Part 29

"On the most rising part of the town there stands a huge house, big enough to contain the whole nation of which I am king. Our good brother E Tow O Koam king of the Rivers, is of opinion it was made by the hands of that great God to whom it is consecrated. The kings of Granajah and of the Six Nations believe that it was created with the earth, and produced on the same day with the sun and moon. But for my own part, by the best information that I could get of this matter, I am apt to think that this prodigious pile was fashioned into the shape it now bears by several tools and instruments; of which they have a wonderful variety in this country. It was probably at first an huge mis-shapen rock that grew upon the top of the hill, which the natives of the country (after having cut it into a kind of regular figure) bored and hollowed with incredible pains and industry, till they had wrought in it all those beautiful vaults and caverns into which it is divided at this day. As soon as this rock was thus curiously scooped to their liking, a prodigious number of hands must have been employed in chipping the outside of it, which is now as smooth as polished marble;[5] and is in several places hewn out into pillars that stand like the trunks of so many trees bound about the top with garlands of leaves. It is probable that when this great work was begun, which must have been many hundred years ago, there was some religion among this people; for they give it the name of a temple, and have a tradition that it was designed for men to pay their devotions in. And indeed, there are several reasons which make us think, that the natives of this Country had formerly among them some sort of worship; for they set apart every seventh day as sacred: but upon my going into one of those holy houses on that day, I could not observe any circumstance of devotion in their behaviour: There was indeed a man in black who was mounted above the rest, and seemed to utter something with a great deal of vehemence; but as for those underneath him, instead of paying their worship to the Deity of the place, they were most of them bowing and curtsying to one another, and a considerable number of them fast asleep.

"The Queen of the country appointed two men to attend us, that had enough of our language to make themselves understood in some few particulars. But we soon perceived these two were great enemies to one another, and did not always agree in the same story. We could make a shift to gather out of one of them, that this island was very much infested with a monstrous kind of animals, in the shape of men, called Whigs; and he often told us, that he hoped we should meet with none of them in our way, for that if we did, they would be apt to knock us down for being kings.

"Our other interpreter used to talk very much of a kind of animal called a Tory, that was as great a monster as the Whig, and would treat us as ill for being foreigners.[6] These two creatures, it seems, are born with a secret antipathy to one another, and engage when they meet as naturally as the elephant and the rhinoceros. But as we saw none of either of these species, we are apt to think that our guides deceived us with misrepresentations and fictions, and amused us with an account of such monsters as are not really in their country.

"These particulars we made a shift to pick out from the discourse of our interpreters; which we put together as well as we could, being able to understand but here and there a word of what they said, and afterwards making up the meaning of it among ourselves. The men of the country are very cunning and ingenious in handicraft works; but withal so very idle, that we often saw young lusty raw-boned fellows carried up and down the streets in little covered rooms by a couple of porters who are hired for that service. Their dress is likewise very barbarous, for they almost strangle themselves about the neck, and bind their bodies with many ligatures, that we are apt to think are the occasion of several distempers among them which our country is entirely free from. Instead of those beautiful feathers with which we adorn our heads, they often buy up a monstrous bush of hair, which covers their heads, and falls down in a large fleece below the middle of their backs; with which they walk up and down the streets, and are as proud of it as if it was of their own growth.

"We were invited to one of their public diversions, where we hoped to have seen the great men of their country running down a stag or pitching a bar, that we might have discovered who were the men of the greatest perfections in their country;[7] but instead of that, they conveyed us into an huge room lighted up with abundance of candles, where this lazy people sat still above three hours to see several feats of ingenuity performed by others, who it seems were paid for it.

"As for the women of the country, not being able to talk with them, we could only make our remarks upon them at a distance. They let the hair of their heads grow to a great length; but as the men make a great show with heads of hair that are none of their own, the women, who they say have very fine heads of hair, tie it up in a knot and cover it from being seen. The women look like angels, and would be more beautiful than the sun, were it not for little black spots[8] that are apt to break out in their faces, and sometimes rise in very odd figures. I have observed that those little blemishes wear off very soon; but when they disappear in one part of the face, they are very apt to break out in another, insomuch that I have seen a spot upon the forehead in the afternoon, which was upon the chin in the morning."

