Chapter 2

TIMMY O'TOOLE

When Timmy O'Toole Was going to school He picked up a package of gum. He treated the preacher And Sunday-school teacher, And gave a policeman some.

A MAN CAME FROM MALDEN

A man came from Malden to buy a blue goose. And what became of the gander? He went and got tipsy on blackberry juice, And that was the end of the gander.

BARON BATTEROFF

The mighty baron, Batteroff, Raised a whale in a watering trough. When the whale grew large and fat He ate the baron's brindle cat. But pussy, once inside the whale, Began to tickle with her tail. This the monster could not stand, And spewed her out upon dry land. That night, when all was fine as silk And she had supped her bread and milk, She grinned and told old Batteroff How she got the whale to cough.

SIX LITTLE SALMON

I sing a funny song from away out west, Of six little salmon with their hats on; How they all left home--but I forget the rest-- The six little salmon with their hats on.

TO GARRY ON THE TOOT-TOOT

Oh, I want to go to Garry On the toot-toot, toot-toot, You and I together On the toot-toot, toot-toot. Go run and ask your mother For some kind of cake or other, And a bit of cotton wadding For your ball-suit. Get your bobber and a bat, And be back as quick as scat, For we've got to go to Garry On the toot-toot.

DOUBBLEDOON

Bobbin rode a rocking-horse 'Way down to Doubbledoon, He told his little sister He'd be back that afternoon. But maybe after all she didn't Understand him right, For he wasn't back again Till the middle of the night.

And what did little Bobbin see 'Way down at Doubbledoon? He saw a crazy Arab Throwing bubbles at the moon, A monkey making faces And a rabbit in a rage, A parrot shouting "Murder!" From the ceiling of his cage.

At last a yellow jumping-jack, A camel, and a coon, Chased poor little Bobbin All the way from Doubbledoon.

THE PARTY

Billy Bluebird had a party In an elder tree, But the little black-eyed smarty Didn't ask us to his party Neither you nor me.

This is what they had for dinner, For I peeked to see: Apple seeds and beetle finner, And for drink the little sinner Gave them tansy tea.

But there came an awful clatter From that elder tree, When he served them on a platter Hopper-hash and brick-dust batter Trimmed with celery!

All the folks were hale and hearty, Happy as could be; And that little black-eyed smarty Left out of his funny party Only you and me.

I'VE GOT A YELLOW PUPPY

I've got a yellow puppy, And I've got a speckled hen, I've got a lot of little Spotted piggies in a pen. I've got a gun that used to shoot, Another one that squirts, I've got some horehound candy And a pair of woolen shirts. I've got a little rubber ball They use for playing golf, And mamma thinks that's maybe why I've got the whooping-cough.

DOCTOR McSWATTLE

Doctor McSwattle Filled up a bottle With vinegar, varnish, and rum. And offered a swallow To all who would follow The call of his trumpet and drum. It's good, I am told, For a cough or a cold; It's good for a pain in your thumb.

COLUMBUS

Columbus sailed over the ocean blue To find the United States. In three small ships he carried his crew, And none of the three were mates.

He found a land in the western seas, And Indians galore, With jabbering parrots in the trees, And sharks along the shore.

He filled his pockets with sparkling stones And took to the mighty main, With a couple of slaves, some nuts and cones For the glorious king of Spain.

Now this is the tale Columbus told, And most of the tale is true, How he crossed the seas, a sailor bold, In fourteen-ninety-two.

TERRIBLE TIM

Haven't you heard of Terrible Tim! Well, don't you get in the way of him. He eats lions for breakfast And leopards for lunch, And gobbles them down With one terrible crunch. He could mix a whole city All up in a mess, He could drink up a sea Or an ocean, I guess. You'd better be watching for Terrible Tim, And run when you first get your peepers on him.

WHAT'S THE USE?

"What's the use," Said the goose, "To swim like a frog, When you go just as far If you float on a log?"

"Why should I," Said the fly, "Suck an old apple-core, When there's sugar and fruit In the grocery store?"

"It's but right," Said the kite, "That I follow the wind. What's a fellow to do If he hasn't a mind?"

"You'll allow," Said the cow, "That I'm really no thief, When I turn all the clover I steal, into beef."

"Come again," Said the hen, "On some other fine day. Don't think 'cause I cackle I always must lay."

