Chapter 17

I could heartily wish his Excellency would be more condescending to the genius of the kingdom he governs, to the condition of the times, and to the nature of the station he fills. Yet if it be true, what I have read in old English story-books, that one Agesilaus (no matter to the bulk of my readers, whether I spell the names right or wrong) was caught by the parson of the parish, riding on a hobby-horse with his children; that Socrates a heathen philosopher, was found dancing by himself at fourscore; that a king called Cæsar Augustus (or some such name) used to play with boys; whereof some might possibly be sons of Tories; and, that two great men called Scipio and Lælius, (I forget their Christian names, and whether they were poets or generals,) often played at duck and drake with smooth stones on a river. Now I say, if these facts be true (and the book where I found them is in print) I cannot imagine why our most zealous patriots may not a little indulge his Excellency, in an infirmity which is not morally evil, provided he gives no public scandal (which is by all means to be avoided) I say, why he may not be indulged twice a week to converse with one or two particular persons, and let him and them con over their old exploded readings together, after mornings spent in hearing and prescribing ways and means from and to his most obedient politicians, for the welfare of the kingdom; although the said particular person or persons may not have made so public a declaration of their political faith in all its parts, as the business of the nation requires. Still submitting my opinion to that happy majority, which I am confident is always in the right; by whom the liberty of the subject hath been so frequently, so strenuously, and so successfully asserted; who by their wise counsels have made commerce to flourish, money to abound, inhabitants to increase, the value of lands and rents to rise; and the whole island put on a new face of plenty and prosperity.

But in order to clear his Excellency, more fully from this accusation of shewing his favours to high-flyers, Tories, and Jacobites; it will be necessary to come to particulars.

The first person of a Tory denomination to whom his Excellency gave any marks of his favour, was Doctor Thomas Sheridan.[157] It is to be observed, that this happened so early in his Excellency's government, as it may be justly supposed he had not been informed of that gentleman's character upon so dangerous an article. The Doctor being well known and distinguished, for his skill and success in the education of youth, beyond most of his profession for many years past, was recommended to his Excellency on the score of his learning, and particularly for his knowledge in the Greek tongue, whereof it seems his Excellency is a great admirer, although for what reasons I could never imagine. However it is agreed on all hands, that his lordship was too easily prevailed on by the Doctor's request, or indeed rather from the bias of his own nature, to hear a tragedy acted in that unknown language by the Doctor's lads,[158] which was written by some heathen author, but whether it contained any Tory or High-Church principles, must be left to the consciences of the boys, the Doctor, and his Excellency: The only witnesses in this case, whose testimonies can be depended upon.

It seems, his Excellency (a thing never to be sufficiently wondered at) was so pleased with his entertainment, that some time after he gave the Doctor a church living to the value of almost one hundred pounds a year, and made him one of his chaplains, from an antiquated notion, that good schoolmasters ought to be encouraged in every nation, professing civility and religion. Yet his Excellency did not venture to make this bold step without strong recommendations from persons of undoubted principles, fitted to the times; who thought themselves bound in justice, honour, and gratitude, to do the Doctor a good office in return for the care he had taken of their children, or those of their friends.[159] Yet the catastrophe was terrible: For, the Doctor in the height of his felicity and gratitude, going down to take possession of his parish, and furnished with a few led-sermons, whereof as it is to be supposed the number was very small, having never served a cure in the Church; he stopped at Cork to attend on his bishop; and going to church on the Sunday following, was according to the usual civility of country clergymen, invited by the minister of the parish to supply the pulpit. It happened to be the first of August[160]; and the first of August happened that year to light upon a Sunday: And it happened that the Doctor's text was in these words; "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof;" and lastly it happened, that some one person of the congregation, whose loyalty made him watchful upon every appearance of danger to his Majesty's person and Government, when service was over, gave the alarm. Notice was immediately sent up to town, and by the zeal of one man[161] of no large dimensions of body or mind, such a clamour was raised, that we in Dublin could apprehend no less than an invasion by the Pretender, who must be landed in the South. The result was, that the Doctor must be struck out of the chaplains' list, and appear no more at the Castle; yet, whether he were then, or be at this day, a Whig or a Tory, I think is a secret; only it is manifest, that he is a zealous Hanoverian, at least in poetry,[162] and a great adorer of the present Royal Family through all its branches. His friends likewise assert, that he had preached this same sermon often, under the same text; that not having observed the words till he was in the pulpit, and had opened his notes; as he is a person a little abstracted, he wanted presence of mind to change them: And that in the whole sermon there was not a syllable relating to Government or party, or to the subject of the day.