The author then proceeds to shew the absurdity of breeches and petticoats, with many other curious observations, which I shall reserve for another occasion. I cannot however conclude this paper without taking notice, that amidst these wild remarks there now and then appears something very reasonable. I cannot likewise forbear observing, that we are all guilty in some measure of the same narrow way of thinking which we meet with in this abstract of the Indian journal; when we fancy the customs, dresses, and manners of other countries are ridiculous and extravagant, if they do not resemble those of our own.[9]

[Footnote 1: On March 16th, 1711, Swift writes to Stella: "Have you seen the 'Spectator' yet, a paper that comes out every day? 'Tis written by Mr. Steele, who seems to have gathered new life, and have a new fund of wit; it is in the same nature as his 'Tatlers,' and they have all of them had something pretty. I believe Addison and he club." On April 28th he writes again: "'The Spectator' is written by Steele with Addison's help: 'tis often very pretty. Yesterday it was made of a noble hint I gave him long ago for his 'Tatlers,' about an Indian supposed to write his travels into England. I repent he ever had it. I intended to have written a book on that subject. I believe he has spent it all in one paper, and all the under hints there are mine too" (vol. ii., pp. 139 and 166 of present edition). [T.S.]]

[Footnote 2: Juvenal, "Satires," xiv. 321.

"Nature and wisdom never are at strife."--W. GIFFORD.

[T.S.]]

[Footnote 3: Steele's paper on the four Indian kings appeared in "The Tatler" for May 13th, 1710 (No. 171):--"Who can convince the world that four kings shall come over here, and He at the Two Crowns and Cushion, and one of them fall sick, and the place be called King Street, and all this by mere accident?"--The so-called kings were four Iroquois chiefs who came over to see Queen Anne. The Queen saw them on April 19th, 1710. During their visit here Colonel Schuyler and Colonel Francis Nicholson were appointed to attend them. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 4: They lodged over the shop of Mr. Arne--father of Dr. Arne and Mrs. Cibber--in King Street, Covent Garden. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 5: The edition of 1712 has, "as the surface of a pebble." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 6: In "The Tatler" for February 4th, 1709/10 (No. 129), Steele prints a letter from "Pasquin of Rome," in which he says: "It would also be very acceptable here to receive an account of those two religious orders which are lately sprung up amongst you, the Whigs and the Tories, with the points of doctrine, severities in discipline, penances, mortifications, and good works, by which they differ one from another." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 7: The edition of 1712 has: "the persons of the greatest abilities among them." [T.S.]]

[Footnote 8: See "The Spectator," No. 81, and "The Examiner," No. 32. The "black spots" are the patches ladies stuck on their faces. [T.S.]]

[Footnote 9: This paper is signed "C.", in the edition of 1712, which is one of the signatures used by Addison. See, however, Swift's "Journal," quoted above. [T.S.]]

* * * * *

[The following paragraph in "The Spectator," No. 575 Monday, August 2. 1714. is believed to have been contributed by Swift.]

"The following question is started by one of the schoolmen. Supposing the whole body of the earth were a great ball or mass of the finest sand, and that a single grain or particle of this sand should be annihilated every thousand years. Supposing then that you had it in your choice to be happy all the while this prodigious mass of sand was consuming by this slow method till there was not a grain of it left, on condition you were to be miserable for ever after; or, supposing that you might be happy for ever after, on condition you would be miserable till the whole mass of sand were thus annihilated at the rate of one sand in a thousand years: Which of these two cases would you make your choice?"

CONTRIBUTIONS TO "THE INTELLIGENCER."

NOTE.