ALL ABOARD FOR BOMBAY

All aboard for Bombay, All aboard for Rome! Leave your little sisters And your loving aunts at home.

Bring a bit of bailing wire, A pocketful of nails, And half a dozen wiener-wursts For every man that sails.

Tell Terry Tagg, when you go by, Be sure to bring his dog. All aboard for Bombay On a floating cedar log!

WATER

There's water in the rain barrel, And water in the well, There's lots of water in the pond Where Hannah Hawkins fell.

There's water in the ocean, And water in the skies, And when a fellow blubbers He gets water in his eyes.

But in the Barca desert Where the hippodoodles play, The water in the rivers Just dries up and blows away.

OLD MOLLY IS LOWING

Old Molly is lowing and lowing 'Way down in the old meadow lot. I've given her water and clover, And all of the apples I've got; But she won't eat a thing that I give her, And never drinks even a sup, For they've taken her baby to market And some one has eaten it up. I'd just like to go to the city And cut them all up into halves And feed them to sharks and to lions-- Those people that eat little calves.

SNOWFLAKES

The snowflakes are falling by ones and by twos; There's snow on my jacket, and snow on my shoes; There's snow on the bushes, and snow on the trees-- It's snowing on everything now, if you please.

DIPPY-DIPPY-DAVY

Dippy-Dippy-Davy, Half the Royal Navy In the dampness and the dark Was driving off a savage shark To Dippy-Dippy-Davy.

WHEN I'M AS RICH AS UNCLE CLAUS

When I'm as rich as Uncle Claus, With whiskers on my chin, I'm going to have a great big house To put my people in.

I'll never let them wander out Or ride with me to town; They'll come a-running when I shout And tremble when I frown.

I'll have some men in soldier tents, A pirate and his mate, And wildcats all around the fence, And mad dogs on the gate.

RINKY-TATTLE

Rinky-tattle, rinky-tattle, Rinky-tattle--who? Little Tommy Taylor Is a rinky-tattle too.

TWENTY LITTLE SNOWFLAKES

Twenty little snowflakes climbing up a wire. "Now, listen," said their mother, "don't you climb up any higher. The sun will surely catch you, and scorch you with his fire." But the naughty little snowflakes didn't mind a word she said, Each tried to clamber faster than his fellow just ahead; They thought that they'd be back in time enough to go to bed. But they found out that their mother wasn't quite the dunce they thought her, The sun bobbed up--remember this, my little son and daughter-- And turned those twenty snowflakes into twenty drops of water.

SLIPPERY SLIM

Slippery Slim, a garter snake, Leaned against a garden rake And smiled a sentimental smile At Tilly Toad, on the gravel pile, Till that bashful miss was forced to hop And hide her face in a carrot-top.

THE FREIGHTER

Through fog and rain I run my train Wherever the track is laid, And over the road I carry a load Whenever the freight is paid.

A kaddy of tea For Genessee, For Troy an empty crate, A man in brown For Uniontown To help them celebrate.

NO ONE AT HOME

No one at home in the hen-house, And no one at home in the barn, Old Brindle has gone to the neighbor's To borrow a skein of brown yarn, To borrow yarn for the darning Of socks for her wee spotted calf--

The little rollicking rascal Has never enough by half. And Speckle is down by the willow Washing her chicks in the lake, While old Daddy Cockle is lying Abed with a bad toothache.

PATTERS AND TATTERS

Patters had a gallant band, An army made of clay. But Tatters took the garden hose And washed them all away.

CROWN THE KING WITH CARROT TOPS

Crown the king with carrot tops, Dress him in sateen, Give him lots of licorice drops, With suckers in between.

For he's a king with lots of power And awful, awful fierce, He kills a pirate every hour And washes in his tears.

He rides a charger ten feet high, A dashing, dappled gray; Has ginger pop and lemon pie For breakfast every day.

So get a royal canopy, The finest ever seen, And whiskers for his majesty, And tresses for the queen.

THE CANADA GOOSE

A Canada goose On the South Palouse Is singing her summer song. Her words are wise, And she greets the skies With a voice like a steamer gong: "If you harbor your wealth And keep your health, You'll always be rich and strong."

