Category: Humour
The Old Soak, and Hail And Farewell
“Hope,” said he, moodily, “is a fine thing, but it don't gurgle none when you pour it out of a bottle. Hope is all right, and so is Faith... but what I would like to see is a little Charity.
Chapters
22. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO--The History of the Rum Demon Concluded--Prohibition
It is pretty hard to get along with your wife after you have been married to her for twenty or thirty years and kind of settle down and realize you are going to be married to he...
6. CHAPTER SIX--Continuing the Old Soak's History--The Barroom and the ArtsWELL, I promised to describe what the saloon that has been banished was like so that future generations of posterity will know what it was like they never having seen one. And m...
2. CHAPTER TWO--Beginning the Old Soak's History of the Rum DemonI WILL hereinunder set down nothing but what is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. Well, in the old days, before everybody got so gosh-amighty...
9. CHAPTER NINE--Preparing for ChristmasCHRISTMAS,” said the Old Soak, “will soon be here. But me, I ain't going to look at it. I ain't got the heart to face it. I'm going to crawl off and make arrangements to go to s...
14. CHAPTER FOURTEEN--Continuing the History of the Rum Demon--UnfermentedWELL, as I said in my last chapter, it is time for me to get down to brass tacks and describe just what those barrooms that has been vanished was like so that future generations...
8. CHAPTER EIGHT--The Old Soak's History--More Evils of ProhibitionWELL, another kick I got on the abvolition of ' the barroom is the fact that you got to stay around home so much and that naturally leads to having a row with your wife.
16. CHAPTER SIXTEEN--The History Continued--Prohibition and Winter WeatherWELL, when I seen all them men shovelling snow and ice in the streets and no place to go for a drink and maybe one of them spring thaws coming along soon now which they are alwa...
21. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE--Sympathy WantedYES,” said the Old Soak, “I get plenty of hootch nowadays. My son is back into the revenoo business, and my son-in-lawr is with it, too. I gets plenty of whiskey. I've got some...
12. CHAPTER TWELVE--More of the History--As It Used to Be of a MorningOne thing that I can't get used to going without is that long brass railing where you would rest your feet, and I have got one of them fixed up in my own bedroom now so when I g...
10. CHAPTER TEN--Continuing the History--the Old Soak Fears for the GrowingANOTHER thing wrong with Prohibition that will one day make them sorry they passed that commandment onto the constitution is the way it will bring liquor in front of the growing...
4. CHAPTER FOUR--The Old Soak's History--The Barroom as an EducativeWELL, as I said in my first installment, some 'of them barrooms was such genteel places they would surprise you if you had got the idea that they was all gems of iniquity and wi...
1. CHAPTER ONE--Introducing the Old Soak“Hope,” said he, moodily, “is a fine thing, but it don't gurgle none when you pour it out of a bottle. Hope is all right, and so is Faith... but what I would like to see is a li...
5. CHAPTER FIVE--Look Out For Crime Waves!THEY'RE going to take our tobacco next, are they?” said the Old Soak. “Well, me, I won't struggle none! I ain't fit to struggle. I'm licked; my heart's broke. They can come and...
19. CHAPTER NINETEEN--A House DividedTHE Old Soak has been looking rather well for some time; he seems prosperous and happy, for the most part, and contented with the quantity and quality of the hootch he has been...
18. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN--The History Continued--the Barroom's Good InfluenceANOTHER thing I miss in regard to all them vanished barrooms being closed up is kind feeling about respect to the old especially to parents and them that has departed.
11. CHAPTER ELEVEN--Jabe Potter's Optimism“But I don't want so much as I use to, for some reason. In course, no gentleman of the old school figgers on less than a quart a day, but there has been times when I exceeded th...
20. CHAPTER TWENTY--Continuing the History of the Rum Demon--the Barroom andANOTHER thing about those barrooms that has been vanished forever is the fact that most of them was right polite sort of places if a fellow edged up to the bar and knocked over...
13. CHAPTER THIRTEEN--Peace and ContentmentPROHIBITION,” said the Old Soak, “is doing more harm than you can see with the naked eye. Formerly when a man called up and told his wife that he was detained at his office by a...
3. CHAPTER THREE--Liquor and Hennery SimmsI NEVER could see liquor drinking as a bad habit,” said the Old Soak, “though I admit fair and free it will lead to bad habits if it ain't watched.
7. CHAPTER SEVEN--An Argument With the Old WomanTHE Old Woman and me had quite an argument last Sunday,” said the Old Soak. “It ended up with her turning a saucepan full of hot peas onto my bald spot, which ain't no way to tr...
17. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN--The Old Soak Finds a WayYES, sir; yes, sir!” said the Old Soak, with a happy smile on his face. “I've done found out the way to beat the game--! Ask me no questions, and I'll tell ye no lies as to how...
15. CHAPTER FIFTEEN--Political Talk“What I expected has come to pass,” he said, sorrowfully. “This here Cox that everybody hoped was a Wet Prohibitionist ain't that at all. He ain't nothin' but a Dry Liquor Man....