"THE INTELLIGENCER" was published in Dublin, commencing May 11th, 1728, and continued for nineteen numbers. On June 12th, 1731, Swift, writing to Pope, gives some account of its inception, and the amount of writing he did for it: "Two or three of us had a fancy, three years ago, to write a weekly paper, and call it an 'Intelligencer.' But it continued not long; for the whole volume (it was reprinted in London, and I find you have seen it) was the work only of two, myself, and Dr. Sheridan. If we could have got some ingenious young man to have been the manager, who should have published all that might be sent him, it might have continued longer, for there were hints enough. But the printer here could not afford such a young man one farthing for his trouble, the sale being so small, and the price one halfpenny; and so it dropped. In the volume you saw, (to answer your questions,) the 1, 3, 5, 7, were mine. Of the 8th I writ only the verses, (very uncorrect, but against a fellow we all hated [Richard Tighe],) the 9th mine, the 10th only the verses, and of those not the four last slovenly lines; the 15th is a pamphlet of mine printed before, with Dr. Sheridan's preface, merely for laziness, not to disappoint the town: and so was the 19th, which contains only a parcel of facts relating purely to the miseries of Ireland, and wholly useless and unentertaining" (Scott's edition, xvii. 375-6).

Of the contributions thus acknowledged, Nos. 1, 3, and 19 are reprinted here from the original edition; Nos. 5 and 7 were included by Pope in the fourth volume of "Miscellanies," under the title "An Essay on the Fates of Clergymen"; No. 9 he entitled "An Essay on Modern Education"; No. 15 was a reprint of the pamphlet "A Short View of the State of Ireland"-- these will be found in this edition under the above titles. The verses in No. 8 ("Mad Mullinix and Timothy") and in No. 10 ("Tim and the Fables") are in Swift's "Poems," Aldine edition, vol. iii., pp. 132-43.

The nineteen numbers of "The Intelligencer" were collected and published in one volume, which was reprinted in London in 1729, "and sold by A. Moor in St. Paul's Church-yard." Monck Mason never saw a copy of the London reprint referred to by Swift. He had in his possession the original papers; "they are twenty in number," he says; "the last is double." The second London edition, published in 12mo in 1730, as "printed for Francis Cogan, at the Middle-Temple-Gate in Fleet-street," includes No. 20, "Dean Smedley, gone to seek his Fortune," and also a poem, "The Pheasant and the Lark. A Fable." In the poem, several writers are compared to birds, Swift being the nightingale:

"At length the nightingale was heard, For voice and wisdom long revered, Esteemed of all the wise and good, The guardian genius of the wood;" etc.

The poem was written by Swift's friend, Dr. Delany. The title-page of this second edition ascribes the authorship, "By the Author of a Tale of a Tub."

"The Intelligencer," in the words of W. Monck Mason, "served as a vehicle of satire against the Dean's political and literary enemies; of these the chief were, Richard Tighe, Sir Thomas Prendergast, and Jonathan Smedley, Dean of Clogher" ("Hist, and Antiq. of St. Patrick's," pp. 376-7). [T.S.]

THE INTELLIGENCER, NUMB. 1.[1]

SATURDAY, MAY 11, TO BE CONTINUED WEEKLY.

It may be said, without offence to other cities, of much greater consequence in the world, that our town of Dublin doth not want its due proportion of folly, and vice, both native and imported; and as to those imported, we have the advantage to receive them last, and consequently after our happy manner to improve, and refine upon them.

But, because there are many effects of folly and vice among us, whereof some are general, others confined to smaller numbers, and others again, perhaps to a few individuals; there is a society lately established, who at great expense, have erected an office of Intelligence, from which they are to receive weekly information of all important events and singularities, which this famous metropolis can furnish. Strict injunctions are given to have the truest information: in order to which, certain qualified persons are employed to attend upon duty in their several posts; some at the play-house, others in churches, some at balls, assemblies, coffee-houses, and meetings for quadrille,[2] some at the several courts of justice, both spiritual and temporal, some at the college, some upon my lord mayor, and aldermen in their public affairs; lastly, some to converse with favourite chamber-maids, and to frequent those ale-houses, and brandy-shops, where the footmen of great families meet in a morning; only the barracks and Parliament-house are excepted; because we have yet found no _enfans perdus_ bold enough to venture their persons at either. Out of these and some other store-houses, we hope to gather materials enough to inform, or divert, or correct, or vex the town.