In this incident there seems to have been an union of events, that will probably never happen again to the end of the world, or at least like the grand conjunction in the heavens, which I think they say can arrive but once in twenty thousand years.

The second gentleman (if I am right in my chronology) who under the suspicion of a Tory, received some favour from his Excellency, is Mr. James Stopford[163]; very strongly recommended by the most eminent Whig in England, on the account of his learning, and virtue, and other accomplishments. He had passed the greatest part of his youth in close study, or in travelling; and was neither not at home, or not at leisure to trouble his thoughts about party; which I allow to be a great omission; though I cannot honestly place him in the list of Tories, and therefore think his Excellency may be fairly acquitted for making him Vicar of Finglass, worth about one hundred and fifty pounds a year.

The third is Doctor Patrick Delany.[164] This divine lies under some disadvantage; having in his youth received many civilities from a certain person then in a very high station here,[165] for which reason I doubt the Doctor never drank his confusion since: And what makes the matter desperate, it is now too late; unless our inquisitors will be content with drinking confusion to his memory. The aforesaid eminent person who was a judge of all merit but party, distinguished the Doctor among other juniors in our University, for his learning, virtue, discretion, and good sense. But the Doctor was then in too good a situation at his college, to hope or endeavour at a better establishment, from one who had no power to give it him.

Upon the present Lord-Lieutenant's coming over, the Doctor was named to his Excellency by a friend,[166] among other clergy of distinction, as persons whose characters it was proper his Excellency should know: And by the truth of which the giver would be content to stand or fall in his Excellency's opinion; since not one of those persons were in particular friendship with the gentleman who gave in their names. By this and some other incidents, particularly the recommendation of the late Archbishop of Dublin,[167] the Doctor became known to his Excellency; whose fatal turn of mind toward heathenish and outlandish books and languages, finding, as I conceive a like disposition in the Doctor, was the cause of his becoming so domestic, as we are told he is, at the Castle of Dublin.

Three or four years ago, the Doctor grown weary of an academic life, for some reasons best known to the managers of the discipline in that learned society (which it may not be for their honour to mention[168]) resolved to leave it, although by the benefit of the pupils, and his senior-fellowship with all its perquisites, he received every year between nine hundred and a thousand pounds.

And a small northern living, in the University's donation, of somewhat better than hundred pounds a year, falling at the same time with the Chancellorship of Christ-Church, to about equal the value, in the gift of his Excellency, the Doctor ventured into the world in a very scanty condition, having squandered away all his annual income in a manner, which although perhaps proper enough for a clergyman without a family, will not be for the advantage of his character to discover either on the exchange, or at a banker's shop.

About two months ago, his Excellency gave the Doctor a prebend in St. Patrick's Cathedral; which being of near the same value with either of the two former, will add a third part to his revenues, after he shall have paid the great incumbrances upon it; so that he may now be said to possess of Church preferments in scattered tithes, three hundred pounds a year, instead of the like sum of infallible rents from a senior fellowship with the offices annexed; beside the advantage of a free lodging, and some other easements.

But since the Doctor hath not in any of his writings, his sermons, his actions, his discourse, or his company, discovered one single principle of either Whig or Tory; and that the Lord Lieutenant still continues to admit him; I shall boldly pronounce him _ONE OF US_: but like a new free-mason, who hath not yet learned all the dialect of the mystery. Neither can he justly be accused of any Tory doctrines, except perhaps some among those few, with which that wicked party was charged, during the height of their power; but have been since transferred for the most solid reasons, to the whole body of our firmest friends.

I have now done with the clergy; And upon the strictest examination have not been able to find above one of that order, against whom any party suspicion can lie, which is the unfortunate gentleman, Doctor Sheridan, who by mere chance-medley shot his own fortune dead with a single text.

As to the laity I can hear of but one person of the Tory stamp, who since the beginning of his Excellency's government, did ever receive any solid mark of his favour; I mean Sir Arthur Acheson,[169] reported to be an acknowledged Tory, and what is almost as bad, a scholar into the bargain. It is whispered about as a certain truth, that this gentleman is to have a grant of a certain barrack upon his estate, within two miles of his own house; for which the Crown is to be his tenant, at the rent of sixty pounds _per annum_; he being only at the expense of about five hundred pounds, to put the house in repair, build stables, and other necessaries. I will place this invidious mark of beneficence, conferred on a Tory, in a fair light, by computing the costs and necessary defalcations; after which it may be seen how much Sir Arthur will be annually a clear gainer by the public, notwithstanding his unfortunate principles, and his knowledge in Greek and Latin.