HIPPERTY, CLICKERTY, CLACKERTY, BANG

Hipperty, clickerty, clackerty, bang, Get in a corner as fast as you can! The sideboard is tipsy, the table is mad, The chairs have lost all the sense that they had. So hipperty, clickerty, clackerty, bang, Get in a corner as fast as you can!

SONNY

A sailor gave his sonny Nearly half a pint of money And sent him out to buy a ton of coal; But he met a poor old miser Who told him it were wiser To bury all his money in a hole.

A sailor gave his sonny Nearly half a pint of money And told him he should buy a suit of clothes; But he saw a pretty maiden With all kinds of posies laden, And he gave her all his money for a rose.

Then the sailor gave his sonny Nearly half a pint of money To buy a little garden and a house; But he found him the next day, In a shop on Yesler Way, A-buying cheese and crackers for a mouse.

THE STOVE

A stove is a thing that gets awfully hot, And fries up your meat, or whatever you've got. It's made out of iron and hinges and screws, And filled up with shakers, and dampers, and flues. It's not very long and it's not very wide; It's got black'ning on top and ashes inside.

THE THUNDER BABY

Have you heard of the Thunder Baby Way up in the big blue sky? You've seen his cradle, maybe, And maybe you've heard him cry.

Most of the time he's sleeping, Rolled up in a big white cloud, But when he's awake and hungry He bellows awfully loud.

And when he's crying, sometimes You can hear his teardrops fall With a patter, patter, patter, Against the garden wall.

But when he's madder'n mischief, He rolls, and growls, and spits, And kicks the clouds all forty ways, And gives the weather fits.

Then tears come down in bucketfuls, And children dance for joy, Till the sun comes out and soundly spanks Her Thunder Baby Boy.

HINKY, PINKY, PEARLY EARL

Hinky, pinky, pearly earl, Twenty nobles and a churl; Some are fat and some are lean, One in red and one in green-- Prior, priest, and pearly earl, Twenty nobles and a churl.

TIPSY TOM

Tipsy Tom, the naughty fellow, Dressed his wife in pink and yellow, Set her in an apple tree, And said: "Now catch a bumblebee."

JOLLY JINKS

Jolly Jinks, the sailor man, Went to sea in an oyster can. But he found the water wet, Fishes got into his net, So he pulled his boat to shore And vowed he'd sail the seas no more.

TRANSFORMATION

Auntie Ellen found her poodle-- Mercy! Goodness sake!-- Playing with the mully-wumps Down along the lake.

And when she called him tenderly He didn't want to come; It took her over half an hour To get the rascal home.

She washed him well with shaving-soap, Pumice stone and lye, She showered him and she scoured him And she hung him up to dry.

And now he sits there quite serene, The sweetest poodle ever seen.

THE THIEF CHASE

Bricks and bones! Sticks and stones! I chased a thief through twenty zones.

I found his hat On Ararat, And hurried on as quick as scat.

In a day or two I found his shoe Where he had sailed for Timbuktu.

I met the goat That ate his coat Upon the road to Terre Haute.

At last all worn And quite forlorn I chased him up the Matterhorn.

SOMEBODY

Somebody give me a peanut, Somebody give me a pear; I want to go down to the circus And feed all the animals there.

CONSOLATION

A dime and a dollar Took me by the collar And whispered this word in my ear:

"We must leave you to-morrow, But prithee don't sorrow, We'll come back to see you next year."

THE ROBIN AND THE SQUIRREL

Said the Robin to the Squirrel, "How d' you do?" Said the Squirrel to the Robin, "How are you?" "Oh, I've got some cherry pies, And a half a dozen flies, And a kettle full of beetles on to stew."

Said the Squirrel to the Robin, "How d' you do?" Said the Robin to the Squirrel, "How are you?" "I've a nest that's nice and neat, And a wife that can't be beat, And I'm every bit as happy now as you."

THE KING HAD A PLATTER

The King had a platter Of brisket and batter, The Prince had a Bellington bun, The Queen had a rose To put to her nose As soon as the dinner was done.

RAIN

The lightning split the sky in two And set the clouds to leaking Just as dear old Pastor Brown Began his Sunday speaking.

He told about the awful rain That fell in Noah's day, And one by one the happy smiles Began to fade away.

In half an hour the people all Put on their rubber coats, And when he finished everyone Was out and building boats.