But as facts, passages, and adventures of all kinds, are like to have the greatest share in our paper, whereof we cannot always answer for the truth; due care shall be taken to have them applied to feigned names, whereby all just offence will be removed; for if none be guilty, none will have cause to blush or be angry; if otherwise, then the guilty person is safe for the future upon his present amendment, and safe for the present, from all but his own conscience.

There is another resolution taken among us, which I fear will give a greater and more general discontent, and is of so singular a nature, that I have hardly confidence enough to mention it, although it be absolutely necessary by way of apology, for so bold and unpopular an attempt. But so it is, that we have taken a desperate counsel to produce into the world every distinguished action, either of justice, prudence, generosity, charity, friendship, or public spirit, which comes well attested to us. And although we shall neither here be so daring as to assign names, yet we shall hardly forbear to give some hints, that perhaps to the great displeasure of such deserving persons may endanger a discovery. For we think that even virtue itself, should submit to such a mortification, as by its visibility and example, will render it more useful to the world. But however, the readers of these papers, need not be in pain of being overcharged, with so dull and ungrateful a subject. And yet who knows, but such an occasion may be offered to us, once in a year or two, after we shall have settled a correspondence round the kingdom.

But after all our boasts of materials, sent us by our several emissaries, we may probably soon fall short, if the town will not be pleased to lend us further assistance toward entertaining itself. The world best knows its own faults and virtues, and whatever is sent shall be faithfully returned back, only a little embellished according to the custom of authors. We do therefore demand and expect continual advertisements in great numbers, to be sent to the printer of this paper, who hath employed a judicious secretary to collect such as may be most useful for the public.

And although we do not intend to expose our own persons by mentioning names, yet we are so far from requiring the same caution in our correspondents, that on the contrary, we expressly _charge_ and _command_ them, in all the facts they send us, to set down the names, titles, and places of abode at length; together with a very particular description of the persons, dresses, and dispositions of the several lords, ladies, squires, madams, lawyers, gamesters, toupees, sots, wits, rakes, and informers, whom they shall have occasion to mention; otherwise it will not be possible for us to adjust our style to the different qualities, and capacities of the persons concerned, and treat them with the respect or familiarity, that may be due to their stations and characters, which we are determined to observe with the utmost strictness, that none may have cause to complain.

[Footnote 1: In the "Contents" to both the editions of 1729 and 1730, this is called "Introduction." Each of the numbers has a special title in this table, as follows:

No. I. Introduction. II. The Inhospitable Temper of 'Squire Wether. III. A Vindication of Mr. Gay, and the Beggar's Opera. IV. The Folly of Gaming. V. A Description of what the World calls Discretion. VI. A Representation of the Present Condition of Ireland. VII. The Character of Corusodes and Eugenio. VIII. A Dialogue between Mullinix and Timothy. IX. The foolish Methods of Education among the Nobility. X. Tim and Gay's Fables. XI. Proposals in Prose and Verse for, An Universal View of all the eminent Writers on the Holy Scriptures, &c. XII. Sir Ralph the Patriot turned Courtier. XIII. The Art of Story-Telling. XIV. Prometheus's Art of Man-making: And the Tale of the T--d. XV. The Services the Drapier has done his Country, and the Steps taken to ruin it. XVI. The Adventures of the three Brothers, George, Patrick, and Andrew. XVII. The Marks of Ireland's Poverty, shewn to be evident Proofs of its Riches. XVIII. St. Andrew's Day, and the Drapier's Birth-Day. XIX. The Hardships of the Irish being deprived of their Silver, and decoyed into America. [XX. Dean Smedley, gone to seek his Fortune. The Pheasant and the Lark. A Fable.]-[T.S.]]