For repairs, &c. _500l._ the interest whereof _per ann._ 30 0 0 For all manner of poultry to furnish the troopers, but which the said troopers must be at the labour of catching, valued _per ann._ 5 0 0 For straggling sheep, 8 0 0 For game destroyed five miles round, 6 0 0 -------- 49 0 0

Rent paid to Sir Arthur, 60 0 0 Deduct 49 0 0 ------ Remains clear, 11 0 0 ------

Thus, if Sir Arthur Acheson shall have the good fortune to obtain a grant of this barrack, he will receive net profit annually from the Crown ELEVEN pounds sterling to help him in entertaining the officers, and making provisions for his younger children.

It is true, there is another advantage to be expected, which may fully compensate the loss of cattle and poultry; by multiplying the breed of mankind, and particularly of good Protestants, in a part of the Kingdom half depopulated by the wild humour among the farmers there, of leaving their country. But I am not so skilful in arithmetic, as to compute the value.

I have reckoned one _per cent._ below the legal interest for the money that Sir Arthur must expend, and valued the damage in the other articles very moderately. However, I am confident he may with good management be a saver at least; which is a prodigious instance of moderation in our friends toward a professed Tory, whatever merit he may pretend by the unwillingness he hath shewn to make his Excellency uneasy in his administration.

Thus I have with the utmost impartiality collected every single favour, (further than personal civilities) conferred by his Excellency on Tories, and reputed Tories, since his first arrival hither to this present 13th day of April, in the year of our Lord 1730, giving all allowance possible to the arguments on the other side of the question.

* * * * *

And the account will stand thus.

Disposed of preferments and employments to Tories, or reputed Tories, by his Excellency the Lord Lieutenant in about the space of six years.

To Doctor Thomas Sheridan in a rectory near Kinsale, _per ann._ 100 0 0 To Sir Arthur Acheson, Baronet, a barrack, _per ann._ 11 0 0 ----------- 111 0 0 -----------

Give me leave now to compute in gross the value of the favours done by his Excellency to the true friends of their King and Country, and of the Protestant religion.

It is to be remembered, that although his Excellency cannot be properly said to bestow bishoprics, commands in the army, the place of a judge, or commissioner in the revenue, and some others; yet they are, for the most part, disposed upon his recommendation, except where the persons are immediately sent from England by their interest at Court, for which I have allowed large defalcations in the following accounts. And it is remarkable that the only considerable station conferred on a reputed Tory since his present Excellency's government was of this latter kind.

And indeed it is but too remarkable, that in a neighbouring nation, (where that dangerous denomination of men is incomparably more numerous, more powerful, and of consequence more formidable) real Tories can often with much less difficulty obtain very high favours from the Government, than their reputed brethren can arrive to the lowest in ours. I observe this with all possible submission to the wisdom of their policy, which, however, will not I believe, dispute the praise of vigilance with ours.

WHIG Account.

To persons promoted to bishoprics, or removed to more beneficial ones, computed _per ann._ 10050 0 0 To civil employments, 9030 0 0 To military commands, 8436 0 0 ----------- 27516 0 0

TORY Account.

To Tories 111 0 0 ----------- Balance 27405 0 0 -----------

I shall conclude with this observation. That, as I think, the Tories have sufficient reason to be fully satisfied with the share of trust, and power, and employments which they possess under the lenity of the present Government; so, I do not find how his Excellency can be justly censured for favouring none but High-Church, high-fliers, termagants, Laudists, Sacheverellians, tip-top-gallant-men, Jacobites, tantivies, anti-Hanoverians, friends to Popery and the Pretender, and to arbitrary power, disobligers of England, breakers of DEPENDENCY, inflamers of quarrels between the two nations, public incendiaries, enemies to the King and Kingdoms, haters of TRUE Protestants, laurelmen, Annists, complainers of the Nation's poverty, Ormondians, iconoclasts, anti-Glorious-memorists, white-rosalists, tenth-a-Junians, and the like: when by a fair state of the account, the balance, I conceive, plainly lies on the other side.[170]

A PROPOSAL

FOR

AN ACT OF PARLIAMENT, TO PAY OFF THE DEBT OF THE NATION,

WITHOUT TAXING THE SUBJECT.

BY WHICH THE NUMBER OF LANDED GENTRY AND SUBSTANTIAL FARMERS WILL BE CONSIDERABLY INCREASED, AND NO ONE PERSON WILL BE THE POORER, OR CONTRIBUTE ONE FARTHING TO THE CHARGE.

NOTE.