OLD FATHER McNETHER

Old Father McNether He sorts out the weather And takes what he pleases, I'm told, With a big turkey-feather He mixes the weather, And makes it blow hot and blow cold.

JERRY WAS A JOKER

Jerry was a joker. He carried off the poker And dressed it up from head to heel In clover-tops and orange-peel And fed it bones and barley meal. Poor old Rusty Poker!

KING KOKEM

King Kokem lay snoozing upon his brass bed-- Oh, play an old tune on your fiddle! With shoes on his feet, and a crown on his head-- Oh, tune up your rusty old fiddle!

He dreamed of a land where the lions were tame, Where they fried their lamb-chops on a griddle, Where they called all the parrots and monkeys by name-- Oh, play us a tune on your fiddle!

He dreamed of a sea filled with raspberry pop, With a cocoanut isle in the middle, Where the stones and the boulders had icing on top-- Go strike up a tune on your fiddle!

He dreamed of a sky where the moonbeams all danced While a comet was telling a riddle, Where the stars and the planets and sun-dogs all pranced While the moon played his fiddle de diddle.

OLD MISSUS SKINNER

Old Missus Skinner Had dumplings for dinner And sat on a very high stool; When she cut thru the hide There was nothing inside, Which I'm sure was not often the rule.

OH, MOTHER

Oh, Mother, Oh, Mother, Come quickly and see, The house and the farmyard Have gone on a spree.

The pig's in the pantry, The chickens are out, The parrot is perched On the tea kettle spout.

And mercy, Oh, mercy, Oh, what shall I do? A rat has run off With my very best shoe.

CELLA REE AND TOMMY TO

Two funny friends that you all know Are Cella Ree and Tommy To. About as queer as friends can be, Are Tommy To and Cella Ree. For hours they sit there grim and stable Side by side upon the table. Tom is red and Cella pale, His blushes are of no avail; She sits, in spite of his endeavor, As firm and undisturbed as ever, A funny pair, you must agree, This Tommy To and Cella Ree.

IF I WERE RICHER

If I were richer I'd buy a pitcher With scenery on it. 'Jolica ware-- Storks here and there, And a funny affair With ladies on it.

In half a minute I'd mix up in it A wonderful drink-- Peppermint, ice, Lemons and spice-- Taste pretty nice, What do you think?

THE ARMY OF THE QUEEN

O the Army of the Queen, The Army of the Queen, Some are dressed in turkey-red And some are dressed in green; A colonel and a captain, A corporal in between, Their guns are filled with powder And their swords are bright and keen; So toot your little trumpet For the Army of the Queen.

ROMULUS

Romulus, Romulus, Father of Rome, Ran off with a wolf And he wouldn't come home.

When he grew up He founded a city With an eagle, a bear, And a tortoise-shell kitty.

THE HERO

My dad was a soldier and fought in the wars, My grandfather fought on the sea, And the tales of their daring and valor of course Put the sand and the ginger in me.

I'm not scared of tigers or any wild beast, I could fight with a lion all right, I wouldn't be 'fraid of a bear in the least-- Excepting, perhaps, in the night.

But sister, she's skeery as skeery can be, She's even afraid of the bark of a tree.

PENSIVE PERCY

Percy when a little boy Was quiet as a mouse, He never set the barn afire Nor battered down the house.

He used to sit for hours and hours Just gazing at the moon, And feeding little fishes Sarsaparilla from a spoon.

MOON, O MOON IN THE EMPTY SKY

Moon, O Moon in the empty sky, Why do you swing so low? Pretty moon with the silver ring And the long bright beams where the fairies cling, Where do you always go?

I go to the land of the Siamese, Ceylon and the Great Plateau, Over the seas where Sinbad sailed, Where Moses crossed and Pharaoh failed,-- There's where I always go.

THE RAG-MAN

"Rag-man, rag-man, Taggy, taggy, rag-man, Tell us what you've got there in your sack."

"Oh--it's full of rimes and riddles, Jingles, jokes, and hi-de-diddles-- This bundle that I carry on my back."

"O tell us, funny rag-man, Grinny, skinny rag-man, Where did you pick up your funny rimes?"

"Some were dancing with corn-flowers, Some were hiding in church-towers, And sprinkled helter-skelter by the chimes."

"Rag-man, rag-man, Nice old taggy rag-man, Sing us just one jingle, tingle song."

