs Wheedles. It was only a dodge to get you out of the room that he might bolt. Don't think any more about him.

(_Mrs. Wheedles sinks into a chair._ )

MRS. BEN DIXON.

Believe me, Mrs. Wheedles, it was the kindest thing he could do for you. We are both well rid of him.

MRS. WHEEDLES.

(_Crying softly._) I believe you're right, ma'am.

TED MORRIS.

(_At window looking out._) Hulloa, here's Jack. (_To Cherry._) Shall I ask him in here?

ADAM CHERRY.

(_Moving towards door at back._ ) No, dear boy. I'll send him up to you myself.

NELLY MORRIS.

(_Who has exchanged glances with Cherry at the mention of Jack's name, slips across quietly and meets him at door just as he is going out._) I shall always love you, Mr. Cherry. You're such a grand little gentleman.

(_Cherry, taking her face between his hands, kisses her and goes out._)