In volume three of the present edition two tracts are given relating to attempts made by the bishops of Ireland for enlarging their powers. These tracts are entitled: "On the Bill for the Clergy's residing on their Livings," and "Considerations upon two Bills, sent down from the House of Lords and the House of Commons in Ireland relating to the Clergy of Ireland" (pp. 249-272). The bills which Swift argued against were evidently intended to give the bishops further powers and increased opportunities for making money. (The matter is gone into at length in the notes prefixed to the above reprints.) The bishops sought rights which would enable them to obtain large powers in letting leases, and their eagerness to get such powers, coupled with the efforts they expended, showed that they had less regard for the Church's interest than for their own.

In the present tract Swift, with his usual assumption of grave consideration of an important question, but in reality with cutting irony, proposes to dispose of all the Church lands for a lump sum, give the bishops their full just share, including the amount of fines for possible renewals of leases, and, at the same time, pay off the national debt with the money that remains. With an air of strict seriousness he solemnly computes the exact sums obtainable, and impartially divides the amounts with accurate care. Then, with a dig at the strangers England was continually sending to Irish preferments, among whom he counts himself, he concludes by saying that although the interests of such cannot be expected to be those of the country to which they have been translated, yet he, as one of them, is quite willing, and indeed feels himself in duty bound "to consult the interest of people among whom I have been so well received. And if I can be any way instrumental toward contributing to reduce this excellent proposal into a law ... my sincere endeavours to serve this Church and kingdom will be rewarded."

* * * * *

The text of this pamphlet is based on that given at the end of the volume containing the first edition of "Considerations upon two Bills," etc., published in 1732.

[T. S.]

A PROPOSAL FOR AN ACT OF PARLIAMENT, TO PAY OFF THE DEBT OF THE NATION, WITHOUT TAXING THE SUBJECT.

The debts contracted some years past for the service and safety of the nation, are grown so great, that under our present distressed condition by the want of trade, the great remittances to pay absentees, regiments serving abroad, and many other drains of money, well enough known and felt; the kingdom seems altogether unable to discharge them by the common methods of payment: And either a poll or land tax would be too odious to think of, especially the latter, because the lands, which have been let for these ten or dozen years past, were raised so high, that the owners can, at present, hardly receive any rent at all. For, it is the usual practice of an Irish tenant, rather than want land, to offer more for a farm than he knows he can be ever able to pay, and in that case he grows desperate, and pays nothing at all. So that a land-tax upon a racked estate would be a burthen wholly insupportable.

The question will then be, how these national debts can be paid, and how I can make good the several particulars of my proposal, which I shall now lay open to the public.

The revenues of their Graces and Lordships the Archbishops and Bishops of this kingdom (excluding the fines) do amount by a moderate computation to _36,800l._ _per ann._ I mean the rents which the bishops receive from their tenants. But the real value of those lands at a full rent, taking the several sees one with another, is reckoned to be at least three-fourths more, so that multiplying _36,800l._ by four, the full rent of all the bishops' lands will amount to _147,200l._ _per ann._ from which subtracting the present rent received by their lordships, that is _36,800l._ the profits of the lands received by the first and second tenants (who both have great bargains) will rise to the sum of _110,400l._ _per ann._ which lands, if they were to be sold at twenty-two years' purchase, would raise a sum of _2,428,800l._ reserving to the Bishops their present rents, only excluding fines.[171]

Of this sum I propose, that out of the one-half which amounts to _1,214,400l._ so much be applied as will entirely discharge the debts of the nation, and the remainder laid up in the treasury, to supply contingencies, as well as to discharge some of our heavy taxes, until the kingdom shall be in a better condition.

But whereas the present set of bishops would be great losers by this scheme for want of their fines, which would be hard treatment to such religious, loyal and deserving personages, I have therefore set apart the other half to supply that defect, which it will more than sufficiently do.

A bishop's lease for the full term, is reckoned to be worth eleven years' purchase, but if we take the bishops round, I suppose, there may be four years of each lease elapsed, and many of the bishops being well stricken in years, I cannot think their lives round to be worth more than seven years' purchase; so that the purchasers may very well afford fifteen years' purchase for the reversion, especially by one great additional advantage, which I shall soon mention.

This sum of _2,428,800l._ must likewise be sunk very considerably, because the lands are to be sold only at fifteen years' purchase, and this lessens the sum to about _1,656,000l._ of which I propose twelve hundred thousand pounds to be applied partly for the payment of the national debt, and partly as a fund for future exigencies, and the remaining _456,000l._ I propose as a fund for paying the present set of bishops their fines, which it will abundantly do, and a great part remain as an addition to the public stock.

Although the bishops round do not in reality receive three fines a-piece, which take up 21 years, yet I allow it to be so; but then I will suppose them to take but one year's rent, in recompense of giving them so large a term of life, and thus multiplying _36,800l._ by 3 the product will be only _110,400l._ so that above three-fourths will remain to be applied to public use.