"Why, my dears, I've got a plenty, Sing you one? I'll sing you twenty-- I've been hoping you would ask me all along."

WHENEVER I GO OUT TO WALK

Whenever I go out to walk, All the geese begin to gawk; And when I start to wander back, All the ducks begin to quack.

A FREE SHOW

Mister McCune Can whistle a tune,

Old Uncle Strong Can sing us a song,

Benjamin Biddle Can play on the fiddle,

Captain O'Trigg Can dance us a jig,

And I, if I'm able, Will tell you a fable.

BILLY BUMPKINS

Heigho, Billy Bumpkins, How d' you grow your pumpkins? "At six o'clock I sows 'em, At ten o'clock I hoes 'em, An' jes before I goes to bed I puts 'em in the pumpkin shed."

Tell us, Billy Bumpkins, How d' you sell your pumpkins? "I lends 'em to the ladies, I gives 'em to the babies, An' trades a hundred for a kiss To any pretty little miss."

BLUE FLAMES AND RED FLAMES

Blue flames and red flames In a world all dark; Blue flames and red flames, And a tiny spark Hurrying to heaven, lest it should be late; Lest the cautious seraphim close the shining gate, And leave the little wanderer forevermore to fly Like an orphan angel through the endless sky.

TIMOTHY GRADY

Poor little Timothy Grady Screwed up his face at a lady, And, jiminy jack! It wouldn't come back. The louder he hollered The tighter it grew, His eyes are all red And his lips are all blue. Oh, mercy me, what in the world will he do? Poor little Timothy Grady!

CAPTAIN TICKLE AND HIS NICKEL

Captain Tickle had a nickel In a paper sack, He threw it in the river And he couldn't get it back. Captain Tickle spent his nickel For a rubber ball, And when he cut it open There was nothing there at all.

GRANDMOTHER GRUNDY

O Grandmother Grundy, Now what would you say If the katydids carried Your glasses away--

Carried them off To the top of the sky And used them to watch The eclipses go by?

NEEDLES AND PINS

Needles and pins, hooks and eyes! I saw a doughnut in the skies. Flipperjinks the circus clown Climbed a tree and got it down.

A TOE RIME

Tassle is a captain, Tinsel is a mayor, Tony is a baker-boy With 'lasses in his hair, Tipsy is a sailor, With anchors on his chest, And Tiny is the baby boy Who bosses all the rest.

HARRY HOOKER

Harry Hooker had a book And couldn't find a teacher. But still he managed very well, He climbed a box and rang a bell And turned into a preacher.

JELLY JAKE AND BUTTER BILL

Jelly Jake and Butter Bill One dark night when all was still Pattered down the long, dark stair, And no one saw the guilty pair; Pushed aside the pantry-door And there found everything galore,-- Honey, raisins, orange-peel, Cold chicken aplenty for a meal, Gingerbread enough to fill Two such boys as Jake and Bill. Well, they ate and ate and ate, Gobbled at an awful rate Till I'm sure they soon weighed more Than double what they did before. And then, it's awful, still it's true, The floor gave way and they went thru. Filled so full they couldn't fight. Slowly they sank out of sight. Father, Mother, Cousin Ann, Cook and nurse and furnace man Fished in forty-dozen ways After them, for twenty days; But not a soul has chanced to get A glimpse or glimmer of them yet. And I'm afraid we never will-- Poor Jelly Jake and Butter Bill.

CUT UP A CAPER

Cut up a caper, You've got a paper And I've got a widget of string. You be the army And let nothing harm me For I am the captain and king.

EAT, EAT, EAT

Here come the sweet potatoes And here's the Sunday meat, I guess we must be ready now To eat, eat, eat.

I'm going to have the nicey plate And Daddy's leather seat, And wear my patent-leather shoes To eat, eat, eat.

My Daddy's talking all about The war, and some old fleet, I wonder if he never, never, Never wants to eat.

We're going to have some apple-cake, We're going to have a treat. O hurry, hurry, Daddy, Let us eat, eat, eat.

HETTY HUTTON

Hetty Hutton, Here's a button, Sew it on your dress.

Willie Waller, Here's a dollar, Maybe more or less.

Mister Shuster, Here's a rooster, Put him in a pen.

Mister Saxon, Get an ax an' Let him out again.

A BIG, FAT POTATO