[Footnote 2: A fashionable card game of the time. See also Swift's poem, "The Journal of a Modern Lady" (Aldine edition, vol. i., pp. 214-23), and "A New Proposal for the better regulation ... of Quadrille," written by Dr. Josiah Hort, Bp. of Kilmore, in 1735/6 (afterwards Abp. of Tuam), and included by Scott in his edition of Swift (vii. 372-7). [T.S.]]

THE INTELLIGENCER, NUMB. III.[1]

--_Ipse per omnes Ibit personas, et turbam reddet in unam._[2]

The players having now almost done with the comedy, called the "Beggar's Opera,"[3] for this season, it may be no unpleasant speculation, to reflect a little upon this dramatic piece, so singular in the subject, and the manner, so much an original, and which hath frequently given so very agreeable an entertainment.[4]

Although an evil taste be very apt to prevail, both here, and in London, yet there is a point which whoever can rightly touch, will never fail of pleasing a very great majority; so great, that the dislikers, out of dullness or affectation will be silent, and forced to fall in with the herd; the point I mean, is what we call humour, which in its perfection is allowed to be much preferable to wit, if it be not rather the most useful, and agreeable species of it.

I agree with Sir William Temple, that the word is peculiar to our English tongue, but I differ from him in the opinion, that the thing itself is peculiar to the English nation,[5] because the contrary may be found in many Spanish, Italian and French productions, and particularly, whoever hath a taste for true humour, will find a hundred instances of it in those volumes printed in France, under the name of _Le Théâtre Italien_,[6] to say nothing of Rabelais, Cervantes, and many others.

Now I take the comedy or farce, (or whatever name the critics will allow it) called the "Beggar's Opera"; to excel in this article of humour; and, upon that merit, to have met with such prodigious success both here, and in England.

As to poetry, eloquence and music, which are said to have most power over the minds of men, it is certain that very few have a taste or judgment of the excellencies of the two former, and if a man succeeds in either, it is upon the authority of those few judges, that lend their taste to the bulk of readers, who have none of their own. I am told there are as few good judges in music, and that among those who crowd the operas, nine in ten go thither merely out of curiosity, fashion, or affectation.

But a taste for humour is in some manner fixed to the very nature of man, and generally obvious to the vulgar, except upon subjects too refined, and superior to their understanding.

And as this taste of humour is purely natural, so is humour itself, neither is it a talent confined to men of wit, or learning; for we observe it sometimes among common servants, and the meanest of the people, while the very owners are often ignorant of the gift they possess.

I know very well, that this happy talent is contemptibly treated by critics, under the name of low humour, or low comedy; but I know likewise, that the Spaniards and Italians, who are allowed to have the most wit of any nation in Europe, do most excel in it, and do most esteem it.

By what disposition of the mind, what influence of the stars, or what situation of the climate this endowment is bestowed upon mankind, may be a question fit for philosophers to discuss. It is certainly the best ingredient toward that kind of satire, which is most useful, and gives the least offence; which instead of lashing, laughs men out of their follies, and vices, and is the character which gives Horace the preference to Juvenal.

And although some things are too serious, solemn or sacred to be turned into ridicule, yet the abuses of them are certainly not, since it is allowed that corruption in religion, politics, and law, may be proper topics for this kind of satire.

There are two ends that men propose in writing satire, one of them less noble than the other, as regarding nothing further than personal satisfaction, and pleasure of the writer; but without any view towards personal malice; the other is a public spirit, prompting men of genius and virtue, to mend the world as far as they are able. And as both these ends are innocent, so the latter is highly commendable. With regard to the former, I demand whether I have not as good a title to laugh, as men have to be ridiculous, and to expose vice, as another hath to be vicious. If I ridicule the follies and corruptions of a court, a ministry, or a senate; are they not amply paid by pensions, titles, and power, while I expect and desire no other reward, than that of laughing with a few friends in a corner. Yet, if those who take offence, think me in the wrong, I am ready to change the scene with them, whenever they please.